Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Living with pain

The 2010s could be a decade you cherished or a decade you loathed for so many different reasons. It was a decade of change, of loss, of growth. It was a decade of civil unrest - in Thailand and Hong Kong, of nationalism and tragedies - in Haiti, Chile, New Zealand and twin tragedies with Malaysia Airlines. In 2010 Donald Trump was a gameshow host. Giving a DVD or CD as a gift was common place. Instagram was in its infancy. Brexit didn't exist.  The world will never be the same again. 

"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up but a comedy in long-shot," so said Charlie Chaplin.

I will confess that the decade had been bittersweet for me. But slowly, on a personal level, it has gotten better - or at least less terrible. I did quite a lot of thinking, some praying, and, in time, a good deal of laughing.

What I've learned from my personal "decade review" is that there are years that ask questions and then there are years that answer them. I never know what a year might hold.

We live in a world where everyone wants answers, but we never want to wrestle with the questions. Instant gratification - our culture - teaches us to cave in to impatience and to take the easy way out instead of patiently searching the deeper meaning. We don't know what the universe has in store for us. So whatever questions, whatever challenges are thrown at us in a given year, we've got to roll with them.

What these years of questions really do is to test me. One of the keys to sorting through the questions is to not let them consume me. Throughout those uncertain years, I was still finding success, and making significant contributions. I wasn't just sitting around vexed and perplexed.

You have to find your own ways of answering the questions, whatever they happen to be. If you're diagnosed with a major illness, that's life asking you, "now, how are you going to deal with this?" If you lose your job, the question is, "Now, what's your next move?" These questions are testing your faith, testing your perseverance, testing your principles, testing your soul.

When people say," Man, I can't wait for this year to be over," what they're really saying is, "it's been a year full of unanswered questions."

We can't be afraid of having question years. Anyone who's successful will tell you that they learn more from failures than from successes. The years that ask questions are the years that end up leading to growth. When you embrace those trying years, as with any other test, there are answers waiting for you on the other side.

Look, I'm going to be honest here. Even as I say all of this, we both know that when disaster strikes, it's challenging to stay levelheaded. Our problems are still real, they still hurt.

It's up to us to make the choice to be grateful even when things aren't going well. Happiness, as they say, is not about getting what we want; it's about appreciating what we have. 


Sunday, December 8, 2019

Journeying through crisis

Queen Elizabeth II will retire in 18 months at age 95. NO! "There are no plans for any change in arrangements at the age of 95 — or any other age” A rare statement from the Prince Charles' office has shot down the rumours.

The fears of aging have been one long cascading domino effect through the years: twenty-year-olds dread thirty; fifty-year-olds fear fifty; and so it goes. Research shows that having a bad attitude toward aging when we're young is associated with poorer health when we're older.

From my vantage point, I can see how society needs an attitude adjustment when it comes to aging. I don't claim that aging is all good, but it certainly isn't all bad. But too often, the negative stereotypes scare the young and make elders feel worse about themselves.

At 55, I am now at the age known as "senior citizen" (I am eligible for discounts at cinemas and telcos) in Singapore and, like most, wonder how it all happened so fast.

Like a lot of people, I got off to an exciting start in my twenties. Wild, free, energetic are words I would use to recall that period. I had no firm goals, no money, no love life (or prospect of one), no conspicuous talent. My thirties brought responsibility, then predictability. In my forties through to my fifties, I'm expecting less and appreciating more. I remember where I started and appreciate any blessings that come my way. There are crises and difficulties, true. I encountered disappointment and failure and still do. Sure, I'm still in the trough of the U curve.

Life is dynamic and unstable. What worked yesterday, today no longer does. Life is as beautiful as it is challenging; it will reward us and it will test us. There is no escaping the conditions of pain, and difficulty and loss. At times in your life, it may feel like nothing seems to be going your way. For example, if you look to someone else to establish your identity for you in some way, losing that person can make you feel destroyed.

At some point you're going to find yourself in a particular situation where you have no control over any of the variables. We cannot directly control people, events or results. We don't have godlike powers to just magically or mystically transform everything into exactly what we want. We cannot control if we win a game, find love, succeed in business or create world peace. But by making the effort, we vastly improve the odds of achieving what we desire. No matter what our desires or preferences, the universe. So the best way is to enjoy life without clinging - hold all that you have gently - as you might hold a small bird that may fly at any moment. Sometimes strength means holding on, and sometimes it means letting go. So, make the effort, then accept the outcomes. Let go of what you can't control.

