Michelle Obama said that the White House had better food than Buckingham Palace. She admitted, though, that the palace has “better china.”
Blowing out someone else's candle does not make yours shine brighter.
I know a friend who eats good food and exercises like a maniac. Then he gets on the scales and he has only lost 2kg. In many ways this is great. The problem is he wants to lose 10kg. So he gets depressed that he has lost "only" 2 and begin to focus on the 8 he hasn't lost, rather than celebrating the 2 that he has lost. He doesn't celebrate his progress; he focuses on this lack of perfection.
We must each follow our own star in our own way at our own time. Be happy with what is. Why should we long for something more or something else? Why shouldn't we be happy with the way things are?
It all seemed so noble, even seemed so saintly: "Reach for the top. Don't settle for second best." The rhetoric is unrealistic. Nothing is ever perfect. My best was always flawed.
Like all our tendencies, perfectionism had deeper, unexposed roots. For example "People will criticize me," or "what will mum and dad say?" It may well be our competitiveness is simply our way of getting approval.
Most of the people I know are reluctant to admit that the demon of competitiveness has dominated them. They set unrealistic standards and have unrealistic expectations. "Her salary is higher than mine!" "Their workload is lighter though I contribute more!" The high price is always a downward spiral. Very often our frustrated hopes degenerate gradually into a disappointed anger.
I achieved - perhaps not at the highest level, but on whatever scale of joy, contentment and prosperity everyone else was measured by, I was definitely higher and better and more than some others. Statistically, I was miles away from the lowest and worst.
So I say to you: seek growth, not perfection. A good way to choose growth is to set out to enjoy. And here is the surprise bonus. If you set out to enjoy, you will actually do a better job than if you are determined to make it perfect. You'll most likely notice an improvement in your performance. Setting out to achieve perfection, by contrast, will become stressful and demoralizing. The end result will probably be discouragement. And discouragement always wants to quit, to give it all up.
A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.
Blowing out someone else's candle does not make yours shine brighter.
I know a friend who eats good food and exercises like a maniac. Then he gets on the scales and he has only lost 2kg. In many ways this is great. The problem is he wants to lose 10kg. So he gets depressed that he has lost "only" 2 and begin to focus on the 8 he hasn't lost, rather than celebrating the 2 that he has lost. He doesn't celebrate his progress; he focuses on this lack of perfection.
We must each follow our own star in our own way at our own time. Be happy with what is. Why should we long for something more or something else? Why shouldn't we be happy with the way things are?
It all seemed so noble, even seemed so saintly: "Reach for the top. Don't settle for second best." The rhetoric is unrealistic. Nothing is ever perfect. My best was always flawed.
Like all our tendencies, perfectionism had deeper, unexposed roots. For example "People will criticize me," or "what will mum and dad say?" It may well be our competitiveness is simply our way of getting approval.
Most of the people I know are reluctant to admit that the demon of competitiveness has dominated them. They set unrealistic standards and have unrealistic expectations. "Her salary is higher than mine!" "Their workload is lighter though I contribute more!" The high price is always a downward spiral. Very often our frustrated hopes degenerate gradually into a disappointed anger.
I achieved - perhaps not at the highest level, but on whatever scale of joy, contentment and prosperity everyone else was measured by, I was definitely higher and better and more than some others. Statistically, I was miles away from the lowest and worst.
So I say to you: seek growth, not perfection. A good way to choose growth is to set out to enjoy. And here is the surprise bonus. If you set out to enjoy, you will actually do a better job than if you are determined to make it perfect. You'll most likely notice an improvement in your performance. Setting out to achieve perfection, by contrast, will become stressful and demoralizing. The end result will probably be discouragement. And discouragement always wants to quit, to give it all up.
A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment