Beginning is easy - continuing is hard

We touched down in Singapore from Tokyo this morning at 1.30am. A japanese proveb says, "Beginning is easy - continuing is hard"

Suppose that while talking to you, I began tapping the pencil upon a table. You'll notice it and perhaps consider it strange. But if I did it everyday, eventually you will not notice it. In order to bring to your attention, I would have to pound much harder on the table.

This, too, is how sensations and feelings wear thin. I was once told, during a Catholic Engagement Encounter seminar, that love is a 24 hour decision. It should not be based on feelings, beauty and emotions- all of these are not permanent possessions. If it was based wholly on feelings and emotions, then love dies when the emotion dies.

The present

"I like my job but it is really taxing on my physically. I feel so tired," Ben said wearily. "I get up at 4 every morning to head to work and knock off to go home around 6.30-7pm. Hopefully, when I finish this project, I get a chance to relocate to Houston."


Looking back on my career, I always concentrated on and enjoyed what I was doing in the present and found that hard work brought the goals and opportunities to me. For me personally, I guess it boils down to this...don't focus overly hard on the future. Concentrate and do your best with your present opportunities. If we're not careful, we may find ourselves going in the wrong direction, thinking too much about the future and neglecting what we're doing now.

Effective way to train

"I like your idea of using games to train my sales people,"E-Sun said enthusiastically. "Bearing the fact that I will have participants from India, Indonesia and China with different levels of English comprehension, I agree that it will be more effective in getting the mesage across."

I can safely say that if a facilitator maintains a playful, enthusiastic approach, he/she'll find that the participants too will feel comfortable and motivated to partake.

Whenever possible, I bring in some real-life examples of problems and situations I've observed at my workplace. This will help participants to transfer the learning to their on-the-job environment.

I always play the role of facilitator rather than teacher. The most effective learning comes when I guide the participants and they make the discovery.

Qualities that attract...and distract

"You start when you sink in his arms, and end up with your arms in his sink." so says the sign on the wall.

I believe being happy at work has a huge bearing on what is happening at home, and vice versa. If they are held down or masked in either environment, over time it becomes uncomfortable in each place, resulting in stress.

Think of the person you live with. Maybe you fell in love with a woman/man who was deeply sensitive and had a wonderful knack for doing things properly. Several years into the relationship he/she's driving you crazy by insisting that the toilet roll be loaded onto the holder the right way - again!

Isn't it amazing how the qualities that initially attracted us to a mate are the same ones that end up driving us to distraction?

I was told that one of the pivotal things to learn in a relationship is how to relate to our partner according to their perspective, rather than ours. It's damn hard, I tell you. More often than not we relate from how we see our world.

Planning and strategizing

I just got back from Johor Baru. Though it was a happy holiday trip, I'd spent some time to recci the venues of the kick-off meeting in January. The meeting is to draw out our "Roadmap to Recovery."

If we don't know where we're going, we'll never get there - or anyplace else. When we leave the future to chance, it is more than likely to result in drift and disaster. Without direction, an organization falls into chaos and anarchy - and failure.

The plans we draw up is not a fixed one, however. It will be modified many times as our organization's resources change.

I read

"Forever Erma" A humour book by Erma Bombeck. That's my gift from my Secret Santa this year.

Most of the reading I am accustomed to is designed to help me get ahead - books and magazines devoted to my career. Nowadays I read humour and fiction too. I also read books that are reflective and contemplative.

left: Esther

Lessons I've learned

"It's like a little kid gets a puppy for the 1st time, just hugs it so much, snap it's neck. It's puppy cradle death syndrome. All that love is gonna snap the puppy." This was a memorable quote from the movie "Couples Retreat".

I have seen people at their absolute worst. In all honesty, I, too, have made my share of mistakes. These are some lessons I have learned in my journey: separation never bring people closer together, silence at the dinner table is never golden, giraffes should never marry elephants, certain subjects should forever be taboo, too much trust can spell trouble.

I don't have to tell you that the divorce rate is higher than it's ever been. With so many breakups and failed marriages, why are so many people still re-marrying and reading self-help books? In my opinion, it's because more and more people are returning to the basic formula for happiness: committed relationships.