We got to learn to be our own best friend. If we do, we have a friend for life. I have seen so many people do it, really come to life. We can buoy ourselves up, give ourselves comfort and sustenance the times when there is no one else. We are our best source of encouragement and good advice. We are all accustomed to waiting for someone to give us a kind word, but we really have available to ourselves, many kind words.

There is no magic switch. But there is an attitude. Our mistake begins when we expect things and other people to assume responsibility for our happiness. Disillusion always seems to follow when we expect someone or something else to make us happy. 

Mood swings are common to most of us. One moment we may feel "up", the next "down". We speak as if our feelings change from sunny to stormy like the weather, over which we have no control.

You have to make a very basic decision: do you want to lift yourself up or put yourself down? If you decide you want to help yourself, you can choose to do the things that make you feel good about yourself instead of the things that make you feel terrible.

I try not to concern myself with being happy, instead focus on being strong. Day by day, I am working on strengthening my ability to cope and rebuild in the face of adversity.

This article about aging isn't necessarily about aging at all. It's about living and how we cope and thrive throughout our lives.
 

Sunday, November 17, 2019

Everything works out if you let it

Hong Kong is right at the edge of total collapse. It is enduring what could be its most turbulent week since the protests began in June. Schools have been ordered shut, employees have been urged to work from home and events cancellations are piling up. In mere months, Hong Kong has gone from a growth economy to recession as retail and tourism numbers keep plunging.

The hard part about being pushed to that point of desperation is reeling yourself back in and regaining control. 

For it is true - no matter how hard times get, they always, without fail, turn back to better times. I have only to look back on my life to know that.

The greatest happiness and successes are always preceded by challenges. It's the way we're tested to see how much we want something. If we don't want it that much, we'll give up. If we're really determined, we'll see it through. No matter how hard it is.

One of the biggest enemies we face in day-to-day life is that of our own emotions. Desperation, fear, anxiety can drive us to choices for which we will pay later down the road.

I am learning the hard way that sometimes I have to accept the facts that some things just have to run their course, creating new opportunities, building character and providing experience. Situations have a way of working out, and they can do it quicker and better if left alone.

Sometimes the best way to manage a problem is to manage my own meddling. It will certasinly save a lot of heartbreak and tears.



Sunday, October 13, 2019

Who do others say you are

Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Hermès and Dior were among the top five brands listed under the “sneaker” hashtag on popular Chinese shopping app RED. The only other brand among the top five was Nike. The luxury market in China is still thriving despite high prices and issues with counterfeiting. LVMH's fashion and leather goods sales growth was up 19% year on year, contributes 59% of operating earnings. No luxury brand , except for Ferrari, can rival that rise. Its stock is trading at a price to forward earnings multiple of 26 times, near 10-year highs.


Research shows that consumers associate luxury goods with both accomplishment and snobbery.

I am not saying that money and things are not wonderful or that they are intrinsically bad. I am saying that we need to be aware of the ways they can affect us. After the money come the things - the stuff we buy because we just have to have it, the stuff we buy because everyone else has one, the stuff we buy because we are having a bad day, and then stuff we buy because we feel like rewarding ourselves.

Money and possessions have their appeal and rapidly advancing careers can fuel our egos, but character is what will see you through good times and bad.

Whether or not you recall the names of the two wealthiest people in the world - or the last few winners of the Academy Awards or Nobel Prizes - I'll bet you can remember the names of two favourite teachers or friends who stood by you.

Take ten seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are, those who cared about you, and wanted what was best for you in life. Who has helped you become who you are?

And reflect on this: Who will think of you in the same way?

We remember the ones who cared. And we can become one of those people who are held in others' hearts and memories long after we have passed from this earth.


I find it curious how the people that have no respect for your feelings are the same people who demand respect from you. Respect other people regardless of the level they are at...or the level you are at. Respecting someone indicate the quality of your personality.

Each day doesn't seem to make a huge difference, but before you know it, those days have  added up to weeks, months and even years or decades you've spent with people. Can you look back and find at least one place you encourage someone? Did you teach her? Did you empower her and see her get stronger as a result? Are the people in your team better because of their time with you? That's a simple and powerful test of your leadership, and it's all about the health of your relationships.

