Learn from difficulty and course-correct

"KOREAN WAR TO END! The United States, and all of its GREAT people, should be very proud of what is now taking place in Korea!" Trump tweeted on Friday, claiming credit for accelerating diplomacy between the two Koreas.

Every moment is another chance to turn it all around. Too often we spend our days and weeks waiting for some future experience that we have fantasized will erase all of our problems and make us happy. In the meantime we are missing out on life, moment by moment.

If we want our lives to be different, we have to make it happen. All the thinking or meditating or planning isn't going to improve our lives if we're not willing to take action and make changes.


Although sometimes we don't play any role whatsoever in the difficulties we face, often our difficulties and disappointments do come from our own mistakes and weaknesses. If we can allow ourselves to be honest, that's just a fact. For example, we overcommitted and are now in a jam, or we did something that we told our partner we would stop doing.

We can't learn from a mistake or prevent it from happening again when we are still blaming someone else for causing it. We need to take that mature step to acknowledge whatever role we played in the setback.

Most mistakes, failures and difficulties follow a particular pattern:
...something happens...we react to it emotionally...we feel embarrassed/horrified/struck with fear/etc...we hang on to the thoughts about the event that lead us to continue to react emotionally...we accept our feelings, untangle our thoughts and the negative emotions dissipates/the situation blows over.
What can we do differently the next time so that this doesn't happen again? And how can we repair relationships that may be damaged due to the situation? To whom do we need to make an effective apology? Who do we need to forgive?

When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.

 

Stop comparing yourself to others

PricewaterhouseCoopers estimated that global revenue from the sharing economy would reach $335 billion by 2025. Led by platforms like Uber and Airbnb could the sharing economy help end poverty? China believe the sharing economy is their gift to the world with bike-sharing Ofo to umbrellas to folding stools to basketballs to even sex dolls.

Investors today prefer asset-light companies. Owning and having more does not mean worth more.

As a recovering workaholic, admittedly I still have a lot I want to achieve in my life. However, its taken me a long time, but for me, success now can never be about just what I "do" or "have'. It's when I can laugh, and feel happy about the tiniest thing. It's having a peaceful mind and some blessed downtime rather than knotting myself in frustration, especially when things fall apart. I don't always succeed at this, but I am learning.

You don't have to be old or sick or in crisis, though unfortunately many people require these radical incentives for their beliefs to change. There's nothing like facing your mortality or experiencing depression to quickly crystallize priorities.

Comparing is part of human nature. Nearly everyone does it. I don't care how much money people make or how "perfect" their life seems. Happy people focus on what they have. Unhappy people focus on what's missing. Turn your attitude around. Shift your mind-set to focus on what you do have and what you're grateful for in life, not what you're lacking.

This isn't to say that being motivated to accomplish new feats and acquire new possessions is bad - only that it's bad when your motivation is based in the false belief that accomplishing or acquiring something new is necessary to feel better about yourself.

The most effective methods I've ever used to practice my gratitude is called negative visualization. It means imagining your life WITHOUT something you already have...without your car.  Without your job. Without your best friend. Without your eyes, even. Damn, life would be hard.

Give to others what you most desire for yourself. If you want to be appreciated, appreciate others. If you want your work to be valued, value others; work. If you want love, give love. If you want a successful career, help another's career to flourish.

Don't take anything for granted.

Has work become your life?

Manchester United and Chelsea legend Ray Wilkins died on 4 April aged 61. Other famous faces who have sadly died this year are Professor Stephen Hawking - heralded as one of the smartest minds to grace the world; Reverend Billy Graham - the American evangelist who became one of the world's most influential preachers; the lead singer of Irish rock band The Cranberries - Dolores O'Riordan.  Toys 'R' Us founder Charles Lazarus died days after the company announced it's closing.

What if you knew how long you would live? First of all, would you want to? Would you live differently if you knew?

We spend so much time making plans for the future, often depending on things coming at a later date to assure our happiness or assuming we have all of the time in the world, when all we ever have is our life today. 

Don't create a life where you are going to regret working too hard. There's nothing wrong with loving our work and wanting to apply ourselves to it. But there is much more to life. Don't make work your whole life.

I understand how people can love their work and there is no need for guilt in doing so. I too now love my work, despite the stress that often accompanied it.

If we sense that something is missing, if we yearn for something or someone wonderful in our lives, we must learn to step back from all the frenetic activity. Learn to say no. We do a lot of things because we feel that we must do them. Yes, there are occasions when circumstances are beyond our control, but very often we imagine that our involvement in that particular activity is absolutely indispensable. Would the world really end if we didn't do it?

Why do we depend so much on the material world to validate us? There's nothing wrong in wanting a better life. Don't get me wrong. It's just that the chase for more, and the need to be recognized through our achievements and belongings, can hinder us from the real things like time with those we love, time doing things we love ourselves. What we have gained is clear. But what have we lost? Are we aware of the real cost? We cannot measure the cost of everything in dollars and cents.

Good opportunities are very hard to refuse. I also came to realize that because something is good doesn't mean it is good for you for right for you.



The things we do for ourselves are gone when we are gone. But the things we do for others remain as our legacy.



 

How to get buy in on decisions

The world is at the brink of an all-out trade war. The Trump tariffs were imposed, despite his aides warning just how costly the move could be, meeting after meeting. Then China launched petro-yuan which evoked a surge in global prices for oil and is seen as a blow to the US dollar.

"ASKHOLE": A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.

We've heard about such people and there were times I am guilty myself. People hate feeling ignored. Unfortunately, when we ask for input and appear to ignore it, people feel frustrated, and devalued.