No one wants to live alone for the rest of their lives, and those who say they do are lying.

Learning to be a dad

"I'm back to work now," Serene announced when she called me on my handphone. "I took one year's sabbatical to be with my 12-year old daughter."

My father's generation proved their love by working, not by playing, cuddling, talking or teaching - the things that kids really love. A fair number of dads were violent, scary or drank too much.

When it comes to fathering my child, we like to have fun together. We play board games and wii and wrestle. We go on adventures and experiences in the big, wide world. I tell him stories about my childhood days.

It's trying that counts.

Romance defined...

"He came at 9pm to drive me to pick up my new iPhone" ST said dreamily. "Then when I was in this long queue, he popped up with a couple of Starbucks to-go latte for us and accompanied me till 11"

In a recent survey which asked women to describe their romantic fantasies, not one fantasy mentioned being decked in diamonds, swathed in mink or stolen away on a private yatch to Fantasy Island. The fantasies of women of all ages described were very attainable by the everyday, 9-5 guy.

Most women who answered the survey said they love surprises. The important thing, I guess, is to make sure we (men) are doing something that she enjoys.

Choosing who we choose

"Should I listen to my heart or my head?" Stephie asked after taking a sip of her lychee martini. "Should I go with Sam who is kind, romantic and caring, or slog on with my current beau who is none of those?"

Why do we choose who we choose? What draws us to one person and not another? Why is it worth persisting with a particular person?

In an EE seminar I'd attended, I was asked to think of what qualities attract me most in a partner. Outgoingness? Humour? Gentleness? Commitment to strong values, emotional honesty, physical health, energy, creativity, sensousness?

When we find the person of our dreams, we tell our friends: "She's so full of life," "He's caring and organized and I feel really secure around him."

I believe there is a great partner for everyone who wants one. If you are anguished by the search, I suggest you 1st take a long look at whether there are any wounds of old relationship which you need to let go.

Reasons why
Our love is the long lasting kind
We've been together quite a while
I love you for so many things
Your voice, your touch, your kiss, your smile

You accept me as I am
I can relax and just be me
Even when my quirks come out
You think they're cute; you let me be

With you there's nothing to resist
You're irresistible to me
I'm drawn to you in total trust
I give myself to you willingly

Your sweet devotion never fails
You view me with a patient heart
You love me, dear,no matter what
You've been that way right from the start

Those are just a few reasons why
I'll always love you like I do
We'll have a lifetime full of love
And it will happen because of you

- by Joanna Fuchs

Be straight and honest

"I don't like men who are too honest," Helen certainly caught my attention with that statement. "My parents don't know that I am working here. They think I am studying."

Being honest and courageous rather than bending the truth because you're afraid of your partner's reaction is important. This can be hard but if we aren't honest about what we think, feel and need, our partner has no chance of responding honestly.

Uncover the True Truth

http://perfyi.wordpress.com/

I started blogging 15 months ago. In this blog I find examples and insights in all sorts of conversation - both with people I know well and with people I have just met, both in focused discussions and in chance remarks. I hope I have represented all of them fairly. I know I have written all of you with love.

Today I migrate my new blog to a new domain: http://perfyi.wordpress.com

This is not a kind of review site. I say it as it is. I call it as I see it. If I think a city, or hotel or food or experience is awful, I'm going to say so, even if I know nothing about it.

And what qualifies me as an expert? I have been travelling and going on gastronomic orgies for many years. I am a consumer like you and in my line of duty, dealt with so many varied characters which may amount to half the population of Liechtenstein.

Yes, I have my own strong opinions and you are going to read every damned one of them.

But mostly, this blog is intended to help you, the 21st century consumer, plan and cary out your travel, dining, purchasing experiences with a minimum of unpleasantness and death.
Check out http://perfyi.wordpress.com/

Dealing with pre-occupied minds

"Hello. Anybody home?" Ryan snapped Steph back to the conversation. "You seem like a thousand miles away."

