Humour - a key virtue in life

It's Christmas eve and while Pentatonix sing "Joy to the World"on Spotify, I read a quote posted on Facebook. It reads: "Health does not come from medicine. Most of the time, it comes from peace of mind, peace in the heart and peace of soul. It comes from laughter and love."

There is a growing body of evidence that shows how important laughter is, not only for coping but for our physical health, too. Finding the humour in things injects moments of playfulness and fun in between the unpleasant stuff.

Another use for humour is that we can use it to bring up serious subjects with a light touch so that others may listen. In everyday life, a quick riposte is another way to feel powerful in an argument. Sometimes, we think of the witty comeback too late ot use it, but we try to come up with one anyway, so that we can at least feel superior after the fact.

I gain new insights from listening to jokes. Humour gives me courage to transcend life's scariest moments or to express wisdom in an acceptable way. When I make other people laugh, I may give them courage to deal with life's scarier moments as well.

I never take myself too seriously. I try to minimise tension and concern and worry with laughter at my predicaments, thus freeing my mind to think clearly for the solution that is sure to come.

Try it. It's a much better way to live.

What is success to you?

Forget the fact that there were enough candles on my cake to light up a runway at Changi Airport. So I turned fifty-two last week and, like most, wonder how it all happened so fast. To me, age is an attitude. You are as old as you feel. The fact remains, that time flies!

However, I am counting my blessings and not my time with a pointless pining for yesterday.  During the first forty years of your life, if you are like me, you probably rushed through college, fell in love, married, embarked on a career, climbed upward and acquired many things. I know of many who did not make it past four decades. Divorce. Suicide. Too much alcohol. Guilt. Loneliness.

I have begun to look at my life  through the metaphor of a football game. If you are a football fan like me, you'd know that the game is won in the second half, not the first. It's possible to make mistakes in the first half and still have time to recover but it's harder to do that in the second half.

If you ask most people what they want from life, as I have been doing in recent years, you will discover that they want to achieve success. Some want to be successful in their workplace and others want to be successful parents. But if you ask people to define success, you will end up with as many different answers as there are people.

If you google it, you will find it defined as "the accomplishment of an aim or purpose" and "the attainment of fame, wealth, or social status". If this is what success is, please, please tell me that there is more to life than success.

I believe the greatest success is to be constantly growing, developing and evolving into the better person I know I can be. Success is not a destination - it is a journey.

But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. "When I reach the station, that'll be it," I used to think. "When I am 21." "When I buy my BMW!" "When I put my kid through university." "When I get a promotion." "When I pay off my mortage, I will live happily ever after!"

Eventually, I realize there is no station to arrive at, once and for all. The station is only an illusion. It constantly outdistances us. The true joy of life is the trip.

The Mirror
Edmund Burke , 1729 – 1797, Irish Philosopher‫.‬
I look in the mirror
And what do I see‫?‬
A strange looking person
That cannot be me‫

‬

For I am much younger
And not nearly so fat
As that face in the mirror
I am looking at‫

‬

Oh, where are the mirrors
That I used to know
Like the ones which were
Made thirty years ago‫?‬

Now all things have changed
And I`m sure you`ll agree
Mirrors are not as good
As they used to be‫.‬

So never be concerned‫,‬
If wrinkles appear
For one thing I`ve learned
Which is very clear‫,‬

Should your complexion
Be less than perfection‫,‬
It is really the mirror
That needs correction!!

Life is relationship

I received my first Christmas greeting e-card this week. It was from Ilona in Los Angeles. In it, she wrote, "Thank you for always being there for me and know that I appreciate you tremendously!"

It is helpful to remember that we are all at different points along a path. Some people are at places we ourselves have been before, others are in places we have not yet been. It is a journey. Along the way, we will meet many people. Some of them we will help, assist, advise. Others will help, assist and advise us. It has been my experience that when you think you are there to help someone else, chances are they are really there to help you. Our students make the best teachers. Without the help of others, we will never make the journey.

My father always told me that the key to success in business is personal relationships. I have discovered that life is relationship.

It doesn't matter how many people are around us. If there is no one who understands us, or accepts us as who we are, loneliness can very readily present its agonising self. Loneliness isn't a lack of people. It is a lack of understanding and acceptance.

It is very different than being alone. Sometimes, I may be alone, but I am never lonely. Loneliness is a longing for the company of one who understands us.

Having previously been to painful places and to high levels of sadness and loneliness, I now understand the pain some of my friends are experiencing is real and tangible to them. If I could help ease the pain, then why wouldn't I?

Friends...how loosely that word is used  at times and there are so many different levels of friends. I have begun to think of some of my own "friends" more as warm acquaintances. It doesn't mean I thought less of them. They are still a blessing in my life but having been to some pretty dark places myself by now, I understand what a real friend is. It is easy to have a lot of acquaintances but when it comes to the crunch, though, not many people can hang around through the very worst of the pain with someone else. Those who do are truly friends.

The right relationships fortify our resilience and fearlessness, empowering success in all aspects of our lives. No matter what happens, we know we are not alone. We know someone's got our backs.

Don't lose touch with the friends you value. Those who accept you as who you are, and who know you very well, are worth more than anything in the end. Don't let life get in the way. Just always know where to find them and let them know you appreciate them in the meantime.