Thursday, December 31, 2009

Beginning is easy - continuing is hard

We touched down in Singapore from Tokyo this morning at 1.30am. A japanese proveb says, "Beginning is easy - continuing is hard"

Suppose that while talking to you, I began tapping the pencil upon a table. You'll notice it and perhaps consider it strange. But if I did it everyday, eventually you will not notice it. In order to bring to your attention, I would have to pound much harder on the table.

This, too, is how sensations and feelings wear thin. I was once told, during a Catholic Engagement Encounter seminar, that love is a 24 hour decision. It should not be based on feelings, beauty and emotions- all of these are not permanent possessions. If it was based wholly on feelings and emotions, then love dies when the emotion dies.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The present

"I like my job but it is really taxing on my physically. I feel so tired," Ben said wearily. "I get up at 4 every morning to head to work and knock off to go home around 6.30-7pm. Hopefully, when I finish this project, I get a chance to relocate to Houston."


Looking back on my career, I always concentrated on and enjoyed what I was doing in the present and found that hard work brought the goals and opportunities to me. For me personally, I guess it boils down to this...don't focus overly hard on the future. Concentrate and do your best with your present opportunities. If we're not careful, we may find ourselves going in the wrong direction, thinking too much about the future and neglecting what we're doing now.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Effective way to train

"I like your idea of using games to train my sales people,"E-Sun said enthusiastically. "Bearing the fact that I will have participants from India, Indonesia and China with different levels of English comprehension, I agree that it will be more effective in getting the mesage across."

I can safely say that if a facilitator maintains a playful, enthusiastic approach, he/she'll find that the participants too will feel comfortable and motivated to partake.

Whenever possible, I bring in some real-life examples of problems and situations I've observed at my workplace. This will help participants to transfer the learning to their on-the-job environment.

I always play the role of facilitator rather than teacher. The most effective learning comes when I guide the participants and they make the discovery.



Monday, December 21, 2009

Qualities that attract...and distract

"You start when you sink in his arms, and end up with your arms in his sink." so says the sign on the wall.

I believe being happy at work has a huge bearing on what is happening at home, and vice versa. If they are held down or masked in either environment, over time it becomes uncomfortable in each place, resulting in stress.

Think of the person you live with. Maybe you fell in love with a woman/man who was deeply sensitive and had a wonderful knack for doing things properly. Several years into the relationship he/she's driving you crazy by insisting that the toilet roll be loaded onto the holder the right way - again!

Isn't it amazing how the qualities that initially attracted us to a mate are the same ones that end up driving us to distraction?

I was told that one of the pivotal things to learn in a relationship is how to relate to our partner according to their perspective, rather than ours. It's damn hard, I tell you. More often than not we relate from how we see our world.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Planning and strategizing

I just got back from Johor Baru. Though it was a happy holiday trip, I'd spent some time to recci the venues of the kick-off meeting in January. The meeting is to draw out our "Roadmap to Recovery."

If we don't know where we're going, we'll never get there - or anyplace else. When we leave the future to chance, it is more than likely to result in drift and disaster. Without direction, an organization falls into chaos and anarchy - and failure.

The plans we draw up is not a fixed one, however. It will be modified many times as our organization's resources change.

Friday, December 18, 2009

I read

"Forever Erma" A humour book by Erma Bombeck. That's my gift from my Secret Santa this year.

Most of the reading I am accustomed to is designed to help me get ahead - books and magazines devoted to my career. Nowadays I read humour and fiction too. I also read books that are reflective and contemplative.

left: Esther





Thursday, December 17, 2009

Lessons I've learned

"It's like a little kid gets a puppy for the 1st time, just hugs it so much, snap it's neck. It's puppy cradle death syndrome. All that love is gonna snap the puppy." This was a memorable quote from the movie "Couples Retreat".

I have seen people at their absolute worst. In all honesty, I, too, have made my share of mistakes. These are some lessons I have learned in my journey: separation never bring people closer together, silence at the dinner table is never golden, giraffes should never marry elephants, certain subjects should forever be taboo, too much trust can spell trouble.

I don't have to tell you that the divorce rate is higher than it's ever been. With so many breakups and failed marriages, why are so many people still re-marrying and reading self-help books? In my opinion, it's because more and more people are returning to the basic formula for happiness: committed relationships.

No one wants to live alone for the rest of their lives, and those who say they do are lying.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Learning to be a dad

"I'm back to work now," Serene announced when she called me on my handphone. "I took one year's sabbatical to be with my 12-year old daughter."

My father's generation proved their love by working, not by playing, cuddling, talking or teaching - the things that kids really love. A fair number of dads were violent, scary or drank too much.

When it comes to fathering my child, we like to have fun together. We play board games and wii and wrestle. We go on adventures and experiences in the big, wide world. I tell him stories about my childhood days.

It's trying that counts.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Romance defined...