As a salesperson, one of the common reasons for the challenges we have in the field is the tendency for people to be inattentive. Trying to talk to someone who is has a pre-occupied mind is like talking to someone who has a clear plastic sondproof helmet over his head. You can see through the helmet but your words are blocked out.


Areas of distractions can include anger, anxiety, fear, excitement, tension or even boredom.


I find that how we say things, rather than what we say, could help in dealing with these people. We have to deal with their tension, anger, etc first before trying to deliver our message.

Going all out

Manchester United veteran Ryan Giggs has once again been voted BBC Cymru Wales Sports personality of the Year - having also won it in 1996.

Let's face it. Whenever a successful individual is asked for his secret of success and that person replies: "Hard work", we usually can't help wondering if it was actually "good luck" instead.

Was it a lucky break, a rich relative, or crafty manipulation? Questions like these probably comfort our sagging ego but they also blind us to the truth - the truth is when they say they worked hard, they mean it.

But we work hard too, don't we? And yet we don't drive a Rolls or have a weekend home in Seoul, Hong Kong and Phuket.

When high achievers say they work hard, they mean loving their job until it becomes a driving passion, and devoting all their waking hours to thinking, planning and striving towards goals. In football terms, it's called...going all out.

Having got to where I am, I can tell you this: I find that the sacrifices in going all out are insignificant in view of the fact that I am doing just what I want to do most.

Smiles - a winning way

"Yesterday, for the first time ever, our neighbour smiled at me," Yen said as we were crossing the road at the traffic lights. "Not just a little smile, but a big smile and she nodded her head in greeting as well."

It's so hard for some people to smile. Our smiles convey an upbeat attitude about life, while our frowns project the opposite and cannot be explained away by gravity.

To begin with, the frown is an intimidator and discourager. When we encounter it in a salesperson, waiter, or someone else whose job is to serve us, we begin to wonder if we've come to the wrong place.

When we greet others with a smile, we take the first step toward showing their worth just by being themselves and by being there - in our presence. A smile is an encourager.

One caveat: Just as frowns can be authentic, so smiles can be phony and are easily spotted. Some smiles are akin to a frightened animal baring its teeth. There's also an ex-colleague known (behind his back) as "the smiling cobra."

Except for these instances, who wouldn't rather receive smiles than frowns?

Mum! Dad! Your baby turns 45!

"You'll be happy to know..." the damn email (I suspect it's a spam) started. And after reading it, I was no happier.

We all need all the happiness we can get in life. Some people get married to be happy; some get divorced to be happy. Some run away from home to be happy; some go home to be happy. If there's one thing besides money almost everybody wants out of life, it is happiness.

A very practical way to be happy, is to help enough other people to be happy. If you sit and wait for other people to make you happy, get ready for a long, long wait. So often, we wish we could be recipients. Then we would be happy. But, as in the spirit of Christmas, the true joy of living is to bring happiness to others. There's this story I heard before:

A young boy was admiring a brand new Bentley and asked the owner who was standing near the car, "Must have cost you a lot, sir."

"nope," replied the owner. "My brother gave it to me."

"Wow," the boy said. "I wish....."

The man interrupted him, "You wish you had a brother like that, right?"

"No, sir," the boy replied. "I wish I could be a brother like that."

Another thing I've learned in my 16,436 days soujorn in life is, as the saying goes: "better to light one candle than curse the darkness." And guess what, these candles cannot be put out by anyone else.

Hollywood love is not true love

"Disgraced Tiger faces jokes, ridicule on TV." That's one of the headlines of Yahoo Singapore's rotating In the News banners today.

Most people in the world are unloved. The result is that the world is full of lonely hearts.

Some think they've found love but it's actually what a priest once coined it "hollywood love." The result is that when the ecstacy does not continue, and the band stops playing, and the champagne of life loses its sparkle - the search for a new partner begins.

True love, I believe, passes from affection for outer appearances to inner depths of personality.

Knowing my team

"What makes you perceive me the way you do?" SS asked between sips of his teh halia. "What gives you the impression?"

