Acceptance vs tolerance

"My wife's behaviour just doesn't make sense," Ken remarked.

When we do not understand and respect another's behaviour, but are willing to go along with it,then we are tolerating the other - so says the dictionary. But that is not the same with acceptance.

Often it is easier to be more accepting of friends than to accept our partners.

In fact, I think the real problem here is that we do not have a full awareness of all the important reasons the partner has for behaving or feeling as we do. Only when we explore them can we respectfully understand them and only then will we come to true acceptance.

Talking - too much and not at all

"I don't want to talk about it," crooned Rod Stewart on the CD player.

I personally believe that talking about the things that happen in our day is an important element in communication.

However, some people just adopt an attitude of not talking at all. This is a way for them to avoid an issue that is upsetting them. They retreat into silence, or go out, than to risk talking (and eventually quarelling).

There are others who talk about the same issue too much - going on and on about something they want changed - that it becomes nagging. They tell someone else what they think should be done: "You never..."; "You always..."; "I hate it when you..." and so on. But saying it over and over again is not communicating. Repetition won't get anyone where they want to be, in fact it will have the opposite effect of making the other person "go deaf."

Surviving infidelity

"So many people I know have been through it - infidelity," Mr Chung said. "They have become infidels."

Infidelity can either destroy a relationship or be the 1st step toward mending one - that's up to the couple.

Turn on the TV, open a history book, read a newspaper and you can find some examples of infidelity. I'm sure you can think of at least 5 people you know who have had to cope with cheating partners at some point in their lives.

For a long time, I was convince that if a spouse cheated, there's no turning back, that any marriage/relationship, no matter how strong, could survive infidelity - until I met Kim.

Of course the reasons may not justify the behaviour, but getting to the crux of the problem and finding a solution helped them survive their ordeal and build a stronger relationship.

Humourous me

"I always laugh a lot when I'm with Paul," remarked Francis over his pint of Heineken.

In our hurry, hurry, rush, rush, do it now, instant everything world with all the distractions we face in life, in our family and specifically in our relationships, on of the most effective tools to keep romance alive is a sense of humour.

I try to see humour in many of life's daily situations. I turn to humour in my personal, family and business lives regularly, hopefully in a natural and effective manner. I tell jokes, do a little "leg pulling" and share one-liners in my everyday life.

Mum the CCO

"Dad is a man of few words. Mom will go on forever," the daughter Cicily commented on An American Love Story

In many families, mother is the CCO (Chief Communications Officer). All information passes through her.

A survey amongst a large class of college students revealed that when they call home, the vast majority of them talk to their mothers.

I recall my dad was always away at work during my childhood days. Many people recall their fathers as absent too. Even if they are physically present, fathers are always remembered as silent.

Nowadays when I call, dad quickly passes the phone to my mother. But dad will talk at length if I happen to call when my mother is not at home.

Focus on results

Everton drew first blood with a goal after just 25 seconds from Louis Saha, the faster ever in cup final history. But Chelsea relentlessly took charge and won thanks to a Didier Drogba header and Frank Lampard's second-half effort. Neville said: "We started well, scored a great goal, but we didn't build on that when we had the chance early on."

These days, a lot of people seem to think that it's not whether you win or lose; it's how you play the game. Oh, yeah? Then why keep score?

They don't focus on results, and they won't take personal responsibility for success or failure. They'd rather just be safe and snug, and tiptoe their way through life.

I always strive to make everyone feel responsible for the success or failure of the entire team. If the team succeeds everybody on it shoul feel like a hero; if it fails everyone should feel like a goat.

I try to inspire a sense of personal responsibility in my team. I am happy to say that my team just keep plugging away until they turn failure into success. They do whatever it takes to win.

From right: Let and Diah

Dad won't listen

"Your father still refuse to go and see a doctor," mum said over the phone.

How do you help an aging parent who doesn't want help? Let me say at the outset that I haven't found an answer.

For the past two months, dad's skin condition on his arms has not improved. Yet he insists on self-medication.

Recognising his pride or vanity, knowing his stubborness has not helped me. I have begged and pleaded and threatened. To no avail.

When aging parents remain alert enough to make their own decisions, children find themselves torn between feelings of respect and responsibility. Respect for their independence and responsibility for their safety.