Carve your name on hearts, not tombstone. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.


Sunday, October 6, 2019

How do you lead the unleadable?

Sweeping 10 Emmy awards including Outstanding Limited Series, “Chernobyl” became one of 2019’s most celebrated shows. The five-part HBO historical drama depicts the Soviet Union’s 1986 nuclear disaster killing an estimated 4,000 to 90,000 victims and leaving areas of Eastern Europe heavily effected by radiation to this day.

It is a story of incompetence, delusion and arrogance. 

Are there areas of poor performance that you have tolerated? Have you ever found yourself reluctant to hold an employee accountable because you were worried he'd leave? Or let a performance issue fester for fear of not being liked?

The problem is when you let expectations slide, when you tolerate poor performance, it reduces your credibility. High performers hate nothing more than watching their poor-performing teammates drag down results. Tolerating poor performance cretes a morale death spiral.

If you have a struggling performer on your team, do all you can to help. If it's truly a case that you haven't done enough to support, develop, encourage, build confidence in, empower or recognize an employee - you have more work to do. 

How much of a person can a leader change?

A lot of people in the workplace delude themselves about their achievements, status and their contributions. They have an elevated opinion of their professional skills. That's not necessarily a bad thing but their delusions become a serious liability when they need to change.

For some people, telling them to change their behavior doesn't make a dent; they assume that everyone else is confused.

If you have invested in the employee and it's still not working, it's time to face the facts: this job may not be the right fit for the employee. You don't need to feel guilty.

Perhaps you hired her. Perhaps you even convinced your boss that she was "the one". If you've done everything you can to make it work, but it isn't going well, it's far better to admit you were wrong, learn from your experience, and move on. Don't magnify one poor decision with another.

You need to do what's right for the greater good of the company, the team and the person.



Sunday, September 29, 2019

Behind every great team is a great culture


An Apple-Disney merger.  Disney CEO Bob Iger, in the excerpt from his forthcoming memoir “The Ride of a Lifetime: Lessons From 15 Years as CEO of the Walt Disney Company”, says he believes Disney and Apple would have merged if Steve Jobs hadn’t died in 2011.

What a world that would be! But, alas, we’re in this world.

The cultural element in M&As' integration process has been identified as one of the key issues that may help explain the failure of many mergers and acquisitions. In short, culture isn't just one thing. It's everything.

It's why Apple is famous for its maxim, "Culture beats strategy." You have to have the right strategy, of course, but it is your culture that will determine whether your strategy is successful.


Think about your work environment for a moment. What words come to mind? Words like fun, freedom, creative, energized? Or bureaucratic, stifling, drab, pressured?

Our most important job as a leader is to create a culture. We are creating culture every moment of every day by what we think, say and do. Everything we do - or don't do - is examined in all quarters. People are going to examine everything about us. We, as leaders set the tone and decide what the team values and stands for, but it's important to note that our culture is brought to life and created by everyone on our team.

I wish I had been a leader then that I am now but, unfortunately, I wasn't. I didn't know how important culture was to the success of a team. I now know that building a great team begins with creating a great culture. I changed. I was a hard driver and all about the results. These days I make culture my focus and we work to become a great team instead of just a bunch of individuals who wanted to meet our goals.

You may not have the most talented team, but you can work to create the best team culture. There's a lot you can't control, but you can control how much time, energy and care you invest in your culture. I'm not going to lie and say that talent isn't important to be a successful team. But I've seen many teams with a lot of talent and a bad culture perform badly. Too many teams focus on the fruit of the tree - the results, the numbers. They ignore the root - their culture, people and relationships. They think it's the numbers that matter most.

What they don't realize is that it's not the numbers that drive the culture; it's the culture that drive the numbers.


Research from Harvard University supports the idea that the emotions you feel are contagious and affect the people around you. Your team is likely to catch your bad mood and on the flip side, they will catch your good mood as well. As a team member, your attitude, energy and leadership are contagious, and has a big impact on your culture and team.

My team today is connected by a common culture. There is a tremendous amount of sacrifice from this group of individuals. The results we continuously achieve would never had been possible without the dedication of the team, belief instilled by leadership and the connection to common culture. The power of the team comes from how committed they are to one another, and from how unified they are with the common goal.


I feel more like a team member than a leader because the team members lead each other.




