Navigate through trials

The Hunchback Of Notre-Dame shot to the top of the Amazon bestseller list in the wake of the devastating fire that ravaged the historical landmark. The fire, however, is not the first time the cathedral has been a victim of destruction — or restoration.

Like the devastation of one of the world’s most recognizable landmarks, every obstacle is unique to us. But the responses they elicit are the same: Fear. Frustration. Confusion. Hopelessness. Depression. Anger.

We're dissatisfied with our jobs, our relationships. We're trying to get somewhere, but something stands in the way. We blame our bosses, the economy, other people, or we write ourselves off or our dreams and goals as impossible. When really one thing is at fault - our attitude and approach. 

Former CEO of Intel, Andy Grove outlined when he described what happens to businesses in tumultuous times: "Bad companies are destroyed by crisis. Good companies survive them. Great companies are improved by them.". 

Great individuals, like great companies, find a way to transform weakness into strength. It's a rather amazing and even touching feat. This is not an article of gushing, hazy optimism. This is not a piece that tells you to deny when stuff sucks or to turn the other cheek when you've been completely screwed over. There will be no folksy sayings or cute but utterly ineffectual proverbs. 

When we're having trouble finding a job, running low on funds, stuck in a bad relationship, locking horns with some aggressive opponent, we need to know that there is a way. We have no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for how long, any light at the end of it is a hope rather than a reality. 

Where one person sees a crisis, another can see opportunity. Desperation, despair, fear, powerlessness - these reactions are functions of our perceptions. You must realize: nothing makes us feel this way; we choose to give in to such feelings. 

We decide what we will make of each and every situation. They can throw us in jail, label us, deprive us of our possessions or freedom, but they'll never control our thoughts, our beliefs, our reactions. 

The struggle against an obstacle inevitably propels the fighter to a new level of functioning. The obstacle is an advantage, not adversity. Everything can be flipped, seen with this kind of gaze. Or we can fight it the entire way. The result is the same. The obstacle still exists. One just hurts less. The benefit is still there below the surface. 

When people are rude and disrespectful, they underestimate us (a huge advantage), when they are conniving, we don't have to apologize when we make an example out of them. 

The obstacle is not only turned upside down but used as a catapult.

Surviving heartaches and disappointments

The long-awaited Avengers: Endgame has already sold more than double the total advanced tickets of Captain Marvel, The Last Jedi, Aquaman, and Avengers: Infinity War combined. The anticipation and excitement for this movie is simply unmatched. We know the heroes will do do “whatever it takes” to get the job done, which means we shouldn’t be surprised to witness all sorts of heartbreaking moments throughout the film.

We experience heartache, disappointments and curveballs of some kind -caused by a death, a divorce, a breakup, a diagnosis, news of some kind that has shattered life as we know it. All you know is that life looks very different now. It brings you to your knees with shards of glass around your feet.

In my very bones, I understand how you may be feeling. Your heart is completely broken and your dreams no more. With your whole life tipped upside down, you feel numb from the shock and in total disbelief; heavy-hearted and full of dread, you sense a long and desolate journey ahead of you. I know - I felt it, too. You feel odd, as everyone else's lives around you keep going on; yours has been rendered unrecognizable to you. While going through the motions into the unknown, you feel overwhelmed with anxiety and fear.

You're asking, "Who am I now - without this love / this family / this job / this sense of security / this self-image?"

No one is prepared for sudden loss. The rug is pulled from under your feet.

And it's OK to acknowledge that this crisis, this pain, is NOT what you want....but you're going to have to deal with it. Life continues on no matter what. 

You don't get to choose who dies or who leaves you, or what happens to you - even though there are times you may blame yourself and feel guilt for what has happened - but you get to choose how you think and where you put your attention and focus.

Work gave me a place to feel more like myself and the kindness of my colleagues showed me that not all aspects of my life were terrible. After a death of a loved one, when someone goes back to work, grief can interfere with their job performance. These losses could be decreased and the load lightened for people who are grieving if leaders provided time off, flexible and reduced hours, and financial assistance. Providing support is both the compassionate and the wise thing to do.

What I learned is that I have control only over the choices I make every day, beginning with putting my feet on the ground every morning. It all happens in baby steps - one right after the next. With each step, we influence how and when we get back to happy.

And if this seems like an impossible dream right now, we will heal and return to wholeness and joy, however difficult that may sound today. I learned that when life pulls you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end - - John Lennon

Find your truth tellers

The 2018 World’s 12 Most Powerful Women according to Forbes: Angela Merkel, Theresa May, Christine Lagarde, Mary Barra, Abigail Johnson, Melinda Gates, Susan Wojcicki, Ana Patricia Botin, Marillyn Hewson, Ginni Rometty, Sheryl Sandberg, Gail Boudreaux

I feel fortunate to be surrounded by the most extraordinary women.

I trust my instincts to make decisions and a big part of that is knowing whom I can trust, or whether I can trust anyone at all. Because no matter who you are, part of success means recognizing the people who can help you get where you want to go. I make sure I surround myself with people who are going to be honest with me and look out for my best interests.

There are people who understand their team, environment or processes and are willing to voice their observations. Find these people, keep in regular communication, and let them know you value their observations. 

Trusting others is like giving up control and letting someone else drive, they're in control of where you go and how you get there. I can't sit in the passenger seat unless I am 100% confident I can trust the driver, and one thing I know for sure, is that there are a lot of bad drivers out there.

Surrounding yourself with excellent people is especially challenging when you're successful. Everyone wants to be part of the team. You have to be careful about whom you choose to keep close, and who needs to find a different day job.

A hammer can destroy or it can build; a knife in the wrong hands can kill you, but in a doctor's hands it can heal you. You're only as good as the tools you've chosen. I am meticulous about putting my key people in place; I take a long time to but an ideal team, but when I finally get everyone I need, I stay committed to keeping the team intact.

And my MVP is the one who has the balls to tell me the truth, even when I don't want to hear it.

But highly successful people rarely get to hear the truth; they're surrounded by people who go to tremendous lengths to keep their place in the circle of trust by managing the truth, shovelling polite opinions and puffy compliments, and generally keep the boss happy.

But the boss doesn't always need to be happy. Sometimes he needs an honest smack in the head. You want to be the most valuable player in the circle? Be the one who looks the leader in the eye and tell him what everyone else is afraid to say. He might hate it, he might hate you are saying it, but a true leader knows when he's being set straight. And guaranteed, the next time he needs to know whom he can trust, he'll be looking for you.

There are some who speak, and I have my doubts.

There are others who speak, and I listen.

Then there are the few who speak, and I believe.