The million dollar question

"Would you do anything differently if you knew you only had a year to live?" my mentor asked me.

High performers derives satisfaction from the success that comes from work. When they run into difficulties at home, for example, the temptation is to bury themselves at the office.

Many of us are conditioned to think that the harder we work, the more successful we will be.

If you find yourself thinking "if only", it's time to say, "it's now or never. There's no later." Putting an imaginary limit on your time you have left is a way of refocusing your attention.

Here's the wake-up call: Be bold and take a risk. Would the world end if you gave yourself permission to go home at lunchtime for a meal with your spouse and child?

You have no second chance at this time in your marriage or at your children being at this age. My son will not be 9 again.

Don't ever give up

"I am on the verge of giving up," a brokenhearted Chris sighed. "I can't understand what is happening to my marriage, to my home. Something is missing: and, try as I will, I simply cannot find the key to make things work out right. The magic is gone. The romance is gone. The communication is gone. In their places now are arguments, questions, suspicions, innuendoes, cutting remarks."

I believe at one time or another, we all go down this road. A financial crisis staring right in our face. A home situation which tears our spirit apart.Children hurting us, or a child bringing anguish to us. Sickness or pain. Losing our jobs. Future looking scary and uncertain. Marriage in trouble. Death of a loved one leaving us depressed, lonely and empty. Divorce.

We feel overwhelmed. We tried so many ways to see it through, yet nothing seems to help. We grow tired of trying. We said to our heart, "I don'tknow what to do anymore."

In my own struggles, I've found great comfort and help in two wonderful absolutes. I turn to a higher power and find someone who cares enough to walk this journey with me. Love is the answer. Love is all that matters. When someone cares deep enough to go through the storms of life with you, just believe in yourself and the answers will come. Everyone has the power to live life to their fullest no matter what obstacle, no matter what difficulty. Be strong, don't quit and never give up, never ever give up!

The storms of life

Creating an environment for performance

"How did you create a climate for results," Andy asked.

I created ownership and accountability for desired results. Results are not just a leader's concern but rather everyone's. I made sure my team members are empowered with the authority and information they need to make decisions that affect their performance. How many of us will say "We want to have our own business and be our own boss"? Many of us would like to be our own boss. Why? That's because, being the boss, one can make one's own decision (has authority) and has access to all the information one needs to make that decision.

I developed a workplace climate where performance barriers are removed and staff's credibility is not eroded. Lastly, I provided ongoing performance feedback and coaching.

Always listen to your team members too, encourage participation, new ideas and ownership of solutions. I also remember this: never become too knowledgeable, experienced or successful to have the humility and wisdom to listen, learn and respond to your team.

That's how the Frappucino got started!

Team TMS

(from left) Chloe, Augie, Alvin and Shirley

Emotional support, love and encouragement at work

The person at the next workstation in the office has become family for many people. Employees are spending more waking hours with each other than they do with their families.

More importantly, though, a family atmosphere in the work environment gives a sense of belonging. Some people are uncomfortable talking about their life outside of work, we don't pry. But I've found most people are happy - and want - to talk about what they are doing beyond their job.

The late Vince Lombardi spoke about caring to his players,"We're a successful team because we love each other."

Does the family atmosphere work? 3M thinks so. Hewlett Packard thinks so. Disney thinks so.

Remember, you've got a boss/leader who loves you.

Team 3DH: a family away from our family

To dad and mum with love

"I have been living my life for my parents. My dad died last year. My mum recently had a stroke that left her paralyzed. I suffer in silence. can't show my emotions at home. Mostly I cry in the car on the way home," JC lamented.


Parents. I have loved my parents and hated them, been enraged with them and anguished for them, laughed with them and cried for them. And I wondered whether others felt as I did.


In their late 60's, I now have new responsibilities for their lives as they now begin to need my help. Every previous role is up for renegotiation. There is a change in the balance of power, changes in the nature of love.


I find myself protective of my parents in new and disquieting ways. Just as I was once under their umbrella, they now seek shelter under mine.

Pursuit of happiness

Everybody wants to be happy. Not everybody agrees on what it is.

Some people get married to be happy; some get divorce to be happy. Some people return home to be happy; some run away from home to be happy.

Being happy is not always easy, though. Most people remember compliments for a few minutes and hurts for years. They become garbage collectors, carrying trash that was thrown at them 15 years ago.

Everyone of us goes through times when life seems extremely difficult - we can't pay the bills, we have lost our job, we have lost a loved one. During these times we wonder how we could possibly make it through the next few days. Somehow we usually do!

Happiness is possible for anyone. It is not just for the young in the so-called carefree years.

My program for happiness is....

....work intensely; not just doing the daily job to earn your living, but doing something special with that job
....appreciate leisure and the world around you; it is the source of your energy renewal
....be your own best friend; you can be alone, but never lonely.
....add up your blessings and accomplishments







At the Luge in Sentosa










Happy days










Shirley (left), Donna (middle) rings the celebratory bell after scaling a 60 ft(8 storey) pyramid

Embrace technology - for better or for worse

Technology accelerators are at our disposal - use them.

If you haven't realised that the internet has enjoyed explosive growth, affecting nearly every industry and every country in the world, your name must be Rip van Winkle.It has and still is transforming how we do business, how we socialise, how we educate our children.

Email has now become the most powerful marketing tool. Compared to their offline equivalent, direct email campaigns are better (response rates), cheaper and faster (turnaround on campaigns).

Building communites and user-generated contentscan be very good for business. I have known success in reaching out to customers and building a community of customers helping/advising customers.