I gain knowledge of my team members from daily observations of their work, how they function under stress, and how they respond to directions and work with others. I find this knowledge essential in determining work assignments and strategy.

from left: Diah, Rae, Shirley

Self-acceptance - road to happiness

"I don't like my nose," Jiaye confessed. "I wish I have a sharper nose."

Most plastic surgeons maintain that when a physical abnormality is corrected in a patient, there is an almost immediate psychological change. The person who looks better becomes more socially outgoing, more pleasant and confident. An orthopedic friend once told me: "It's amazing how an improved appearance raises the self-image and morale of my patients.

If I am to be a happy person, I must learn to be happy about who I am. But this is not a simple matter but I will hack it because self-accepting people are happy people.

Knowing what to change

It's time for our annual 360-degrees performance measurement process.

Survey shows that about 50% of corporate America uses something like this in evaluating employee performance and attitudes.

In a bigger picture, I am a fan of feedback. If you were an orthopedic surgeon, feedback would be like an MRI. If you were an advertising executive, feedback would be the customer segmentations and demographics. If you were a politician, feedback would be the polling data.

Feedback tells us what to change, but not how to do it. The next step is up to us.

What employers want

"The guy over at the competitor has it easy," See said feeling melancholy. "He has 3 staff under him and plays golf all the time"

Here's the simple yet truthful point, mate: the over-riding reason you were hired was that your company felt that you had a special contribution to make. Why else would you be hired?

In the pressure cooker of daily living, it is easy to lose sight of the primary expectation of employers...contribution. The major issue in the minds of employers is not what skills we have, but to what end and purpose we use them. Do we use our skills to merely wile away the time? Or do we use them to add value?

left: Francis

right: Ernie

Philosophy of happiness

"I am single again," Thea sadly acknowledged. "He was not faithful."

Chin up girl.

The way to having a good time is that one shall not be always trying to have a good time. There is no fun in life, if everything is funny; there is no pleasure in shooting fireworks if everything is like New year's Eve celebration. We must have the night to appreciate the day.

In marriage, it is only after the 1st misunderstanding has been survived that a couple begins to discover the beautiful joy of being together.

It is late...but never too late

The pages of the weekend papers were filled with memorials of the Singapore victim in the 1st anniversary of the Mumbai bombing. Today's papers reported the group of supermodels led by Noami Campbell, having a renaissance in the late stage of their careers. They are in their 40's.

As I approach my middle years, I feel that it is time when I should address concerns and questions that seemed more in the realm of the eternal than the temporal. Through grace and diligence, I hope I can live up to the epitaph I had chosen: 77X

All my earlier life was filled with good intentions. I'd wanted to be a better father, husband, Catholic, staff, boss, son and friend; I've wanted to leave a positive mark on the world.

I might have lived up to some of these, but now's the time to ensure the delivery system is in place. I am fully committed to have a renaissance in the remaining days of my life.

The husband-wife combo: Progress or perish

"An affair caused Tiger Woods car crash," Andy read the headllines. "A good marriage should have no serious problems. A poor marriage is one in which there are many problems," he continued, almost starting a debate.

I beg to differ. Problems go along with people - in and out of marriage. If you don't have problems, you're probably in coma.

The difference between smooth sailing and shipwreck in marriage lies in what we as a couple are doing about the rough weather.

Who wins or loses?

"The cold war has begun," Bob moaned. "My wife has not been speaking to me for 3 days now."

When you are angry with each other it is common to see the situation in terms of a winner and a loser, with ourselves as the one who deserves to win.

But when this happens, there is one sure loser - the relationship.

When you set out to win or force your partner to your point of view, the benefits are only short-term. Setting out to win - especially if you always succeed - shows a lack of respect, which undermines the relationship.

Ode to single parents

"I am a single parent," Edward announced to me while we were in Kunming. "I live with my 9-year old son in Beijing now."

I realise 1-parent homes are not all equal. Some were created by divorce and others by death of a spouse. Some parents have never married. Some single-parent families live near relatives and enjoy the benefits of closeness with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Many live far away from relatives and have to pretty much fend for themselves.

No matter what your situation, if you are a single parent raising your children alone, I know you can effectively show love to your them.