Saturday, September 14, 2019

The key to success is relationships

60,000 people packed into an Olympic stadium for jack Ma's retirement party. China's richest man, Alibaba's cofounder donned a wig and leather jacket for the occasion which was also his 55th birthday and the Chinese e-commerce giant's 20th anniversary.

Jack Ma once said at a forum organized by the De La Salle University that despite knowing "very little about technology" the key to his billion-dollar success is knowing how to work and deal with people. “If you want to be successful, you should have great EQ (emotional quotient). Because you’d know how to work with people."


How are you relating? How are your relationships?


Life is a journey and along the way, you will meet many people. Some of them you will help, assist, advise. Others will help, assist and advise you. It has been my experience that when you think you are there to help someone else, chances are they are really there to help you. Our students make the best teachers.


Without the help of others, you will never make this journey. It is a funny thing I have observed about life - mistakes are almost always and inevitably one's own responsibility, but one's success, triumphs and worthwhile achievements are rarely accomplished without the help of others.


Empathy lets us better understand the people we are trying to serve or work with and gives us perspectives and insight that can drive greater and more effective actions. Some of us are born with an overwhelming degree of empathy, while others are callous or even blind to the perspectives of others. The rest of us fall somehwere in between. But empathy is more than just a natural talent; it can also be a process, a learned skill, developed and applied when and where needed.


You see, people are very willing to go the extra mile for someone they trust but they won't even consider doing so for someone they don't trust. When the trust level is high, people feel confident that the situation is going to be win-win. On the other hand, if there is no trust, people automatically assume the situation is going to be win-lose, that they will simply be taken advantage of. 


Trust, not money, is the currency of business and life. Trust can accelerate and mistrust can destroy any business, team or relationship. No matter what your role is, trust affects your influence and success.


When the trust level is high, people see very clearly that working hard to help their leader pursue his or her objective (ie extraordinary results) is also the vigorous pursuit of their own. In  other words, they know the leader isn't going to take advantage of them and is going to reciprocate in some meaningful way. As a result, they can become highly motivated to direct their best efforts toward this pursuit. Without this connection, there is absolutely no reason for them to get excited about helping their leader achieve extraordinary results, so they don't.


While it may sound trivial, the most important thing you do to demonstrate you care is to ask for their thoughts and opinions, listen to what they have to say, and then take whatever constructive action is required. You see, leaders who achieve extraordinary results are not arrogant or superficial, they don't play games, and they are not powermongers. Instead, they are real, and that's how they come across to people.


At the end of the day, it is not who you know, but who knows you that counts.




Sunday, September 1, 2019

Your career depends on the image you're projecting

Golden Helmet. That was what Donald Trump's old hair was called until his brand new, slick-back 'do. At the recent G7 meeting, Boris Johnson, who is famous for his unattractive and badly-styled hairdo, revealed a new hairdo which looked so much like Trump’s infamous comb-over - and the internet went unsurprisingly ballistic.

Let's face it, work simply isn't what it used to be. No matter how good your business credentials and solid your achievements, they're only the minimum requirement. 



Like it or not, perception is everything in the business world. How we look, sound and behave, how we handle ourselves and others, are more important in business today than how capable or clever we are. Don't get me wrong, God-given talent and proper training are valuable variables for success. Talent alone may tee up high-level performance to get you in the door, but it is not sufficient. Character will keep you in the room. 

According to Harvey Coleman in his book Empowering Yourself, The Organizational Game Revealed, although Performance is the entry ticket to the party, Image is three times more important as a driver for career success. Successful impression management can generate a number of important personal and organizational benefits, like career advancement, client satisfaction, better work relationships and group cohesiveness.


If you have been effective, reliable and knowledgeable thus far in your career, are these values enough to gain new chances of leadership and progression? If not, what new "brand values" do you need to adopt: to look, sound, behave and project?


In my experience, the key to successfully projecting  a professional image is to always be true to your authentic self. If projecting an image feels forced and phony, chances are it will come across as forced and phony.


Case in point: to demonstrate that you care about the person, one would be genuinely focused on what that person is saying, not just pausing to be polite. This is not something you can fake - at least not consistently. I see examples of passive listening every day; it has become so common with each passing year. It has become routine to walk into meetings and see half dozen attendees punching the keys of their laptops. Many of them could be taking notes, but from my perspective they could be clearing emails or playing computer games. Similarly for the person you're talking with to zone out and start typing on the mobile phone in the midst of a conversation.


