What good are regrets?

Dennis recounted to me his life in the 1990's over lo hei last evening.

There is a tendency to look at our life in the teens, 20's and 30's in negative terms. "I should have spent more time with my family." "I wish I had taken that job." "If I had known then what I know now."

I think one reason some middle-aged men run off with their 25 year old secretaries is that they want to rewrite their stories. They cannot get past the mistakes of thier younger days, so they try to write a new one.

This is how I see it: everything in our younger days - the successes as well as the failures, the good decisions and the lousy ones - prepares us for something better.

What good are regrets? Regrets slow us down. regrets cause us to fail to pay attention to the future. So I never log, count and inventory my regrets. I move on.

How we say it

Communication skills are vital to senior executives. Through the years, I have come to realise that it doesn't matter how smart we are, how right we are, or how much we know. If the people don't understand what we think or think they do understand but have something different in mind, we will fail as leaders.

I have learned the hard way that the content of my message will disappear quickly behind grammatical lapses, jargon, accent and inability to get to the point. For example, a five-minute response to questions that deserve a five-word answer impress few.

Many years ago, I also had an inclination to begin too many sentences with "I". Mr Daser was the one who pointed that out to me. I realise now that it branded me as an egocentric loner who doesn't much like working in teams. I have since subsituted "we" or "our team" as much as possible.

The bottomline is: How we say it is often more important than what we say.
Back row: clockwise from left: Diah, Nadeem, Donna, Jiaye, Marie, Shirley

Use courage

"Skill and courage are very important," Cristiano Ronaldo was quoted in yesterday's newspapers. "If you don't have courage, you can't do the skills."

Personally, I don't define courage as the absence of fear. That is Hollywood courage - as captured in action movies - which gives the impression that success comes from fearlessness.

I define courage as experiencing fear, acknowledging that I'm afraid, but if it's important for enough for me, I will still push ahead in spite of my fear. This is what I learned from playing poker: It is fight or flight.

Resolute leaders acknowledge that, yes; we've screwed up before, and that we may screw up again, and that we may in fact screw up this time. But we plunge ahead. Our desire for the reward overwhelms the human instinct to quit and compromise, to take the safe route.

Leaders can't avoid stress, fear, pain and pressure. When necessary, I pick flight - but otherwise, I try to be brave and fight.

The faces of courage

Taking life on

My granny whom I love very much has been bed-ridden since Boxing day. It pains me to celebrate CNY with her this way.

We are living in very challenging times today. Pressured in the workplace, stressed out at home, we try to make sense of our lives.

How do you keep going when a debilitating illness strikes a family member? or when your company is downsizing? of when the relationship that has kept you going falls apart?

There have been periods in my life when I was overwhelmed by a financial tsunami, I was in-between jobs and nobody believed in my dream. If I had accepted those times as permanent I would not be here now. There are times when it seems the harder you work, the deeper the hole you dig for yourself.

I have always taken life on.

Love is a 24 hour decision

"Please block your diary to attend our wedding in November," Catherine said over the loh hei.

As a society we are incurable romantics. We fall in love and get married. Sometimes people make the mistake of thinking they're in love when more realistically they're just "in heat."

We live in an incredible, unbelievable world of science and technology. It seems that with all our scientific skill and technology we could solve any problem, except the problem of human relationships like marriage and the family.

Maybe this quotation from Camus provides and inkling:

Don't walk in front of me

I may not follow

Don't walk behind me

I may not lead.

Walk beside me

and just be my friend.

Secure in self

My friend Ernie is on his way up the corporate ladder. We threw a farewell party for him last night as he will leave for Hong Kong to take up his new job in February.

People climbing up the corporate ladders are marked by confidence in themselves. An uncertain, apprehensive person will not make it to the top of anything.

I've have a lot of confidence in myself. There's no questions I have faults. I'm super critical of myself. But I believe in myself.

Top leaders want to deal with self-assured people over any other type. Remember: people tend to choose people like themselves to work with.

