School of hard knocks

My son completes his SA2 examinations tomorrow. Happy days are here again...

I assure you, I got a hell of an education. Most valuable of all, it was an education in the real world. Even though I hold an MBA, most of the indispensable lessons I learned came the hard way. Sometimes the lessons were painful and I got my ass kicked in more times than I can count.

But I learned now, how to identify which of my staff are "fighters" and which are stragglers. I also learn about myself - and that's the most valueable education anyone can get.

My three guiding principles were formed over the course of all these lessons from the school of hard knocks:

I will back my team members all the way when they take reasonable risks to help me achieve my goals.

I will not be pissed off with my people for making mistakes. I'll only be pissed off with them for not learning from their mistakes.

I will not be afraid to take action, because I know that almost any action is better than inaction.

ACE (2nd from right) and friends

The warrior succeeds...in battlefield and corporate world

One of the pastime games my boy and I play is shoot-down-the-enemy-commando-figurine with rubber bands.

From the time I was a boy, I was intrigued by war, through the games I play, movies I watch and my beloved heroes. Growing up, I realise that the qualities that make great commanders and armies are equally helpful when facing the challenges and struggles of daily life.

Courage, self-discipline and sacrifice are as necessary in building relationships as they are in waging battle.

The warrior spirit is not easy to quantify on a spreadsheet, but nonetheless have great importance. It is about character. Unlike technologies or management theories, character is enduring.

I have chosen the way of the warrior. It has helped me in a life of accomplishment.

From right: James, Vincent, Jessica, Pauline, Lewis

If only...

"If only I'd noticed the sadness in your eyes," goes the Rod Stewart song "she'd still be in my arms tonight. If only..."

Can we relive the errors of yesterday and right them? Can we call back yesterday's hurts and heal them? Can we become younger than yesterday?

No. Yesterday is buried forever.

It is only when we spend countless and tearful hours reliving our past mistakes, that we let this precious day, which is all we have, slip away.

We cannot change the past, but we can learn from it. It is hard to let go of the past. But as soon as we let go, we improve the present.

How do we become wealthy?

"It is not how much money you make, it is how much money you save that matters," Thomas pointed out.

I had got it wrong about wealth then. Now I understand: wealth is not the same as income. If I make good income each year and spend it all, I am not getting wealthier. I am just living high.

Wealth is what I accummulate, not what I spend.

So many friends, colleagues, acquantainces I know - all hard-working, well-educated, high-income people - ask this question: "How come I am not wealthy?"

In my road to recovery back in my late 20s following my own personal financial 9/11, I discovered one word profile the wealthy, affluent people: FRUGAL. They live well below their means.

Boat children selling their wares in Halong Bay

Take it easy

My cousin Bernie and her husband Albert just got back from their holiday in Paris and Lourdes. My colleagues Jades was just in Macau, Let was in Taiwan and Chloe is currently tim summing her way through Hong Kong.

I was brought up in the great Asian spirit of hurry. What good is it to succeed if one cannot enjoy life in the process?

It is well to remember that we do not primarily live to work. We work to live. A person who spends his life with work as his main concern dies a failure no matter what success he attains.

I, a city dweller, manage the sales and marketing functions of two beach resorts. Whenever I visit, the salt breezes off the mighty South China Sea sweeps cares away. The unhurried sounds of the natural world is in stark contrast in quality from city noises.

The world is round and God is great

"Sir, I am an insignificant Indian who took ur number." The sms came from my humourous friend, Emmanuel last evening.

With 6.6 billion inhabitants already in the world, it is easy to feel insignificant among the multitudes. The most important thought I hold is: My life matters

As I have revealed in earlier postings, I have been down many roads looking for happiness. I love to go to church where the priest is inspiring. I love to be with friends who accept, encourage and listen to me. I love to shop in stores where I feel welcome. I love to go to musicals where the music lift my spirits and move my soul.
I notice this common trait amongst successful people: they are in love with life. Their accomplishments, their successes, are rooted in their desire to grow and contribute.

Each of us will define and measure success differently. Some place more emphasis on the economic scorecard. No matter what our choice, I have long since understood that my rewards in life will be in direct proportion to the contribution I make. I try to be mentor and coach to my team and others in my life.

The greatest is he who serves. You get what you want when you help others get what they want.