Everyone can project a more positive image.


Everyone can develop a winning brand.


Everyone can develop a professional presence.


However, this image must be consistent with who you really are as a human being. 




Sunday, August 25, 2019

Your team is expected to deliver - BIG.

Avengers: Endgame has officially dethroned Avatar to become the biggest movie of all time. The Avengers -  Iron Man, Captain America, Captain Marvel, Thor, Black Widow, Hulk and  Ant-Man is the world's favourite super hero team. The Avengers taught us to accept one another in a team regardless of our different background and personalities and to set aside our differences and work together. The Avengers showed us that it is normal to have conflict between each other. We don't always see eye-to-eye because we’re only human and arguments will happen. But the important thing is to know when to let go of our pride, be the bigger person, move on and focus on a far greater purpose.

A few years ago, a series of business school student and kindergartner groups took part in a competition to build the tallest possible structure using pieces of uncooked spaghetti, transparent tape, string and a marshmallow. The contest had only one rule: the marshmallow had to end up on top. If you bet on the business school students because they possess the intelligence, skills and experience to do a superior job, your bet would be wrong. In dozens of trials, kindergartners won, proving again and again that a group of ordinary people can create a performance far beyond the sum of their parts.

Organizations keep throwing talented and intelligent people together, thinking that somehow talent and intelligent teaming will occur. It's painful to watch. Some teams have top talent and leadership and still lose. Others don't have the best talent and leadership, yet win.

In examining success stories of team success, we see a list that include trust, collaboration, respect, strategy, empowerment, communication. It's a list in countless books and organizations around the world. There's no surprise here: these qualities are necessary for a team to succeed.

But there's more. In nearly every success stories, there's a pattern - a way a team approaches their objectives and team members interact with each other. It does not require doing more; it is about being more. 

Here's a big question: do your teammates care enough about achieving success to care about each other?

The truth is, respect alone is not enough. It is merely a first step to being an effective team. To do meaningful work together requires that team members be meaningful in their interactions with one another. But caring is hard work that not everyone is up for. Caring requires that all of us listen more, accept where people are at in their thinking instead of criticizing them, and defend them even when they are not in the room with us. Not everyone has the heart to do these things.

Doing business together successfully requires connecting as humans effectively. A team can't make an epic impact if only a portion of the team chooses to partner those with whom they interact the most. When a team lacks the commitment to a human imperative, the business imperative becomes just one more thing to do on a long list of objectives.

When I ask people inside highly successful groups to describe their relationship with one another, they all tend to choose the same word. This word is not friends or team or any other plausible term. The word they use is family. What's more, they tend to describe the feeling of those relationships in the same way.

My team environment is like a greenhouse. In some greenhouses, the leader plays the role of the plant that every other plant aspires to. But that's not me. My  job is to architect the greenhouse by being painstaking in the hiring process, having low tolerance for bad apple behaviour, making sure everyone has a voice, seeking simple ways to serve the group and embracing fun. This obvious one is still worth mentioning, because laughter is not just laughter; it's the most fundamental sign of safety and connection.

My team deliver high performance and as the do so the members of the team become better people and stronger together. When they interact with one another, there's a striking camaraderie that continues to this day. Trust, laughter and lots of listening are apparent. As well, immediately noticeable are two things they don't do. They don't talk about themselves. And no single person acts as if the are bigger that the team. As a result, I find myself wishing I could spend more time with them. They cared. They knew they are better together. And it shows. 

For a team to succeed, leaders do not need to be superhuman. Nor do the members of the team need to qualify as exclusive specimens of humanity. These are people being at their best, bringing out the best in others, and partnering across the business to deliver shared objectives. And this is how we do big things. 

Oh, yes, here’s another thing I learned from the Avengers. ONE is better than one. One team is better than one person.

