Paradox of love

"We must face the fact that to be loved, we must be lovable," Father Chin preached. "When a person orients his life towards satisfying his own needs, he is self-centred. He is not lovable. If, however, a person seeks not to receive love but to give it, he will become lovable, and he will certainly be loved in the end."

The problem is we are all clutching to our own life-rafts. Everything we do is to achieve our own happiness.

Loving others can be truly accomplished only when the focus of our minds and all our actions results from concern for another and not concern for ourselves.

Neutralization

"After a full day of travelling on the road for 6 hours, flying for an hour, we were told that the hotel we were booked in is full and there is no room for us," Michael recounted. "I almost went berserk."

Life is a continual series of conflict situations. The way in which we respond to those situations determines our happiness.

I normally try to exchange my frustrations and anxieties into something socially and emotionally acceptable. This is the way it works: I had a bad day on the road. I feel like killing that front office duty manager who messed up my request. Instead I go workout in the gym and soak in the tub for a nice bubble bath.

Decision to love

"Firstly, I'll try to change him...that is if he really loves me enough to do so","Jamie revealed. "If he changed for me, I'll be even more loving than before.

I was once told "love isn't an emotion, but a decision."

How very true. The decision to love a person involves a commitment and an investment of energy. When i decide to love, it means that I not only put forth the energy but that I decide to accept the other unconditionally.

Most of us are not accepting of others and do not love withlout conditions. We might more truthfully say "I love you because I can redo, remake, rescue or rearrange this about you. Then when I am finished, you will be so lovable."

This kind of conditional acceptance leads to frustrations and friction, not love. It's so like many to say "I like this about you, but I can't accept these other qualities about you." We don't give people space to be themselves.

I guess what I want to say is that my decision to love means that we quit playing games with each other, withholding love, or using blackmail...that I accept, I give and this becomes the dynamic that creates a new energy and power. I know for myself that without love I am nothing, and without giving my gift of love, I cannot experience the greatest of all joys.

My new beginning

"New citizens, influx of foreigners worry Tampines residents," reported the Starits Times today.
For me, my move to Singapore was the time for reordering my time and my treasure, for reconfiguring my values and my vision of what life could be. It represented more than a renewal; it was a new beginning.

As it turned out, it has been the most important time of my life.
So far.

Happiness and her ugly twin sister unhappiness

The late John Candy was Del in the classic "Planes, Trains and Automobiles."In a scene, he blurted out: "Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changing. I like...I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. Cause I am the real article. What you see is what you get."

Are you happy? For most people the answer is "Yes and no"or "Yes, but I could be happier."

Some people are unhappy because they don't like their job or their spouse. Others are unhappy because they don't know how to relax or appreciate who they are and all they have.

Let me tell you about my experiences with happiness and her ugly twin sister unhappiness.

The 1st thing I learned is that I will never be happy pretending to be someone other than myself. On too many occassions to count, and in ways too embarrassing to recall, I ahve tried to impress people by pretending to be someone other than who I really am. I am most happy when I am accepted for who I am.

The 2nd realisation is when i think back to the times I have not felt like going to the gym to work out. Some of those times, I chose the sofa and TV. 3 to 4 hours later, I felt lousy about myself. On the other hand, there were times when I don't feel like working out, but I did it anyway. After that, I'm always glad I did. The sense of satisfaction and well-being lasts for hours after i finished working out. That's happiness. It can be sustained beyond the activity producing the happiness.

In every moment of our lives, we choose between happiness and misery. and sometimes long-term misery comes disguised as short-term joy. But this much I know: I have been most happy the past 5 years when I approached life one day at a time.

Good data is what's counts

"The volume we are generating on the internet is awesome,"mayur declared. "We do $2million a day."

In no other medium has there been as much data available about users, customers as there is on the internet, and all of it is available to marketeers in real time.

Most businesses collect a lot of information about their customers that they never used to. Big mistake. Instead of leeting those gigabytes of customer information collect digital dust, I use them to gain some insights into who my customers are and how they buy.

Remember: how much data we collect is not nearly as important as how good that data is.

Don't push beyond the line of no return

"I feel you are not pushing hard enough," Oberoi pointed out. "You're holding back."

No matter who we are, no matter what our cause, no matter how great a leader we are, it is possible to push our troops too far, to expect too much, to demand more than can be given.

I try to understand the capabilities and limitations of my team members.

from left: Deny, Stephie, Ada, Rae

Be present

"I handle one customer a day. That is enough. I want to have time for my wife and 2 children," Rajeev Gupta revealed while we were stuck in the traffic in New Delhi.

My ACE's early years, I gained professional success but was losing something far more precious in the process. I had long thought of myself as a father who would do anything for his kid, yet increasingly I wasn't seeing or knowing him.

My greatest failure would be to fail my boy.

Equally bad, we can spend time with our families, be present at dinnertime, remember to call home when travelling - we can do it all but if we're too exhausted, too distracted, too frustrated and angry when "doing" these things, the positive return we hoped for will not materialise.

Matter of perspective

I watched the movie Due Date on board SQ408 yesterday. In it, Ethan said "My father always had a saying,'When a day starts like this, it's always uphill from here.'" To which Peter replied, "Uphill? No, it's downhill from here." Ethan retorted, "But everybody wants to be up. Nobody wants to be down. So it's all uphill from here." Having the last word, Peter shot back, "But it's easier as you go downhill, so your dad didn't know what he was talking about."

Hardship is part of life - but whether we view it as tragic or heroic, depends on our perspective. Our minds can make meaning or madness - light a candle or curse the darkness.

Visuals work

I played 4 videos from Youtube to emphasise the points I was making during the recent kick-off meeting.

This much I understand: people would rather watch than listen. It's easier to pay attention to what we see than what we hear!

Today, in every phase of education. there are too many teachers who do not know how to teach.

It is 1 thing to gain knowledge; it is quite another to be able to impart knowledge.

Fine art of passive listening

"Orcas carry out the fine art of passive listening," so said the narrator of the series iPredator on National geographic. "They can hear sounds of up to 30km away."

I have trained myself to listen without comment when someone I am talking to seems angry or upset. I find that this gives me the leverage to get them to listen to me once their unfinished activity is complete.

When we listen to others, they feel obligated to listen to us in return.

Keeping fit

"We haven't gone swimming for a few weeks already," ACE reminded me while taking a break from working on his science questions.

Many people forget that the standard allocation has always been: one person, one body. Doesn't matter if one is the richest person in the world, you still have only that one body.

It has been said of some:

Lose health to gain wealth

Then, spend wealth to regain health

I have since realised that if we take care of our bodies, our bodies will take care of us. Abuse it and it will let us down when we least expects it to. Our body is meant to last a lifetime. With proper care, rest, diet and exercise, it should see us through at least 75 years or maybe even more.

In my younger days, I pay only cursory attention to my body. It took a lot of punishment. Now, I try to keep fit.

Team spirit

"ONE GOAL. It doesn't matter who kicks the ball as long as it's in the back of the net." That was the theme for our Kick Off Meeting teambuilding last week.

I find that in departments where team spirit is strongest, employees often seem to do everything together. They live together, they work together, they drink together, they enjoy together, they think together.

from left: Deny, Junti, Jades, Brian, Ada

The by-product of goal setting

"You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." This inspirational quote by Christopher Columbus was pasted on the wall

Extracts from my life is shared in my blog for a reason. My recovery from financial distress revealed to me the actual purpose of goal setting. The primary reward is not the goal but what I become as a result of doing all that was necessary to reach the goal.

I became a more powerful and effective human being.