?

"Sounds like an interrogation or job interview," Suzanne commented. "The way you question her."

My years as a sales leader has taught me that questions can start a conversation, or control one. They can begin friendship, romances, sales, jobs, opportunities and satisfactions.

I have found that the best way to get people to do what you want is by persuading them to convince themselves. Questions help me accomplish this

Learning from Man United

Manchester United has reached another Wembley Cup final and is on top of the Premiership table!

Sports have played a substantial role in the development of my thinking. I am a passionate football (soccer) fan and have followed Manchester United since 1976.

Successful football teams like Man United are never built on one person. Even transcendent stars like Wayne Rooney or Cristiano Ronaldo need strong supporting casts.

When some strategy failed or I said something people misunderstood, I would think of football. The greatest players lose some games and lose badly. There are important skills to be learned from picking yourself up after something goes wrong, to keep moving ahead without letting it throw you off course.

Football mates

Back row from left: Nickle, Vic, Siva, James, Hidey

Loneliness in children

"Are you not planning another child?" Irene queried. "He will be very lonely being all alone."

I can remember periods of extreme loneliness which I suffered as a child.

Children are at the mercy of adults. Children are not creatures who do not worry or wonder. They are concerned about life, about their family and particularly about themselves.

Loneliness in children is often caused by a lack of understanding of adult motivation and plans. For me, it was caused by the asthma I suffered which kept me away from normal childhood activities.

I try to treat my son as an individual. I listen to him when he talks to me. I listen carefully to his fantasy tales. I make him feel wanted. I am not afraid to discuss common household problems in his presence. Often he surprises me by his quick grasp of the situation.

My vocation - raising my child

I write this in Bintan Island (on duty travel) whilst waiting to board the ferry back home to Singapore.

My duty travels over the past 12 years revealed that there's no place like home.

Barack Obama recently wrote an apology to his daughters for spending so much time away from them.

Our children grow so quickly. This I know. And the world will still be waiting when my son is old enough to follow his own path.

I have frequently asked myself what I want to look back on in the years to come - that I left home to pursue my career and find myself or that I put my child first for the few years he was given into my care?

I know I will find no higher calling, greater blessing than the process of raising my child.

The power of endurance

"When I first got the notice that I'll be laid off, I thought it was a joke," Vic said soberly. "Then when I realised it was for real, I felt devastated and hurt."

One thing in life is certain: its ever changing nature. The animals in the wild understand this well. After a lavish summer come the trying times of winter, then the spring follows.

Opportunity always exists within a crisis situation, but when we lose heart in a devastating crisis, we are blinded by our own emotions. Unless we endure and live through the dark of the night, we will not see the glory of daybreak.

Hard though it may be, I always strive to endure the hardships and tolerate the abuse. Everyone knows how to thrive in the good times. It is the trying times that separate the one who has the substance from the one who merely possesses the image. My experiences in life has taught me that "when God closes a door, He opens a window."

God is the toughest taskmaster I have known

He tries you through and through

When you find your faith or body is failing you

and you are sinking,

He comes to your assistance.

He proves to you that you must not lose your faith....

I cannot recall a single instance when,

at the eleventh hour, He has forsaken me.

- Mahatma Gandhi

Honesty is the best policy

"I'd just assured them 2 months ago that their jobs were safe," Robert said, "and now I'm going to let them go."

In times like ours, when business conditions are changing so rapidly, the "truth" can be a fleeting thing.

I always believe in operating in an honest mode. Honesty gives me valuable leverage. Honesty is simply more productive, especially in our cynical, skeptical culture. People can smell a fraud in a second.

Never say "no choice"

"What should I do?" Yen queried.

We all have a choice in how we run our lives. There is no "can't", only "will" and "won't"

Whenever I find myself at a particular crossroad in my life, I ask myself "what is the worst case scenario?", "what is the likelihood of this worst case scenario?", "what is more likely the outcome?" "which decision will I feel most proud of a year from now?"