Saturday, August 17, 2019

Leaders who inspire get great results

A new record: As of June 1, 33 of the companies on the ranking of highest-grossing firms is led by female CEOs for the first time ever. This is a considerable jump from last year’s total of 24. Seven of the world's most powerful women in business are at General Motors, Hershey, Oracle, Kohl’s, Lockheed Martin, Yum China and IBM, to name a few. 
When it comes to being a female leader, Marriott International Global Sales leader knows a thing or two. "Inspiration, not intimidation," she recently said. 
Who has inspired you? Maybe your parents, a friend, a teacher? What did they do that had such an impact on you?
What inspires people? Caring. 
What does this mean for those of us who are trying to become better leaders in the workplace? Do we have to tell our employees that we love them? Must we line them up and hug them at the start of each day? No, that's probably going a bit too far - it is vital, however, that we create a supportive environment. Leaders show that they care about that their team members do and who they are. Simply put, a boss says "go," a leader says "Let's go."
It turns out that the two most powerful words in the English Language are, "Well done." Not every productive employee is appreciated. But every appreciated employee is productive. 
Looking back further, I remember another critical piece of advise. You don't get the best out of people by hitting them with an iron rod. You do so by gaining their respect, and convincing them that they are capable of improving their performance. I cannot think of any leader who succeeded for any length of time by presiding over a reign of terror. 
I always got more out of people by praising them than by scorning them with criticism. Sales people, like all human beings, are plagued by a range of emotions that run all the way from profound insecurity to massive over-confidence. People perform best when they know they have earned the trust of their leaders. When I was younger, I was more inclined to be severe. I cringe when I think back to those moments. 
Many people cannot stop long enough to listen - especially when they had become successful and all the people around them are being obsequious and pretending to hang on their every word. They launch into monologues as if suddenly they know everything. Putting these megalomaniacs to one side, it always pays to listen to others. Unless you understand people, it's very difficult to motivate them.
People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision. Many people who approached the area of vision in leadership have it backwards. They believe that if the cause is good enough, people will automatically buy in and follow. But that's not how leadership works. People don't follow worthy causes; they follow worthy leaders with a cause they can believe in. They buy into the leader first.
Be the leader you wish you had. Be the leader you would follow.

Monday, August 12, 2019

I can't keep living like this


The rise of the rest. Sales of iPhones accounted for just 48% of overall revenue at Apple, down from 60% this time last year. The rapid growth of the Wearables (formerly Other) category, as well as the ongoing growth of the Services line which includes the App Store, Apple Pay and AppleCare, is up more than 30% from a year ago. Let me be the first to say that Tim Cook has done a superb job at Apple. Since taking the helm in August 2011, Apple's market value has more than doubled (for a brief period above $1 trillion).
Tim Cook recently reminded the Stanford Class of 2019 Steve Jobs had stood on that same stage and offered this advice: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." 
At the rate I'm going, I'm not going to win this battle with time. I've come to accept this for what it means - that time has control over us and not the other way around. I'm doing my best to reach 90, but the reality is you've got less time than you think. Not this is true: Life expectancy is increasing, medicine is always making impressive advancements and many of us have committed to healthier diets and more physical exercises. 
And yet there is still no guarantee that you're going to live a long life. That's what they don't tell you: you could still get cancer, have a heart attack, or get into an accident of some kind. 
In truth, we don't control when we come into the world, and we don't control when - or how - we leave it. We don't control when we die, where we die or how we die. We only get to choose how we're going to live. I'd rather live for a cause, than just because. 
Ever wonder what would happen if you had made different choices in the past? - turned right instead of left. said yes instead of no? If you had made different choices, some things might have turned out better - and others, maybe worse. In any case, you'll never know.
If you choose what's behind Door Number One instead of Door Number Two and you go through a tough time - does that necessarily mean you made the wrong decision? Is the easier path always be the choice? There are no wrong choices; only those we regret. 
In this context, the great challenge is to discern which parts of ourselves need to be accepted as they are and which parts need to be challenged to change. This is the same kind of balance we are looking for between knowing when to act and when to leave a situation alone. There is a prayer that speaks to this dilemma. It is invoked by millions of men and women around the world everyday: 
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
None of us escapes life alive. There are only two things we have to do in this world: we have to die and we have to live until we die. The rest, we make up.
In simplistic terms, Cook's developed his own code for phone use. "For me, my simple rule is if I'm looking at the device more than I'm looking into someone's eyes, I'm doing the wrong thing," he said.

Sunday, August 4, 2019

Fight fire with...less fire

Nine weeks and no solution in sight. The battle lines between the Hong Kong protesters and police are drawn and it is difficult to see when they will end and how it will end without more violence.

