Thinking backward to go forward

2018 rewind:

• BTS became the first K-Pop band to top Billboard’s album charts then repeated the feat, achieving an unprecedented level of success in the U.S.
• Microsoft surpassed Apple Inc. for the first time in eight years as the world’s most valuable company by market capitalization. 
• Reliance Industries Chairman, Mukesh Ambani overtook Jack Ma as Asia’s richest man. 
• Taylor Swift’s Reputation Stadium Tour grossed $266 million in the U.S -  a record for a female artist.
• Stacey Cunningham became the first female president of the 226-year-old New York Stock Exchange.
• Mahathir’s stunning defeat of Najib Razak to become the world’s oldest prime minister and led to Malaysia’s first democratic change of regime. 

Backward thinking is an essential part of designing a better future. 

An experience is not complete until it is remembered. We can't just ignore it or wish it away. Whatever we have experienced over the last 12 months - or even further back - must be addressed. If we try to ignore it, it's just going to come back to bite us.

Sometimes we live inside unhelpful stories we tell ourselves. Other  times we nurse grievances to justify our current actions or fell undervalued because we were slighted or disregarded in some way. If we don't get resolution, we'll drag all our unfinished business into the future and it will sabotage everything we're trying to build going forward.

Many of us have endured real shocks, even catastrophes. Maybe you had conflicts in relationships. Maybe you lost a loved one. Maybe you experienced an accident, an illness, or a loss of job. It's like there are a thousand little windows open on your computer at the same time, and you are able to - click - close all the windows. It is very freeing. 

Completing the past is not just about processing failures and disappointments. It's also about acknowledging and celebrating our wins. We often downplay this or never think to do it. But it's key as it gives us confidence for the future. 

It could be running a half marathon this last year. Or maybe you celebrated a milestone in your job or relationship. Maybe you completed a degree. Maybe your beat your sales targets by a significant percentage. Whatever it is, it's important to acknowledge what we accomplished this past year and take time to congratulation ourselves.

For me this past year was about being wildly productive at work while still getting the rest and rejuvenation that makes that kind of productivity possible in the first place. That's just me. 

What about you? What were the major life lessons you learned this past year? Unless we learn from our experiences, we can't grow. Progress depends on retentiveness.

Here's one I learned this year: "There comes a point in every experience when I'm too far in to quit but almost certain I can't finish. If I keep moving forward, I'll eventually get to the other side." 

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, an hour, a day or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.

Live a life true to yourself

Google and Amazon announced expansions in New York. Google intends to expand its New York presence to 20,000 workers. Amazon announced it plans to locate its new HQ2 in Queens, NY. Amazon’s decision follows more than a year of lobbying by communities around the US and Canada. A city in Georgia even offered to change its name to Amazon in its bid to be the location of the company's new corporate headquarters.

Of all the lessons of the dying as shared by Bronnie Ware, the regret of not having lived a life true to themselves was the most common one of all.

We want to be independent but we also want to be liked and loved. Our desire to please those around us can sometimes be a way to lose ourselves.

Who is it that we never stop trying to please? For most people, it is their parents or a parent. For others, it can be a mentor or boss. And for still others, it could be a colleague or partner. 

In my case, it is my parents. As I look back, I see I have always wanted to impress my mother and father. Most of all, I wanted them to be proud of me. Fortunately, they never placed any pressure or expectations on me in the area of professional path. 

Experience has taught me I am not alone in all of this. It's amazing how much sway our mother wanting us to be a lawyer or doctor can have over the rest of our lives. I tell you this to illustrate the strong emotional ties we carry with us throughout our lives and the enormous burden other people's expectations can be.

Could I fulfil my career potential and have a fulfilling family life? Could I be a great parent and still attend to my own needs?

We can go too far in either direction, and as most things, the answer lies somewhere in the middle. Some people are completely absorbed in a world of self. Others get so caught us in pleasing others they lose sight of who they are.

To that end it is important to disengage from as many distractions as possible so you can rest, read, reflect and recover. There will be times when you need to get away with your partner, and occasionally you will need to bounce some of your thinking off a trusted friend. But at some points, you need some time by yourself with few distractions.

Protect yourself

Queen movie, Bohemian Rhapsody has officially become the highest-grossing music biopic of all time. Queen‘s song ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ became the most-streamed track from the

twentieth century. 