"He came at 9pm to drive me to pick up my new iPhone" ST said dreamily. "Then when I was in this long queue, he popped up with a couple of Starbucks to-go latte for us and accompanied me till 11"

In a recent survey which asked women to describe their romantic fantasies, not one fantasy mentioned being decked in diamonds, swathed in mink or stolen away on a private yatch to Fantasy Island. The fantasies of women of all ages described were very attainable by the everyday, 9-5 guy.

Most women who answered the survey said they love surprises. The important thing, I guess, is to make sure we (men) are doing something that she enjoys.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Choosing who we choose

"Should I listen to my heart or my head?" Stephie asked after taking a sip of her lychee martini. "Should I go with Sam who is kind, romantic and caring, or slog on with my current beau who is none of those?"

Why do we choose who we choose? What draws us to one person and not another? Why is it worth persisting with a particular person?

In an EE seminar I'd attended, I was asked to think of what qualities attract me most in a partner. Outgoingness? Humour? Gentleness? Commitment to strong values, emotional honesty, physical health, energy, creativity, sensousness?

When we find the person of our dreams, we tell our friends: "She's so full of life," "He's caring and organized and I feel really secure around him."

I believe there is a great partner for everyone who wants one. If you are anguished by the search, I suggest you 1st take a long look at whether there are any wounds of old relationship which you need to let go.

Reasons why
Our love is the long lasting kind
We've been together quite a while
I love you for so many things
Your voice, your touch, your kiss, your smile

You accept me as I am
I can relax and just be me
Even when my quirks come out
You think they're cute; you let me be

With you there's nothing to resist
You're irresistible to me
I'm drawn to you in total trust
I give myself to you willingly

Your sweet devotion never fails
You view me with a patient heart
You love me, dear,no matter what
You've been that way right from the start

Those are just a few reasons why
I'll always love you like I do
We'll have a lifetime full of love
And it will happen because of you

- by Joanna Fuchs

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Be straight and honest

"I don't like men who are too honest," Helen certainly caught my attention with that statement. "My parents don't know that I am working here. They think I am studying."

Being honest and courageous rather than bending the truth because you're afraid of your partner's reaction is important. This can be hard but if we aren't honest about what we think, feel and need, our partner has no chance of responding honestly.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Uncover the True Truth

http://perfyi.wordpress.com/

I started blogging 15 months ago. In this blog I find examples and insights in all sorts of conversation - both with people I know well and with people I have just met, both in focused discussions and in chance remarks. I hope I have represented all of them fairly. I know I have written all of you with love.

Today I migrate my new blog to a new domain: http://perfyi.wordpress.com

This is not a kind of review site. I say it as it is. I call it as I see it. If I think a city, or hotel or food or experience is awful, I'm going to say so, even if I know nothing about it.

And what qualifies me as an expert? I have been travelling and going on gastronomic orgies for many years. I am a consumer like you and in my line of duty, dealt with so many varied characters which may amount to half the population of Liechtenstein.

Yes, I have my own strong opinions and you are going to read every damned one of them.

But mostly, this blog is intended to help you, the 21st century consumer, plan and cary out your travel, dining, purchasing experiences with a minimum of unpleasantness and death.
Check out http://perfyi.wordpress.com/








Friday, December 11, 2009

Dealing with pre-occupied minds

"Hello. Anybody home?" Ryan snapped Steph back to the conversation. "You seem like a thousand miles away."

As a salesperson, one of the common reasons for the challenges we have in the field is the tendency for people to be inattentive. Trying to talk to someone who is has a pre-occupied mind is like talking to someone who has a clear plastic sondproof helmet over his head. You can see through the helmet but your words are blocked out.


Areas of distractions can include anger, anxiety, fear, excitement, tension or even boredom.


I find that how we say things, rather than what we say, could help in dealing with these people. We have to deal with their tension, anger, etc first before trying to deliver our message.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Going all out

Manchester United veteran Ryan Giggs has once again been voted BBC Cymru Wales Sports personality of the Year - having also won it in 1996.

Let's face it. Whenever a successful individual is asked for his secret of success and that person replies: "Hard work", we usually can't help wondering if it was actually "good luck" instead.

Was it a lucky break, a rich relative, or crafty manipulation? Questions like these probably comfort our sagging ego but they also blind us to the truth - the truth is when they say they worked hard, they mean it.

But we work hard too, don't we? And yet we don't drive a Rolls or have a weekend home in Seoul, Hong Kong and Phuket.

When high achievers say they work hard, they mean loving their job until it becomes a driving passion, and devoting all their waking hours to thinking, planning and striving towards goals. In football terms, it's called...going all out.

Having got to where I am, I can tell you this: I find that the sacrifices in going all out are insignificant in view of the fact that I am doing just what I want to do most.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Smiles - a winning way

"Yesterday, for the first time ever, our neighbour smiled at me," Yen said as we were crossing the road at the traffic lights. "Not just a little smile, but a big smile and she nodded her head in greeting as well."

It's so hard for some people to smile. Our smiles convey an upbeat attitude about life, while our frowns project the opposite and cannot be explained away by gravity.

To begin with, the frown is an intimidator and discourager. When we encounter it in a salesperson, waiter, or someone else whose job is to serve us, we begin to wonder if we've come to the wrong place.

