Vulnerability can be a superpower

From Iron Man to Spider-Man to the Incredible Hulk to the X-Men, Marvel legend Stan Lee captured our imagination and our attention. The father of these superheroes died at age 95.

"Another definition of a hero is someone who is concerned about other people’s well-being, and will go out of his or her way to help them – even if there is no chance of a reward. That person who helps others simply because it should or must be done, and because it is the right thing to do, is indeed without a doubt, a real superhero," Stan the Man once said. 

These days, too many people are determined to get to the top and willing to get that power any way they can.  Undercutting, sidestepping, overstepping, taking people out at the knees, or just going over someone's head - whatever it takes. Too many people, when they get the power they're after, they realize they don't have what it takes to make it effective: respect. 

If a leader has power but no love, compassion, empathy or care for others, then that leader has an empty sort of power. A powerless power. 

I'll say this simply: when it comes to leading, the power of influence always trumps the power of coercion. You pull people in your direction, rather than push them. They follow you because they are drawn to your authenticity and your actions.

I am interested in my team members' lives. (I also know that most people are even more keenly interested in their own lives). Sadly, few leaders ask their team members about their family, their interests, their passions or what they want. 

I am a ladder builder, not a ladder climber. I am always saying, "What can I do to help you? How would I make you successful?" If you make your team successful, your team's going to make you successful. 

I am not afraid to be vulnerable. The bottom line is, I admit that I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to screw up. My people are able to see me for who I truly am, which give them the confidence to express themselves to me. They will tell me when I am nakedly wrong and I have no clothes on. And I need that, because ultimately, success is not about me in the first place. Success is about others, and it's about the mission and the organization. 

Nobody's perfect. When we attempt to present a perfect version of ourselves, we become unapproachable. As a result, false perfection can often turn people off.

Of course, I am in no way saying I do things perfectly, or that I always get things right with my team. Sometimes I blow it completely. But when you get real with people, when you show vulnerability, you connect with them, and you move them to a human level. That gives you real power. 

And with great power there must also come....great responsibility! – Spider-Man

Endure the pain. Enjoy the gain

Mickey Mouse turns 90. Mickey made his official debut in 1928 in “Steamboat Willie,” Hollywood’s first cartoon with synchronized sound. Today, Disney has five of the top 10 grossing global hit movies of all time, selling a cumulative $8.4 billion worth of movie tickets. But behind all of that was one ambitious small-town farm boy who failed as often as he succeeded, and finally found worldwide fame – thanks to a cartoon mouse.

Behind every "overnight success" are years of focused effort, struggle, challenge and rejection. 

I took part in my first dragon boat race last week. I can tell you this with utmost certainty: Enthusiasm is common, endurance is rare. 

I started incredibly strong. I tend to come out of the gates full of force and not strategize my pacing. Halfway through the event, I hit a physical wall. I grimaced in pure exhaustion and wanted to stop. But I kept moving, focusing on the present and embracing the current step. 

In your life and work, you too will experience these moments. I've personally experience them, and I know you can relate.

But endurance is what separates the master from the masses and the amateur from the professional. It separates those who stay focus and persistent on a long enough timeline to watch all their dreams come true.

Endurance is not sexy, it's not flashy. It includes countless moments of doubt and wanting to stop. However, if you last long enough, you'll come out the other side recognizing how this piece of the puzzle puts it all together on your way to the top of the mountain.

The trick is....never compare your start or middle to someone else's ending, or you're never endure. Remember: your mountain is yours.

It's usually the small, undramatic, sustained efforts over time that make the most difference. Even if you're exhausted and on the verge of giving up - take the step.

Focus on taking today's step, understanding that you're building a rock-solid foundation. Understand that at every moment you're crafting your unique story and journey. One day, if you endure long enough, others will call you can overnight success.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself

Who will be the face of the new £50 note? To celebrate the UK's achievement in science, the Bank of England has invited the public to nominate a scientist as the face of the new plastic £50 note. The scientist must be British and dead, as the Queen is the only living person featured on a Bank of England note. Prof Stephen Hawking has to be one of the frontrunners.