 

In real life, Freddie Mercury had very strange teeth - four extra teeth had forced his front teeth forward. He was said to be self-conscious and embarrassed about them.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

It is said: "You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing everything with logic; true power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you."

Energy vampires take our energy and exhaust us. Some or overbearing or loud; others are charming or soft-spoken. They can be neighbors, coworkers, telemarketers or big shots barking orders to a waiter in a small café. Spouses, children and in-laws may drain us too, even if they don't intend to.

There's the type that whenever you talk to her, she's whining. She casts herself as a victim. The world's always against her, to blame for her unhappiness. When you present a solution, she says, "Yes...but." You might find yourself hearing the same complaints over and over.

There are the ones who has a sneaky way of making you feel guilty for not getting things just right. He uses accusations to drain, leaving no room for discussion. You walk away feeling knifed. as if you'd fallen to the bottom of a well.

Then there are those who have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement, hog attention and crave admiration. Some narcissists are unlikeable egoists.  Others can be charming, intelligent, caring - only when you are stroking their ego.

All my life, I've had a an energetic personality. I'm happy about that. Even so, a vampire's effects can stun like a sonic blast or make you slowly wilt. I myself am most susceptible to emotional vampires when I feel desperate, tired or disempowered. But when we get angry and hateful, we are giving them power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health and our happiness.

In truth, it's our choice.

We can simply feel tortured, resentful, impotent. I choose to view these as opportunities to not be a sucker for negativity and try to bring empathy into every relationship.

Namaste.

Slow down

Miss Spain Angela Ponce is the favourite to win Miss Universe 2018 which is set to be held in Bangkok, Thailand, on December 17. The 27 year old model will be the first ever transgender woman to compete in Miss Universe.

MYTH: Youth rules and old age stinks. We must maintain our youthfulness at all costs. 

I am 54 today and I can tell you it represents an awesome time in my life. I've paid my dues for wisdom and learned how to be comfortable in my own skin. I can create a higher quality of life - and pursue a fun companionship that have eluded me in my younger years. Living life fully built  on the many tough lessons I have learned and is symbolized by my wrinkles and grey hair. I worked hard to earn these distinguished characteristics and so I wear them like medals of honour.

The truth is, most of us dread getting older. We would trade almost anything to be thirty or forty again. Why do many fear middle and old age, rather than embrace this wonderful stage of life?

The lessons of maturity involve an ability to accept the imperfect, put a higher priority on companionship and live in the moment. Understanding and accepting that I am in the last third of my life makes every day more precious. I now have different values, and quality of life becomes more crucial. The need to slow down, relax and enjoy recreation and relationships takes on special significance. My aging body brought about this realization.

The part of aging that involves pain, deteriorating bodies and facing our mortality isn't easy to work through. I would never say that all of the changes should be celebrated.

In our busy world, our lives have a habit of gathering momentum of their own, plunging forward, with or without our consent. I am learning to slow down and access life. We cannot control the pace of innovation and work, but we can help our bodies to weather the storms of change.

The world is full of men and women who work too much, sleep too little, hardly every exercise, eat poorly and are always struggling or failing to find adequate time to spend with their loved ones. We are in a perpetual hurry - constantly rushing from one activity to another, with little understanding of where all this activity is leading us.

Slow down. Breathe deeply. Reflect deeply. Pray deeply. Live deeply. 

Listen to my advice, not because I am always right but because I have more experience being wrong.

When you've made the wrong decision

At a Victoria's Secret Pink store, Black Friday shopping became a contact sport, reports ABC. The hot item: Sherpa fleece hoodies, marked down from $90 to $35.

Rational decision-making abilities are at their weakest on Black Friday as retailers tend to play on two factors that influence customer choices — pride and regret. Research on decision-making has shown that fear of future regret influences our decision making.

All of us make decisions, particularly important ones, with incomplete information. And when there is time pressure, there is more urgency. All decisions are made in the moment, for the moment.

The truth is we can't know the outcomes of our decisions until after we commit. This is not a new issue but, too often, people seem to find themselves frozen on the trigger, unable to commit and choose. Decidophobia, the fear of making decisions, is a common disease.

What do you do when the facts of a decision tell you that you took the wrong road? When you have gotten, with the best of intentions, into a relationship, a new job, that turns out to be a bad deal, a fiasco?

Most of the time, we stubbornly try to ride out the storm. We pray that the tide will turn, we give it second chances, third chances, and even fourth chances. We tough it out for a while, sometimes a long while, because none of us likes to admit defeat. Yet the longer we fail to do what we know if right, the bigger the potential defeat.

