Learn from difficulty and course-correct

"KOREAN WAR TO END! The United States, and all of its GREAT people, should be very proud of what is now taking place in Korea!" Trump tweeted on Friday, claiming credit for accelerating diplomacy between the two Koreas.

Every moment is another chance to turn it all around. Too often we spend our days and weeks waiting for some future experience that we have fantasized will erase all of our problems and make us happy. In the meantime we are missing out on life, moment by moment.

If we want our lives to be different, we have to make it happen. All the thinking or meditating or planning isn't going to improve our lives if we're not willing to take action and make changes.


Although sometimes we don't play any role whatsoever in the difficulties we face, often our difficulties and disappointments do come from our own mistakes and weaknesses. If we can allow ourselves to be honest, that's just a fact. For example, we overcommitted and are now in a jam, or we did something that we told our partner we would stop doing.

We can't learn from a mistake or prevent it from happening again when we are still blaming someone else for causing it. We need to take that mature step to acknowledge whatever role we played in the setback.

Most mistakes, failures and difficulties follow a particular pattern:
...something happens...we react to it emotionally...we feel embarrassed/horrified/struck with fear/etc...we hang on to the thoughts about the event that lead us to continue to react emotionally...we accept our feelings, untangle our thoughts and the negative emotions dissipates/the situation blows over.
What can we do differently the next time so that this doesn't happen again? And how can we repair relationships that may be damaged due to the situation? To whom do we need to make an effective apology? Who do we need to forgive?

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.

 

Stop comparing yourself to others

PricewaterhouseCoopers estimated that global revenue from the sharing economy would reach $335 billion by 2025. Led by platforms like Uber and Airbnb could the sharing economy help end poverty? China believe the sharing economy is their gift to the world with bike-sharing Ofo to umbrellas to folding stools to basketballs to even sex dolls.

Investors today prefer asset-light companies. Owning and having more does not mean worth more.

As a recovering workaholic, admittedly I still have a lot I want to achieve in my life. However, its taken me a long time, but for me, success now can never be about just what I "do" or "have'. It's when I can laugh, and feel happy about the tiniest thing. It's having a peaceful mind and some blessed downtime rather than knotting myself in frustration, especially when things fall apart. I don't always succeed at this, but I am learning.

You don't have to be old or sick or in crisis, though unfortunately many people require these radical incentives for their beliefs to change. There's nothing like facing your mortality or experiencing depression to quickly crystallize priorities.

Comparing is part of human nature. Nearly everyone does it. I don't care how much money people make or how "perfect" their life seems. Happy people focus on what they have. Unhappy people focus on what's missing. Turn your attitude around. Shift your mind-set to focus on what you do have and what you're grateful for in life, not what you're lacking.

This isn't to say that being motivated to accomplish new feats and acquire new possessions is bad - only that it's bad when your motivation is based in the false belief that accomplishing or acquiring something new is necessary to feel better about yourself.

The most effective methods I've ever used to practice my gratitude is called negative visualization. It means imagining your life WITHOUT something you already have...without your car.  Without your job. Without your best friend. Without your eyes, even. Damn, life would be hard.

Give to others what you most desire for yourself. If you want to be appreciated, appreciate others. If you want your work to be valued, value others; work. If you want love, give love. If you want a successful career, help another's career to flourish.

Don't take anything for granted.

Has work become your life?

Manchester United and Chelsea legend Ray Wilkins died on 4 April aged 61. Other famous faces who have sadly died this year are Professor Stephen Hawking - heralded as one of the smartest minds to grace the world; Reverend Billy Graham - the American evangelist who became one of the world's most influential preachers; the lead singer of Irish rock band The Cranberries - Dolores O'Riordan.  Toys 'R' Us founder Charles Lazarus died days after the company announced it's closing.

What if you knew how long you would live? First of all, would you want to? Would you live differently if you knew?

We spend so much time making plans for the future, often depending on things coming at a later date to assure our happiness or assuming we have all of the time in the world, when all we ever have is our life today. 

Don't create a life where you are going to regret working too hard. There's nothing wrong with loving our work and wanting to apply ourselves to it. But there is much more to life. Don't make work your whole life.

I understand how people can love their work and there is no need for guilt in doing so. I too now love my work, despite the stress that often accompanied it.

If we sense that something is missing, if we yearn for something or someone wonderful in our lives, we must learn to step back from all the frenetic activity. Learn to say no. We do a lot of things because we feel that we must do them. Yes, there are occasions when circumstances are beyond our control, but very often we imagine that our involvement in that particular activity is absolutely indispensable. Would the world really end if we didn't do it?

Why do we depend so much on the material world to validate us? There's nothing wrong in wanting a better life. Don't get me wrong. It's just that the chase for more, and the need to be recognized through our achievements and belongings, can hinder us from the real things like time with those we love, time doing things we love ourselves. What we have gained is clear. But what have we lost? Are we aware of the real cost? We cannot measure the cost of everything in dollars and cents.

Good opportunities are very hard to refuse. I also came to realize that because something is good doesn't mean it is good for you for right for you.



The things we do for ourselves are gone when we are gone. But the things we do for others remain as our legacy.