Sunday, May 29, 2016

The One that Angers You controls You. Don't give anyone that power!

"John, do not keep interrupting me. Also, calm down, there is no need to raise your voice. If you keep this up, I will not continue this conversation with you. We can speak again some other time when you are ready to speak calmly," I put my foot down, firmly and controlled.

In a negotiation, particularly in a bitter dispute, feelings may be more important than talk. Emotions on one side will generate emotions on the other.

Some people are difficult to deal with because they believe that their appalling behaviour gets them what they want. They are takers through and through, and they take from you whatever you are intimidated into giving to them.

As far as I am concerned, how people behave is entirely up to them and not really part of my business. My role is not to take what they do or say personally. As a sales negotiator and leader, their behaviour does not and will not affect the outcome. Given this doomsday scenario, scoring points, sarcasm and direct rebuttal are not useful behaviours, nor is rolling over and playing the patsy.

It's hard to remain clear-headed during such times and not get swept away by emotions. If discipline slips it can have all sorts of ramifications. Whenever we show somebody how much their actions upsets us, we reinforce their behaviour and  strengthen their resolve, and the greater their determination to continue with it until they get what they want.

Having learnt the best lessons in my youth, these days, when dealing with people whose behavior and manners are beyond the pale, I try to separate the people from the problem.

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