The brilliant physicist who suffered from ALS since he 21 once said: “When I turned 21, my expectations were reduced to zero. You probably know this already because there’s been a movie about it. It was important that I came to appreciate what I did have. Although I was unfortunate to get motor neurone disease, I’ve been very fortunate in almost everything else. I’ve been lucky to work in theoretical physics at a fascinating time, and it's one of the few areas in which my disability is not a serious handicap. It’s also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can lose all hope if you can’t laugh at yourself and at life in general.”

We all experience pain and sorrow in life. A job loss, an illness in the family, or a death of a loved one is sometimes inevitable. During this time, to tell a depressed person to "pull yourself together" is like telling a snail to go faster. 

Good things always happen to everyone else.

Bad things always happen to me

My life just gets worse all the time

No one else has to deal with this stuff.

Can you see yourself in some of the examples above? Some people use self-pity as a way to gain attention. Playing the "poor me" card may result in some kind and gentle words from others - at least initially.

When I notice that I'm starting to feel sorry for myself, I shift my focus. I don't allow myself to continue thinking that life isn't fair or that life should be different. Instead, I list the people, circumstances and experiences in life that I can be thankful for.

You don't have to be rich, wildly successful or have the perfect life to feel grateful. A person who earns $2,500 per month may think he doesn't have much money. But if you're reading this, it means you're more fortunate than the nearly one billion people in the world who can't read, many of whom will be stuck in a life of poverty.

Reframing the way you look at the situation isn't always easy, especially when you're feeling like the host of your own pity party.

When feeling sorry for yourself is about thinking "I deserve better," gratitude is about thinking "I have more than I deserve." This doesn't mean you should turn something negative into an unrealistically positive affirmation. Instead, strive to find a realistic way to look at your situation.

Face fear

Getting a three-star Michelin rating is the equivalent of winning a gold medal in the Olympics. Gordon Ramsey famously described that having stars taken away is like "losing a girlfriend." But not everyone wants a star. Singapore chef, Andre Chiang, the only Chinese chef in World 50 best list, the owners of the Checkers restaurant in Wales and British chef Marco Pierre White, who became famous for being the youngest chef to earn all three Michelin stars in 1994, have all said no to Michelin recently. "I don't need Michelin, and they don't need me. They sell tires, I sell food," White said. 

Everything in life requires courage.

The most dominant emotion today is fear. We are afraid. Afraid of losing the things we have worked hard to buy, afraid of rejection and failure, afraid of certain types of people, afraid of criticism, afraid of suffering and heartaches, afraid of change, afraid to tell people how we really feel....we are afraid of so many things.

There are people who try to gain power by instilling fear in others. Sad to say, it's a ploy that predictably works.

How can you make good choices about anything if you're afraid of the results or the possible consequences you're going to face?

Life has taught me that I've never made a good decision based on fear. I regret once staying in a job too long for fear of hurting my friend and boss. Eventually I left the job and lost the friendship.

Those negative inner voices can be relentless. How many times have you thought about doing something only to convince yourself that you couldn't do it?

You know, even today, I have to deal with those voices occasionally. And although they never are silenced completely, I have learned to tune them out. 

Loss can give you an advantage

Rated as one of the most terrifying horror books ever written, The Haunting of Hill House is now a new Netflix Original Series as part of their lineup of pre-Halloween horror movies. The scary and unexpectedly moving 10-episode series tell a family drama that's concerned with the lasting impact of grief, loss and tragedy. 

As strange as it may sound, loss does create leaders based on the strength born of struggle.

At the end of the day, we're dealt the cards we're dealt to make us stronger. The cards I've been dealt in my twenties - my money problems and the loss of my fiancée and the loss of my job - have not made me stronger but also made me the leader I am today. Not only that, my losses give me a competitive advantage.

I remember asking God, "What's my purpose here?" And sometimes you have to be careful asking questions like that, because God may actually answer you.

I'm sure I would have been obnoxious, self-absorbed but very lonely. Loss has saved me.

That's how loss creates leaders. Loss fires your spirit and it steels your mettle. You have experienced your own personal pain: the loss of a job, a personal betrayal, a major disappointment. And out of that pain, you gain not only strength and a competitive advantage but also something more essential: learning. Learning is the source of your advantage.

