Intimate pain

"Everyone has someone outside their marriage whom they can share their marital pain with," Nickson said over nasi lemak. "Tell me who doesn't"

Openly sharing our painful feelings and receiving the warmth and acceptance of another is profoundly intimate.

Paradoxically, sharing pain with someone who loves us and accepts our pain actually feels good. It does not feel good to be in pain, of course, but it feels wonderful to "let go" to it with someone who accepts it, like releasing a hidden secret. People are often more intimate with each other in relationships outside marriages because they risk expressing their pain to the other, and receive warmth and caring in return. In fact, many such relationships originate with 2 people sharing with each other the pain of their respective marriages.