Conflict can be a golden opportunity to grow stronger

How well do we use conflict to improve our relationships rather than destroy them?

In my many years of work in a sales environment, I have seen seller/buyer and couples' lives ravaged by arguments, denial and blame. Yet, I have also seen relationships rebuilt with empathy, sensitivity and compassion.

At some point in our adult lives, all of us have lost control of emotions. Frustrations mount, heart rate rises, pulses quicken. We've all said and done things in the heat of the moment that we've later regretted.

Communication skills and styles develop and change with our own personal development. It is important to remember that even though we're communicating well right now, the situation can change dramatically when we least expect it.
No matter you and your partner are upset about, you must never forget the main objective: to be heard and understood. All of us want to believe our feelings matter to our partner, that understanding who we are and supporting us in our endeavours is one of our parner's top priorities.

When we communicate our thoughts is just as important as how we get our message across. Sometimes it's not what we say so much as what we didn't say that creates the problems in our relationships. Most of us know that "right" thing to say in any situation, but we get so caught up in our own lives that we didn't bother treating our partners and close friends with the same tact and civility that we extend to our clients and coworkers.

In both personal and professional relationships, a willingness to settle can be more important than "being right." Within every conflict lies a golden opportunity to find new common ground and grow stronger.

Energy management instead of time management

The National Sleep Foundation has this to say: "As a nation, the United States appears to be becoming more and more sleep deprived. And it may be our busy lifestyle that keeps us from napping. While naps do not necessarily make up for inadequate or poor quality nighttime sleep, a short nap of 20-30 minutes can help to improve mood, alertness and performance. Nappers are in good company: Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan, Napoleon, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison and George W. Bush are known to have valued an afternoon nap."

Let's face it! There are 24 hours in a day. It doesn't matter how much money we have, or who our father is, 24 hours is all we get. We don't need more time; we need more energy.

For us leaders today, it is not about managing time. We wouldn't be where we are if we did not have any notion how to do that already. However, if we don't manage our energy, we may find that when the time to do something important, like negotiate a high-value deal or go to the movie with a loved one, we may just not have the energy for it.

If we do not eat, we will die. Sleep is also one of our physical needs. If we do not sleep, over time we will become delusional. But we don't just sleep because we have to. Sleep refreshes us. Sleep energizes us. Sleep heals us from the stresses of daily life. When we view it from this positive perspective, we maximise the effects of sleep.

From the collective wisdom of hundreds of elite athletes and medical doctors, I now realize the most important issue regarding sleep is when we sleep. It is not also the case of the longer the sleep the better. It's about the quality of sleep.

Our modern world works against this in so many ways. When I was twenty eight, like a great number of people, I upheld lack of sleep as a source of pride. Like them, I convince myself that to be successful, I must sacrifice sleep and rest - I even believed this to be heroic.

Over the past five years, I have taken control of my life and adopted a regular sleeping schedule. I have seen it work in my life, and I have seen it work in the lives of others. I feel like a different person with new energy, new enthusiasm, new passion for life. Being rested is not just about being awake - it's about being able to devote myself completely to whatever is before me every single moment of the day.

I find that I feel amazing and have a seemingly unlimited amount of time during the day to get things done.

Give best efforts no matter what the outcomes

"Winners never quit and quitters never win" I saw this quotation today at the library. The game of poker has taught me sometime different: Winners do quit, and quitters do win.

There is a time to quit. It comes after you've tapped some reserve of hidden strength and courage when it seems you have nothing left in your tank. It comes when you have exhausted your mental and physical resources. To keep absorbing punishment would be foolish and masochistic. You stop hitting your head against the wall and live to fight another day. So you quit fighting the battle just so that you can win the war.

I realize that many people in this world have had to overcome adversity to get to where they are. My story is not much different.There's a period of six months when there's non-stop blow after blow of injustice, setbacks and unfairness. In addition to the discouragement I felt, my frustration was at an all time high. At this point, I must tell you two of the most important lessons I learned from those and other challenges that I have faced:
1. don't dwell on disappointment - determine to do your best anyway
2. we don't always know what's best.

This has taught me in a very clear way that we can't allow people and events to ruin even a minute of our day, much less our lives.

No matter what our desires or preferences, the universe will do what it pleases. We cannot control whether we win a game, find love or succeed in business. I can only make the effort, the outcomes are not mine to control. I am beginning to learn to let go what I can't control. Sometimes strength means holding on, and sometimes it means letting go. I strongly believe that this is the key to living in balance.

This is the bond that links successful people. Success without adversity is not only empty...it is not possible.