A humbling fact

"Be grateful first and then focus on what you want," Jack shared about how he became so successful.

No matter how far along I am in life, I always think about my career. "Who are the people most responsible for my success?" I ask myself and I make it a point to tell them how grateful I am for their help.

Thanking them forces me to confront a humbling fact that I have not achieved my success alone. I had help along the way.

Nothing bad will ever come out of thanking them. Only good.

To: Dato Steve Ong (2nd from left)

With: all my gratitude

Shoes @ tradeshows

Asean Tourism Forum (ATF) in Phnom Penh ended last Friday.

Aching feet and legs are the main physical complaint of both men and women at a tradeshow. Here's my take: Shoes should look new, but never be new. A show is the wrong place toi break in a new pair of shoes.

I always keep those shoes polished. Use the shoeshine stand at the hotel if you have to. It's amazing how scruffed shoes show up under the bright lights of an exhibition.

from left: Dominic, Dennis, Kim

It all depends on what we are looking for

"We have to give back to the community," Zawfir shared humbly and as-a-matter-of-factly. "Tomorrow I will go to some areas of Cambodia and offer my help, like what I do with the orphanages in Malaysia."

A goodfinder is defined as one who looks for and finds what is good in others and in all situations of life.

If we look for imperfectness in others, the search will no doubt be successful. However, if we look beyond the weak and foolish things and seek to find the good and beautiful things that no one else had ever looked quite far to find, we will also be successful. It all depends what we are looking for.

The cliche goes: "2 men looked out from prison bars. One saw mud and one saw stars."

from left: Arjun, Zawfir, Connie

Create options

TRAVEX starts today. The negotiating will be intense.

When 2 people seem to have opposing needs, approaches or solutions, you need to think up more possibilities. For as long as we're only dealing with 2 different options, then each will choose one and stick to it. It's known in the negotiating trade as "positioning". If you can't resolve the issue, that just means you haven't thought of enough positions or options.

So create more.

1 of the new possibilities might appeal to both people.

from left: Alex, Frankie, Jaclyn, Chloe

A totally freeing thing

"My wife would nag me to clean the air-con filters," Frankie moaned. "And she won't stop until I do it."

Marriages are hurting if they are characterised by nagging, cutting sarcasm and ridicule. Ridicule devastates the inner personality, destroying, tearing and cutting great chunks of self away. A marriage characterised by derision, belittling, contempt and the scorn of ridicule is grotesquely twisted.

When people are ridiculed, they pull their heads inot their shells and do not venture to stick them out again. Then they change, and ley the real person inside them never to truly known. But to know and be known is essential to love, marriage and relationships.

To be accepted unconditionally by another person is a totally freeing thing

Be the encourager

Manchester United held Spurs to a scoreless draw last sunday. When United were down to 10 men, the Spurs fan, sensing a victory, were voiceferous in a chorus of "When the spurs go marching in."

Everyone needs encouragement, whether it's in the arena of sports, business or life. Encouragement is often the difference between winning and losing. For example, football teams realise the home ground gives competing teams a definite advantage. Coaches and players repeatedly say the support of the local fans cheering them on is an advantage like the 12th player. And they make their support known very vocally.

That's the way it should be, could be, ought to be in your relationships and mine. Whether the chips are up or down, we should get on our partner's side and be that cheerleader - encourager.

Marriage calls for compromise

Summoning all his diplomatic skills, Andreas said, "Marriage would be much more satisfying if women learned to compromise."

Marriage calls for a lot of compromise. That is a live-or-die word that we need to learn if we are going to succeed in matrimony.

Listen through their ears, see through their eyes

"I literally camp in the office," Rosnah declared.

Because we spend so many hours at our workplace, it's vital that we find ways of making this time more meaningful. As managers, colleagues or customers, we could all benefit from knowing how to make every encounter more valuable and worthwhile.

Yes, our roles often require communicating with others, working together, providing service, negotiating, handling several people at once, dealing with interruptions, handling crises, calming unhappy clients and much, much more.

