Dancing to the winds of change

"Being a change agent in 2016 means you have to be a bit of a daredevil." Stephanie Linnartz wrote about what it takes to be a change agent in a LinkedIn post, adding "being a true change agent can sometimes only be realized by daring even when it’s daunting"

Change is tough - but it happens. Sometimes, the situation may seem to to be unfair, and that's just how it is. But you and I now that's not the case. It's not a matter of being fair or unfair. The winds of change may come as a fierce hurricane, ripping our lives asunder, or as a tender breeze that caresses our cheeks.

It's just that most of us seek familiar routines to create a sense of control and order - so change can appear as a blessing or a curse; the same rain welcomed by the flowers is mourned by picnickers wishing for a sunny day.

I can be a rigid person. Don't get me wrong, I love to experiment with new food, travel to new countries, and meet new people, but there's a large part of me that always clings to the comfortable. But, rather than longing for summer in the midst of winter's chill or wishing for cool winds in the hot and humid heat, I am learning to embrace each season and ride change as ships ride the waves. Change is going to happen whether we like it or not, so we might as well accept them.

Change causes confusion and confusion is nothing but a word for "not knowing the answer." And really, isn't it true that every time, right before we know the answer, we always....don't know the answer! When I think of it like that, I am ready to deal with confusion and be a lot calmer - and happier - in the process.

Okay, stay with me. A sign of a person's maturity is his/her ability to live with - even in - confusion. The average person runs from confusion and seeks an easier path. "I can't do this," he says. "This is not for me." The mature person - the high achiever - will understand that ife's grand prizes are guarded by confusion and says, "I cannot do this...yet." I am not good at this yet, but I will work and learn and become better until I am competent, then excellent, then great!"

My buddy Wilson, texted to say his doctor advised him to do an angiogram. Let's take an honest look at your health. If you find out that you have a certain condition, you can choose to be in denial or anger or regret or you could choose to re-visit the way you eat, the way you exercise, the kind of schedule you keep, the ways in which you take care of yourself.

And this is a game-changer. Life will always be an exciting adventure that's full of twists and surprises...if we can manage to stay open and accept our ever-changing reality.

Take counsel in the words of Sir George Bernard Shaw: "Never mind likes and dislikes; they are of no consequence. Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness."

Why Worry?

"Are you worried?" Siew Fong queried point-blankedly. "Now that the two companies are integrating"

I used to love the Dire Straits album titled "Brothers in Arms." The last song on the album is "Why Worry." The song speaks about the inevitability of problems in our lives. It also reminds us of the hope that brings us through dark times.

We worry about a lot of things, don't we? I know I do. Some nights I lie in bed and my mind is just racing with things I need to do, or things I need to tell others about. I have to stop, consciously, and remind myself that I am imagining all these scenarios, and they are not real. I do this by reminding myself that in the past, situations have never worked out the way I thought they would.

I don't know if you have noticed, but things very rarely work out the way we think they will. So why worry?

As I look back on the things I have spent endless hours worrying about, they never worked out the way I thought they would, but they did work out.

The peace that followed this acceptance was beautiful. There were days when I couldn't be happy, but I think that accepting this leads to a more peaceful existence anyway.

My body had always been a great indicator of where my emotions had been. If heartburn or acid reflux would present itself, I could recognize where my thoughts and feelings had been in the days or weeks leading up to this.

But telling people not to worry is like telling them not to think of a white elephant. How often we hear people say, "Worrying won't help" or "Worrying is not going to change anything." As true as those words are, they don't make people say, "You're absolutely right. I won't worry anymore."

Problems are inevitable in a marriage, in a career or business and in health and well-being. There will be laughter after pain; there will be sunshine after rain. It has always been this way, so why do we spend so much of our time and energy consumed with worry?

Life goes so fast, whether you live until your twenties, forties or eighties. Everyday in itself is a gift and blessing. It is all we ever have anyway, the moment we are in.

No regrets

First it was Brexit. Then in a stunning upset, Donald Trump was elected the 45th president of the United States. What we are seeing are rejections of the status quo and ordinary people saying they want their countries back. 

At some point, we too, need to regain control of our lives, by eliminating those things that distracts us or holds us back. We need to look at everything that's on our plates and decide what must be cleared.

No matter how much we want things to stay the same, life is all about change. Sometimes change is for the better, and sometimes its not. Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future. The past clogs up the future. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, a painful breakup, a business failure, or a treacherous betrayal, holding onto past pain and resentment will only hold us back.

