4 compliments for every criticism

In the movie "The kids are all right" Jules told Nic that the reason she had an affair not because she is in love, but rather she was to be appreciated.

Guys tend to be bad at paying compliments and way too good at handing out criticism.

Men need women. And more particularly, we need her. We should try to show that we do. Give her compliments more often. Don't stop at looks. Praise something that she's done.

Compliments make her feel appreciated and loved. Criticism doesn't change anything; it just makes her feel defensive, which leads to fights and life-long grudges. Take your pick.

Everybody hurts

"My mother has been admitted to hospital. She will be in bedrest for 2 weeks," Simon informed me solemnly.

To be told by a doctor, "You have cancer; you may die!"has to be terrifying. Yet some reading this blog have experienced such pain and agony.

In 1 way or another, we are all hurting. Millions of parents have been deeply wounded by children who had disappointed them. The victims of broken homes are hurting. And what about the unemployed? The despondent ones whose dreams have collapsed? The prisoners? The alcoholics?

The best to do in this situation is to stop trying to figure out how and why you got hurt.

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone

When you're sure you had enough of this life, well hang on

Don't let yourself go, çause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong, Now it's time to sing along

when your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)

If you feel like letting go (hold on)

When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

"Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends

Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh no. Don't throw your hand

If you fell you're alone, no, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long

When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes

Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes

And everybody hurts sometimes. So hold on, hold on

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

Everybody hurts. You're not alone.

-R.E.M

Love until it hurts, then love some more

"Love until it hurts, then love some more," Sister katherine posted in her blog.

To me, loving always means the orientation of our thoughts towards the other and the abandonment of our own self-interest. I have learned that it is only when we have this level of love, that we can find our fulfillment.

"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love"-Mother Teresa

Rare pleasure

It's my mother's 71st birthday today.

I usually try to visit my parents once evry 4-6 weeks. Oftne the visits are somewhat frantic as I try to carve out a solid piece of time that fits between the eating, errands and other agendas.

But this recent trip was different. We had dinner together, both my parents and wife and son - all 5 of us. Our banter had a soothing effect on me.

As we were driving off that night, their faces lit up when we reversed our car out of the porch. Having this peaceful moment with my mum was special. I savoured it as I sat watching mum talk during dinner.

So often my parents and I meet on the run. Their lives are carefully regimented and rigid mostly by their own choice. And mine often feels like a series of pit stops between laps of a race.

But this time all 5 of us had really been there at dinner, together, fully focused on each other, sharing the moment. It felt good.

Admit mistakes

"Most people try to weasel out of their mistakes," Dustin wrote in his article.

I am honest with my child. I admit my mistakes and teach him the value of taking personal responsibility and apologising. I hope this teaches him that it's not fatal to make mistakes (just don't repeat them again) and beg for forgiveness.

Ad targeting on behaviour instead of demographics

"Win 2 pairs of return air tickets to Hong Kong," the contest on sgtravellers.com required me to fill me in personal details such as income group, age band, and gender.

Arguably the most promising means of ad targeting is based on reading people's behaviour. In my marketing experience, it can be a more accurate predictor of behaviour than mere demographic measures.

Say we know a 40-year old male, married and earning $200,000 a year. An inexperienced marketer would think the ads best suited for him would be a sports car or a top-of-the-line hifi system. What we don't know, however, is that he hates his job, his marriage is falling apart and he's dreaming of getting away from it all to Kathmandu. If we knew his psychographic profile, we could be targeting him for travel packages or marriage counselling services.

Help employees get to where they want to go

"If we can help our employees to fulfill their dreams, we'll create loyalty and dedication," Avril said after sipping her camomile tea.

I always try to help my employees build a bridge between their present and a better future.

I believe that if I convince them that working for me is not a dead-end job, that I can help them get where they want to go. And then our people will bring the passion and energy they have to their work!

from left: Stephie, Let, Rae

Never too much garlic

I visited Dracula's Castle (aka Bran Castle) in Translyvannia. There were hordes of souvenir stalls selling, false vampire teeth, black t-shirts, vampire wines and a good supply of fake garlic cloves at the foot of the hill.

I eat my share of garlic in recent years, and I've never seen any vampires near me, so maybe that herb keeps the bloodsuckers at bay.

Dr. Varro Tyler, a herbal expert says there is no question that garlic inhibits blood clotting. He says it is as potent a blood thinner as aspirin. And, regardless of advertisement claims by celebrities such as Larry King, my GP tells me it doesn't make much sense to spend my money on garlic supplements.

There's a saying: you can have too little garlic, enough garlic, but never too much garlic in your food. Will it help my heart as my doctor says? Maybe. Will it put a smile on my face? Absolutely!

Dracula's Castle (aka Bran's castle)

Alter egos

I am home after trekking through Romania, Bulgaria and Germany. SQ325 tocuhed down at 1725 yesterday

We can't be everywhere. No matter how dedicated and energetic we are, there are space and time limitations.

I multiply my presence by training key alter egos. I choose the people myself. I pick respected individuals. Their actions reflect my vision.

from left: Deny, Shirley, Renee, Chloe

Makan as token of appreciation

"Tonight AOS will be celebrating their 25th anniversary with an appreciation dinner for their customers," Astrid told me.