Turn down the volume

"Keep quiet," the mother in the front row on SQ0850 screamed at the crying child just before take-off.

In communicating with children, perhaps the most serious mistake a lot of parents make is the volume they use.

Calm, confident and firm - that's what authority is all about and that's what I believe, kids understand, respect and respond to. When you're out of control, you've lost your kids and their respect.

A leader's #1 priority

"(The lads) were anxious to do well and sometimes young players don't know how to slow down," Alex Ferguson said after Manchester United's 23-match unbeaten home run were broken by Besiktas. "That's a natural part of improving and developing a young player."

A football coach's #1 priority is to attract, develop, nurture, organize and motivate the club's talent. Coaches are intimately aware that the future success of their club depends on the talent they attarct, engage and retain. Finding and nurturing talent is their #1 priority.

Why should priorities of a Director of Sales & Marketing or any other leader be any different?

From right: Shirley, Rae

All this talk about family

"Thanks Paul, for the well wishes," Esther wrote on my FB wall post. "I had fun at BLR with my family.. :)"

We hear a lot of talk about "family" these days. Politicians talk about "family values." A lady I'd interviewed spoke about "wanting to spend more time with her family." We excuse behaviour we would otherwise not tolerate with the all-forgiving comment, "Well, they're family."

Family represents a sense of belonging. It feels that if we can fit into our family, we can fit into the world. The more impersonal, complex and overwhelming the world gets, we turn to our family for comfort and belonging.

The other side of the coin is this: if members of our family - those who presumably know us best and care the most, are critical, then who will love us?

From left: Ben and Fab

Living with the aged

I visited my granny last weekend. It would be one year on Boxing Day next month that she is immobile due to a fall.

Everytime I vist her I do an eyeball evaluation of her well-being. Each time I look at her lately, she appears thinner and more frail.

Living in a body that is slowly losing its function, her will is the last remaining thing that my granny can truly control. She is losing her vocals. She is losing her ability to walk.

Whatever happens to my granny becomes my parents' and my aunt's responsibility to address. They have to deal with difficult logistics, with supporting and nurturing her through another physical insult to an already battle-scarred body. For 90 years gramps has made decisions about her body and her life. Without our help. We need to respect that. And I do.

No one size fits all

Barack Obama once said, "We live in a culture that discourages empathy. A culture that too often tells us our principle goal in life is to be rich, thin, young, famous, safe and entertained."

As a leader I try to get into the shoes of my staff and look at the world from where they sit to help me understand them, with the sole purpose of developing them according to their capabilities and strengths.

When dealing with customers, I try to relate and sell according to their personality traits.

from left: Chloe, Shirley, Simon

Extended families

I have just returned from Melaka after attending my wife's cousin's wedding yesterday. They had a 13 years courtship and had finally tied the knot.

For the newly-weds, here's my 2cents worth: Just because you are compatible with your spouse, it doesn't mean your entire family will be as well. Not only do you have to like your in-laws; they have to like you. And don't forget about the 2 sets of in-laws getting along with one another. Siblings may also play a part in your family drama. With so many different personalities, it's a wonder how some families ever manage to sit down to the dinner table together at all.

Move on

"You remember you said you wanted to email me something," Diah reminded me over dinner. "I am still waiting."

Diah. this is for you: The pain of a broken heart will fade in time, as all emotions do. With a physical injury, you experience the initial pain, and then the healing begins. The ame is true in losing a relationship. But if you continue to poke an injury or reopen a wound, it takes much longer to heal. Your continued contact only prolongs your pain. If you both want to be together, then work it out; if not, avoid any further contact.

A Zen proverb: "If you sit, sit; if you stand, stand; but don't wobble."

Every adversity has hidden gifts and lessons that reveal themselves over time. For now, know that as painful as it may feel, the healing has begun. Learn from this experience, and get on with your life.

Giving our all

"Gone are the days when we can scold your staff," Juliana moaned. "Nowadays when we tick them off, the next thing we know, they file a complain to HR."

Currently, when a manager demands his subordinates work so hard that they actually hurt, the manager is branded a tyrant or sadist.