I am confident our staff and colleagues will stay loyal and be more committed to us if we make an effort to try to understand their uniqueness, listen through their ears and see the world through their eyes.
Vic (left), Rosnah (middle)

True sympathy

"My mum has to go for a major op," Simon sms-ed. "Please pray for her."

If a doctor tells a patient that a major operation is necessary, the patient becomes frightened at the prospect. If, however, the doctor says, "I have had this operation," then the patient has an assurance that is based upon true sympathy. Only those who have been wounded really know how to bind up wounds.

The "legend" I grew up with

Dad turns 72 this Sunday.

When your father is well-known in his profession the general public in that industry views him as bigger than life. And as much as I wanted to be like my Dad, I didn't want to compete with the "legend"for fear of not making him proud.

My father had little formal education (he didn't make it in his O levels) He put great stock in education and had a great love of reading. He always stressed a good education to me.

In my early 20's, I took up a job a sales job in the same industry as Dad - in insurance (He was a MDRT winner for a few consecutive years). That was when I discovered I had no reason to feel intimidated or unworthy when it came to my father and his reputation. I was my own person with my own style, which has grown, developed and matured with life experiences.

Today, after more years as a sales leader (now in the hospitality industry) than I care to admit, I'm delighted the "legend"I grew up with no longer holds me in awe, but instead fills me with gratitude. I know how lucky and blessed I am because I loove what I do.

Dad, ACE and Mum

Worst times can have value

"Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life," lamented Nikki

One day, we will look back on our "worst time" in our lives as a fortuitous event. I am convinced that even our worst times have value and can become, in retrospect, our best times.

CVs is...a roadmap and spokesperson

"That boy was a top student, but when I had a look at his CV, I immediately know why he hasn't been called to a single interview," John said knowingly. "His best achievements was in a small paragraph somewhere on the 4th page."

CVs are more important than ever: on 1 side of the desk, they function as a time management tool. using them to screen out candidates, rather than interviewing every applicant, saves employers time and money,

A good CV opens doors, acts as a road map for interviewers, and serves as your spokesperson long after you have left the interview.

Lead others to lead themselves

"Has an innate ability to set strategic directions and manage others to meet the company's goals," someone wrote as my greatest strength in the recent 360 degrees appraisal. "Good leadership skill," wrote another.

I lead others to lead themselves and not bossing them. This ideal has helped me through challenging times.

We need the best that everyone has to offer. Each of my team member must become a self-leader - a confident, capable, uniquely valuable resource. We, directors of sales and sales leaders will only be effective as our team because employees are the source of strength and wisdom that can help us soar to new heights.

The scariest ride

ACE wrote about our trip to Universal Studios in his school journal yesterday.

I don't remember the day. There just came a time when he was too old for bedtime stories.

But the desire for exciting thrill never fades because now ACE and I go for rides like Tower of Terror and Jurassic Park.

It is life outside the amusement park that truly scares me - whether ACE is learning to cross the road for the first time on his own, going to Shanghai with his school class, dealing with tough kids at school, or making important life choices - all while I outwardly try to act serene and unruffled as I queitly bite my lip and pray like mad for him.

Parenthood is the scariest ride you can climb aboard. And we can't get back in line for another turn. Unlike my adventuresome bedtime stories, there is no guarantee of a safe and happy ending.

Parenting is...

"We are thinking of adopting a child this year,"Albert revealed.

Albert, my friend, parenting is taxing, exhausting, difficult and maddening. It is also wonderful, fulfilling and an important call. But even in the best of circumstances, parenting is hard. Accept the fact and keep plugging away at it.

The rest of you lots, if your kids are young, let me encourage you by pointing out that no matter how difficult a time you are having, things will get worse when the raging tween hormones kick in.

We're a team

Kevin Flynn played by Jeff Bridges told his son in the movie TRON: Legacy : "We're on the same team."

A healthy, loving husband-wife relationship is not a master-slave relationship. It is not a mother-son relationship or father-daughter relationship. It is a sharing, complementing relationship. It should be a union in which each person expresses appreciation of the other's contribution. Lasting marital happiness requires team effort.