The truth is that most people will work with a decision when they are clear about what is required and why the decision was made. It doesn't mean they have to love it. They're adults and don't expect every decision will got their way.

We save ourselves grief, misunderstanding and hurt feelings when everyone knows up front how the decision will be made. When someone says, "you asked for my opinion and then ignored it. I don't know why I even bother!" he/she was under the impression that the team would decide by consensus when in reality it was the leader's decision. This type of confusion wastes heaps of precious time and energy and sucks the soul from the team.

As a leader, I am conscious about maintaining a delicate balance between pushing and guiding. In decision making, sometimes I might dominate, but I do not domineer. I lead the team. I do not rule them.
 
When you are a sales leader, you have to make decisions with the information at your disposal, rather than what you wish you might have. For this reason, I was often perceived of making snap decisions. I never had a problem reaching a decision based on imperfect information. That's just the way the world works. 
When I was young I made many more impulsive decision than in my later years. I also made some ill-considered decisions that I came to regret. There were occasions where hesitancy cost me. Whichever way, nothing beats the lessons on decision-making imparted by the accounts of the way Winston Churchill saved Britain from the Nazis. The new PM's decision to fight rather than talk was courageous – and right.

 

Personal brand worthy of imitation

Former Liverpool and England player, Jamie Carragher spat at a 14-year-old girl in the face. He was being goaded by her father, a United fan, after Liverpool's defeat to Manchester United recently. He was also caught on camera.


Today, so much of what we put out into the world lives on forever and can be seen and heard by the masses.

My point is that everything we do - or don't - is examined in all quarters. From the way we dress to our speech patterns to what pictures are at our workstations. If you are a leader, people are going to follow you. Everything you do - or leave undone - takes on greater meaning because of your position.

By nature and occupation, I am a talker. I enjoy having my say. For the longest time, I would never dream of conceding an argument. I'd fight for my opinion until my lungs gave out. But now I've learned that I don't have to have the last word - and sometimes I don't even have to have the first!

It's best not to have enemies, but if someone crosses you in  manner that requires you to fight, take it to them, but do it with honor and integrity. If you win, move on, be humble and don't rub it in. If you lose, or it turns out you were wrong; admit it, apologize if necessary and be a gracious loser.

To develop a strong personal brand, we must act with care, kindness, compassion and integrity. This is something that has been lost on current generations as countless young people push their way through crowded streets and walk through doorways held open for them without a simple acknowledgement or thank you

As much as we can control our own fate, we're still what others say about us.

 

 

How are your relationships?

Frozen, the Broadway Musical which previewed last month could go on to crush The Lion King, the blockbuster which has raked in an eye-popping $8.1bn. Yes, that's a "b", more money than all the new Star Wars films combined. The Lion King and Frozen — have one major theme in common: They're about relationships. Whereas the first film focus on the father-son relationship, Frozen is delve into sisterhood.

Life is more about memories than milestones. Many of my best memories of friendships were of sports and games, talking and laughing. I have discovered that the key to success in business and to a rich and rewarding personal life is personal relationships.

Friends will come and go throughout life. That's why we should value them while they are here. I realize I should have worked harder at some relationships, that I would have personally benefitted from spending more time with certain people. It is not about staying in touch with your friends. It is about giving myself the gift of their company too. Don't let life get in the way.

We might not be destined to have the same number of years in our lives, but we do have the same number of hours in our days. How and with whom are you spending yours? When you spend time with the wrong person, you can never retrieve those hours again.  My gauge is this: if the person is not pouring good into my life in any meaningful way, I should probably spend less time with him or her. I'm probably wasting my precious life on someone not worthy of it. As I've gotten older, I've learned not to spend any appreciable time with someone who's not helping me be a better man.

Don't react to toxic people. Not giving them a reaction when they desperately seek it, is far more powerful. The only way to win against toxic people is not to play.

We cannot change the people around us but we can change the people who choose to be around.

 

What do I wish to be remembered for?

President for Life? Xi Jinping May Now Be China's New Emperor. Newsweek's headlines blared following China’s Communist Party announced a proposal to abolish term limits for its highest office

Life is like a game of Monopoly. You may own hotels on Mayfair or you may be renting on Pall Mall. But in the end, it all goes back in the box.

Dying people know this. Their belongings or assets or what they have achieved are of no consequence whatsoever at the end. What occupies the thoughts of dying people are how they lived their lives, what they did and if they had made a positive difference to those they left behind.

I'm sure we've all heard that 40 is the new 30 or that 50 is the new 40. I'm here to tell you it's a lie! Contrary to what the media wants us to believe, 50 is the same old 50 and 40 is the same old 40.

Now past 50, what once looked like eternity ahead of me is now within reach. And while I do not fear the end of the game, I do want to make sure I finish well, that I leave something behind no one can take away from me.

I do not know where you are in the game. If you are in your 20s, you have probably just started graduate school or a job and have an exciting game ahead of you. Much of what I write will seem far off to you. Many youth regard old age as a foreign country.

Now this is true: Life expectancy is increasing, medicine is always making impressive advancements, and many of us have committed to healthier diets and more physical exercise. And yet there is no guarantee that you're going to live a long life. You could still get cancer, have a heart attack or get into an accident of some kind.

In truth, we don't control when we come into this world, and we don't control when - or how - we leave it. The only thing we control is what we live for. I'd rather live for a cause, than just because.

I don't think any of us likes to think about "leaving." I sure don't. But we all know what's coming - why not make the most of every precious bit of time we're given?