We always try to thank our customers for doing business with us. It's equally important to thank our employees for doing a good job.

I really want to create a family atmosphere. Here in Singapore, makan (eating) is our favourite local way to celebrate our success and show our thanks.

from left: Deny, Renee, Shirley, Jades, Chloe

We can change things

"Why some people have all the luck" That was the subject in an email sent to me by Chris. "Why do some people get all the luck while others never get the break they deserve?" so starts the article.

I am not naive. I don't believe that we can become anything that we want just because we choose to do it. I am not going to play for Manchester united. No matter how many positive thoughts I may have, Wayne Rooney and Nani have little to fear. We all have real physical, environmental, or mental limitations that we may never be able to overcome. My reserch has indicated that we will all grow old and die. We cannot wish physical reality away with positive thinking.

On the other hand, we can change things if we do not artificially limit ourselves. I have seen leaders make massive changes both in the way they treat others and the way they see themselves. We cn change both our behaviours and our identities. We can change to fit changing times. We can change to achieve higher goals.

Living the brand

"We spent 6 million pound sterling for the re-branding campaign," Angela commented. "We launched the new brand during WTM last November."

Critical to the delivery of the brand experience is the people who actually work for/represent the brand. Studies have shown that a startling 66% of all customer defections are prompted by an inappropriate attitude on the part of a person representing the brand ie. staff like cabin crew on the plane or tellers in the bank.

Long live the Radio

Swissotel Berlin has a stategering 46 radio channels: Radio Courtoise, BBCW Service, WRN, France Culture, Medi 1, RCI Sat, RFI Multilingue, BBC Arabic, Beur FM, RCJ/Shalom, Radio Alfa, Radio Notre-Dame, Ado, Oui FM, Voltage, Cherie FM, RFM, Radio Latina, Contact FM, Vibration, Radio FG, Nova, Le Mouv', Fun Radio, Skyrock, RTL2, Virgin Radio, NRJ, Jazz Radio, BFM, Nostalgie, TSF Jazz, MC Doualiya, Sud Radio, Rire & Chasons, RTL, RMC, Europe1, Radio Classique, RFI Int, France Bleu IDF, France Inter, France Info, FIP, France Musique, Canalsat Radios.

Even with all the new media, radio is still a valuable marketing tool. It informs, educates,is flexible, targetable and intrusive.

Radio's unique strength is that it triggers the imagination. It is far, far more powerful to "think" of an image you hear being described than to see the actual image.

There were those who predicted radio's decline and fall when TV and then again, when the internet arrived. What really happened: TV became the mass messenger and radio became the marketer. Our customers pick, choose and listen to the type of radio format they like.

What we're doing when we choose the station to work/advertise with: we are customising our message...and there's always someone listening, somewhere, sometime.

Hand-in-hand contact

The March issue of Midnight magazine reports: "Romanians love a pretty mild handshake. Not as strong as in the US, Australia or Western Europe, but much stronger than in the Arab world or in Southern Europe."

Given the unanimity of positive opinions regarding the firm handshake, I wonder why many people nonetheless persist in offering the lifeless paw.

Similarly, I have learned long ago that the double-handshake is as phony as a S$3 note.

Our handshakes should not only convey our friendliness toward others, but make them feel friendly towards us.

Experience is a great help

Bulgaria Air Flight 1805 was cancelled and we had to taxi for 6 hours to get from Sofia to Bucharest. . Boutique Hotel Carol Parc turned out to be kind of a tiny inn.

Experience is a great help - you know what to expect and there are few, if any, surprises left, but you surely will figure out a way to cope.

The dedication comes naturally

"You don't give up, do you?" BeRt said. "You keep going on and on about it. You are so persistent."

People I've worked with say the word that best describes my management style is persistent. I don't think of it as persistence at all. Once I pick something I really care about, and it's a worthwhile thing to do, then I just work at it. The dedication comes naturally.

Anything good takes time

"I will be going to study my masters in Dubai in September," Illiyan said.

"I have just started on my Finance studies," Ms Nga told me. "I have been a cabin crew for a decade. I have been invited to go for my promotion interview at the end of this month."

I know that anything good takes time. Just as it took several years of learning and hard work to achieve my spot in career and finance status, there is a learning curve that needs to be mastered in the next 10 years of my life.

We are being examined

The King's Speech is Best Picture. It is about the suddenly and newly crowned King George VI, plagued by a dreaded stammer and his increasing need to speak at public functions.

Similarly, everything we sales leaders do - or don't do - is examined in all quarters. People examine evrything about me - from the way I dress to my speech patterns to what pictures and books are in my office.

That makes some leaders uncomfortable but if we are leaders, people are going to follow us.

Equal footing

"Talking to your kids can sometimes be difficult,"reported familyeducation.com

Studies have found that there are fewer than 20 minutes a day of conversation between parents and children if you subtract talking that has to do with a command or criticism.

For that matter, I am more like a friend rather than a parent to ACE because I believe communication can actually be fun for both parties - if it's seen as playful, occassionally suspenseful and surprising (in a good way) and if both parent and child are on "equal footing."