There's a hard lesson in life's setbacks: leaders are forged through loss. It's a scientific fact: you cannot have a rainbow without a storm.

Coomunicate simply

"I got two phone calls this morning, and I didn't answer either one because I thought it was some spam call," so said Paul Romer, one of two winners of this year's Nobel Prize in economics. The Nobel Prize in Literature 1953 was awarded to Sir Winston Churchill - celebrated orator and world leader who was fond of alcoholic refreshments and Scotch whisky was a feature of his daily drinking regime. 

He once had this to say about whisky:

"If you mean whisky, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason, destroys the home, creates misery and poverty, yes, literally takes the bread from the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that topples men and women from the pinnacles of righteous and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation, shame, despair, helplessness and hopelessness, then, my friend, I am opposed to it with every fibre of my being."

However, if by whisky you mean the oil of conversation, the philosophic wine, the elixir of life, the ale that is consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if you mean good cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of which pours into our treasuries untold millions of dollars each year, that provides tender care of our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest highways, hospitals, universities and community colleges in this nation, then my friend, I am absolutely, unequivocally in favour of it."

“This is my position and, as always, I refuse to compromise on matters of principle.”

I am a sales leader. I make my living using words. I know that words matter.

Words need not be weapons. More people have been injured by the tongue than any other weapon in human history.

Today, with the internet and rise of social media, so much of what we put out into the world lives on forever and can be seen and heard by the masses.

Our resume, clothes, accessories and haircut can make us look like a polished, successful executive. But when we open our mouths, we reveal a host of cues about our brainpower, people skills, poise and energy level and passion - all factors that contribute to leadership presence.

Most recruiters say what you say is the single most important factor in judging your worthiness for a position. Maybe you're one of the fortunate few who have been told you have superb communication skills.

But if you're like most leaders, or leaders  wannabe: Communicate with clarity by using simple English. Make your messages clear and to the point, devoid of complexity and jargon. If you find yourself using complex language and unnecessary details for the purpose of masking your perceived insecurities, stop yourself short...and when you stop doing it, you may be surprised at how much better the response will be.

So much good can come from language when it's used properly. The greatest literature, the greatest songs, the greatest speeches: they all have the power to uplift, motivate, heal, encourage and entertain. There is a sacredness to language that is eroded when we express ourselves with words meant to take revenge on people, or hurt people or hate on people.

If we're mindful of what, when and why we say the things we do, then our words become a blessing to whoever is listening.

Leadership is about empathy

How happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on how long we live. A long-term Harvard Study concluded that those who kept warm relationships got to live longer and happier. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline.

The key to healthy aging is relationships. Empathy should be an essential part of our daily lives, both in the workplace and in all of our relationships.

Empathy is a squishy word. Sometimes it's misinterpreted as "being nice." That isn't empathy. Empathy is about understanding. 

The words business and empathy are rarely used together. However, applying empathy will help in connecting and collaborating with your team more effectively - understanding the skills and styles of each person and how to get the most out of your interactions.

That is easier said than done. Honing your ability to view a situation from a perspective other than your own is one of the first things you must do to gain a stronger sense of empathy. The challenge comes in dropping your biases and points of view, which will free you to truly "see" from someone else's vantage.

I've discovered that using empathy in my work often makes it harder, not easier. You have to listen, and you might not like what you hear. Real empathy, deep understanding and connection, is tough to create and even tougher to maintain day after day.

Curiosity feeds empathy. I am trying to be a question asker. To seek out information at every opportunity in order to know someone or something more deeply. I am conscious to be open-minded and resist the tendency to pigeonhole the people with whom I am collaborating. Everyone is on his or her own journey.

Applying empathy isn't always easy. It can be downright exhausting. But, I have seen successful leaders go to great lengths to maintain empathy for their teams and their clients - using it to leads with deeper understanding or tackle challenges with more meaningful perspectives. 

Given that "encouragement", empathy is one instinct I am working on to grow and improve. Growth isn't always comfortable, but it's always expansive.