Let me be clear: I'm not about to get into the politics of Hong Kong here. If the two sides haven't been able to solve their conflict after nine weeks, I definitely can't solve it in a 500-word blog. The point, rather, is to note that sometimes the more force you apply, the less effective it becomes.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that" - Martin Luther King Jr.


Over the years I've learned that sometimes I need to pump the brakes. This lesson applies to all aspects of my life. With my team, especially the young folks I love to hire and watch grow. It's there at the negotiating table when I'm trying to get a deal done. I apply it to relationships when I'm trying to persuade another person to see it my way. 


You can learn what amount of force is appropriate in any given situation only by trial and error - and it may take you the rest of your life to figure it out. I have had my share of moments when I kept pushing long past the point of effectiveness. It's happened in personal connections. I've experienced it in business too. I've absolutely been at the bargaining table when, because I believed I had win every point, I ended up losing the whole deal.


When confronted with a super aggressive opponent, it doesn't pay for you to stay toe to toe trading shots. If Mr. or Ms Testosterone try to control the action, let them. Or let them think they are. Let them mistake your silence for weakness.

In life, sometimes you've got to let things quiet down, let them marinate in reason and introspection. If you don't, you could easily lose the girl or the guy or the deal, or the team at work might not achieve what you're trying to accomplish. 


What I've had to learn the hard way is that good friends aren't obligated to do everything you want, when you want it, and how you want it done. If they choose to exercise their independence, it doesn't mean you need to cast them aside. It's one thing to have an uncomfortable conversation with a friend who's willing to engage with you and listen to your point of view, and quite another to acknowledge that you can't change his or her mind or make that person apply your beliefs to his or her life. 


As we grow older we don't lose friends. We just learn who the real ones are.





Sunday, July 7, 2019

The benefits of regret


Nadellaissance. Blomberg Businessweek coined that word to describe the effect CEO Satya Nadella has on Microsoft. Microsoft has more subscribers than Netflix, more cloud computing revenue than Google, and a near-trillion-dollar market cap and has overtaken Apple, Amazon and Alphabet to become the world’s most valuable company.

“At Microsoft we have this very bad habit of not being able to push ourselves because we just feel very self-satisfied with the success we’ve had,” Nadella says. “We’re learning how not to look at the past." 
Sometimes, we think that our past success is predictive of great things in our future. This is not necessarily a bad thing. But sometimes we sit there with godlike feelings when someone tries to make us change our ways and we think they don't know what they're talking about. We go into denial mode - the criticism does not apply to us, or else we couldn't be so successful. 
That's the paradox of success: what got us here may be holding us back in our quest to go there.
According to a poll, nearly 1/3 of American adults have a tattoo these days. About one in four laments the decision. Why? Tattoos can last far longer than the desire to get one. No wonder tattoo removal is now the fastest-growing cosmetic procedure in the world.
On the other end of the scale, we can't complete the past until we acknowledge what we've already experienced. We can't just ignore it or wish it away. Many of us have endured some real shocks, even catastrophes. Maybe you lost a relationship. Maybe you lost a loved one. Maybe you experienced an accident, an illness, a violent attack, or a total loss of your business. Unless and until you deal with traumatic events, they can influence and even define your future in deeply unhealthy ways. 
What are the major lessons you learned this year so far? Unless we learn from our experiences, we can't grow. Maybe it was strategic planning - you wish you had done more of that in your business. Maybe you wished you had saved more money, played more with your kids, or worked out more. Just for example, here's mine: "There comes a point in every experience when I'm too far in to quit but almost certain I can't finish. If I keep moving forward, I'll eventually end up on the other side." I'm still not done learning this lesson.
No one does well under a crushing burden of regret. Thankfully, our minds have natural processes like reframing to take the weight off, especially when there's little chance to fix the situation. We've recognized that since forever. It's where we get folk wisdom like "time heals all wounds." So when the regret bomb blew up in my life, I slowly and painfully began to reevaluate and reorient my priorities. 
My new rule: whenever things go wrong, wait and see what better thing is coming. We are not stuck where we are unless we decide to be.


Sunday, June 30, 2019

Have you felt like giving up lately?

Selfies kill more people than sharks. So far this year eight people have been killed by sharks, while 12 have been the cause of their own demise while taking a selfie. Distracted selfie-takers fell off cliffs, crashed their cars, hit by trains, and even shot themselves while posing with guns.

It has been said that life kills you more acutely than death. It hurts when you go through something that kills you inside but you have to act like it doesn't affect you.

