Of all the regrets of the dying, the regret of not having lived a life true to themselves was the most common.
I too, wanted to do things for me and I just didn't have the courage. This is because of my need for affirmation, encouragement and acceptance and the need to belong. And for decades, I carried on with the life expected of me, the whole time, knowing there was something else waiting but not having the courage to seek it.
During my twenties and thirties, I was having a lot of fun. Those decades had been hard for me. Somehow I survived that time though. Looking back, I have no idea how. An example of being influenced by the surrounding environment is watching down-to-earth and already happy people get caught up in the chase for more, more, more after a job promotion. Sometimes this will bring happiness, sure, but not always.
Experience has taught me that I am not alone in all of this. Our desire to please is innate, be it our parents, children, friends, colleagues, boss, spouse. Another thing I learned is that we will never be happy pretending to be someone other than ourselves. On too many occasions to count, and in ways too embarrassing to recall, I have tried to impress people by pretending to be someone other than who I really am.
They say though that we do more to avoid pain than we do to gain pleasure. So it is when the pain becomes too much that we finally find the courage to make changes. I now resolve to be true to myself, be brave enough to live and work the way I want to, regardless of what other people say.
It was time to do things differently. It was time to choose a different way, to speak up and say "enough." After speaking up, things started to change within myself. I grew stronger in self-respect and clearer in self-expression. Some new and healthier seeds had finally been sown. It was time to start living and working as who I wanted to be, one small step at a time.
Another step forward is also to acknowledge my imperfections. I may not be a details person. It's not necessarily a defect. It is just part of who I am. This is not to say I am negligent of my commitments, and to some extent, I strive to improve my ability to manage details. But I also surround myself with people who thrive on taking care of the details.
Think of it this way: a tree does not try to make all its branches straight. And yet it does change and grow over time. The answer, for us, is to try to live in that delicate balance between striving to improve in character while celebrating our unique personality and talents.
Life is not about doing and having; it is about becoming. Not to become some poor imitation of our parents, our friends, our siblings, or our colleagues and boss - but to become the best-version-of-ourselves.
I too, wanted to do things for me and I just didn't have the courage. This is because of my need for affirmation, encouragement and acceptance and the need to belong. And for decades, I carried on with the life expected of me, the whole time, knowing there was something else waiting but not having the courage to seek it.
During my twenties and thirties, I was having a lot of fun. Those decades had been hard for me. Somehow I survived that time though. Looking back, I have no idea how. An example of being influenced by the surrounding environment is watching down-to-earth and already happy people get caught up in the chase for more, more, more after a job promotion. Sometimes this will bring happiness, sure, but not always.
Experience has taught me that I am not alone in all of this. Our desire to please is innate, be it our parents, children, friends, colleagues, boss, spouse. Another thing I learned is that we will never be happy pretending to be someone other than ourselves. On too many occasions to count, and in ways too embarrassing to recall, I have tried to impress people by pretending to be someone other than who I really am.
They say though that we do more to avoid pain than we do to gain pleasure. So it is when the pain becomes too much that we finally find the courage to make changes. I now resolve to be true to myself, be brave enough to live and work the way I want to, regardless of what other people say.
It was time to do things differently. It was time to choose a different way, to speak up and say "enough." After speaking up, things started to change within myself. I grew stronger in self-respect and clearer in self-expression. Some new and healthier seeds had finally been sown. It was time to start living and working as who I wanted to be, one small step at a time.
Another step forward is also to acknowledge my imperfections. I may not be a details person. It's not necessarily a defect. It is just part of who I am. This is not to say I am negligent of my commitments, and to some extent, I strive to improve my ability to manage details. But I also surround myself with people who thrive on taking care of the details.
Think of it this way: a tree does not try to make all its branches straight. And yet it does change and grow over time. The answer, for us, is to try to live in that delicate balance between striving to improve in character while celebrating our unique personality and talents.
Life is not about doing and having; it is about becoming. Not to become some poor imitation of our parents, our friends, our siblings, or our colleagues and boss - but to become the best-version-of-ourselves.
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