Acceptance = freedom = love

Why did you turn there? Why are you late? Why did you forget to do this? Why did you do it that way?

These are all the type of questions which shouts, "I wouldn't have turned there, been late, forgotten, done it that way."

Eliminating threatening "why" questions is a means of helping our loved ones feel our acceptance. And in acceptance, freedom. And in freedom, love.

Don't be an empire builder

"One of my key goals is talent development. We are growing so quickly I am constantly looking for good talent. I can't develop them inetrnally fast enough," Dom revealed.

Too many leaders are empire builders who try to arrange things so that they appear indispensable. They don't share information, let alone train their staff.


I train and groom my own replacement. I am a teacher, coach and mentor. I never worry that I'll put myself out of a job.

What is this thing called love?

Today is Easter Sunday. I liken Easter to this little story about how a mother hen and all her chicks were walking around the kampung when a storm blew up. The mother hen gathered all her chicks under her and sat on them as the rain began to fall. As the storm worsened, it started hailing. The hail came down so hard it beat the mother hen to death. Yet, after the storm, all the chicks crawled out from under the hen unharmed. She had sacrificed her life for them. This is the highest order of love. It can be, and often is, sacrificial.

We use the word love to convey many different ideas. We speak of loving God, loving people, loving pets, loving food.

This love letter nearly 2000 years ago from a Jewsih scholar to his relatives in Corinth describes love as:

Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail.

At the end of each day, I ask myself these questions: "Was I patient with the one I love? Was I kind today? Did I speak words of love to the one I love today? Did I act with love? Was I selfish or rude? Did I demand my own way with the one I love today? Was I irritable or "touchy"? "

Being loved is the 2nd best thing in the world; loving someone is the best.

Respect

"As managers and leaders, respect for people is fundamental to engaging them and getting things done," Nagesh wrote in her blog.

Respecting people sounds very good on paper, but putting it into practice is another matter. To me, respect is about treating our people as human beings with needs, aspirations and fears - not as interchangeable parts that can be used up and thrown out.

Respect doesn't mean "smile-at-all-times"management. If people do bad work, I don't ignore nor accept it. But here's the diff: I criticise the behaviour but coach the person.

That's because when we ridicule, demean or put down people, employees typically feel intimidated and angry. Humiliated individuals stop listening and nothing gets solved. The result: performance suffers and people stop taking risks. What we end up with is a compliant staff with no creative edge.

And no one will tell you when you are wrong.

"Who will tell the lion his breath smells bad?" - an Arab folk saying.

Creating commitment

In his book, Paul Hirsch says, "If the firm is free to sack its managers at will, it can no longer expect the same levels of commitment, involvement and caring from its own employees."

To create commitment, I trust and respect my team members and am deeply committed to their welfare. In fact, where such values were not in place any other things managment does are seen as merely empty gestures.

from left: Stephie, May, Kylie, Renee, Vic, Brian

Conditioned instincts

Manchester United played out a 0-0 draw with Newcastle. Football superstars perform so naturally and so instinctively. They let it happen, let it go. They look at the target and shoot. And the ball goes in. Often, in my opinion, the results are works of art. Asking Wayne Rooney to re-create that overhead kick goal against Manchester City would be like begging Leonardo to paint another Mona Lisa. It just doesn't work that way.

However, sports is a programmed affair. The kick-off is at 7.45pm, and so at 7.30pm the players are ready to go. In sales, the phone will ring and suddenly we're talking to a client who has just announced that he's pulling a million-dollar account from our company. Only us, sales veterans who's conditioned our instincts can keep from losing that account.

standing from left: Fadzil, Jaclyn, Alex, Chloe

seated from left: Brian, Jonathan, Winston

Ingredients for romance

Grace listed in her blog a compilation of romantic places in Singapore which included Fort Canning (A favourite love haunt spot), spa botanica and a romantic date out to esplanade.

I found great variety in the settings women find romantic. Where one preferred a moonlight sail on a fishing junk and a big tub with bath oils, another yearned for a couple massage and the Taj Mahal.

I think the ingredients for romance remains the same: To know what she enjoys and take time and give attention to enjoying it with her.

The high cost of a big ego

"Remember: no one can make you feel inferior without your consent," Paul Low reminded me about the memorable Eleanor Roosevelt quote.

Though I am secure in myself - I trust my way - I consciously remind myself not to become arrogant in my self-confidence.

There are bullies at all levels of an organization; unfortunately some are quite successful and are thought of as a confident individual. But these are not to be admired for they are actually cowards with poorly developed egos.

When one door closes.....

My aunt has been diagnosed with cancer, and yet she has kept her mind generally clear of negative thoughts or bitterness. I am amazed how vibrant and energetic she remains in spite to the threat to her life.

Wasn't it Helen keller who exemplified a great attitude towards life's hard times. Blind and deaf since birth, she became a dynamic source of inspiration as an adult. She noted that when 1 door closes in life, another usually opens but we are not aware of it because we tend to be still tugging on the door that closed. We miss new opportunities when we devote our energies to regaining what was lost.

None of us can afford to let our lives be dominated by feelings of depression or powerlessness. It is natural to be emotionally down after taking a hit from life, but, as my aunt has shown with her courage, we all have the power to keep it together.

Loyalty up and down

Seeing the cover on the DVD in the 1976 movie, All the President's men starring Robert redford and Dustin Hoffman reminded me of the famous quote "we are all the president's men" by Henry Kissinger.

Most of us tend to have a tendency to surround ourselves with people we like. We like people who think as we think, and we like people who like us. We trust people who are part of "our team". I know I would rather have a less competent individual who was loyal than one who walked on water that I couldn't trust.

Betrayal is where it's at in the lives of most humans; therefore all else being equal, loyalty is the paramount quality I look for in my core team. After loyalty come ability, skill and competence.

Standing (from left): Let, Vic, Brian

Seated (from left): Jades, Shirley, Rae, Chloe, Stephanie

It's the real thing

"There must be a word which describes a higher level of love. Love is no longer adequately enough a word to describe the relationship," John wondered aloud.

When each of us is willing to lower our protections, we connect with each other in that special kind of love. I read there is a higher level of love called Intimate Love. Intimate Love is an adventure of shared warmth and spontaneity. Partners share playfulness, laughter and love in large portions. We feel free to be ourselves. We are loved not for how we "should"be or what we accomplish, but for ourselves as we really are. This is the ultimate connection. It's the "real thing".

I never take my loved one for granted

"It's almost like we're roommates instead of husband and wife," Laura fumed. No 2 people in a relationship will ever share the exact same level of satisfaction at any given moment. All of us are individuals with unique thoughts, expectations and worries. No 2 people can be equally happy at precisely the same time. Pride, frustration and anger can keep people from revealing their true feelings of abandonment. Most people will assume that if they have to ask for our time and affection it means that we're not really interested in them anymore. We can't tell our loved ones we care and expect them to believe it. But we can show them we care: drop what we are doing, focus attention on her and voice concern when we sense that something is wrong.

Fight for the best customers, not for all customers

"Moving towards Quality Tourism, anchored on value creation" that was the summary slide in Ms Aw's powerpoint presentation. I worked in a company that had more than 4,000 customers on its database. When we analysed buying frequency and type of buying, we foound that only 600 of the customers really contributed to profit. In these changing times we must seek to serve the BEST customers, not just all customers.