These days when you ask employees to make a sacrifice they think it means mortgaging their houses.

If we, in our work, are not pushing ourselves to our limits everyday, then we're just another salary-stealing punk who's tagging as a passenger.

Those who endure pain learn about themselves. Their limitations, the full extent of their abilities and how to motivate themselves. Also they will become, rightfully, proud of themselves and of other team members. They will develop self-respect for the team.

Diah at TTC

Language means a lot

"Words that we use are powerful," Ms Leong told the class of CU4. "Look at LKY and Mandela. The way they speak is known as economical words. Precise, well-selected words which are very impactful."

1 of the most damaging negative attitude is self-defeating languages. Get rid of can't should, must, ought to and but. Don't go to the gym because you should or because you ought to. I go to it because I want to get your blood flowing. I do it because it will make me feel better. I don't go to work because I have to. I go to work because I am going to bring new energy to the job.

I won't die when I retire

"I have a Gen Y heart," Karen revealed during the ACTA Prepare and facilitate Classroom Training course. "Trapped in a Gen X body"

The boredom of older people isn't so much the result of aging. Rather it is the result of loss of enthusiasm and interest in life. People are boring, not life. Boredom is a problem with even teenagers as it is with older people. The problem, the way I see it, is suffering from hardening of the attitudes, not hardening of the arteries.

I have decided that I will not be an "old man." I plan to live to 90 and die young. I am always going to be open to life and keep on learning something new, so when I finally die, I might be an educated man with some wisdom. I'm in my middle years and I'm using the time to set some growth goals for the rest of my life.

Handling criticism

"Our new boss likes to shout and criticise the staff," Cindy said with a sigh in between bites of the pizza. "Criticising is ok, but do it objectively."

Criticism is inescapable. No one can avoid being criticised - no matter what our position or profession.

When i receive criticism, I used to be depressed or angry. I don't cringe at criticism or become annoyed anymore. I know now that it is a sign of emotional immaturity, if we cannot tolerate to be criticised.

Since criticism is so common, you will only make yourself unhappy if you cannot respond to it in a positive way.

I have learned to look at it objectively and learn from it.

Having said that, I have to state that criticism that is based on spite or jealousy is very hard to accept because it is unfair. It is hostile in intent.

I don't stoop to pettiness - to the low level of my critic. I believe a dignified and restrained silence is my best reply. But there may be times when it will be necessary to refute criticism that is false.

Fighter for my people

'I can tell that you have a very open and strong relationship with your staff," Jaclyn said enviously at Tehran Grand Bazaar.

If you want people to back you, back them, back them, back them. I am loyal downward; and I spread credit downward.

Every leader wants people to see his vision and follow his lead. He needs loyalty to make that happen. The leader needs to provide loyalty to get it. How can they complain about subordinates' lack of loyalty if leaders don't give it to them 1st? You get what you give.

Privately I might take them aside and try to "correct" their thinking, but I don't let them roast on the open fire.

from left: Jades, Grace, Eleen, Let,MT, Shirley, Cebbi, Nadeem

Confidence shows

"Iraq’s expelling Khomeini in 1978, at the Shah’s insistence, gave him an even more effective pulpit in France where he remained until 1979, returning to Iran only after the Shah had fled, " Rodney explained the history of the Iran revolution to me over a kebab dinner. "The Shah’s crumbling self-confidence, the Carter administration’s refusal to provide him with non-lethal military aid and Khomeini’s resolve led to collapse of the care-taker Bakhtiyar government in 1980."

Confidence is contagious and so is the lack of confidence and a customer will recognise both.
Confidence means trusting in someone and relying upon them. Interestingly enough, it also means relying on oneself - self-reliance.
There's a saying: "A team that thinks it's going to lose is going to lose."

Share the dredge work

"Women everywhere are the same," Reza pointed out while we shared a shisha and some Iranian chai post kebab and doogh lunch. "They want love and to some, love is getting presents and some others it's having us to help in the house"

Sharing work at home is vitally linked to marital harmony.

But though my dad didn't help out around the house as much (during my childhood; he's doing plenty now), I'm doing a whole lot better.