Oxford don C.S. Lewis shared a piece of wisdom: "Don't keep pressing forward trying to prove you were right (a particularly male disease)." You promptly (and painfully) turn back and embark on the right road. That's just what I did. I have made some wrong hiring decisions. It was a painful blow to my overheated ego.

Even with all the data and research intel, there is no such thing as a "sure deal."

If you know you have made the wrong decision, don't persist forever in a state of denial. Fact the brutal facts. And if the facts prove that you're still on the wrong track, bite the bullet, pay the price, get out.

When the horse is dead, dismount.

 

Vulnerability can be a superpower

From Iron Man to Spider-Man to the Incredible Hulk to the X-Men, Marvel legend Stan Lee captured our imagination and our attention. The father of these superheroes died at age 95.

"Another definition of a hero is someone who is concerned about other people’s well-being, and will go out of his or her way to help them – even if there is no chance of a reward. That person who helps others simply because it should or must be done, and because it is the right thing to do, is indeed without a doubt, a real superhero," Stan the Man once said. 

These days, too many people are determined to get to the top and willing to get that power any way they can.  Undercutting, sidestepping, overstepping, taking people out at the knees, or just going over someone's head - whatever it takes. Too many people, when they get the power they're after, they realize they don't have what it takes to make it effective: respect. 

If a leader has power but no love, compassion, empathy or care for others, then that leader has an empty sort of power. A powerless power. 

I'll say this simply: when it comes to leading, the power of influence always trumps the power of coercion. You pull people in your direction, rather than push them. They follow you because they are drawn to your authenticity and your actions.

I am interested in my team members' lives. (I also know that most people are even more keenly interested in their own lives). Sadly, few leaders ask their team members about their family, their interests, their passions or what they want. 

I am a ladder builder, not a ladder climber. I am always saying, "What can I do to help you? How would I make you successful?" If you make your team successful, your team's going to make you successful. 

I am not afraid to be vulnerable. The bottom line is, I admit that I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to screw up. My people are able to see me for who I truly am, which give them the confidence to express themselves to me. They will tell me when I am nakedly wrong and I have no clothes on. And I need that, because ultimately, success is not about me in the first place. Success is about others, and it's about the mission and the organization. 

Nobody's perfect. When we attempt to present a perfect version of ourselves, we become unapproachable. As a result, false perfection can often turn people off.

Of course, I am in no way saying I do things perfectly, or that I always get things right with my team. Sometimes I blow it completely. But when you get real with people, when you show vulnerability, you connect with them, and you move them to a human level. That gives you real power. 

And with great power there must also come....great responsibility! – Spider-Man

Endure the pain. Enjoy the gain

Mickey Mouse turns 90. Mickey made his official debut in 1928 in “Steamboat Willie,” Hollywood’s first cartoon with synchronized sound. Today, Disney has five of the top 10 grossing global hit movies of all time, selling a cumulative $8.4 billion worth of movie tickets. But behind all of that was one ambitious small-town farm boy who failed as often as he succeeded, and finally found worldwide fame – thanks to a cartoon mouse.

Behind every "overnight success" are years of focused effort, struggle, challenge and rejection. 

I took part in my first dragon boat race last week. I can tell you this with utmost certainty: Enthusiasm is common, endurance is rare. 

I started incredibly strong. I tend to come out of the gates full of force and not strategize my pacing. Halfway through the event, I hit a physical wall. I grimaced in pure exhaustion and wanted to stop. But I kept moving, focusing on the present and embracing the current step. 

In your life and work, you too will experience these moments. I've personally experience them, and I know you can relate.

But endurance is what separates the master from the masses and the amateur from the professional. It separates those who stay focus and persistent on a long enough timeline to watch all their dreams come true.

Endurance is not sexy, it's not flashy. It includes countless moments of doubt and wanting to stop. However, if you last long enough, you'll come out the other side recognizing how this piece of the puzzle puts it all together on your way to the top of the mountain.

The trick is....never compare your start or middle to someone else's ending, or you're never endure. Remember: your mountain is yours.

It's usually the small, undramatic, sustained efforts over time that make the most difference. Even if you're exhausted and on the verge of giving up - take the step.

Focus on taking today's step, understanding that you're building a rock-solid foundation. Understand that at every moment you're crafting your unique story and journey. One day, if you endure long enough, others will call you can overnight success.