Saturday, December 9, 2017

Difference between aging and feeling old

Coco - the story of a Mexican boy stuck in the Land of the Dead - is among Pixar's best movies in years, thanks to a combination of vibrant visuals, humor and music. For 15 years, Pixar was the best animation studio on the planet. Then it lost its way and the magic faded. With Coco, Pixar has found its mojo.

I turned 53 yesterday. Our society has an aging phobia. Our children are leaving home, our bodies may be getting slower, we see friends dying.

Truth is, worrying about aging only makes us age faster. If we see ourselves as old, then we will be.

Let's recognize there is a huge difference between aging and feeling old.

I'm convinced that none of us reach age 53 without having life knock the props out from under us in some way. Everybody plans a charmed storybook life, but "stuff happens." Despite our best intentions, stress can be unavoidable. Your relationship breaks up. Your experience loss. You get depressed.

It is important to note that for a time in my life, I chose to be blind. Because of that choice, I was blind not only to beauty; I also was blind to opportunity, to forgiveness, to the value in others and a host of other things.

JOHN ORTBERG has this to say: We can have very little and yet be very rich. A rich soul experiences life differently. It experiences a sense of gratitude for what is has received, rather than resentment for what it hasn't gotten. It faces the future with hope rather than anxiety.

To be clear, perspective is how we decide to perceive a thing. Blindness is the decision not to see it at all. We must choose to see before having the opportunity to choose how we see it.

If you're sometimes talking about how "unfair" life is, you'll start to act according to that view, perceiving slights where none exist or, as studies have shown, putting less effort into your work because you've already determined it won't accomplish anything. The unfair view will quickly become your reality.

These days, I embrace humor. Laughter it is said, increases longevity. Being overly serious and intense decreases life span due to chronic illness. Instead, I laugh about things.

I am grateful for every breath, every moment. Cultivating an "attitude of gratitude" has been linked to better health, sounder sleep, less anxiety, and a higher long-term satisfaction with life. For instance, instead of dreading a birthday, I am grateful I've been gifted with another year to live.
 


Sunday, December 3, 2017

To survive the bleak side of life

$100 billion. On Black Friday, Amazon CEO and founder Jeff Bezos went from being the son of a 16-year old mom to the world's richest person when he hit a net worth of $100 billion. When he was 17 months old, his parents divorced. Growing up with his grandparents, he helped fix windmills and vaccinate cattle.

The moments in my life when things seemed the bleakest have also been when I found my greatest successes. As I look back at my life so far, there was something about coming close to quitting, to giving up, that motivated me to do more than I otherwise would.

Perseverance, it turns out, matter more than talent or intelligence when it comes to being successful. I wish to share with you that grit allowed me to escape from those difficult periods in my life when I was so exhausted, overwhelmed, depressed and confused. For me, grit is the secret to success.

Grit is the result of a hard-fought struggle, a willingness to take risks, a strong sense of determination, working relentlessly toward a goal, taking challenges in stride and having the perseverance to accomplish difficult things, even if I am wallowing in the most difficult circumstances.

Perhaps what I love most about grit is that you don't have to be born with it. It can be learned.

I cannot fathom how anyone, without firm convictions and deep inner beliefs, can be an effective leader. I don't remember many periods of self-doubts. When I did waver, it sometimes took another person to shake me out of my stupor.

Sometimes changes in an organization - especially when the new tomorrow is radically different from the golden yesterday - would overwhelm even the most experienced of leaders and team members.  It is unrealistic to think that all of them can ignore the exaggerated expectations, the suffocating demands of internal stakeholders, the chronic fatigue - all beyond our control.

Each of us, in our lives, has to find a way to build courage - the key word here being build.
 

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Forcefulness leads to less productivity

Strike Friday. Hundreds of Amazon workers in Italy and Germany staged a Black Friday strike, the busiest online shopping day of the year, in protest of better wages. There’s also a question of rights and a suffocating climate for workers.

The point, rather, is to note that sometimes the more force you apply, the less effective it becomes.

I've learned this lesson many times over in my capacity as a leader. I have had my share of moments when I kept pushing long past the point of effectiveness. I didn't mean any harm; I'd just want to get the job done. But over the years, I've learned that sometimes I need to step on the brakes. Not every situation requires you to act like a pile driver.

Think back to the last time you were on the receiving end of a hard sell. Chances are, you suddenly found yourself unwilling to budge. The harder we're pushed, the more we resist. Being driven is another way to say "I am not in control."

Leadership can be a zero-sum game. The more a leader demands from his team members, the less the team member produces. People want to thrive. People thrive when they experience autonomy and relatedness. In some ways, leaders need to work harder at igniting people's passion. 
How do we go about finding our passion?
 
If you could do anything, what would you do? Are you willing to make sacrifices in order to do it? Are you willing to give up autonomy or flexitime for more money?

If you are not happy in your work, ask yourself what the cause of this unhappiness is. Is it self, attitude, boss, coworkers, compensation or environment? If you determine that it is best for you to move on, begin to act on it immediately.