Football as life

I got asked this question by 3 different people yesterday: "How old are you?"

I will be 44 in December.

During the first 40 years of your life, if you are like me, you probably didn't have time to think about how you would spend the rest of your life. Your probably rushed through schooling, fell in love, married, embarked on a career, climbed upward and acquired some money and other material stuff to help make the journey comfortable.

A relatively large group of people never make it this far without pain. Serious pain.

Divorce. Too much alcohol. Not enough time for their kids. Guilt. Loneliness.

Learning from football in life, I seriously believe this: The game is won or lost in the second half, not the first.

A better way to live

"I read your blog," Serene said. "I like it very much," chipped in Pauline.

No one who writes a blog knows how it will be received. But all bloggers soon find out. I am beginning to hear from those who had read PEr Chronicles. They all said pretty much the same thing: You told my story.

In our early 20s, we did what was required to get ahead. We put in long hours, took on extra work. Were faster and smarter in order to beat the competition.

We hit our 30s going strong and began to reap the rewards of our hard work. Promotions, better pay, status. As we closed in on our 40th birthday - for me it happened in my late 30s - but for some it can happen as late as the early 50s, we probably feel a combination of battle fatigue and success panic. We began to realise we couldn't or wouldn't live this way forever.

The inner voice asks: "If I really did what I wanted to do, what would I be doing?"

At least that's what happened to me half a decade ago.

ACE (left) and friends: doing what they wanted

OPM

"Paul, All the best, Robert Kiyosaki 2002" autographed the Rich Dad Poor Dad author when I had a one hour one-on-one chat with him in Pan Pacific hotel.

I now find myself working in a company which is part of an asset management company. In my time here, working in a established private investment firm, I realise the difference between the rich and everyone else. Most rich people received 70% of their income from investment. For everyone else, the poor and middle class at least 80% of their income comes from salaries.

Investors make money with money. What I learned over the past 18 months, I incalculate into my son: Study hard, get a good job and make money. Then, eventually you can stop working for money and make the money work for you.

Financial freedom is the ultimate goal. What is financial freedom? That is when you can't decide to buy the red or the black BMW...you buy both and one for the mother-in-law as well.

Here's the secret to financial freedom: OPM. Other people's money

The alpha male (or female)

There's a fine line between being competitive and overcompetitive, between winning when it counts and when no one's counting. When it matters, when it doesn't and when it's totally besides the point.


We assure ourselves that we would never behave so insensitively. Is that so?


Do we argue too much (because we want our view to prevail over others)?
Do we withhold information (to give ourselves an edge over others)?
Do we play favourites (to win over allies)?


Actually, I have made myself conscious of this behaviourial problem a couple of years ago. I tended to want to win too much. I now appreciate this "flaw" and wok on suppressing it in my interpersonal relations.

Assessment question

"What do you like and dislike about your current position?" I fielded the question to an applicant.

Asking a question like that, I was actually looking for skills and experience which the incumbent can transfer from her current position to our company as well as new experiences, challenges or skills, she was seeking.

As Director of sales & marketing, I've been responsible for brand management, strategic positioning, growing market share and distribution. After building several sales organisations and marketing effort from the ground up and turning around several others, I have recorded some very impressive percentage increases in revenues in my past lives. My current job is interesting and stimulating and the next level would be to have a wider span of control and help a company expand.

When I was growing up, my dad stayed with HSBC from the time he joined them immediately after leaving school till the day he retired. Then, corporations sought lifetime employees whose commitment to the company was paramount. In turn, executives trusted their employers to help them boost their careers upward on a regular schedule and protect their tenure.

Here's the new realities about Gen X and Gen Y: Even if they are happy with their current jobs, most executives stay plugged into the career market to keep abreast of opportunities.

friends

"I don't trust him anymore. I see his true colour now," Es-see commented

Friends are never as important as family. Do not confuse the loyalty of friendship with the bond of blood.

But that's a genetic problem: every family has its share of idiots, half-wits, defectives, drunks, addicts and traitors.

However, with friends, I learned this through my journey in life. Your true friends you'll know, but not until they are tested. Until then, you can never be sure. So long as things go well for you, that test may never come.

