Surviving heartaches and disappointments

The long-awaited Avengers: Endgame has already sold more than double the total advanced tickets of Captain Marvel, The Last Jedi, Aquaman, and Avengers: Infinity War combined. The anticipation and excitement for this movie is simply unmatched. We know the heroes will do do “whatever it takes” to get the job done, which means we shouldn’t be surprised to witness all sorts of heartbreaking moments throughout the film.

We experience heartache, disappointments and curveballs of some kind -caused by a death, a divorce, a breakup, a diagnosis, news of some kind that has shattered life as we know it. All you know is that life looks very different now. It brings you to your knees with shards of glass around your feet.

In my very bones, I understand how you may be feeling. Your heart is completely broken and your dreams no more. With your whole life tipped upside down, you feel numb from the shock and in total disbelief; heavy-hearted and full of dread, you sense a long and desolate journey ahead of you. I know - I felt it, too. You feel odd, as everyone else's lives around you keep going on; yours has been rendered unrecognizable to you. While going through the motions into the unknown, you feel overwhelmed with anxiety and fear.

You're asking, "Who am I now - without this love / this family / this job / this sense of security / this self-image?"

No one is prepared for sudden loss. The rug is pulled from under your feet.

And it's OK to acknowledge that this crisis, this pain, is NOT what you want....but you're going to have to deal with it. Life continues on no matter what. 

You don't get to choose who dies or who leaves you, or what happens to you - even though there are times you may blame yourself and feel guilt for what has happened - but you get to choose how you think and where you put your attention and focus.

Work gave me a place to feel more like myself and the kindness of my colleagues showed me that not all aspects of my life were terrible. After a death of a loved one, when someone goes back to work, grief can interfere with their job performance. These losses could be decreased and the load lightened for people who are grieving if leaders provided time off, flexible and reduced hours, and financial assistance. Providing support is both the compassionate and the wise thing to do.

What I learned is that I have control only over the choices I make every day, beginning with putting my feet on the ground every morning. It all happens in baby steps - one right after the next. With each step, we influence how and when we get back to happy.

And if this seems like an impossible dream right now, we will heal and return to wholeness and joy, however difficult that may sound today. I learned that when life pulls you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again.

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end - - John Lennon