Otherwise, see the current situation as an opportunity to grow in patience and fortitude.


 

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Step back to propel forward

"Your economy isn't as good as ours." Less than 24 hours into his Asia trip, President Donald Trump delivered a light jab to Japan.

Truth be told, Abenomics has been a big success. The central bank injected vast amounts of money into the financial system which weakened the yen, making Japanese cars, electronics and other products more attractive to foreign buyers. Japan’s biggest banks have bravely navigated through a year of negative interest rates with their profits intact. This week it was reported that the Japanese economy grew for a seventh consecutive quarter.

There is a pattern. It is what leaders, legends, heroes, great achievers and champions do to excel. Let me tell you how I believe they achieve it.

Change will probably always be a challenge in our life. Adjusting to change is rarely easy. It's human nature to resist it. As leaders, we can help others respond positively.

There is a time and place to take a step back. To keep absorbing punishment would be foolish and masochistic. Sometimes we have to take a step back to propel ourselves forward. An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward.

There is an art to slowing down. In our busy world it is not easy to master this art, but it is necessary. In truth, I am still learning this every day. I have spent my life feeling like a bulldozer chasing butterflies in a hurricane.

Burnout, a close cousin of stress, is also on the rise. As leaders, we need to recognized and take action on correcting the pressing and disturbing issue of the overwhelmed team member.

Everyone wants things to get better. No one wants things to change.

 

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Caring without compromise

A new Toy Story. A Brexit minister has admitted to asking his personal assistant to buy sex toys. Lately there's a slew of stories with different characters but similar themes: men in positions of power, and women who feel their institutions didn't do enough to protect them.

Simon Sinek puts it this way: Leadership is not about being in charge. It is about taking care of those in your charge.

Think about what do you want from your people? Focus. Effort. Dedication. Loyalty. Make their numbers. Achieve their goals. Get results.

Here's another question: what do you want for your people?

Most leaders tend to pursue results by focusing on what they want from people. I think they have it backwards. When we focus on what we want for our people, we are more likely to get the results we want from people.

Sadly, these days, many leaders lead from a distance. They don’t really know the people they lead nor do the people know their leader.  I get down in the trenches with my people.  It means caring for them; for what they think, what they need, what they want. Every human being has dreams; leaders help their people achieve those dreams. Caring for your people  has EVERYTHING to do with running a high performing team.

I also try to instill fun in everything we do, especially mundane, repetitive jobs. The point is that having fun at work with your friends creates insignificantly more social glue for any team than stock options and bonuses will ever provide. We accomplish more when we throw formality to the winds and free our people to have a life on our time, which soon becomes the time of their lives.

After all, leaders are not responsible for the numbers. Leaders are responsible for the people responsible for the numbers.
 





Sunday, October 29, 2017

Finding great team members

China's Communist Party has a woman problem. At the end of the Chinese Communist Party's 19th Congress, the new Politburo Standing Committee was revealed: seven middle aged men in dark suits, without a woman to be seen.

Here's a little secret: women make terrific co-workers, just like guys but different from guys. Oh, another thing: never ever feel castrated when a woman rather than a man does better. The women in my team are every bit as motivated, if not more, when it came to achieving great results.

The task of a leader is to assemble the best team possible. How many leaders can say with absolute certainty that their hiring decisions are based solely on job-relevant criteria?

Perhaps the most malignant obstacle to recruiting great team members is what psychologists call halo effect. Studies show that a single positive characteristic - like a winning smile can distort our view of people's abilities. Good looking people are perceived as more intelligent, competent and qualified than their less attractive colleagues despite not being objectively better at any of these things. In a 2013 study, when images were photoshopped, a 6' 4" man was rated to have more leadership ability by participants than a 5' 4" version of the same person.

But wait. It gets worse.

Research about interview bias suggests that we can't help but favor those who remind us of ourselves.

While similarity among team members can foster smoother interactions and better working relationships, too much similarity can actually stifle certain elements of performance. If we surround ourselves with people exactly like ourselves, without diversity of opinion, we run the risk of ideas grinding to a halt.

There is no formula for guaranteed success in hiring. My personal way to minimize my interviewing blind spot is to include multiple interviewers. I leverage my best team members to co-interview with me. This method has been relatively reliable to help me reach better hiring decisions. But it is not foolproof. I have encountered a well-prepared candidate who aced her interview and everyone liked her just fine. But one month after hiring her, we can't help noticing that she is not a good fit.

No matter how we lead, how often we recognize, or how generously we reward, there's no substitute for selecting talented people and placing them in the right roles. It's a matter of opening our eyes.

 

Saturday, October 21, 2017

Shit happens. Stay in control in stormy times

#MeToo is a campaign whereby women shared their stories of sexual harassment in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein allegations. More than two dozen women - including Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow - have made accusations against the disgraced film producer. Lady Gaga, Monica Lewinsky and Rosario Dawson have all identified as victims of sexual abuse using the hashtag #MeToo

Shit happens in life. It's so important to deal with the pain when it happens instead of allowing yourself to accumulate all of the anxiety, hate, anger, embarrassment or whatever other negative emotions and allowing it to eat away at you and cripple you for years to come.

