Extended families

I have just returned from Melaka after attending my wife's cousin's wedding yesterday. They had a 13 years courtship and had finally tied the knot.

For the newly-weds, here's my 2cents worth: Just because you are compatible with your spouse, it doesn't mean your entire family will be as well. Not only do you have to like your in-laws; they have to like you. And don't forget about the 2 sets of in-laws getting along with one another. Siblings may also play a part in your family drama. With so many different personalities, it's a wonder how some families ever manage to sit down to the dinner table together at all.

Move on

"You remember you said you wanted to email me something," Diah reminded me over dinner. "I am still waiting."

Diah. this is for you: The pain of a broken heart will fade in time, as all emotions do. With a physical injury, you experience the initial pain, and then the healing begins. The ame is true in losing a relationship. But if you continue to poke an injury or reopen a wound, it takes much longer to heal. Your continued contact only prolongs your pain. If you both want to be together, then work it out; if not, avoid any further contact.

A Zen proverb: "If you sit, sit; if you stand, stand; but don't wobble."

Every adversity has hidden gifts and lessons that reveal themselves over time. For now, know that as painful as it may feel, the healing has begun. Learn from this experience, and get on with your life.

Giving our all

"Gone are the days when we can scold your staff," Juliana moaned. "Nowadays when we tick them off, the next thing we know, they file a complain to HR."

Currently, when a manager demands his subordinates work so hard that they actually hurt, the manager is branded a tyrant or sadist.

These days when you ask employees to make a sacrifice they think it means mortgaging their houses.

If we, in our work, are not pushing ourselves to our limits everyday, then we're just another salary-stealing punk who's tagging as a passenger.

Those who endure pain learn about themselves. Their limitations, the full extent of their abilities and how to motivate themselves. Also they will become, rightfully, proud of themselves and of other team members. They will develop self-respect for the team.

Diah at TTC

Language means a lot

"Words that we use are powerful," Ms Leong told the class of CU4. "Look at LKY and Mandela. The way they speak is known as economical words. Precise, well-selected words which are very impactful."

1 of the most damaging negative attitude is self-defeating languages. Get rid of can't should, must, ought to and but. Don't go to the gym because you should or because you ought to. I go to it because I want to get your blood flowing. I do it because it will make me feel better. I don't go to work because I have to. I go to work because I am going to bring new energy to the job.

I won't die when I retire

"I have a Gen Y heart," Karen revealed during the ACTA Prepare and facilitate Classroom Training course. "Trapped in a Gen X body"

The boredom of older people isn't so much the result of aging. Rather it is the result of loss of enthusiasm and interest in life. People are boring, not life. Boredom is a problem with even teenagers as it is with older people. The problem, the way I see it, is suffering from hardening of the attitudes, not hardening of the arteries.

I have decided that I will not be an "old man." I plan to live to 90 and die young. I am always going to be open to life and keep on learning something new, so when I finally die, I might be an educated man with some wisdom. I'm in my middle years and I'm using the time to set some growth goals for the rest of my life.

Handling criticism

"Our new boss likes to shout and criticise the staff," Cindy said with a sigh in between bites of the pizza. "Criticising is ok, but do it objectively."

Criticism is inescapable. No one can avoid being criticised - no matter what our position or profession.

When i receive criticism, I used to be depressed or angry. I don't cringe at criticism or become annoyed anymore. I know now that it is a sign of emotional immaturity, if we cannot tolerate to be criticised.

Since criticism is so common, you will only make yourself unhappy if you cannot respond to it in a positive way.

I have learned to look at it objectively and learn from it.

Having said that, I have to state that criticism that is based on spite or jealousy is very hard to accept because it is unfair. It is hostile in intent.

I don't stoop to pettiness - to the low level of my critic. I believe a dignified and restrained silence is my best reply. But there may be times when it will be necessary to refute criticism that is false.

Fighter for my people

'I can tell that you have a very open and strong relationship with your staff," Jaclyn said enviously at Tehran Grand Bazaar.

If you want people to back you, back them, back them, back them. I am loyal downward; and I spread credit downward.

Every leader wants people to see his vision and follow his lead. He needs loyalty to make that happen. The leader needs to provide loyalty to get it. How can they complain about subordinates' lack of loyalty if leaders don't give it to them 1st? You get what you give.

Privately I might take them aside and try to "correct" their thinking, but I don't let them roast on the open fire.

from left: Jades, Grace, Eleen, Let,MT, Shirley, Cebbi, Nadeem