What about you? Is it a financial crisis staring you right in the face? Do you live in a home situation which tears your spirit apart? Have your children hurt you, or has a child brought anguish to you? Has sickness or pain brought you down to the valley of death? Have you lost a job? Is your future scary and uncertain? Is your relationship in trouble? Has death of a loved one left you depressed, lonely and empty? 

Do you feel overwhelmed right now? Have you tried so many ways to see it through, yet nothing seems to help? Have you grown tired of trying? Have you almost decided there is no way out? Have you reached the end of your rope? Have you said to your heart, "I don't know what to do now!"?
Let me tell you something you already know. The world is not all sunshine and rainbows. It can be a very mean and nasty place and no matter how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.

The hard part about being pushed to the point of desperation is reeling yourself back in and regaining control. You don't get to choose who dies or leave you, or what happens to you, but you get to choose how you stand and how you move forward. You get to choose how you think and where you put your attention and focus.

I, too, have my battles. I do get plunged into darkness and confusion, on occasion. I am no better or worse than anyone reading this post.

In hard times, we generally get down on ourselves and begin to feel sorry for ourselves and we become angry and bitter as well. We sink deeper and deeper. It's difficult to stop this process, but one way to get a handle on it is to remember again that no condition in life is permanent. It is important in times of despair to focus on what you didn't lose more than what you lost.

Some may deny that there is a power greater than all of us, but I am not one. People come into your life at the right time. Friends show up exactly when you are in need of them. Coincidence, it has been said, is God's way of staying anonymous.
All of us have been in situations that appeared hopeless, and yet we survived. We found a way. or perhaps the way was shown to us. 

Accept the fact that some things just have to run their course, creating new opportunities, building character, and providing experience. Situations have a way of working out, and they can do it quicker and better if left alone.

 

Sunday, June 23, 2019

Stop stressing over shitty people

The "Thrones" prequel - set thousands of years before the events of Game of Thrones - chronicles the world's descent from the Golden Age of Heroes into its darkest hour. Filming has begun, Naomi Watt stars, and there'll be no dragons.

Hollywood is obsessed with prequels and origin stories. We all have our "origin stories." No matter how far you go in life, never forget where you came from. Only gravediggers start from the top.

I've become increasingly concerned over the rising sense of entitlement in this part of the world. I've encountered it all over the place: as a leader, working with peers and colleagues, interacting with customers and partners, and certainly through my time spent with other leaders.

What's tripping me up is that it's not just the well-to-do, the lucky, or the elite who feel entitled - it's so many "ordinary" people, those yet to make any meaningful contributions. They haven't have fame or notoriety. They don't have name recognition. They don't have leverage. They don't have multiple degrees. They haven't invented anything important. 

Ask yourself this simple questions: Would you rather live next door to a man who is kind and thoughtful or to a man who is mean and self-centred? Would you rather work for a woman who is honest and caring or for a woman who is dishonest, conniving and uncaring? Would you rather have friends with integrity or friends who cannot be trusted to do as they say they will do?

I don't know who likes a person who acts entitled. On the other hand, people always respect folks who deliver. I'm around people who love those who work hard, who prove themselves, earn their power and respect, and earn their way in the world. And who do it with integrity. That's the path to true success.

Over the years I have met literally tens of thousands of people, but as I look back on it all, there are certain people whom I remember, others whom I admire and a handful whom I deeply respect. Some people are memorable because they are warm and welcoming, and others because they make you laugh until you have cramps in your cheeks. Then there are people I admire.

I admire people for so many different reasons. I admire people who take care of themselves physically, because I know how hard it is to do that. I admire great talent. Musicians, writers, actors, all exercising their talents on an extraordinary level fascinates me and I admire that. 

I admire the building of great businesses. Many of my good friends are business leaders and entrepreneurs, and I often marvel at the way their minds work. But over the years in my personal reflection, I have constantly asked myself: what do I respect? At a deep level, I think there is only one thing I truly and deeply respect over and over again in time, and that is virtue. Virtue in other people challenges me. The thing that strikes me most about people of genuine virtue, is that whether I agree with them or disagree with them ideologically, I cannot help but respect them.

I learned my lesson. Money and possessions have their appeal, rapidly advancing careers can fuel our egos but character is what will see you through good times and bad. Now I try to make character my number-one priority in every sphere of my life.