Negative emotions are an inevitable part of life. Think about it this way: everyone wants happiness. No one wants pain. But you can't make a rainbow, without a little rain.

We cannot always control the thoughts that come into our minds but we can control the thoughts that we dwell on and our behavior. In stormy times, everything depends on whether we allow negative thoughts and emotions to dominate our actions or whether we control our thoughts and actions in spite  of our emotions.

Some may deny there is a power greater than all of us, but I am a believer in Divine Intervention. People come into my life at the right time. I have been in situations that appeared hopeless, and yet I survived. Coincidence, it has been said, is God's way of staying anonymous.

At this point, I must tell you two of the most important lessons I learned from challenges and obstacles I have faced: Don't dwell on disappointments.....determine to do your best anyway. The second one is this: we don't always know what's best.

I asked God, "Why are you taking me through troubled waters?"
He replied, "Because your enemies can't swim."

 


Saturday, October 14, 2017

Are you happy?

A bad marriage. That's how Bloomberg BusinessWeek describes the disintegrating union between Barcelona and Madrid.

Things are never going to be perfect, so just enjoy the moment. That quote is something I often remind myself of. It's an important reality.

There will never be an end to our problems and commitments. I have accepted this reality. We simply cannot afford to allow these things to rule our lives and close us down.

It is not easy to behave constructively in the face of negative emotions - and not easy to say a kind word when we feel angry or sad. But whether or not life is easy, our behavior determines how we live.

Extensive research has shown that people who are happier also have fewer strokes and heart attacks, have better work performance and more professional success, have more fulfilling and longer-lasting relationships, are more financially successful and live longer.

One of the central findings of this happiness research is this: We believe "once I become successful, then I'll be happy" or "once I find that relationship.....once my income is high enough.....then I'll be happy."

But that's not how it works. We think it does and we assume that's the ways things work. In fact, the research says it works exactly the opposite way. Once we raise our everyday level of happiness then we will become more successful, then we'll find that relationship.

Albert Schweitzer put it beautifully: "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success." I love that.

That really made me stop and think.

Happiness born from the achievement of success would be very short-lived. Once you have climbed that mountain, you will cast your gaze to the peak of another, higher mountain. I have met enough successful people to know that success cannot be equated with happiness. Some of them are tremendously happy, others are desperately miserable.

In every moment of our lives, we  choose happiness or misery.

Choose happiness.



Saturday, October 7, 2017

Authenticity - just be yourself

Chewbacca socks. Canadian prime minister, Justin Trudeau wore socks with the face of Chewbacca on them last month —in New York while attending the Bloomberg Global Business Forum. It's not the first time. In May  he wore mismatched "Star Wars- themed socks while meeting with his Irish counterpart, Enda Kenny, in Montreal.

Most people will respect us far more for being real than any elegant positioning we can concoct.

Real is a two-way street. Our teams want to see us for who we are. They also want to know that we're telling them the truth. It takes real confidence to tell the truth.

Our teams would rather we show up real, and devote our energy to supporting them than to keep up a façade. If your team senses you're playing games, they'll spend a lot of time to figure out the rules of that game rather than doing productive work.

To be real with my team, I first have to be real with myself. I know that I'm not perfect and I have so much value to share. I don't consider myself more valuable than my team.

Everyone who has ever lived has had weaknesses. I don't worry so much about what I can't do. I just do what I can as only I can do it.

The people around me know that I am hyper driven, and when I go into activation mode, they are there to calm me down. I may not be a details person. It's just part of who I am. I surround myself with detail-oriented people who bring me back down to earth when I'm spiraling into orbit.

If you think you're a leader and you turn around and no one is following you, then you're simply out for a walk.

 

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Learn from mistakes. Otherwise the lessons will get harder

"Dotard" was the highest searched word on Google for a day last week. That was Kim Jong-un’s latest insult to Donald Trump after Trump referred to him as "Rocket Man."

In my experience, it is not easy to be vulnerable when people are looking to you as their leader. But I also find that sharing my story with people in ways that exposes my vulnerability connects me deeper with others and enables me to form authentic relationships.

Loss is personal for me. In my youth, I was financially illiterate and was too proud to admit it. I would make a dollar and spend a dollar and fifty cents. The more money I made, the more broke I got. Eventually I understood that life wasn't about making more money; it was about making better decisions with the money I made.

I won't sugarcoat the truth: for every stirring success, there was a crushing failure. That's my life.

We can't undo our errors, but we can learn from them. If we don't learn, the lessons get harder. Regretting our mistakes is not the same as learning the lesson.

We are not here to be perfect, but to live and learn, to fall and rise again. These painful experiences can become a blessing that transforms your life.

I hope that there is something here for you.


