Make the 1st move

"I can't stand the way he does things," Fong complained. "Nowadays I just let him do what he wants. I have given up telling him."

People who're having problems with each other almost always engage in a power struggle over the issue of change. A wants to change B in some way, but B can't or won't change. B feels the same way about A. Both frustrated, they believe that they aren't getting what they want or need from each other. It's a lot like the cold war between the superpowers: each wants the other to make the 1st move. The result is a frustrating and unproductive stalemate.


We experience this problem in our relationship with family, friends and colleagues. However, I've noticed that when one takes the 1st step and begins to make some change - or even just shows a willingness to change - good things usually begins to happen. It all starts with just one person changing a little.