I do not want to have to look back on my life and think, "if only....."
ACE with choices of books

Creative juices flow when challenged

"I need your help," Jiaye said the moment I walked into the office this morning. "To solve a problem."

Everyday we solve a thousand little problems at work and at home: how to make changes the boss demanded in the prices and still be profitable; how to fix the broken swivel chair; where to find the limited edition lego set the kid wants; how to get through everyday and still have a good time.

I find myself being creative in countless ways when challenged.

I find my sense of creative thinking is the product of wide experience, exposure and education. I also like to hang out with people unlike myself.

Creating an urgency to change

"Achieving a new height" That was the theme of this year's Aseam Tourism Forum which concluded in Hanoi yesterday.

I always try to create a new tomorrow for my team. People need a clear simple-to-understand "promised land" to which they can travel.

It's an even bigger challenge when the new tomorrow is radically different from the golden yesterday as it is now.

With the current business climate, we need to change drastically the way we'd operated. I have organised a kick-off meeting next week to light the fire to create the urgency to change.

At ATF function: Yen (left), Tam (right)

Constant networking

Press Club event, Laos night, TTG Boogie night and Farewell event at Sum Villa. I attended all the late night events at the recent ATF in Hanoi.

Here's the reality: In today's infomation-driven business world, our contacts change position, careers and industries with dizzying speed. Long-term partnerships are rare, and entire markets can change overnight. No business cardex is ever up to date!

I network on a regular basis so I can be positioned to adapt to the constant change. When I stop reaching out to new people, I run the danger of increasing my vulnerability.

Our people - our competitive edge

"Your senior sales manager is a gem," Helen pointed out. "Her follow-up is excellent."

I realise we only have one way to differentiate ourselves, and that's through our people. After all, every company has access to the same sources of capital (well almost); product innovations can be copied overnight.

That leaves our people as our source of competitive advantage.

When I interview to hire, I look for "want to" types. Business in addition to becoming more profitable, becomes simpler - and a lot more fun.

From left (back row): Let, Elly. Front row: Grace, Chloe, Flora, Stephie

You are you-nique

"Many customers follow the person," Wahab commented. "And not the company."

Occassionally we find ourselves in a spot where, admittedly our competition has the edge. Maybe the other bloke's product is better - which, let's face it can happen.

I believe we still we have one exclusive feature no one else can offer - and it's the most important thing.

It's you. Because there is nothing else in the world like you. No one else has your particular personality, your service to the customer is something only you can offer.

We must control time and not the other way around

"I hardly have time for my tennis anymore," sighed Serene in Hanoi yesterday to me.

Time is nature's greatest force. When we focus on it, it slows down. When we turn our back on it, it speeds up.

"Time heals all wounds" It can also kill, as when we live stressful lives because we "never have enough time."

As a sales person, my most valuable asset is time. My life's turning point was when I decided a few years back that I want to take responsibility and be in control of my time.

Retaining 10s

"Can I approach your senior sales manager to discuss a job opportunity?" a friend asked.

Most sales leaders are lucky if they don't lose 50% of their newly hired sales managers within the first 2 years.

To all bosses I say this: It is much easier and far less costly to hire well-qualified and self motivated individuals rather than to train them and motivate mediocre ones who were mistakenly hired or inherited from the predecessor.

Communication in the family

"My parents doesn't know I am going to Hanoi tomorrow yet," CC said softly. I however am on the receiving end. My bro who used to talk with me regularly, nowadays doesn't even call me in weeks since he got married.

Research reveals that most family members truly communicate with each other for only a few minutes during a weeks' time. Some let their TV sets get more attention than their family members at home.

I refuse to allow my work activities or anything else to shut out the ones I love.

Anger gets us nowhere

"What can I do when she gets angry?" Benny said. "Of course I get defensive."

Through the years I found out that no one is wiser. And nothing changes.