True friend: Patrick with daughter Jolene (left)


Jerry: friend, team mate, scrabble & bowling spar partner

Crisis spawns leaders

"Return of Gordon Brown" screamed the headlines yesterday. Gordon Brown who was the faltering PM of Britain is now hailed as a "crisis leader."

Crisis does spawn leaders.

Hard understanding has taught me that real leadership is about understanding myself first. A leader's decisions are definitely clouded if the leader is blinded by fear, ego or habit.

My team's job is market share war; the company's purpose is profits. But I will achieve neither by ordering people to perform as I wish.

My experience has shown that by helping people achieve their full potential can lead to achieving goals which are otherwise near impossible to attain under command-and-control mode.

Leaders are born : from left: Grace, Chloe, Elly, TiTin

It's all in the heart

"I have no idea how to do business development and get more students," confessed the President/Principal of an institute, who is also a PhD holder.

In my own life, I have been in the credit card industry, an insurance man, a lecturer/trainer and a hotelier. I've also done a lot of public speaking and consulting. I had to learn and re-learn new jobs and environments a few times over. Most important, I discovered an intensity about winning that almost guaranteed I was given a chance over other more talented people.

Brains without competitive hearts are nothing.

Images of winning: from left: Grace, Donna, Jades

Braveheart - my favourite movie and icon

One of my staff is sulking because I am deliberating on her leave application. (Not that I have a habit of mucking around with someone's leave application.)

I have always maintained over the previous 20 years that leadership is not a popularity contest. I always focus on the task and goal at hand and work on getting my people to focus on the mission.

Like the movie Braveheart, where William Wallace leads the charge, I always lead from the front, ...unlike some movies we watch where the general says "charge" and then watches the battle neatly propped up on a horse from afar. One of my previous guru put it aptly, "your people are like a piece of spaghetti. You can't push it. You've got to get out in front and pull it."

As a leader, I used to domineer. Now after years of refining, I try to maintain a delicate balance between pushing and guiding. I know realise that in dominating, I need not domineer. I lead my team. I do not rule them.

Conquering fear the nike way

Last night as I tucked him into bed, my little nipper expressed his fear and dislike for his Mother Tongue teacher and also his fear of forgetting to do his homework. This morning as I shuttled him to school, I gave him a little pep talk.

Many people allow fear of failure to get the better of them emotionally and it stops them from achieving their dreams. Prior negative experiences cause a person to develop a fear of failure.

Let's face it. Failure can be very painful. Seeing part of your vision fall flat really hurts. And if people heap ridicule on top of your hurt feelings, you feel even worse.

Remember one thing: your failure does not make you a failure. To conquer fear, I normally feel the fear and take action anyway. Whatever it is I know I should do, I just do it.

Surviving hard knocks

Yesterday morning, my brother called me, on the eve of his 35th birthday, to announce that he has successfully completed his MBA. On a separate note, my own 9 year old recently achieved a distinction for being the top 3% of students in Singapore for a science assessment from UNSW.

In school we are taught to how to read and write, and how to add and subtract. Those are vital to learning and getting along in the world.

Where are the classes for dealing with the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, the failure of a relationship? No wonder so many people feel lost and alone when they are going through hard times. No wonder many turn to alcohol and even suicide. How many times have you heard someone in distress say, "I can't see a way out."

Life has tested me and I have not always responded with the courage and determination that I'd like to claim. I don'thave all the answers all the time. No one does.

I survived 15 years of chronic bronchitis and asthma and I survived a broken engagement and I survived a brace of financial meltdowns. I am stronger for the experiences, wiser and more determined than ever to celebrate all that life throws at me, the good and the bad. I look forward to the rest of my life with such relish.

I hope by reading this, you will feel the same way.

The lion king- a great story about surviving the hard knocks in life.

Climbing to the top

I had dinner with the Group CEO of a PLC last evening. My former boss at Aetna is now the CEO of ING Funds.


How does a CEO look like?


It is not the unreachable pinnacle once reserved for those born with a silver spoon in their mouth, who went to the right school, who know the right people - the privileged group.


To climb to the top of a company, is like scaling a rocky mountain. One has to establish a firm footing. To get a firm footing, we must learn from those who have already reached that seemingly inaccessible pinnacle.


You may not want to be CEO, but you may want to be the FC, Director of Sales & Marketing, Head of Administration, principal, revenue Manager.


