Dancing to the winds of change

"Being a change agent in 2016 means you have to be a bit of a daredevil." Stephanie Linnartz wrote about what it takes to be a change agent in a LinkedIn post, adding "being a true change agent can sometimes only be realized by daring even when it’s daunting"

Change is tough - but it happens. Sometimes, the situation may seem to to be unfair, and that's just how it is. But you and I now that's not the case. It's not a matter of being fair or unfair. The winds of change may come as a fierce hurricane, ripping our lives asunder, or as a tender breeze that caresses our cheeks.

It's just that most of us seek familiar routines to create a sense of control and order - so change can appear as a blessing or a curse; the same rain welcomed by the flowers is mourned by picnickers wishing for a sunny day.

I can be a rigid person. Don't get me wrong, I love to experiment with new food, travel to new countries, and meet new people, but there's a large part of me that always clings to the comfortable. But, rather than longing for summer in the midst of winter's chill or wishing for cool winds in the hot and humid heat, I am learning to embrace each season and ride change as ships ride the waves. Change is going to happen whether we like it or not, so we might as well accept them.

Change causes confusion and confusion is nothing but a word for "not knowing the answer." And really, isn't it true that every time, right before we know the answer, we always....don't know the answer! When I think of it like that, I am ready to deal with confusion and be a lot calmer - and happier - in the process.

Okay, stay with me. A sign of a person's maturity is his/her ability to live with - even in - confusion. The average person runs from confusion and seeks an easier path. "I can't do this," he says. "This is not for me." The mature person - the high achiever - will understand that ife's grand prizes are guarded by confusion and says, "I cannot do this...yet." I am not good at this yet, but I will work and learn and become better until I am competent, then excellent, then great!"

My buddy Wilson, texted to say his doctor advised him to do an angiogram. Let's take an honest look at your health. If you find out that you have a certain condition, you can choose to be in denial or anger or regret or you could choose to re-visit the way you eat, the way you exercise, the kind of schedule you keep, the ways in which you take care of yourself.

And this is a game-changer. Life will always be an exciting adventure that's full of twists and surprises...if we can manage to stay open and accept our ever-changing reality.

Take counsel in the words of Sir George Bernard Shaw: "Never mind likes and dislikes; they are of no consequence. Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness."

Why Worry?

"Are you worried?" Siew Fong queried point-blankedly. "Now that the two companies are integrating"

I used to love the Dire Straits album titled "Brothers in Arms." The last song on the album is "Why Worry." The song speaks about the inevitability of problems in our lives. It also reminds us of the hope that brings us through dark times.

We worry about a lot of things, don't we? I know I do. Some nights I lie in bed and my mind is just racing with things I need to do, or things I need to tell others about. I have to stop, consciously, and remind myself that I am imagining all these scenarios, and they are not real. I do this by reminding myself that in the past, situations have never worked out the way I thought they would.

I don't know if you have noticed, but things very rarely work out the way we think they will. So why worry?

As I look back on the things I have spent endless hours worrying about, they never worked out the way I thought they would, but they did work out.

The peace that followed this acceptance was beautiful. There were days when I couldn't be happy, but I think that accepting this leads to a more peaceful existence anyway.

My body had always been a great indicator of where my emotions had been. If heartburn or acid reflux would present itself, I could recognize where my thoughts and feelings had been in the days or weeks leading up to this.

But telling people not to worry is like telling them not to think of a white elephant. How often we hear people say, "Worrying won't help" or "Worrying is not going to change anything." As true as those words are, they don't make people say, "You're absolutely right. I won't worry anymore."

Problems are inevitable in a marriage, in a career or business and in health and well-being. There will be laughter after pain; there will be sunshine after rain. It has always been this way, so why do we spend so much of our time and energy consumed with worry?

Life goes so fast, whether you live until your twenties, forties or eighties. Everyday in itself is a gift and blessing. It is all we ever have anyway, the moment we are in.

No regrets

First it was Brexit. Then in a stunning upset, Donald Trump was elected the 45th president of the United States. What we are seeing are rejections of the status quo and ordinary people saying they want their countries back. 

At some point, we too, need to regain control of our lives, by eliminating those things that distracts us or holds us back. We need to look at everything that's on our plates and decide what must be cleared.

No matter how much we want things to stay the same, life is all about change. Sometimes change is for the better, and sometimes its not. Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future. The past clogs up the future. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, a painful breakup, a business failure, or a treacherous betrayal, holding onto past pain and resentment will only hold us back.

Richard Paul Evans puts it this way: The ship releases its anchor not for the anchor's benefit, but for the ship

Everyone has problems. Some choose to be whiners - some choose to be winners. Some choose to be victims - some choose to be victors. Stop using past pain as currency to buy out of present living. In the end, the victimhood mentality simply is not worth it.
 The things we often think we need are sometimes the things that keep us trapped in an unfulfilled life.

We can never know how long we are here for or how long those we love will be. Now having been through what I have, I know how valuable old and loyal friends were in carrying me through. Most people have friends but when it comes to the crunch, there are not a lot of friends who can be there through the absolute hardest times.

Life gets busy and friendships fade away. There will always be people who come and go in life, friends included. But those who truly matter, those who you love most dearly, are worth every ounce of effort to stay in touch with.

In the end, what matters to people is how much happiness they have brought to those they love and how much time they spent doing things they themselves loved. Life doesn't allow us to go back and fix what we have done wrong in the past, but it does allow us to live each day better than the last.

Express gratitude; everything will be a little brighter

"8 things happy people do differently" One of my ex-classmate from the class of '81 sent me a video with that title via Whatsapp. Number #1 was: never let the things you WANT make you forget about the things you HAVE. 

Part of my daily rituals involves getting myself in a place of gratitude. Whether it's driving to work or simply sitting down in a quiet room, I will do my 2-minute gratitude exercises. You may be wondering what my gratitude exercises are. They are so simple. I reflect on my gratitude list, a list of all the people, things and opportunities I am grateful for. What's on the list? My family, friends, health, food, clothes, my home, my car, money, meaningful work, my team, my office, my talents and abilities, travel and so on. I remind myself for all I have to be grateful for.

Gratitude is really important to me. For you it may be something different, but my experience leads me to believe that when we are in a state of gratitude, everything is a little brighter.

I have always had a real passion for music, and I have always enjoyed Billy Joel's music.  Three years before Billy Joel wrote the song "Piano Man", he was financially broke, professionally failing. And when his girlfriend left him, he decided to commit suicide by drinking a bottle of furniture polish and a bottle of vodka. The next day, very sick, he checked himself into a mental institution. Three weeks later, he checked himself out. He was a new man. It wasn't any medication the doctors gave him. The other patients had cured him. They reminded him of how fortunate and gifted he was,a d they had shown him how much more life could be. He was given a new perspective on life.

At different times on our lives, we all need a startling new perspective.

We view things not as they are, but as we are. Our mind creates a drama, a comedy, a tragedy, a romance out of what simply arises. As an anonymous poet once wrote, "Two men looked out of prison bars; one saw mud and the other saw stars." As much as we wish otherwise, the world unfolds as it will. All we can do is raise our vision to find purpose in our growing pains.

Problems are inevitable in a relationship, in a career or business, and in health and well-being. Hardship is a part of life - but whether we view it as a tragic or heroic, grotesque or purposeful, depends on our perspective. Our mind can light a candle or curse the darkness - the choice is ours.