I always repeat this in time of tribulations: "If I argue, I will lose."

Let us assume, for a moment, that you can match her in the argument department, and win. Exactly what have you won, Mr Big Shot? I say you win the right to live in a shabby apartment and eat your dinners out of a styrofoam bowl. And now you're absolutely alone.

It's all from within

"What separates the top salespeople from the rest?" Steven consulted me. "What separates the men from the boys?"

In my personal opinion, the motivation to excel - this inner motivation - is what distinguishes the 20% of those who succeed in the sales job.

Throughout my 22 years in sales, I've found that individuals who possesses this inner motivation to do a job coupled with proper training and supervision are the ones who succeed. If an individual does not possess the proper inner motivation, all the training and incentives in the world will not make that individual highly productive.

We work for what is fun for us - at what we enjoy. If we enjoy our work because that work satisfies our inner motivations, we need no one to tell us to work harder - we will do it because we want to, because it is rewarding.

The 20%

from left: Judy, Shirley, Jiaye, Elly, Marie

The love hangover

"Our love is gone. Our relationship is dead," Chris confessed. "We used to feel close but not now. We no longer enjoy being with each other."

Love is important, but it is also elusive. I have listened to many friends share their secret pain.

"What good is the house, the cars, and all else when your wife doesn't love you?" Benny asked. Material things are no replacement for human, emotional love.

When the image of "happily ever after" hits the wall of hard reality; the key thing is to remember: never give up. Sometimes, this may be the right decision. There are however, occassions that it could have worked had the relationship been given the chance.

What kind of problem boss are you?

"Rogue employers who treat their workers shabbily" were listed as one of the Top Villains of 2008 by The new paper today.

A group of friends recently recalled a rogue's gallery of problem bosses: an alcoholic boss, several indecisive bosses, a couple of tyrants, one incompetent boss, a bunch of credit takers, a bully, a know-it-all and more.

Suddenly one of them blurted out," OK. What kind of problem boss are you?"

One of the benefits of doing a 360 degrees feedback appraisal is so that we can get that information from the people who've worked for and with us. They see us a whole lot differently than we see ourselves.

Over the years I've done much that I'm proud of. But I'm far from perfect and I've made some terrible mistakes when it comes to managing people. I don't like to admit it, but I've been a royal pain-in-the-butt to countless people.

Those who know me today might not think so now, but I've been as much as a problem boss to my staff as any of my bosses have been to me.

Back row from left: Leticia, Elly

Front row from left: Grace, Chloe, Flora, Stephie

My key to trade show success

"Please do send me details of your appointments at ATF (Asean Tourism Forum)," Rob emailed. "I will then contact all the buyers again for you and try and get some more appointments."

I find that a trade show is probably one of the best place to rapidly get the information, knowledge and contacts I need to move my business to the lext level of success. I get to obtain competitive information, find out future plans and cut sweet deals at trade shows.

I always plan for a little free time to wander the aisles with the curiosity of a child. I find that sometimes, my best discoveries are new exhibitors with interesting ideas. I get to meet "difficult-to-get-an-appointment" customers at other exhibitors' booths as well.

I also get great intelligence information and make new contacts by going to the show parties. I would work the room, asking for introductions to key people and when I've exhausted the opportunities at that party, I move on to the next.

Lai Meng and Volker at a trade show in Berlin

Making 2009 a fulfilling year

"2009 may not be fine," Karen's sms read, "but we will still surely be divine."

Today many of us will ask this question: "What are we planning for the year ahead?"

I am looking forward with joy and excitement and anticipation; though with the doom and gloom in the news, there is a temptation to raise the white flag of surrender.

Looking back on 2008, I reflected last night if I had intended to write one life story and now sadly realise that I have written another, or not.

It is not too late. We may have been beset by fear and pain and doubts in 2008 but I never let myself get turned away from my goals.

Dad, mum, ACE, hon and I
The lovely ladies from 3DH SSO