Perhaps your current career goal is not to get to the top of the hill, but simply to avoid being pushed off.


To keep your job, or to move up, you still need to understand what a chief (ie, your boss) expects from you. What makes him tick. What his priorities are. What he's instinctively good at as well as his blind spots.


I have made it a habit to do this, from way back in the days when I was a computer operator working the graveyard shift - don't behave (dress, talk, think) like what you are today, rather, behave like what you will be tomorrow

network, Network, NETWORK

"I am here to meet more people," Rita replied to my what-are-you-doing-here question in Bangkok a couple of days ago.

Ever wondered where your boss's boss find people to fill the slots above you?

He finds them where he socialises. At the golf club, the alumni, the fund raising committee, facebook, linked in.com. In short, he networks - physically and virtually.

That is a confusing word. Network. Does it mean handing out business cards? Aggressively shaking hands with everyone who comes within 3 feet of us? Where can we do it? Exactly what is it?

I'll like to sum it up as cultivating relationships. Mutually beneficial ones, with plenty of give-and-take. Win-win relationships. You get what you want by helping other people get what they want. It's the way the system works.

So, get your butt out of the house and go mingle. Join anything, but join. And participate.

Be a problem solver

I read these facts recently with keen interest:

Ice cream - invented in 2000B.C. ...however, the ice cream cone was invented 3900 year later
Bread was first baked in 2600B.C....however, sandwich was created 4300 years later
Flush toilet was invented in 1775...however, toilet paper was invented only in 1857

All these things belonged together, yet it took so long for it to be put together.

We are surrounded by simple, obvious solutions that can dramatically increase our income, power, influence and success. The problem is...we just don't see them.

Here's a hard fact in life: The people above us - our bosses, management and leaders - want one thing above all. They want solutions to problems. Solutions make them look good and achieve their goals. They want people in their team to be problem solvers.

When we keep coming up with good ideas, we will be rewarded. Greater recognition, respect, more influence, promotion, a title, larger office...increased income. If not from within our current organization, then, without.



My team of problem solvers

Genie the problem solver

Pay for performance

"Show me the money!" Tom yells.

All management ultimately comes down to managing behaviour. It is through the behaviour of people that all things get done. That's where performanace management comes in - managing behaviour and using performance incentives.

There are two ways to influence behaviour - the carrot and the stick.

Coming from the insurance industry, I am a firm believer that efforts must = rewards. I have been instrumental in developing and introducing incentive plans in my previous 4 organisations.

The carrot will most likely promote more aggressive behavior and change the relatively low risk environment to one of higher risk/higher reward. It will attract, retain and motivate a more risk-oriented workforce

You can when you think you can

From day 1 in Ace's life, consistently for the past nine and a half years, I've religiously whispered this into his ears: "You can when you think you can."

When we don't think we can, we don't try, we switch off the creative juices and they all dry up.

During difficult times - when it rains or really pours - it is easy to feel pessimistic that things go from bad to worse. But the optimist is able to enjoy the rainbow which only the rain can bring.


Ace the champion bowler

Ace the graduate

Ace the rich and famous

Expressions and impressions

"Eating the durian," Jen urghed, "is like eating the most delicious custard in a public toilet." The durian's claim to notoriety is that it is the world's most misunderstood fruit.

Speaking about being misunderstood, image is a real reflection and what's going on inside us. If you feel you might conquer the world, it shows. If you feel the world might conquer you, it shows too.

We form impressions of people we meet everyday. "She's a class act," we might say, or "I don't know why, but I don't trust this guy."

On the flip side of the coin, when people meet us, the impressions they form about us might be the one we want them to have or it may be quite the opposite of what you intended. In a business setting, that might make a difference between getting a job or being eliminated in an interview, being taken seriously or thought of as a lightweight, between getting ahead or being stuck in a job rut.

By now I have realised that my progress and success in the world, particularly in the business world, is closely correlated to the way others see me, and no less important, the way I see myself. There is also another element - the way I would like to be seen.

Image is not a way to fool people into thinking I am someone other than who I really am. It is a useful tool that can help me express, honestly and genuinely, who I am and what I have to offer.