 

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Dare to be vulnerable

Angelina Jolie's First They Killed My Father: A Daughter of Cambodia Remembers is Cambodia's submission for the best foreign-language film Oscar at the 90th Academy Awards. It's a sensitively rendered real-life story about the brutal Khmer Rouge regime as seen through the eyes of a 5-year old girl.

Just because you are lost, doesn't mean your compass is broken.

One thing I discovered is that repeatedly in my career, there are always people showing up to help me at key times. These angels appear and most have also been willing to let me know when they thought I was wrong. 
Some people might say that opening up, admitting we aren't perfect and don't have all the answers, makes us look weak. Real leaders, however, understand that vulnerability can actually become their greatest strength.

When you open up, people open up to you. Vulnerability shows that we are humans, and all great leaders are, at their core, deeply human. That's why people follow them. They are drawn to their authenticity.

I've been very candid when I make mistakes. I openly admit mistakes up-front and that I am not infallible. And most people have been forgiving in those circumstances. Once you say that, it's very hard for someone to stay angry at you.

Of course you can play it safe, but you'll never get the real richness of a relationship. Acquaintances remain acquaintances because you two have been cordial with each other. You are never really comfortable with that person. But with that best friend, you developed a deep connection where you were both vulnerable and open.

 

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Stay on the ball

That new iPhone X sure looks nice. Although hailed as "the biggest leap forward since the original iPhone", Apple seems to be only catching up with Samsung in terms of fast charging, wireless charging, edge-to-edge displays and even facial recognition.

Leaders sometimes forget this. They let their attitudes and strategies harden in place, assuming what worked well before will always yield success. On the flip side of the coin, just because something didn't work before doesn't mean it won't work now. Don't let history hold you back.

Don't assume the experts are right too. Experts once thought humans never travel faster than 48 km per hour, the speed of a galloping horse. These days, planes exceed 900 km per hour. One music company exec passed on the Ed Sheeran because "he was slightly chubby and ginger and that wasn’t a good marketing tool." My point?  Experts sometimes get it wrong.

In the early stages of a leader's life and career, one amasses diplomas and degrees, attend conferences, read books within one's field. Promotions and raises follow. But as the leader's career surges, his/her curiosity often dips. Busy schedules doesn't allow time to read much nor attend training courses. While it is great to be interesting, it is also important to be interested. Keep learning.

When I was growing up, a lot of items we take for granted now didn't even exist. Facebook, smartphones, video streaming, Google maps, to name a few. Now they are commonplace. What will be commonplace ten or twenty five years from now? I don't have a crystal ball but what I can say is this: agile leaders who are adaptable and willing to embrace the future now will be the ones who prosper.


Inflexible things break, when stressed. Even metal will come apart if you apply enough pressure. One of the thing I consistently do is to surround myself with smarts.


 

Saturday, September 9, 2017

When team members thrive, leaders don't need to drive

Five of the people who were photographed in the January 22 swearing-in ceremony no longer work in the White House. The departure of Sebastian Gorka, who advised President Trump on national security issues, is the latest in a string of them in the last month.

I never liked the idea of something or someone controlling me.

At the beginning of my career, like many young sales leaders, I thought my role was to tell the sales people how to sell, and theirs was to carry out my directions. Eventually I realized that a great performance would happen only when the motivation sprang as much from them as from me. I learned to see my job as simply creating an environment where that could happen.

I eventually acknowledge that the team members own the business as much as I do. When they feel in control they will surely take ownership. We can force compliance, we can require obedience but we can't mandate enthusiasm, creativity, fresh thinking or inspiration.

People want to thrive. People thrive when they experience autonomy. Driving for results by adding pressure blocks people's creativity and ability to focus which undermines competence.

If a leader wants his people to truly own the work, then he has to be willing to let go of some control.

It has taken years for me to be more mindful. Today, my role is like a orchestra maestro, who doesn't actually make a sound. It's the musicians who owns the music.

 

Friday, September 1, 2017

Tackling hard times

AccuWeather forecasts that Hurricane Harvey would be the most expensive natural disaster in US history, at about $160 billion.

We all hit hard times. We all must deal with tragedies.

Life has certainly tested me and I have not always responded with the courage and determination that I'd like to claim. I don't have all the answers all the time. No one does.

If you are familiar with my background, you know that life came at me when I was a 9-months old baby when I was inflicted with asthmatic bronchitis. Other solemn years of my life were when I lacked financial resources to enrol into a university and later on I went through a tough time financially. I lived hand-to-mouth, one month at a time. It was rough.  All of us have times when we feel, "I don't know how I am going to get out of this mess."

Those were character-building years. I learned not to allow negative events in my life affect my attitude.

I have noticed that many people who do well in life carry that same ability with them. They find hope in every desperate situation. They find the positive message in negative experiences.

How do you keep going on when life knocks you down? It's one thing to be positive when things are going well. But it is something altogether different when someone you love is taken away...when a debilitating illness strikes you or a family member...when your job is suddenly downsized...when a relationship falls apart.

One way is to trust in a power greater than yourself. Also, make it a point to be around people who makes you feel good about yourself, whether friends, family or co-workers.