In this hustle and bustle world, everybody, in short, is tired. This makes the hours that we spend at home with our families that much more precious, and figuring out a way to share the dredge work that much more important.

Empower through trust

"When it comes to refined service and exquisite hospitality, one name stands high above the rest: The Ritz-Carlton Hotel Company," Joseph Michelli told the us at the Amcham luncheon. "One of their key principles is that they empower employees by treating them with the utmost respect"

Empowerment is simply giving the people closest to the problem the authority and responsibility to resolve the problem.

If people are constantly saying "You'll have to talk to the manager, "It's not my job" or "I can't make the decision" then they are basically telling the customer that the leader has not empowered his people.

From left: Rae, Grace, TiTin

All about handshakes

"Very nice to meet you," Trung said, with a 2-handed politician handshake

Like most people, I dislike dead-fish handshakes. I attribute them to lack of self-confidence, lack of interest or bad manners. When someone offers only 3 inches of fingers, I sense immediately that this is not a take-charge person. And if you have clammy hands, always dry them off before shaking.

I always am the 1st to extend my hand, grip firmly and shake twice.

Eleen

Mufri

Let

Lead, not rule

Melvin Purvis, acted by Christian Bale in the movie Public Enemies said, "I'm afraid our "type" can't get the job done. Without qualified help, I'd have to resign this appointment. I am leading my men to slaughter."


The way I see it, leadership is about maintaining a delicate balance between pushing and guiding. We leaders mentor. We guide. We set examples. We make decisions. But whatever else we do, we do not merely command.

See you at the top

"The higher we climb, the less positions there are available," Yim lamented. "In fact, the higher we climb, the further we (touch wood) fall"

Think with me here...everybody wants to be on the mountaintop. Check up on National Geographic Channel, mountaintops are rocky and cold. There is no growth on the mountaintop.

The view is great, though. A view simply gives us a glimpse of our next destination, that's what it's for, our next target.

But to get to that target/destination, chances are we must come off the mountain, go through the valley, and begin to climb the next slope. It is in the valley that we slog through, learning and becoming what enables us to summit life's next peak.

The sales occupation - not for the faint-hearted

"I love your job," exclaimed Jasmine. "It's a great job."

The sales line provides many opportunities for social recognition and status rewards, ie salesperson of the month, salesperson of the year, the president's club, an eagle plaque. It goes with the territory, so enjoy the sunlight, its warmth goes right to the soul and will make you feel good about who you are.

Consider this: without the efforts of sales people, the lifeblood revenues of the organizations they are part of would dry up. These are the heroes who allow the rest to play the game.

On the other hand, if you're not cut out to sell and fail to achieve a level of performance consistent with the needs of the organization or the peer group, be prepared to be left out in the cold. It is not for the faint of heart.

When sales people get together...

Turn the telephone into $$$

"Our telesales effort the past 3 days yielded 330 contacts, 91 RFIs (request for information) and 9 group leads," Jiaye reported during the Business review meeting

Is is understandable that the telephone can be an intimidating object. After all, people can be rude.

If you are naturally sensitive to rejection (and like to be liked), it isn't fun when people say they're not interested, or hang up the phone, or fib to quickly rid themselves of your pesky presence. A telesaler /telemarketer must realise that their rejection isn't personal (after all, they've never met you).

In some businesses, the telephone is simply to get in-person appointments. In the hospitality world, there telephone is used both to prospect and to close the sale.

Probably the most difficult aspect of teleprospecting is that we are not in front of the person. There is less control because we can't read their facial expression and body language and we don't know if they are giving the conversation their undivided attention or working on something else while they're speaking to us. And it is easier to get rid of us on the telephone than in person. "Listen, something just came up and I have to go. I'll call you back." Sure she/he will - in our dreams.

So needless to say, establishing a relationship with this person based on good feelings is essential right from the start.

Buying magnet at trade shows

"The turnout in Surabaya was not as good as that in Jakarta," Shirley reported upon her return from TTC.

I've attended trade shows where sellers outnumbered buyers and it's a depressing sight. But worse, I've seen sellers swamped with inquiries from buyers who had no need, no budget and no buying authority, while the real prospects walked right by.

