Sunday, December 27, 2015

changing behaviour is like crossing a bridge

I watched Bridge of Spies twice in a month. This Steven Spielberg's movie is inspired by the true story of an insurance lawyer, James B. Donovan (played by Tom Hanks) who became the unlikely go-between in an exchange of prisoners between the U.S and the Soviet government in 1957.

Changing a belief or behaviour is like crossing a bridge. It is not achieved by cajoling or manipulating them against their will. Rather, it is to guide them to a new destination, a transformed way of feeling.

Effective leaders know that the essential first step to changing people's behaviour is to understand their perspectives. Everything else flows naturally from there.

Friday, December 25, 2015

Now, while there's still time

I braved the infamously notorious 6 hours traffic jam at the causeway to head to JB and back. Sacrificing sleep and comfort, the trek was made worthwhile by those hours of banter, laughter and togetherness with mum and dad. This morning I wrapped them in my arms and wished them Merry Christmas.

Regret is tough to repair. It's a fairly simple thing to avoid. To avoid regret, I do and say and express every good thing I can possibly do and say and express to those I love. Because I have learned there isn't always time to whisper good-bye.

 

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Invisible results

"I can afford to buy the expansion pack of with those little money I put aside from the sale on Carousell," ACE glowed proudly

Usually, the things that create success in the long run don't look like they're having any impact at all in the short run. It is like that with our health, our exercise, our financial habits, our knowledge, our relationships. With anything and everything.

We usually don't see the results, at least not today. And that is a problem in our push-button, mouse-click, 24-hour-news world. We expect to see results, and we expect to see them now.

But that is not how success is built. It's something we experience gradually, over time.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Ripe, old age of 51

I turn the ripe, old age of 51 today.

In my mind, I had passed life's halfway point and is now accelerating downhill toward the inevitable crash and burn of old age. Ouch indeed.

I still pray every night. Except now I spend more time thanking God for what I have than asking for what I don't. The pot of gold isn't at the end, you see; the journey is it own reward.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

Get to yes a little more slowly

One of the fundamental tasks to high performance is figuring out what to say yes to. But we also have to decide when to say no. If we only say yes, we're just adding more to our plate - and if it's anything like mine, it's already close to capacity.

But it's hard to say no. How do you say no to people you work with, live with and care about?

My personal answer is not to focus on saying no but rather on saying yes more slowly. Sometimes we're being asked merely because we are the first person they thought of or because the request hasn't been thought through.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

servant leader vs self-serving one

Yvonne and I spoke about change in leadership styles during lunch on Friday

I am thoroughly convinced that great leadership comes from the heart.

If we lead by focusing on building organizational assets or our own legacy, we am keeping our eyes on the scoreboard and miss the most important part of the game that helps guarantee sustainable success - helping our people flourish.

I try to be a servant leader rather than a self-serving one.

I imagine a decade from now reading about a young, emerging leader in the industry. My dream is that when that young leader answers the question of who is the best boss he or she ever had, the person who comes to mind will be me.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Death is harsh

CDL deputy chairman suffered a heart attack and died in his sleep. He was 62.

Death is one subject that shakes up the status quo. I have experienced death of a loved one. It shook me up. I focused a little more on what matters most after that.

If we remember that death is coming, we will remember to open our hearts. Perhaps we won't wait for a perfect moment. We won't postpone love until the chores are done, until we're rested, or until we have enough money in the bank. We will be generous, less stingy with our smiles and our hugs.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

The Narcissist

I have a narcissist in my team. Beneath the pretty clothes, the charisma and the smile, lurks a cold heart. Everything is about her.

Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement, crave attention and require endless praise. Narcissists are dangerous because they lack empathy and they don't play by the rules. They value control and power over love.

To manage a narcissist, I frame my requests in ways they can hear. Stating my emotional needs rarely works, nor does complaining or being assertive. Ego is the Achilles' heel of narcissists. They can be cajoled through flattery. Though such ego stroking is tedious, it does bring results.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

to shop or be sold?

My tagline on Carousell reads: "I am not here to sell you things. I am here to help you buy"

Why do we like to shop, but hate to be sold? Because shopping is ours, selling is theirs.

Our favourite teachers and coaches use their expertise and involve us by asking for our opinions, and involving using projects that interests us. Making it ours is not giving us control of the ship. Great leaders make it ours by making us feel that we are at the centre of things.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Many small successes

We did our 9+3 review in Johor Baru recently to try to make it to the tape.

On the path stretching between us and our goals, there is no red carpet. More often we find a swamp.

Worthwhile goals demand effort, risk and sacrifice. We have to persist through fear and doubt; we have to draw on inner resources and become more than we were before. Every new challenge is an initiation: we meet discouragement; we overcome discomfort, boredom and frustration; we find out what we're made of.

