What makes you angry?

Panic buying in the supermarkets.
Panic selling in the stock markets.

There is absolutely a correlation between the hoarding of toilet paper and selling out of the market. Fear is a rational response. Just as anger is the rational response for when, let's say a colleague double-crosses you in a business deal. Or when you're treated unfairly, manipulatively or with disrespect, especially when it's intentional. Also feeling unappreciated, feeling threatened. When your partner can't or won't love you anymore, when a friend goes after your job. Depending on the circumstances, anger may range from getting mildly peeved to homicidal rage. 
Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. Worst people give you a lesson. Best people give you memories.



The very thought of letting someone walk away scot-free from what they've done makes us sick. We want to see the scores evened and the playing field leveled. We want them to bear the weight of what they've done, not us. Forgiveness seems like the ultimate betrayal of yourself. You don't want to give up the fight for justice after what has happened to you. The anger is burning inside you and pumping toxicity throughout your system. I know that feeling. I know the second heartbeat that is fury.

But here's the thing with anger: we stay angry because we want justice. We assume that the angrier we are, the more change we will be capable of incurring. Anger doesn't realize that the past is over and the damage has been done. It tells you that vengeance will fix things.

When we're seething, forgiveness seems impossible. We want to be capable of it, because intellectually we know it's the healthiest choice to make. we want the peace forgiveness offers. We want the release and yet we cannot find a way to get there.

Because here's what they all fail to tell you about forgiveness. It's not an eraser that will wipe away the pain pf what's happened to you. It does not undo that pain that you've been living with and grant you immediate peace.

Forgiveness means knowing the past is over and the destruction left in its wake can never be reconstructed to resemble what it was. Forgiveness is the decision that restoring your own peace is finally a bigger priority that disrupting someone else's.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to make amends with who hurt you or validating what they have done to you. It means you're done waiting for the person who broke you to come put you back together. It isn't about letting injustice reign. It's about getting back on your feet and deciding that the rest of your life isn't going to be miserable because of what happened to you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are giving up all of your power. Forgiveness means you're finally ready to take it back.

 

Have you felt like giving up lately?

10% of the world's population is now under quarantine. All because of someone's lunch in Wuhan. 

Life was good.

I don't know anyone who has been handed only roses. We all encounter traumatic experiences. Some we see coming; others take us by surprise. It can be as tragic as the sudden death of a child; as heartbreaking as a relationship that unravels, or as disappointing as a dream that goes unfulfilled.The question is: When these things happen, what do we do next? 

And so began the rest of my life. It was a life I never would have chosen, a life I was completely unprepared for. The unimaginable.

We cannot put up with something just because the person doing it is our father, mother, brother, spouse or boss. We cannot tolerate everything. We cannot tolerate psychological abuse.

Fear is the mother of all negative emotions. Fear of aging...of rejection...of losing all that you have built...or (fill in the blank) can play intermittently in your head, degrading freedom. Throughout history, people have consistently tried to gain power, personal and professional, by instilling fear in others. Sad to say, it's a ploy that predictably works.

One of the  worst after effects of psychological abuse is the feeling of guilt. The ruthless abuser (whether it's parent, partner or boss) doesn't care in the slightest about your suffering, and also knows that by blaming you, they are multiplying the devastating effects of their toxicity. Everything, absolutely every bad thing that happens is the fault of the victim; the abuser manage to construct the most outlandish arguments when there is no argument to be made.  Another of the changes that an abuser seeks in their victim is to create insecurity. Sometimes during the most vulnerable times of your life, people made you believe that you weren't capable, that you couldn't do things, that you didn't know how to, and that you were worthless.  They ignored you, overlooked your achievements and punished you and that has wrecked havoc with your self-esteem. Likewise the abuser will isolate you, little by little, subtly, discreetly from your environment. Your abuser won't like your friends, your activities or your interests. They will absorb you with their aches and pains and needs and before you realise it, you will have already fallen into their trap.

To know something that I hadn't known before meant I could never "unknow" it and somehow this struck me very forcefully. In my mind I was in free fall, tumbling into an unimaginable place. Terrified in a way that I had never before experienced, the magnitude of my helplessness suddenly hit home. The reality of the rest of my life was in that reflection and I just didn't know how I was going to go on.

Will God ever answer my prayer? Have you ever asked that question? Is there one special matter you have been praying about for a long time, with no apparent answer in sight? Do you need a financial miracle in your life? Do you want a loved one to return for a reconciliation? Is there someone you love, who is at death's door? Are there times when you wonder if the answer will ever come? 

All kinds of weird thoughts and dreams would flash in what little sleep I could get and throughout the fractured night I would try to focus on the next day. 

I thought: If I can get out of this, I will never take anything for granted ever again. 

Traumatic though it was, I had to confront the reality of my changing life. I knew there was no going back and I was going to have to be as mentally tough as I could possibly be. I had to adapt and accept. 

You might be struck by an illness or a sudden change in circumstances and find yourself getting through the days by dealing with the practicalities, but if your mind is only focused on hoping things will get better or denying the inevitable outcome, you will soon hit a brick wall. When I realised the extent and severity of what had happened; realising I couldn't go any lower, I decided the only way to regain any sort of life was to turn my back on that darkness and move towards the light. I've had to learn a very different way of living and everything I do is about adapting. 

There is no point dwelling on what might or could have been. The past has happened and cannot be changed; it can only be accepted. Life is much simpler when you always look at what you can do, not what you can't do.

I was aware that even at this deepest dark moment of my life, I could find things funny, drawing my strength from those around me. This has taught me so much - that with the love and care of others, whoever they are, you can face darkness and look through to the other side. It made me realise even more how much the support of others was imperative to my fragile life.

To extend  friendship, to sustain others during dark times, is the very best of human nature. It is the endless, bottomless emotional support we give - during their dark days, that will get them through.

It's about success, not about being right

Corona is one of the most popular beer brands in the world, yet unfortunately Corona’s brand seems to have suffered from the name’s likeness to “coronavirus.” On the other hand, Clorox stock is one of only seven S&P 500 stocks to rise during the brutal selloff fueled by the novel coronavirus, as investors bet the coronavirus epidemic will boost demand for bleach and disinfectant wipes.

Some things, like fire, which can cook our food and also burn us, are double-edged swords.


Now and then, event top performers must be moved off the team. They perform, but they scorch and burn relationships along the way.


I’m happy to say that I’ve only done this on a handful of rare occasions, but I have done it. Having the wrong person is always worse than having one less person. Those were key leadership moments for me to prove to the team that I would not tolerate dangers within the team.


Don’t put a Band-Aid on gangrene.

No matter how you approach it and no matter how accomplished you are as a leader, removing someone from his role is never easy.

When you're in charge, it's easy to fall in love with your own ideas and to stop taking serious input from the team. A leader understands that no plan will ever be successful unless everyone is on board and committed. It's about success, not about being right. 

Most everything I do is aimed at intensely close teamwork which builds a high level of trust. There is something fundamental about having someone else with you, watching your back, to whom you are loyal and accountable as well. 

I am grateful I have a trusted colleague. Two people with complementary skills and abilities working together toward a common goal - we're twice more effective than as an individual alone. We leverage each other's skills and presence; we cover each other. Without one, the other not only has no help, but is also more vulnerable. Consider successful working partners like Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak, Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard, William Proctor and James Gamble. Bill and Hillary Clinton are also an excellent example. They worked, travelled together and consulted each other on key issues and decisions. They covered each other's backs and they protected and encouraged each other.

The core of influence is trust. You cannot lead without it.