I have learnt to turn my booth/stand into a magnet for qualified prospects with buying power before the show opens. I use a combination of these influences: obligation, habit, personal invitation, recommendation.

Allow me to qualify this: many companies use traffic and activity as their measure of success and do everything they can to make sure they have lots of traffic in their booths. Lots of traffic doesn't mean the show is a success, and light traffic doesn't mean it's a failure. I'd rather have 10 people who walk to my booth and place bookings instead of 100 who only want brochures.

from right: David, Shirley, Francis (seated), Ernie

Curiosity killed the cat?

"Paul, did your facebook get hacked?" Barb's sms-ed me. "Been getting strange links from you there..."

My facebook account has been compromised. All because I receivd a message from a friends with a link and out of curiosity, I clicked through the broken link.

The curious child can sometimes be a handful, taxing even the most patient parents. However, there is usually a substantial payoff for this restless curiosity

Curious, creative employees often provide their employers more challenges, sometimes translated as difficulties. However, the inquisitive ones also offer greater opportunities for success.

I tend not to just play it safe. I tend to constantly explore the possibilities and test the limits in my work.

TRAC

One of the subjects for ACE's term 4 semester 4 science examinations is Human body systems: Air and respiratory.

A relationship is like a human body. Both have vital signs we can monitor to tell us how they're functioning. For the body there are temperature, pulse, blood pressure and respiration. For a relationship, it's not so clear, but 4 that seems to make pretty good sense to me are: trust, respect, affection and confidence (TRAC).

For the body, of course, vital signs are extremely important. If they fall below certain levels, we may die. The same is true for relationships. When trust, respect, affection and confidence fall below certain levels, the relationship between 2 people is in poor health, if not already dead.

As a boss, I want to have an idea how my team members rate me on TRAC. I want to know specific reasons why they gave me the ratings. I also want to know what I have to do on each of the 4 dimensions to get higher ratings.

From left: Grace, TiTin, Rae

Looking "good" to others

"Face is very important," Pak Tedjo said to me prior to the opening of TTC in Jakarta.

It relates to pride, opinion, appreciation. It embraces emotional tie-ins to loneliness, popularity and the way we appear "in the eyes of others."

Looking "good" to others is important to us.

It makes people falsify inner facts by outer expressions and appearances. These may include name-dropping,exaggeration, showing off, imaginary adventures and living beyond one's means.

I found out that if you want to be better-liked by them, show them you ARE impressed by their words, actions or possessions.

It's as simple as that.

Encouraging mavericks

"Difficult and hard to manage employees can be very frustrating, but many problem employees also have a very positive flipside if only the manager can use their talents well, and minimize the problems or employee deficits." I read with great interest on work911.com. "In this article we look at the maverick employee, the person who likes to do his or her own thing, but may have some very special talents"

I try to encourage mavericks, people with a little rebellion in their souls. Those kinds of people seem to do well.

My very best managers/leaders/salespeople rarely do everything by the numbers but they get the job done better than anyone who dots the i, because they're creative and determined.

Get the best people

"I always say," Michael stated on the phone. "Talk is free."

"Plans are nice...but money talks," a consultant friend of mine once said. How right they both are.

Lots of companies are long on talk.

Regardless of the intentions expressed in business plans, where we put our key people and money is the direction in which our companies are going to move.

I am convinced we should invest resources for tomorrow. Get the best people.

Individuals are not created equal. They are talented people and not-so-talented people. Too many leaders "settle" for less than the best people.

I don't. I get the best people. That's a prerequisite for the success of our tomorrow.

from left: Shirley, Simon, Jerry, Roanna, Chloe

Law of Large Numbers

We have completed 29 formal appointments (not counting heaps of informal ones) at ITB Asia with another 14 more to go today.

This is the Law of Large Numbers: The more people you see, the better your chances of securing a commitment.

So, don't make excuses. Make appointments.

Making good things happen is not a question of good luck or bad luck. If you don't have an effective strategy for getting in front of people, you lose.

with Helen