Courage to express our feelings

I saw some children in the garden yesterday and I watched how naturally they all showed their feelings. If they liked someone, they said so. If they were sad, they cried, released it, and were then happy again. It was refreshing to watch the honest expressions.

We are at times afraid of being honest and open. Of course, it is to avoid the pain that may come as a result of our honesty. But these walls we create bring pain of their own. We adults have lost such ability to be so totally open. If we were once like that as children, perhaps we could learn, to varying degrees, to be that way again.

If people can't accept our honesty or react in a different way to how we'd hoped, it doesn't matter. What matters is we have told them.

On a personal front, we need to muster the courage to express our feelings honestly. Tell people you love them. Tell them you appreciate them, then you will not have to live with the guilt that is carried if someone they loved has passed and things have gone unsaid.

On the professional side of the coin, sometimes colleagues and leaders become blind to what does and doesn't work. They engage in counterproductive behaviours believing they are doing the right thing. It takes a lot of courage to express our feelings and sometimes we are not always strong enough to do this. So much is held back by pride, apathy, or fear of reprisal or humiliation.

This much I know...we cannot control the reaction of those with whom we share this openness with. It is easy to focus on what we don't like about a person, but we must be sensitive to their needs as well. It wasn't an attack on any individual, merely just sharing the imbalance I felt was happening.

We should never feel guilty for expressing our feelings and we should never make someone else feel guilty if they had found the courage to do so.

To that end, I seek out honest feedback. I genuinely want to know whether my interactions help or hinder the performance of those around me. These feedback help me monitor the vital signs, as in a medical checkup.

While expressing feelings in some relationships may come at a price, I have some other relationships in my life which are now of mature honesty and true quality.

It's difficult to wait but worse to regret

Joseph Schooling, who left home at age 14 in pursuit of a dream many labeled impossible, has delivered Singapore's first Olympic gold.

Life is made up of hopes and dreams. The great people of history dream without limit and seek it with unrelenting energy.

It takes courage to dream. Whether it is asking a girl out on a date, starting a business, battling a disease - everything in life requires courage. Most of us are afraid. Afraid of losing the things we have worked hard to buy, afraid of failure and rejection, afraid of criticism, afraid of heartache, afraid to tell people how we really feel.

The need for courage is at any age: how can I manage my job and move up the career ladder? How do I get off this career ladder and retire? Who will I be without my identity as a sales leader? Of course, what seems like courage in our earlier years may look different in our later years, simply because we don't always stay afraid of the same things.

It is easy to become so busy worrying about the future that we forget to live our dreams. The pursuit of the dream fills us with hope, passion and enthusiasm. When we stop dreaming, we slowly begin to disengage from our work and our relationships.

My life has been filled with so many dreams come true, and for that there are many people I am grateful to. Mentors, colleagues, friends made considerable contributions to my journey. If you look back on your life, I suspect you will also discover a variety of people who, to varying extents, have helped you along the way. These people who took an interest in you and your aspirations no doubt had an enormous impact on your life.

In various aspects of our lives, we also encounter other people who need to be challenged and encouraged in the direction of their dreams. "Give to others what you most desire for yourself,"a mentor once told me. If you want to be appreciated, appreciate others. If you want your work to be valued, value others'work. If you want a successful career, help another's career to flourish. I have played my part in helping people in my past and present teams advance personally and professionally.  I take pride in my accomplishments, large and small.

Success has many facets. Marriage might mean success for one, misery for another. For me, success can never be about just what I "do". It's also when I can laugh, love and to feel happy about the tiniest things. It's having a peaceful mind and some blessed downtime rather than knotting myself in frustration, especially when things fall apart. If one goal doesn't happen, it's natural to feel disappointed or angry. But, I still focus on being grateful for the other blessings I''ve been given. I don't always succeed at this, but I am learning.

A new kind of physical education

Our world puts a premium on the ability to tough out adversity. We celebrate people who ignore their bodies' danger signals in order to achieve. Many people confuse working long, hard hours with achieving results.

As I watch the Olympic Games, I am reminded of the basic rule of peak performers: get the proper amount of rest, eat a good diet and exercise. Executives are high performers too, and should strive to tune in to themselves the way an athlete would, in order to have a work life that would allow them to work at their best.

Somehow, in my twenties and thirties, I did not think I needed what the rest of the mere mortals must have to be at my best. I know too well what it's like to push myself on relentlessly - irrespective of how my energy levels work. 

Previously when I was not respecting my body's needs by slowing down or reducing stress - the first thing to go was passion. I now act on my body's intuitive alerts, instead of fight impulses that are meant to protect me. Listening to these signals has radically improve the quality of my life.

If I'm tired, I rest. If I'm hungry, I eat a delicious meal. If I'm tense or upset, I have some fun.

This may mean I have to cancel plans, say no to others, or make unpopular choices in terms of what others expect.

Our bodies are meant to move. We're not built to spend our lives hunched over a computer, chained to our desks. Studies have linked a sedentary lifestyle with more deaths even than smoking.

Even if your fatigue or packed schedule is real, five minutes of exercise or stretching will provide a boost. A new study published in the American Journal of Physiology suggests that stretching done by middle-aged or older adults, significantly improved the flexibility of their artery (which, when blocked is the cause of a stroke). 

Be grateful for what you have, including health. Sometimes we forget the blessing of mobility.

The smallest actions can make the biggest difference

It is action, not words which is key to building trust, image and a relationship.

If a salesperson whom you hardly know says, "just trust me," what is your first reaction? Is it trust? Or suspicion? Trust must be earned and it is earned by the actions that are taken.

The smallest actions can make the biggest difference. To make huge strides, we take small steps. A single word can make or break us; a last straw broke the camel's back.

If a man is overweight, it's because he has eaten too many calories over a long period of time, not because of a big dinner the night before. If a man is a good partner, it's not because he gave her flowers and chocolates yesterday, but rather, because he has been faithful and caring to her over many years.

While BIG things are worth celebrating, don't wait for that one big chance to show our trustworthiness. We get thousands of small ones. Consistency in spite of who is watching is what matters to people. This is true for every interaction between a leader and a team member, and a salesperson and a prospect. The leader or salesperson is trusted either more or less on the basis of every single experience.

Play the cards you are dealth with, and play them well, until you get dealt a new hand.