"A maniac," "a fool," and a "son of a bitch." Those were the words, Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte used to call North Korea's leader, Kim Jong Un, just before an ASEAN meeting in Manila.
Most of us have little or real understanding of one another. And it takes a heap of understanding to make a relationship and/or a team.
In personal life as in work life, the key to unlocking almost any interpersonal or relationship problem, however severe, is good, effective communication. Most couples know this. It is the only way we can show anyone who we are, what we want and why we behave as we do. It is the only way we can really understand what makes someone else tick.
Two people can have an apparently identical experience but both will view it differently. For example, imagine a couple taking a walk by the sea. It makes one feel happy and light-hearted, touching off old memories of fun at the seaside as a child. The other, however, never learnt to swim well and finds the sea threatening and hostile, and brings up old feelings of fear.
Stephen Covey's 5th habit of highly effective people is : Seek first to understand than to be understood. Nowadays, though highly challenging, I try to remain calm and not be drawn into drama when I deal with impossibly difficult people who can suck oxygen out of the room. I practice restraint of tongue, phone and email until I am in a centered place. From a centered place I'd say, "I can see why you feel that way. We both have similar concerns. But I have a different way to approach the problem...."
A little more understanding can change the world.
As a leader I make the effort to understand the different worlds my team members inhabit and to respect the individuality within them. I find that this energizes those around me and leads to sustained high performance.
No one can ever know what it is like to be you.
We all know what it feels like when someone "gets" us. That level of connection is different.
Most of us have little or real understanding of one another. And it takes a heap of understanding to make a relationship and/or a team.
In personal life as in work life, the key to unlocking almost any interpersonal or relationship problem, however severe, is good, effective communication. Most couples know this. It is the only way we can show anyone who we are, what we want and why we behave as we do. It is the only way we can really understand what makes someone else tick.
Two people can have an apparently identical experience but both will view it differently. For example, imagine a couple taking a walk by the sea. It makes one feel happy and light-hearted, touching off old memories of fun at the seaside as a child. The other, however, never learnt to swim well and finds the sea threatening and hostile, and brings up old feelings of fear.
Stephen Covey's 5th habit of highly effective people is : Seek first to understand than to be understood. Nowadays, though highly challenging, I try to remain calm and not be drawn into drama when I deal with impossibly difficult people who can suck oxygen out of the room. I practice restraint of tongue, phone and email until I am in a centered place. From a centered place I'd say, "I can see why you feel that way. We both have similar concerns. But I have a different way to approach the problem...."
A little more understanding can change the world.
As a leader I make the effort to understand the different worlds my team members inhabit and to respect the individuality within them. I find that this energizes those around me and leads to sustained high performance.
No one can ever know what it is like to be you.
We all know what it feels like when someone "gets" us. That level of connection is different.
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