That lofty dreams in the distant future are a difficult burden to carry. The best goals may be those we can handle in the next week, the next day, the next hour or the next step. We should create a process that yields many small successes


Sunday, November 1, 2015

Be the bigger person

"You seem to have found the Zen," Ramesh pointed out, when I calmly ignored some rude behaviour of the driver in front of me. "Be the bigger person"

Acting with kindness; being the bigger person will come back around to us in some way, shape or form. At the very least it will strengthen our personal brand and reputation.

This is something that seems to have been lost on current generations as countless children and adolescents push their way through crowded streets and walk through doorways held open for them without a simple acknowledgement or thank you.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Powerlessness is not failure



Sometimes we have the power to make things happen. Sometimes we don't. No amount of brainstorming, convincing or cajoling will further our cause; forcing things only increases inertia and distress.

It took me a long time to realise that there is a savvier approach than simply aggressive strategies to bulldoze an impasse. Here it means recognizing that we are powerless at the moment to logically solve a problem or move a goal forward, and then tuning in to intuition for insipid input.

Powerlessness is not failure. It simply means seeking success by listening to our inner wisdom to determine our next step.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Winter till go and spring will come

"In all my 11 years with the company, I've never experienced it so bad like this before,"Martijn vented.

Cycles are the natural order of life, like the four seasons. All things change. We cannot control the cycles of life, but we can ride them.

I take to heart a phrase I read when I was in my 20's:  In time, this too shall pass, as all things do. This understanding brings comfort in times of hardship. Winter may seem endless - but spring will come.

So enjoy the peaks and grow stronger in the valleys.


Monday, August 3, 2015

Working man

ACE starts the first day of his two weeks working at Korea Tourism Organization (KTO) today, as part of his GAPSEM project. .

I believe that one of the tasks for a father during his child's progression through adolescence is to give up more and more control in the right direction. Opportunities to participate in decision-making along with sharing some adult responsibilities would be available to him during this stint.

Though he doesn't get paid and is still financially dependent, I trust this experience will enable him to become independent earlier than others in a constructive way

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Planking

My colleagues gave me a 30-day plank challenge chart.

Ever since I started plank exercises, I begin to have better posture and less lower-back pain. I plank not to sculpt the six-pack but to strengthen the core because when the core is strong, there is less discomfort with sitting long hours at a desk and improved ability to perform daily activities

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Human being, not human doing

"My friend was 57 when he died of cardiac arrest last Tuesday," Patrick said, sadly and softly. "I am trying to manage my stress at work"

One of the strange and false ideas is that an important and successful person is always busy. As a result many rush around in a frenzy, dressed in designer label clothes, trying to give the appearance that they are busy and earning a lot of money - after all, these are the signs of success! I am learning to slow down and access life. Life is about being and not get carried away with doing. After all, we are human being and not human doings.

Sunday, March 29, 2015

The passion of LKY

The legendary Lee Kuan Yew is laid to rest today. To me, he ranks up there with world legends like Gandhi, Lincoln and Mandela.

The one standout of the great man is his overwhelming passion....for his country, for the love of his life and for his values.

So forget who you were. Forget what you've done. And forget what others are going.
Simply ask, What am I passionate about?
Now go do that.
And bingo!
That's who you are.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

Can you hear the music?

There was the annual lion dance performance at my apartment today. I was in the gym, watching through the window, hearing both the drums and gongs compete with Ellie Goulding singing "Love Me Like You Do" on the radio.

For me, one of the greatest joys in this world is music. Can you imagine a world without music? What a weary, weary world it would be.

Life isn't always easy. I have had many mountaintop experiences, but life isn't always lived on the mountaintops of the world. Sometimes we find ourselves in the valleys of fear and doubt. At those times it is easy to become discouraged, to let critics get us down. The people who cannot hear the music think that the people who are dancing are crazy.  

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Adult human male

I attended SJS' 60th anniversary dinner last Saturday and caught up with some of my school teachers. A common thread Evelyn Lee, Joyce Chew and Joseph Chia said to me was: "You have changed, Paul."

When a man - knows who he is, is confident in his own body, knows how to deal with his emotions, face his fears, can stand resolute when needed, hold his own in conversation, doing so with compassion and integrity - he is now an adult human male.

After all, it's been said...being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. Being a gentleman is a matter of choice.
 

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Don't just hope...decide

"My best friend, Patrick, called me a couple of days ago. ""Are you free to meet up tonight," he enquired. It's been such a long time since we last connected."

Brother Pat as I addressed him has been a colleague and friend since 1987.

Great relationships don't come to those who hope for them. Hope is worthless unless coupled with real effort. Great relationships belong to those who decide to put in the effort and make them a priority.