So you see, no matter how hard your life may become, no matter how hard it gets, you can survive and thrive if you are able to see the obstacles as opportunities to grow. I know I am ultimately much stronger and wiser after my experiences.

 

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Choosing blindness is a tragedy

Notre Dame Cathedral Is Crumbling. TIME reported last month. Like ice cream in the sun, melting, some 854 years after construction began, one of Europe's most visited sites, with about 12 million tourists a year, is in desperate need of urgent extensive and expensive repairs.

You don't know what you've got until it's gone.

In Phuket for our mid year review last month, a colleague commented to me that view of the sunset from the beach was beautiful. In reality, I hadn't seen a sunset for a while now. But you know what? It was there whether I saw it or not. It was right there in front of me the whole time.

Perspective is how we decide to see a thing. Blindness is the decision not to see it at all.

Choosing a negative perspective is limiting. Choosing blindness is a tragedy.

Many of us prefer the hunt to the capture. The grass is always greener. Burying ourselves in the hustle and bustle of daily existence, we rarely take time out to experience and appreciate our friends, health and relationships. It is not unnatural that sometimes we feel a need for a change. The mistake most people make when they feel this way, they don't stop to take stock and instead are so hung up with that chasing mind-set.

Don't compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

We tell ourselves, "When I get that promotion, I will spend more time with the people I love," or "I will exercise next week, when I get this project out of the way."

It's one thing to try and be a better person by periodically resolving to improve. There is nothing wrong with that. But maybe we need to spend more time recognizing the good that is already there and allowing it to blossom.

 

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Choosing to understand

"A maniac," "a fool," and a  "son of a bitch." Those were the words, Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte used to call North Korea's leader, Kim Jong Un, just before an ASEAN meeting in Manila.

Most of us have little or real understanding of one another. And it takes a heap of understanding to make a relationship and/or a team.

In personal life as in work life, the key to unlocking almost any interpersonal or relationship problem, however severe, is good, effective communication. Most couples know this. It is the only way we can show anyone who we are, what we want and why we behave as we do. It is the only way we can really understand what makes someone else tick.

Two people can have an apparently identical experience but both will view it differently. For example, imagine a couple taking a walk by the sea. It makes one feel happy and light-hearted, touching off old memories of fun at the seaside as a child. The other, however, never learnt to swim well and finds the sea threatening and hostile, and brings up old feelings of fear.

Stephen Covey's 5th habit of highly effective people is : Seek first to understand than to be understood.  Nowadays, though highly challenging, I try to remain calm and not be drawn into drama when I deal with impossibly difficult people who can suck oxygen out of the room. I practice restraint of tongue, phone and email until I am in a centered place. From a centered place I'd say, "I can see why you feel that way. We both have similar concerns. But I have a different way to approach the problem...."

A little more understanding can change the world.

As a leader I make the effort to understand the different worlds my team members inhabit and to respect the individuality within them. I find that this energizes those around me and leads to sustained high performance.

No one can ever know what it is like to be you.

We all know what it feels like when someone "gets" us. That level of connection is different.

 

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Us and our relationships

Glen Campbell, the guitarist and singer who gave us "Rhinestone Cowboy" died last Tuesday following a six-year battle with Alzheimer's disease. In his final years, his friends and children would often spend days with him playing him his old songs.

A great benefit of letting people care for us and of us caring for them is that no matter what happens, we know we're not alone. We know someone's got our backs. Being valued makes us stronger.

Relationships affect us deeply - the state of our relationships has an impact on every aspect of our lives. A failing or struggling relationship - may it be with a spouse or a colleague, friend, child, parent or sibling that has fallen on rough times - may have a negative impact on the way we perform at work, the way we feel for ourselves, the way we spend our time. The opposite is also true. When we are thriving in our relationships, we tend to carry a very positive energy with us wherever we go and tend to be more effective and efficient in the workplace.

Top sales people don't get to where they are just because they make a lot of calls or because they know the best closing techniques. In most cases, their customers recognize that they're truly cared for, hence they show their satisfaction by buying again and again - and referring them to others.

A common thread amongst couples who have stayed together long and are as happy together as they were when they first met is this: they care for their partner's happiness more than they do about their own. And here's the truly remarkable thing - their partners seem to want the same thing.

Support is the key concept here...be it at work or in personal life. You both can take each other further than either of you can go alone. Contrary to what you may think, you don't always have to like each other or agree. But you'll learn from one another. Two are stronger than one. You make each other better.

Soul connections don't happen every day. When you find one, be grateful. They are gifts.

 

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Mental toughness: Feel the fear, but do it anyway

Charlie Gard battled for 12 minutes after his life support was removed before dying. Charlie suffered from a rare brain disease with no cure. He had brain damage and was unable to move his limbs and breathe unaided. His parents wanted to take him to America for experimental treatment and his case ended up in the courts when doctors opposed the plan, saying the untested therapy wouldn't help Charlie and might cause him to suffer.

