Do you listen or hear?

"Why do wealthy politicians build walls, fences, and gates around their homes? They don’t build walls because they hate the people on the outside, but because they love the people on the inside.” President Donald Trump made a moral and emotional case to plead for £4.5 billion for his border wall prior to the longest government shutdown in U.S. history – and the possibility of another shutdown looming in three weeks. 

Donald Trump is a novel President - New York Times commented that everything he has done so far suggests that even if he were able to identify the most knowledgeable people in the world, he probably wouldn't listen to them anyway.  

The struggle to be heard is real. It's something we all confront at one time or another. 

Growing up as the eldest of six siblings and cousins, I learned how to eat fast, talk fast and interrupt them. Listening has not always come easily to me, and I'm not alone.

Sometimes, in some people, the brain generates ideas too fast to stop them from coming out of the mouth before they can be carefully considered. Some call it passion or enthusiasm, others call it rude. 

Listening is a fundamental skill of genuine success and it's hard to be great or trusted without it. Still, being a good listener is hard work!

Craig Smith, a leader I respect and admire is an absolute master at this. He makes concentrated effort to narrow his attention to whomever he was dealing with. When he spoke some someone, he wouldn't allow interruptions, not event when his phone rang.  It made no difference if he was speaking to another CEO, the customer or an intern. The demonstrates that he is engaged with what others are saying and that he cares about their points of view. Through his actions, he conveyed how important you were, not how important he was. These are attributes of a magnetic leader. The way I see it, his success has a great deal to do with his ability to focus on listening to the person right in front of him. 

Most people, even professionals who routinely practice public speaking or sales pitches are sometimes poor listeners. What separates the near-great from the great and makes executive presence is the want to exchange ideas, opinions and information - being genuinely focused on what someone is saying, not just pausing to be polite. 

In my experience, salespeople make some of the best listeners - and also some of the worst. Some don't talk their way into a sale. They listened their way into a sale. Conversely, others talked their way out of a sale by refusing to listen. 

This is not something you can fake - at least not consistently. If you merely face the speaker and zone out, your inattentiveness will be revealed the moment it is discovered that you have not absorbed the content. 

Has this ever happened to you? You're reading a book or watching Netflix while your partner is talking to you. Suddenly you hear, "You're not listening to me." You look up and say, "Yes, I am." This is what happens when we listen without showing respect. It's not enough to keep our ears open; we have to demonstrate that we are totally engaged. 

It has become routine to walk into meetings and see half a dozen attendees punching the keys of their laptops or cellphones while someone is speaking. Many of them could be typing notes, but from my perspective, they may well be checking their email. 

Remember, perception is everything when it comes to professional presence.  If you do not appear to be engaged, it may not matter that you are engaged.

If your objective is to make people feel like a million bucks in your presence, don't interrupt nor finish the other person's sentences. Don't let your eyes or attention wander elsewhere while the other person is talking. Eliminate any striving to impress the other person with how smart or funny you are. Your only aim is to let the other person feel that he/she is accomplishing that.

Telling our brains and mouth not to do something is no different than telling them to do it. I am trying to master this, so I can listen effectively with respect.