A properly executed PR campaign amongst bloggers can be among the most valuable means of building an audience. It is a backdoor to the press.

Children spell L-O-V-E as T-I-M-E

My brother's daughter, baby Lizbeth was born a couple of months ago. When I saw her in the hospital, she looked cute and angelic and my mind travelled back to when my ACE was a baby.

It seemed like just yesterday when Alexander Charles Er was two when I went out to work one morning and when I got home in the evening, he is NINE already.

Dr John Gray, the man who gave us "Men are from Mars, Women are from venus" also wrote another book: "Children are from heaven." And how apt is that title.

Children - they can be exhausting, maddening and irritating - but they are still a gift from heaven.

They can be funny, endearing and lovable - and truly fell like a gift. They can wrench your soul and break your heart - precisely because they are such a precious gift.

When I was born, bonding hadn't been invented yet. here's a little tip-off. A recent survey showed that few children feel unconditionally loved and cared for. And yet, it is also true that most parents deeply love their children.

The main reason is children does not measure love by the quality of time adults talk about. They measure how much you love them by how much time you spend you them.

baby lizbeth

ACE in '05

ACE in '06

ACE in '07

ACE in '08

Whatever happened to romance?

"Do I have to give up me to be loved by him?" sighed Steph.

Being in love feels wonderful. But the euphoria soon disappears when conflict arises. These things are very upsetting! Now, instead of love, one feel anger, disappointment, or hurt.

You sense something is missing. The electric currents of passion that used to erupt when you passed one another in the hallway or when your hands touched as you exchanged notes are no longer there. You have the feeling your PC communicates more than you do.

Being married for 12 years next month, makes me an authority to say this: Building a relationship that can stand the test of time is real hard work and a 24 hours commitment. Love is....after all being close enough to touch but far enough to grow.

Several months ago while in the office, I noticed a colleague had her wedding ring on the index finger of her right hand. I couldn't resist the temptation so I commented, "You've got your wedding band on the wrong finger." She responded, "Yeah, I married the wrong man."

People do business with people they know, they like and they trust.....

I'll begin by saying:
"Love me!"
"Give me someone who cares about me, someone who notices me in the crowd, remembers me, makes me believe I'm special."
This is the cry churning within every human being. It is the greatest hunger of life.

As a successful salesperson, I am likened to both a hunter and a farmer. Like a hunter, I am classically driven. Like a farmer, I slowly cultivate clients, build long-lasting relationships. I seek to build trust and deliver on each and every promise. I have been often told that I am very outgoing, highly engaging, enormously accommodating.

One trait to build trust is honesty. Honesty makes things so simple. When you are honest with people: they admise and appreciate you, they trust you, they know where you stand and you can get more of what you want.

Don't you appreciate people giving it to you straight?

Jonathan of Miki at Wembley

John and his lovely family at Loughborough
Laurel (extreme left), Rob Redtree Haynes (middle) and Tilling

Margaret is now a family friend

Helen (middle) and Alex (right) in Berlin

It is not who you know...rather...it is who KNOWS you that counts

Starwood embraces a great feedback system roundly known as 360-degree feedback. It is a multi-rater feedback process designed to provide feedback to leaders on how well they are performing which incorporates ratings from oneself, direct reports, superiors, peers, subordinates and others. A special segment in it, solicits written comments from each rater. Some of these comments are shown here exactly as written in the survey:

" Being a very cheerful, positive and suppoortive person certainly makes him highly approachable in terms of personal or work related"

"Very positive and upbeat"

"Pleasant and outgoing personality"

"Very firm in his decision, a fighter"

"His ability to communicate with the team and his important clients effectively and passionately"

"very proactive. show great enthusiasm to achieve goal and obtain result. Very result oriented individual"

"Paul is an honest and caring individual, that is an extremely high pressured environment. Of which he manages to maintain his composure and professionalism in these situations."

Have you ever had a boss, a peer, a subordinate you simply didn't connect with? How did this affect your performance, attitude and behaviour?

I have been raised on this simple principle - build bridges on the road to results: nurture relationships with people.
Danny, Director of Rooms

Carpe diem - Seize the day!

My old friend Steve Daw rang me this morning. Steve is an Australian who has been living in South East Asia for the longest time. Steve is a professional management trainer and motivator.

Confucius once said, "To lead an untrained people to war is to throw them away." That was true back then in 500BC. The fact of the matter is, it is still true today in 2008AD.

You know that phrase, "Your employees are your greatest asset?". I tell you now - It is bullshit. Here's the truth: "Your well-trained employees are your greatest asset." The rest of them are just there to make up the numbers. Passengers. Worse still, they're the dumb S-O-B's that are going to screw up your mission and put everyone in deep s**t.

If training is so important, why then does a recent survey indicated that 36% of middle managers have received no management training since starting work in an organization? This reluctance in spending on training and development often arises because of bosses' lack of faith. In addition, in Singapore where labour turnover is high, employers often refuse to invest in training and development for fear of subsequently losing trained personnel to their competitors. I am disgusted with this negative attitude towards staff training.

If one is a fair yet firm employer and your employees have confidence in your organization's mission, one should not hold back training and development for fear of the given reasons or to protect Gross Operating Profit.

I, for one, am authorised to speak on this issue. I am a passionate, qualified trainer who have had years of experience training various sales, power negotiation, customer retention programs for companies like Farnell Components, Sime Darby and Dell. I'd developed programs which are fun and interactive which are aimed at building confidence, lift morale, spark enthusiasm, stimulate creativity, teach a skill and ultimately achieve results in the real-time environment.