Richard Paul Evans puts it this way: The ship releases its anchor not for the anchor's benefit, but for the ship

Everyone has problems. Some choose to be whiners - some choose to be winners. Some choose to be victims - some choose to be victors. Stop using past pain as currency to buy out of present living. In the end, the victimhood mentality simply is not worth it.
 The things we often think we need are sometimes the things that keep us trapped in an unfulfilled life.

We can never know how long we are here for or how long those we love will be. Now having been through what I have, I know how valuable old and loyal friends were in carrying me through. Most people have friends but when it comes to the crunch, there are not a lot of friends who can be there through the absolute hardest times.

Life gets busy and friendships fade away. There will always be people who come and go in life, friends included. But those who truly matter, those who you love most dearly, are worth every ounce of effort to stay in touch with.

In the end, what matters to people is how much happiness they have brought to those they love and how much time they spent doing things they themselves loved. Life doesn't allow us to go back and fix what we have done wrong in the past, but it does allow us to live each day better than the last.

Express gratitude; everything will be a little brighter

"8 things happy people do differently" One of my ex-classmate from the class of '81 sent me a video with that title via Whatsapp. Number #1 was: never let the things you WANT make you forget about the things you HAVE. 

Part of my daily rituals involves getting myself in a place of gratitude. Whether it's driving to work or simply sitting down in a quiet room, I will do my 2-minute gratitude exercises. You may be wondering what my gratitude exercises are. They are so simple. I reflect on my gratitude list, a list of all the people, things and opportunities I am grateful for. What's on the list? My family, friends, health, food, clothes, my home, my car, money, meaningful work, my team, my office, my talents and abilities, travel and so on. I remind myself for all I have to be grateful for.

Gratitude is really important to me. For you it may be something different, but my experience leads me to believe that when we are in a state of gratitude, everything is a little brighter.

I have always had a real passion for music, and I have always enjoyed Billy Joel's music.  Three years before Billy Joel wrote the song "Piano Man", he was financially broke, professionally failing. And when his girlfriend left him, he decided to commit suicide by drinking a bottle of furniture polish and a bottle of vodka. The next day, very sick, he checked himself into a mental institution. Three weeks later, he checked himself out. He was a new man. It wasn't any medication the doctors gave him. The other patients had cured him. They reminded him of how fortunate and gifted he was,a d they had shown him how much more life could be. He was given a new perspective on life.

At different times on our lives, we all need a startling new perspective.

We view things not as they are, but as we are. Our mind creates a drama, a comedy, a tragedy, a romance out of what simply arises. As an anonymous poet once wrote, "Two men looked out of prison bars; one saw mud and the other saw stars." As much as we wish otherwise, the world unfolds as it will. All we can do is raise our vision to find purpose in our growing pains.

Problems are inevitable in a relationship, in a career or business, and in health and well-being. Hardship is a part of life - but whether we view it as a tragic or heroic, grotesque or purposeful, depends on our perspective. Our mind can light a candle or curse the darkness - the choice is ours.

Learn by doing

I attended a 2-day training program in Macau last week.

Other than rocket science, we don't need to be born with exceptional abilities nor be super-talented to master something. All it takes is to get on the path and stay on it. Only by being immersed in the process that we will come to know the road. All that's required is taking the first step.

Here's a fascinating point: all infants are successful. When you were a baby, trying to learn how to walk. Did you ever thought of quitting? Did you ever say to yourself: "You know, it looks like I may just not be cut out for walking. Oh well. Guess I'll have to crawl for the rest of my life..." Of course not. Constantly falling down was really uncomfortable (it hurt) but you kept at it anyway. Why? Because that's just the way we're designed.

I constantly ask myself: Are there any situations in my life today where I've given up and decided to keep crawling for the rest of my life?

If so, why is it so difficult, so impossible, to do something today that I had no trouble doing when I was less than a year old?

The answer is as simple as it is sad: somewhere along the way, we lose faith. We become too grown-up to take baby steps. We gave up on the universal truth that simple little disciplines, done again and again over time, would move the biggest mountains.

The stepping out of our comfort zones is kind of like stretching. Obviously, all growth involves some stretching. What some of us fear to try, others may find very natural and easy. For me personally, speaking conversational Mandarin is a typical challenge. For some friends I know, the challenge is different: giving a speech, disagreeing with a boss, learning a musical instrument. What have you always wanted to do, but were afraid to try?