His life — and illness — drew us all in, from the Pope and President Trump to the man and woman in the street. Why? Because the controversies surrounding Charlie’s life — and ultimate death — encapsulated a dilemma we all find almost impossible to face: who should decide when to end a life?

It's easy to feel mentally strong when life is going well, but at times problems arise. A job loss, an illness in the family or a death of a loved one. When we're mentally strong, we're more prepared to deal with life's challenges.

The most dominant emotion today is fear. We are afraid. Afraid of losing the things we have worked hard to buy, afraid of rejection and failure, afraid of certain types of people, afraid of criticism, afraid of suffering and heartache, afraid of change, afraid to tell people how we really feel. We are afraid of so many things.

Leaders can't avoid stress, fear, pain and pressure.

The pain of realizing we're not in control, admitting we're wrong, letting go of a long and dearly held belief. Or the fear and stress of having to make a decision without having as much information as we would like to have. That all comes with the territory of leadership.

I always try to be conscious for the times I'm feeling sorry for myself, fearing risks, feeling like the world owes me something, resenting other people's success or worrying about pleasing everyone. I try to regulate these emotions.

No one is immune to making mistakes and having bad days. There are times my emotions get the better of me, and times when I engage in self-destructive or unproductive behavior. But those times are getting fewer and farther between as I actively work on increasing my mental toughness.

Although increasing mental strength is a personal journey, I don't go it completely alone. I ask for help when I need it and surround myself with supportive people. 

 


 

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Do what needs to be done even when you don't want to

World leaders in the headlines this week:
  1. Pakistan Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif was ousted on corruption charges.
  2. A national strike and pockets of violence erupted in Venezuela deploring the possibility that their President could gain more sweeping powers.
  3. A picture of the Kyrgyz president's youngest daughter feeding her baby dressed in her underwear has sparked a debate about breastfeeding and sexualisation.
A boss has the title. A leader has the people.

From time to time, in my younger days, I was too much of a disciplinarian, and did things that I regretted. Nowadays I very hardly have to mete out punishment for everyone to get the message. As judge, jury and chief executioner, I have plenty of different sentences at my disposal. A simple yet deadly one is silence. It did not require any public hanging. Everyone likes to be acknowledged and informed. The recipient, with his/her wings clipped knew they are in the cold storage. The severest penalties of all is the cutting loose. If, after trying as I might, I could not get someone to fit into our system, I let them go. You cannot build a team with blithe free spirits.

Once you say farewell to, you say goodbye to success and set the stage for anarchy.

Punishment is not something most management texts talk about and many texts points out that it is not a viable option for shaping behavior. I hope what you read here has provoked you to think about leadership in a new way.

After all, true leadership is not so much about what is in your head as about what is in your heart and how you use that to inspire people to greatness.

 

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Building confidence: play to your strengths

Plans to erect a bronze statue of Margaret Thatcher in Parliament Square have been turned down, partly over fears it would be vandalized. While Lady Thatcher was widely respected, she was also controversial and divisive.

Confidence is not "they will like me." Confidence is "I'll be fine even if they don't."

Confidence is a way of thinking about ourselves and our abilities. It's a kind of thinking that powers us through the obstacles and tough times, helping us solve problems and putting us in the way of success.

I am not advising you to take a "positive thinking" seminar. When we are up against a tough competitor, a grueling day, a difficult assignment, we cannot create confidence with some kind of on-the-spot routine. Exceptional performers know what they know and go for it. Confidence is a resolute state of mind by of thinking about what is possible and how to make it possible.

"I am the greatest," proclaimed Mohammad Ali, one of my favourite examples of a supremely confident thinker. And he did become, indisputably, one of the greatest boxers in history.

Supremely confident people were confident long before they achieved anything. We tend to view confidence as a product of accomplishment rather than part of the process that leads there.

I've never met a guy who has built a business or an accomplished sales leader who has not had a great ego. If you can't build your own brand, how do you build brands or teams for people who pay you for it?

Of course, you might be misunderstood. Arrogance is thinking that you are better than other people in general. Confidence has nothing to do with your worth as a human being, or with a comparison of yourself to others.

By now you are probably asking: how can I succeed when other people seem more talented?

Confidence is not a guarantee of success, but a tenacious search for ways to make things work.

As a leader, I create confidence and show trust by believing in my team members' capabilities. I give them a big hairy project and encourage them to meet to figure it out without me. I show trust by getting out of the way. I trust them to rise to the occasion, and they will.

Don't worry so much about what you can't do. Just do what you can as only you can do it.

 

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Compassion has an impact on the bottomline

An unprecedented  and bitter feud among the family of Singapore's prime minister over the legacy of their father has been in the headlines in recent weeks.

Everyone we meet is fighting a battle we know nothing about. Never underestimate the pain of a person because everyone is struggling. Some people are just better at hiding it than others. Sometimes the most outwardly happy people is the most damaged.

Every one of us is always in a crisis, coming out of a crisis or headed for a crisis. That's just part of being on this planet.