Happiness come from within you

"Why is happiness like an impossible dream?" JC quizzed. "What am I doing wrong? Am I expecting too much? Am I expecting the wrong things?"

People say they want to be happy; but for many it never seems to come any closer. Many people are dissatisfied in many ways.

The truth is: we are responsible for our own good time. We've got to decide we want to help ourselves. We can choose to do things that make us feel good about ourselves instead of things that make us feel terrible.

If I feel sad I will sing. If I feel fear I will move ahead. If I feel incompetent I will remember past successes and glory.

"Weak is he who permits his thoughts to control his actions; strong is he who forces his actions to control his thoughts." - Og mandino.

Vietnamese child makes his own happiness in halong bay

A touch of individuality

"All the crabs on the beach look the same," I pointed out to my sales managers. "But if you paint one of them pink, you can spot it from miles away."

99% of people pass unrecognised and unremembered because there is much-too-much sameness and run-of-the-mill in their words, actions, appreance and tastes. What's different about you?

Do you have an individuality and personal "style" that makes you stand out from the crowd?

I try to create and add my personal touch. Dare to be different! Try new foods, ways, styles, people, thinking. There is little difference between one person and another. What little there is...is very important.

June(right) and I

The magic of thinking BIG

"How did that person get to where he is today? He must have got rich parents," Robert commented last weekend.

These "lucky" people. They rise like gas bubbles in Moet to the top of corporate hierarchy. They make money.

It is not, unfortunately, to own everything. But that doesn't stop me from thinking BIG. Not big.....BIG.

You've got to want it all. What's in your mind right now? Double it. Triple it.

"What if," I was asked "your annual income became your monthly income?" "What if your annual income became your daily income?"

It may be late, but never too late. Success in life does not mean you have to choose your parents correctly.

Goldenballs and I

Aug, 1996.

I was watching on television, Manchester United play Wimbledon. A Man Utd player whom I'd only seen play once the previous season (and he played well then too to catch my eye) receives the ball just inside his own half, and spotting the Wimbledon keeper far from his goal, unleashes a terrific shot that dips more than 60 yards into the goal. Astonishing!

David Beckham. How many of us know him? We all have a clear perception of him. When we think about Beckham the brand, we must start by considering Beckham the product. What is it that he has done so well? Dedication and commitment are themes that surround his football skills. The fact that he is passionate about his sport and an exemplary dedicated professional is the essence of the Beckham brand.

Quite a few years ago, I decided that I want more out of my life, my career and my relationships. I'd worked hard, tried my best but don't seem, at that time, to get the opportunities that I wanted or felt I deserved. Why is it much easier for others? They don't seem to put in half the effort but seem to breeze through.

As a marketing man, I started by defining brand Paul Er Inc., the values I wanted to project to others and learned how to live them by the way I look, sound and act.

Now, I am confidently saying this: You don't need to win the lottery, have cosmetic surgery or a personality transplant to achieve your dreams. It's only a matter of learning techniques used by top performers, business people and, OK, even some politicians and by observing successful, confident people who we meet everyday and analysing what they do that we don't.

I adapt my image and my behaviour to suit different situations. We do need to be chameleons.

Besides, you know how terrific you really are - it's just that the rest of us who don't get it ...yet.

Becks (left) and I

Alone but never lonely

"When are you going to get another child? Your son will be so lonely." I have constantly been bombarded by that question..as though getting another is like popping in a coin into the baby vending machine.

Loneliness is a common problem which can affect any one of us, at different periods in our lives, in different ways. No matter what your age, profession or economic status, loneliness can touch you. There is no immunization shots that can keep it away.

Living alone in modern society is not easy. This is a group social culture in which we live in. We move through life in groups. We work with others. We are in classes in school. At least a part of our leisure hours are spent in some kind of group activity, such as bowling. We also attend events, or a concert, or a musical, religious services, or stand on the curb to cheer the F1.

But what are you going to do when these activities end and you must go home alone? I travel on business a lot and alone. I dine alone and spend weekends and evenings alone on these trips. But I do not succumb to loneliness.

I become my own best friend.

You can't be happy if you are alone with someone you don't like or respect.

I enjoy myself as a person. I keep myself mentally alert through reading. I find things to do to give myself hours of fun.

Remember - if you find yourself interesting, others will find you interesting too.


ACE...the one and only