We acquire deeper wisdom through world lessons than we do through word lessons. World lessons teach through experience. Exeperience involves the journey. A book can point the way, but we must still make the journey. The lessons of experience are always positive, even if the experience is not.

And eventually, when we ourselves become worthy of emulating, we should serve as a guide to others. In Macau, Rauf Malik told the story of how he grew from bellman to Vice President. I, myself, started out as a lowly computer operator, working shifts. The cream has become butter - and now we're the mentor.

Pope Francis has this to say, " Some think that they are important because they are more knowledgeable than others; they want to lord it over them. Yet what really makes us important is a love that understands, shows concern and embraces the weak."

Is there a member of your family or team whom you pay less attention to because they aren't as "smart" as you are? Reach out to them today with sincere interest in their life.

The Power of Questions

As a panelist at ITB Asia last week, I received a list of 29 questions from the moderator.

Creative people are constantly questioning the things they see and experience: questioning assumptions, questioning authority, questioning reality and questioning the status quo. But questions can be tricky. The way we ask the question can impact the answer we get.

Clearly, leaders are looking for answers.

I learned early on that asking the right questions is the best way to help people find the answers. Good questions are often far more powerful than answers. Good question challenge your thinking. They reframe and redefine the problem. They are powerful tools to get directly to the heart of the matter, the key to opening locked doors.

In ancient history, Socrates and Jesus used questions to great effect. In the 20th century, intellectuals such as Albert Einstein and Peter Drucker loved to ask provocative questions.

What do you think?  are four potent and irresistible words. It is one of the most powerful motivating forces in human nature. People crave two things above all else. They seek appreciation and they want someone to listen to them.

Because of Steve Jobs' unparalleled innovation and drive, Apple became the most valuable tech company in the world. Jobs is famous for his intense question "Is this the best you can do?" which infuses Apple's corporate culture. This is an exceptionally powerful question. Use it and it will help others achieve things they did not believe possible.

This may surprise you: I often do not learn from my experiences. I often race headlong from one activity to the next, never pausing to reflect. Setbacks are great teachers, but so are successes. To help myself get the most out of my experiences, nowadays, I ask myself: What did I learn?

How many times a day do we say "If only...?" If we could create the perfect life, the perfect home, the perfect job, the perfect mate.

If you could, in retrospect, change one thing about your childhood, what would it be?

If you could return for one year to one age in your life, knowing what you know now, to relive that year as you wish, which year would you go back to?

If you could have personally witnessed one event in history, what would you want to have seen?

If you could be guaranteed one thing in life besides money, what would you ask for?

We all fantasize and we all dream. We dreamed as children and we dream now because without our fantasies we would be lost. We imagine in order to learn, to understand, to strive, to attempt, to predict, to avoid, to correct, to describe, to solve. Everybody, old or young, fat or thin, intelligent or not, from one culture or another, has the ability and inclination to wonder.

 

It's not always about you

Luke Cage is Netflix's latest hit series. I find Luke Cage especially cool because what makes Luke so different and special, even amongst himself and all other superheroes, is that he’s out there in a modern, realistic world, alone, with his name and no mask.

Never doubt that a single, thoughtful, committed person can change the world. because one person, by his/her committed consistent, actions, will have a ripple effect that will in time created a thoughtful, committed group of thousands. Or millions.

In my 40's I began finding that I had a passion for paying forward - the knowledge, the mentorship, the personal growth and development, and the success.

Some people seem more naturally disposed to looking for goodness than others, and I have to admit that I am not one of them. Patiently seeking the good isn't always that easy, especially when things don't go how we would like them to or when people hurt us deeply. However, those who believe people are basically good seem to be happier than those who believe that they are not.

I am determined to develop the habit of seeking the good in everyone and everything. That doesn't mean I will always find it. From time to time, I know I will be disappointed. But I will strive to make this my first inclination, my default position.

I have a friend in Kuala Lumpur who is among the busiest people I know. I have known him for twenty years now, and whenever I talk to him on the phone or see him in person, our time together never ends without him asking, "What can I do to help?" At first I thought he was just being polite, but over time as I have come to know him and the way he lives his life, I have learned that he lives to serve others. He has taught me to keep perspective on my own role and responsibility as a leader.

Some people spend their whole likes serving themselves, their petty interests and selfish desires. Have you ever receive a call from a friend who has not spoken or contacted you in years, only for him/her to ask you a favor or for some information?

President Obama puts it this way: "When you feel as if what you're doing is not about you and your success, but delivering for people who put their hopes and faith in you, then you don't want to disappoint."