Success is not the key to happiness

Clark Kent, a 10-year-old boy dubbed "Superman", breaks a record that had been set by 23-time Olympic gold medallist Michael Phelps way back in 1995. The Eagles' greatest hits album has moonwalked past Michael Jackson's "Thriller" to become history's best-selling album of all-time.

Too many people equate happiness with success. What level of success do you imagine will make you happy?  I promise you, happiness born from the achievement of that success would be very short-lived. Once you have climbed that mountain, you will cast your gaze to the peak of another, higher mountain. I have met enough successful people to know that success cannot be equated with happiness. Some of them are tremendously happy, others are desperately miserable.

What do you want from life? Think about it. Stop reading. Write your answers down. Make a list. What you are about to write on that paper is infinitely more important than anything else I have to say in this posting.

Even when you write your list now, put it away and don't look at it for a year. When you do take the list out one year from now, you will be amazed by the self-revelation it will afford you.

Whatever you wrote on your list, chances are those are the things, places, people and experiences that you believe will make you happy. 

Everybody wants to be happy. You want to be happy, and I want to be happy.

Are you happy? 

Really. Think about it for a moment. Don't just float over the question like any other words on a page. Are you happy?

For most people the answer is "Yes and no" or "Yes, but I could be happier."

The pursuit of happiness means different things to different people. It means different things to you and me at different stages in our journey. Of course, expectations have a lot to do with our happiness. It is one of those life lessons that is hardest to learn.

Some people just seem happy on the outside but are desperately sad within. I know a woman like that. She was always smiling and laughing but as I got to know her, I came to learn that it was all just a façade. Deep inside she harboured a whole world of fear and hurt.

Some people are unhappy because they don't like their job or their spouse. Others are unhappy because they don't know how to appreciate who they are and all they have. 

Let me tell you about my experiences with happiness. The first thing I learned is that you will never be happy pretending to be someone other than yourself. On too many occasions to count, and in ways to embarrassing to recall, I have tried to impress people by pretending to be someone other than who I really am. Most people can spot someone pretending to be other than who they really are as easily as they can spot a man wearing shoes that are four sizes too big. If we are to be happy, it will be as ourselves.

50% of all marriages end in divorce. 65% of all second marriages end in the same traumatic sadness. Disillusion always seems to follow when we expect someone or something else to make us happy. 

My own life experiences have involved me with people in various walks of life. Many have shared with me their personal struggles and successes. There are also clear memories of my own successes and my own failures. The more we look within ourselves and not to other things for our happiness, we more we experience a sense of meaning in our lives.

We remember moments

#1 food experience in the world is Spain's pintxos…according to Lonely Planet. Curry laksa in Kuala Lumpur is #2 followed by sushi in Tokyo. Beef brisket in Texas is #4 and som tum in Bangkok is #5. Koreans would be proud that bibimbap is #8 and Italians likewise with Pizza margherita at #9. Dim sum in Hong Kong makes up the top 10.

Arne Sorensen, Marriott CEO has this to say: "People value experience over "stuff."

Success is not a destination - it is a journey. Enjoy the journey. Whether you are setting out to become a legend, a hero, a champion, a star, a leader or a saint - enjoy the journey. 

We are conditioned from birth to chase milestones. It begins when everyone makes a fuss over our first birthday. Next it's time for school. Shortly after, we become teenagers. Then it's 17 - a driver's license. Next we're off to university. Somewhere down the road, after all the hustle to go to the right school, get the right degree, find the right job, buy the right house in the right part of town, have the right friends and the right clothes and the right car, somewhere along the way and unfortunately too late for some of us, we realize that life is far more about moments than it is about milestones. If we focus solely on the milestones, think of all you're missing in between.

I'm as guilty as anyone; I admit it. I've been chasing milestones. I'm not a workaholic, but I am driven. I'm driven to chase the next big thing. 

But I'm at a point now in my life where I've learned that if all you're doing is chasing milestones, you miss out on the opportunities to create memories. Then milestones end up feeling a little underwhelming once you get there to celebrate them. They're not as rewarding; they're not as exciting. 

Don't put off important things using a destination, or an achievement as an excuse. "When I am 40," "When I buy my new 5 series BMW!" "When I put my last kid through university." "When I get a promotion." "When I reach the age of retirement, I shall live happily ever after." 

Sooner or later we must realise that there is no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The destination is only an illusion. It constantly outdistances us.

 

Finding good in bad situations

FANG stocks have been beaten down lately. FANG is an acronym for high-performing technology stocks - Facebook, Amazon, Netflix and Alphabet (formerly known as Google) - that have led the bull run of the last 9 years. Facebook had a historic sell-off recently, when it fell $199 billion in market cap in the biggest one-day loss for a single stock. But according to analysts the lesson here is that any sharp sell-off in the FANG stocks should be considered as a buying opportunity.

What looked like the worst - can turn out to be the best. Something good can come out of it. 

The history books are full of successful people with numerous stories of adversity and setbacks that opened doors to greater opportunity. J.K. Rowling was fired from her job as a secretary for using her computer for personal business. She survived on welfare until her first book, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, sold for $4,000 in 1997. Now she's richer even than the Queen. Oprah Winfrey lost her job as a news reporter because the producer believed she was a bad fit for the job. He did offer her a place on People Are Talking, a daytime TV Show that Winfrey initially saw as a demotion....until it took off, and started her career in earnest. Walt Disney got fired as a cartoonist because "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas" and later acquired an animation studio and subsequently went bankrupt. That was when he and his brother began the Disney Brothers' Studio.
I'm sure these people weren't too happy about getting fired from their jobs nor going bankrupt. But if they hadn't been, who knows whether they would have achieved the success they have today. They found the positive benefits in their negative experiences. And if they can do it, so can we.

Think about water-skiing. When you are in balance holding on to the tow rope behind the boat, all is well. But if  you lose your balance, you don't continue to hold on and get dragged by the boat. You let go. That is what we have to do in life situations in which we find ourselves being dragged by circumstances we can't control. Let go! 

Looking back at my career, I can see now that every struggle I endured pointed me toward my destiny at where I am today. In reality, I probably found more hope than I ever had before.  The challenges we face in certain situations sometimes hold a purpose beyond our understanding at the time. We don't always know what's best.

All of us have been in situations that appeared hopeless, and yet we survived. We found a way. Or perhaps the way was shown to us.

Can you handle criticism?

48C (118.4F). Europe sizzles as searing temperatures approach record peak. Seoul saw its hottest day in 111 years when scorching temperatures hit 39.6 degrees. Heatwaves like these are becoming the new normal.

Can you handle the heat of criticism?

Criticism can hurt. It bludgeons our confidence.  The problem is that many people acclimate to them, feel chronically beaten or end up emotionally shutting down. Energetically, it can feel like you've absorbed a round of machine gun fire.

No one can avoid being criticized. No matter what your position or profession, you will be subject to criticism at some periods of your life. If you hold a position of responsibility, you will be subject to criticism.

Criticism can only deflate our mood if we buy into it. A good general rule I take is try not to take personally even what's meant personally. People say untrue things all the time. I always try to consider the source.

Criticizers believe it's their God-given right to offer what they deem "constructive criticism." People have all kinds of opinions about how we "should" feel or be. Criticism that is based on spite or jealousy is very hard to accept because it is unfair. It is hostile in intent.

Don't stoop to the low level of your critic. A dignified and restrained silence is your best reply. As the Dalai Lama suggests, "sometimes silence is the best answer." There may be times when it will be necessary to refute criticism that is false. This is especially true when it is criticism that verges on the edge of slander that is damaging to your personal or professional life. 

If a co-worker criticizes you for talking loudly, keep talking, but tone your voice down. Sometimes compromise goes a long way. 

We all enjoy being praised. But the disagreeable and critical things that people say about us can also be of use. Be willing to acknowledge criticism that is true. Don't be too stubborn to learn from criticism. I always heed a beneficial criticism , whether it's solicited or not. Of course criticism is harder to digest if delivered in cutting tone. Then it's your call to assess its worth.

Those who wish to be free from criticism inevitably end up doing nothing worthwhile. I am often criticized. It is not something I will ever become accustomed to, and it drains tremendous energy from me if I am not careful.  I like to always reflect on this quote:

"I do the very best I know how - the best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If that end brings me out all right, what is said against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference" - Abraham Lincoln.