Silos - otherwise also known as department politics, divisional rivalry or turf war, is one of the most frustrating aspects of life in an organization. My experience suggests that over time, the feelings of frustrations turns into disappointment, which eventually becomes resentment - even hostility - toward their supposed team mates. This maddening problem exists, to different degrees, in most companies I've worked in. But the fact is, most employees have a genuine interest in working well across divisions.

The older we get, the more we get to see people - including ourselves - acting selfishly, and we have to learn to protect ourselves. Some people seem more naturally disposed to looking for goodness than others. I have to admit that I am not one of them. In our overly judgmental culture, I have been too quick to point out the negative in situations and people. Seeking the good isn't always easy, especially when things don't go how we would like them to or when people hurt us deeply.

Empathy sounds like such a simple word, yet it's actually a complicated feat to be able to understand someone else's perspective and see how different the world looks. Of all the people in my life, I hold those who taught me compassion in highest regard.

As a leader today, I understand that empathy and compassion has a bottom-line impact because it is a strong component of trust.

Many are the times when I have seethed in anger at a word or action of an unthinking or uncaring person. I have wasted valuable hours imagining confrontation. By learning how to forgive, I am no longer consumed by unproductive thoughts. I give up my bitterness.  I forgive even those who do not ask for forgiveness.

Every saint had a past and every sinner has a future. Forgiveness, it turns out, is a gift that means more to the giver than it does to the receiver.

 

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Stop hesitating!

Alibaba's Jack Ma got US$2.8billion richer in one day when stock price of Alibaba rose 13% to a record high as the company's forecast sales growth topped analysts' estimates. "We're Not Just a Company; We're an Economy," Jack Ma proclaimed.

Every master was once a beginner.

I learned a new word recently. Decidophobia. The fear of making decisions. It's a common disease for some. They convince themselves that ok, I can't do it now, but maybe tomorrow, in a month, or next year. Today is not the right time.

There are no perfect moments to start.

Most people dream about adventure, money, happiness but they don't dare actually say yes to these opportunities. I am not saying we should say yes to everything but do make thoughtful  decisions about opportunities of real value, because they never come back. We'll never be younger than we are in this moment. We'll never feel as we do in this moment.

You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. You have to do something. There has to be a beginning.

I recall some years back when I decided to get off the couch to have a healthier lifestyle. A little moderate exercise, fifteen minutes on the stationary bike. Got my heart rate up slightly, no big deal.

When I got up the next morning, did I feel better? Not really. That is, not noticeably. Hardly seems worth the effort. But I kept up doing it. I cycled through a few stiff muscles and missed my Netflix program. Hey is this all really worth it? Maybe not. But then, I kept doing it anyway. Eventually, these days I feel like a million bucks.

Looking back, did my life change on that first day after I cycled for fifteen minutes? Probably not. And if I didn't cycle that day, will my life start to fall apart? Of course not.

But successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do - even when it doesn't look like it makes any difference. And they do it long enough for the compounding effect to start to kick in.

Whether it's your health, your happiness, your knowledge, your skills, you diet, your relationships or your financial status, turn your one day into your Day One!
 

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Trust begets trust

"Let's make June the the end of May!" The billboards read. Can a weakened Theresa May survive the inevitable storm following the remarkable British General Election? Her political gamble backfired dramatically in the surprise snap election which was unnecessary; her term in office ran until 2020.

Following the advice of Og Mandino...

...if I feel incompetent, I think of past success.
...if I become overconfident, I recall my failures.

We've all been programmed to think, believe and act the way we do. Our programming is a result of what we have been told by others, what we have told ourselves and all our life experiences.

Our programming can be changed at any time - to overcome fears and insecurities, or to reduce cockiness and narcissism.

As a leader, my role is to create confidence and momentum. I found out over time that the best way to get my team to trust me is to trust them. It isn't what we say, it's what we do that communicates trust - or the lack of it. I show trust by believing in their capabilities. I show trust by sharing the stage. I show trust by being real - admitting I don't have all the answers. I show trust by getting out of the way.

And if one of my team member screws up, I talk about it, help him learn and then move on. I show trust by letting it go.

Wasn't it Marshall Goldsmith who said, "The #1 skill of influencers is the sincere effort to make a person feel that he/she  is the most important person in the world. It's one of the skills that Bill Clinton and Oprah Winfrey used to become the best in their fields."

I will do this for every person I connect with!

 

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Why are we so busy?

When Real Madrid defended their Champions League trophy with a convincing 4-1 win over Juventus, the curtain came down on the 2016/2017 European football season. It had been a hectic season with Manchester United going through a punishing and grueling schedule and having only two to three days of rest between matches over a period of 2.5 months.

Does it ever seem that life just won't happen the way we planned? I keep calendars, I make appointments, I have daily, weekly plans. But many a times unexpected things crop up.

One of the strange and false ideas in today's world is that an important and successful person is always busy. Many people judge others, and are judged themselves, by how busy they are.

If you're killing yourself just for a salary raise or to impress the boss, you are not genuinely committed. Hard work will not make you an inspired performer more than practicing writing will earn you a Pulitzer Prize for poetry.