When we greet others with a smile, we take the first step toward showing their worth just by being themselves and by being there - in our presence. A smile is an encourager.

One caveat: Just as frowns can be authentic, so smiles can be phony and are easily spotted. Some smiles are akin to a frightened animal baring its teeth. There's also an ex-colleague known (behind his back) as "the smiling cobra."

Except for these instances, who wouldn't rather receive smiles than frowns?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Mum! Dad! Your baby turns 45!

"You'll be happy to know..." the damn email (I suspect it's a spam) started. And after reading it, I was no happier.

We all need all the happiness we can get in life. Some people get married to be happy; some get divorced to be happy. Some run away from home to be happy; some go home to be happy. If there's one thing besides money almost everybody wants out of life, it is happiness.

A very practical way to be happy, is to help enough other people to be happy. If you sit and wait for other people to make you happy, get ready for a long, long wait. So often, we wish we could be recipients. Then we would be happy. But, as in the spirit of Christmas, the true joy of living is to bring happiness to others. There's this story I heard before:

A young boy was admiring a brand new Bentley and asked the owner who was standing near the car, "Must have cost you a lot, sir."
"nope," replied the owner. "My brother gave it to me."
"Wow," the boy said. "I wish....."
The man interrupted him, "You wish you had a brother like that, right?"
"No, sir," the boy replied. "I wish I could be a brother like that."

Another thing I've learned in my 16,436 days soujorn in life is, as the saying goes: "better to light one candle than curse the darkness." And guess what, these candles cannot be put out by anyone else.


Monday, December 7, 2009

Hollywood love is not true love

"Disgraced Tiger faces jokes, ridicule on TV." That's one of the headlines of Yahoo Singapore's rotating In the News banners today.

Most people in the world are unloved. The result is that the world is full of lonely hearts.

Some think they've found love but it's actually what a priest once coined it "hollywood love." The result is that when the ecstacy does not continue, and the band stops playing, and the champagne of life loses its sparkle - the search for a new partner begins.

True love, I believe, passes from affection for outer appearances to inner depths of personality.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Knowing my team

"What makes you perceive me the way you do?" SS asked between sips of his teh halia. "What gives you the impression?"

I gain knowledge of my team members from daily observations of their work, how they function under stress, and how they respond to directions and work with others. I find this knowledge essential in determining work assignments and strategy.
from left: Diah, Rae, Shirley

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Self-acceptance - road to happiness

"I don't like my nose," Jiaye confessed. "I wish I have a sharper nose."

Most plastic surgeons maintain that when a physical abnormality is corrected in a patient, there is an almost immediate psychological change. The person who looks better becomes more socially outgoing, more pleasant and confident. An orthopedic friend once told me: "It's amazing how an improved appearance raises the self-image and morale of my patients.

If I am to be a happy person, I must learn to be happy about who I am. But this is not a simple matter but I will hack it because self-accepting people are happy people.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Knowing what to change

It's time for our annual 360-degrees performance measurement process.

Survey shows that about 50% of corporate America uses something like this in evaluating employee performance and attitudes.

In a bigger picture, I am a fan of feedback. If you were an orthopedic surgeon, feedback would be like an MRI. If you were an advertising executive, feedback would be the customer segmentations and demographics. If you were a politician, feedback would be the polling data.

Feedback tells us what to change, but not how to do it. The next step is up to us.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

What employers want

"The guy over at the competitor has it easy," See said feeling melancholy. "He has 3 staff under him and plays golf all the time"

Here's the simple yet truthful point, mate: the over-riding reason you were hired was that your company felt that you had a special contribution to make. Why else would you be hired?

In the pressure cooker of daily living, it is easy to lose sight of the primary expectation of employers...contribution. The major issue in the minds of employers is not what skills we have, but to what end and purpose we use them. Do we use our skills to merely wile away the time? Or do we use them to add value?
left: Francis
right: Ernie

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Philosophy of happiness

"I am single again," Thea sadly acknowledged. "He was not faithful."

Chin up girl.

The way to having a good time is that one shall not be always trying to have a good time. There is no fun in life, if everything is funny; there is no pleasure in shooting fireworks if everything is like New year's Eve celebration. We must have the night to appreciate the day.

In marriage, it is only after the 1st misunderstanding has been survived that a couple begins to discover the beautiful joy of being together.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

It is late...but never too late

The pages of the weekend papers were filled with memorials of the Singapore victim in the 1st anniversary of the Mumbai bombing. Today's papers reported the group of supermodels led by Noami Campbell, having a renaissance in the late stage of their careers. They are in their 40's.

As I approach my middle years, I feel that it is time when I should address concerns and questions that seemed more in the realm of the eternal than the temporal. Through grace and diligence, I hope I can live up to the epitaph I had chosen: 77X

All my earlier life was filled with good intentions. I'd wanted to be a better father, husband, Catholic, staff, boss, son and friend; I've wanted to leave a positive mark on the world.

I might have lived up to some of these, but now's the time to ensure the delivery system is in place. I am fully committed to have a renaissance in the remaining days of my life.