Sunday, May 29, 2016

The One that Angers You controls You. Don't give anyone that power!

"John, do not keep interrupting me. Also, calm down, there is no need to raise your voice. If you keep this up, I will not continue this conversation with you. We can speak again some other time when you are ready to speak calmly," I put my foot down, firmly and controlled.

In a negotiation, particularly in a bitter dispute, feelings may be more important than talk. Emotions on one side will generate emotions on the other.

Some people are difficult to deal with because they believe that their appalling behaviour gets them what they want. They are takers through and through, and they take from you whatever you are intimidated into giving to them.

As far as I am concerned, how people behave is entirely up to them and not really part of my business. My role is not to take what they do or say personally. As a sales negotiator and leader, their behaviour does not and will not affect the outcome. Given this doomsday scenario, scoring points, sarcasm and direct rebuttal are not useful behaviours, nor is rolling over and playing the patsy.

It's hard to remain clear-headed during such times and not get swept away by emotions. If discipline slips it can have all sorts of ramifications. Whenever we show somebody how much their actions upsets us, we reinforce their behaviour and  strengthen their resolve, and the greater their determination to continue with it until they get what they want.

Having learnt the best lessons in my youth, these days, when dealing with people whose behavior and manners are beyond the pale, I try to separate the people from the problem.

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Sunday, May 22, 2016

Make it about them

My description on my Carousell app reads: "I am not here to sell you anything. I am here to help you buy."

Why do we like to shop, but hate to be sold? Because shopping is ours, selling is theirs.

As a sales professional and a leader, I try to learn this powerful tool...to look at people through a different lens: theirs!

We cannot assume that what gets us out of bed in them morning is the same thing that motivates others. I believe that it is essential as a leader to understand, appreciate and embrace what gets other people "up"for a task and excited about their work.

One thing I try to do is that whenever speaking with my team, customers and other audiences, I try to make it about them -not about me. When you are a leader, you may notice that people crowd around to speak with you because of your position. Naturally , they are going to ask you questions and before you know it, you're talking about yourself.

I painfully found out that this is especially true in a presentation or speech. Most presentations start with "me-ness." It's important that the audience know something about us and our company. There are ways to communicate this information so we can focus on the people in the audience right at the onset and focus our presentation so it resonates at their frequency instead of ours.

We are not the hero who will save the audience. The audience is our hero.



Saturday, May 7, 2016

It's in the heart, not in the head

The odds of Leicester City winning the English Premier League was placed at 5,000-to-1. There were better odds on finding Elvis alive. The fairytale of them becoming champions is down to the fact that the owners, King Power, have run Leicester with the same care and attention that their coach, Claudio Ranieri, has applied to the team.

The million-dollar question: "What's the biggest difference in performance when leading people?" here's my two-cents worth: there needs to be much love in the workplace.

There are a lot of bad leaders, but most of them are not bad people. Here's the sad part: most leaders are completely oblivious to the impact their approach is having on their team members and their team members' level of performance.

Hard experience has taught me that leaders don't just tell their people what to do. They invest the time to understand their people and to align their team members' personal goals to the organization's goals.

Who do you trust more, firemen or lawyers? Nurses or salespeople? One of the biggest reasons for trust is the perception that people are concerned beyond themselves, for the good of others. Firemen and nurses care for others by the nature of their jobs. But we wonder if the salesperson really has our best interest in mind.

At its core, leadership isn't a head issue; it's a heart issue. Most leaders don't realize, the more you care, the more their people will contribute.

The best way to show that we care is to really listen to people. As the only child for nine years before my brother was born, I learned to eat fast and talk fast. Listening has not always come easily to me. Being a good listener is hard work but it is such an important factor in genuine care. Listening has to be combined with empathy...getting the other person's point of view and see things from that angle as well as my own. People can "look" concerned when they are not. But over time, it will show. An appreciation email written like a standard template doesn't cut it.

The key to genuine care is sincerity.




 

Friday, May 6, 2016

ACE - thanks for the gift!

At 17 today, ACE is a young adult. Old enough that his parents are no longer looking over his shoulder daily, but young enough that many choices are still open for him to explore and he can enjoy many different aspects of life.

When I was 17, I didn't think about aging or mortality. I was too busy living to think about older age. I was aware of my youth and basked in it. I lived in the now.

As I grow (I never age, I only grow), I start to learn who I am through the choices I make and how I react to whatever life throws at me. Rather than live in the now, I think about future goals - career goals or raising a child and helping him reach his goals.

Our children will remind us of our own pasts, what we used to do and think at that age.

I am a better human being for having been given the inestimable privilege of being a dad.

ACE - thanks for the gift.




Monday, May 2, 2016

Lost your work mojo?

Representatives from 6 universities addressed us parents at the Local University Admission Talk at ACE's college.

When I reminisce about my school days, I am always amazed at how so few people end up doing what they thought they would do when they were in high school. If you had told me while I was in secondary school that I would become a successful sales leader and trainer, the idea would have seemed nothing more than absurd to me.

We spend more than half our life at work. Most of us work for an organization. And with that comes conflicting goals and objectives. Once in a blue moon, all the planets are aligned, and everything we want to do is exactly what our organization wants to do. But for most of us most of the time, there's a tension. (Those reports, that initiative, this priority. You know what I'm talking about.)

Over time, work becomes familiar and comfortable as we master it and it decreasingly provides the challenge or stretch it once did. In addition, like the metaphorical mosquitoes, we put up with a host of aggravations, some small, some big.

What bugs you? What have you been tolerating for a while but want to tolerate no more?

Fulfillment at work is found in doing things that we can take pride in doing and hence enjoy doing. We are not designed for halfheartedness. So often I have heard people talk about how they are disengaged at work because of a leader or coworker. This is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

This much I know: we need to find people with skills or with influence who can help us. Most importantly, we need support from those around us - people who love us. That can be tough to really understand, as many of us have been brought up to emulate the rugged lone hero who does it all himself/herself. These people who care about us will offer hugs and unconditional support.

Don't underestimate just how important and sustaining these are. It's fuel for the journey.