I used to think I was busy, but then I met a couple of people who were really busy. The thing I learned from these two people who truly did have an enormous amount of work and responsibility  is that they have order - they know their priorities and resist sacrificing their health and relationships.

When was the last time you said, "I don't have time!" to a person. What was it you didn't have time to do? For most people, it is spending time with the people they love and the people who loves them. For some others, it is taking time to look up an old friend.
 
In mid-life, lots of people reflected on their lives - and I was no different. I questioned how I was spending my time and what I really wanted to achieve. I'd stumbled through life believing that one day I will find the pace of life that will allow for optimum health, happiness, efficiency and contentment. 

I know now that it must be created. We must make it happen. We must take breaks and give ourselves space to be inspired and energized.

Don't work yourself to death; what's the point?

 

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Dealing with toxic people

Last week was a dark week for the world. It's been a week of terror with horrific events born out of violence in Manchester, Bangkok, Jakarta and Egypt.

There are also people in the office who thinks they are and behaves like kings/queens of their mountain, and they're simultaneously trying to protect them and take over bigger mountains. I'm sure you have known some people who don't root for you unless they know you're dying - and they've seen the lab reports. This is the real world. In this world, we're either the cook or the meat. Real world - no varnish.

Most people know right from wrong. Why don't they do the right thing?

Hurtful people don't go to hell; they are already in hell. That is why they behave as they do. Ultimately no one gets away with anything. Resenting people only allows others to live in our head rent-free.

The point? However it may appear in the short term or on the surface, what goes around always comes around. It doesn't always come back in the same form, or even from the same person. Whether or not one believes in divine justice, the world is a mirror - it reflects, or gives them back, what they put out.

There is a Chinese that describes the way humans operate: before hitting a dog, first identify the owner. If the dog belongs to a wealthy and powerful family, beating such a dog would be unwise. Understanding this concept is vitally important.

Fight fire with...less fire. If Mr or Ms Testosterone try to control the action with their bang-bang play, let them. Or let them think they are. Let them mistake your silence for weakness.

No, I'm not going soft. It's just that I have made some mistakes by fighting fire with fire, and I have paid for them. Now I let karma sort it out. I hope you can learn from my mistakes and avoid the same land mines that I had the misfortune to step on.



 

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Accept reality

Disney's relive-action remake of Beauty and the Beast has become the highest-grossing live-action movie musical in history, and taking more than $1.2 billion around the world, making it 2017's highest-grossing film worldwide to date.

Now think of some part of your life that you don't like, can't accept, wish were otherwise.    According to this tale—we must learn to love this very thing we currently hate. Until we do, we are trapped in this prison cell of not accepting our life as it is.  It is only through this kind of acceptance, that we come to appreciate our issues as the gifts they are. 

You see, the source of almost all anger, depression, sadness is a discrepancy between our preferences/desires and our reality. We want something to be one way, but it turns out a different way. We get frustrated. We get upset. 

Maybe you wanted a salary increment. But they decide not to give you one. Maybe you wanted a job. But they decided to give it to another candidate.

Who are we to act so entitled?

It has taken me a few years to learn to catch myself fighting against the reality of the moment, and instead accept reality for what it is, and ultimately be able to be happy and "feel good" without depending on anything - or anyone - to do so.

Perspective is the only thing that can dramatically change the results without changing any of the facts. We can choose how we see things. Without proper perspective, it can lead to cynicism and hopelessness.

Anthony Robbins went so far as to say, "Trade your expectations for appreciation and the world changes instantly." It means to challenge ourselves to find the beauty in the beasts in our lives.

 

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Are you making progress?

Futurist Peter Schwartz described Singapore as the "Apple of Nations," favorably comparing Singapore to Apple Inc, famous for its innovation, noting the transformation from the days of unwanted independence into the modern metropolis today.

Am I making progress? Am I a better person today than I was a year ago? Am I happier? More fulfilled? Am I a better parent? child? employee? leader? teammate? colleague? friend? Am I healthier? Am I more financially independent than I was a year ago? Is my work becoming more satisfying?

In my mind, progress is change, however small,  for the better.

For every person, progress would be different. Many people I know feel trapped. Trapped in a job that rarely challenges or constantly frustrates them. Trapped in relationships that are stagnant, if not destructive. Trapped in the consequences of choices made earlier.

Any honest look back will recall things we wish we would have done differently. I have learned to come to terms with them, accepting them as markers from which I learn something valuable for the future.

I used to behave how I feel. Nowadays, I embrace the thought that I can always choose how I act, despite how I feel. I can choose to be offended. I can choose not to be offended. It really is that simple. Not necessarily easy. Simple. I can choose to be upset, hold a grudge and ruin life-long relationships because of that choice. Or I can choose to grow up, laugh, shrug, forget it, and move on. I can choose not to allow the actions of someone else to dictate mine.

The biggest mistake I made in the first half of my life is not taking enough time on the things that are really important. So going forward, I constantly remind myself to make sure I don't repeat that mistake.