Knowing ourselves

ACE and I watched Analyze This - a movie about a when mobster (starring Robert De Niro), suffered a crisis of confidence, threatening his ability to lead his criminal empire, he turned to professional help of a psychiatrist (starring Billy Crystal).

We would do well to analyze ourselves and not come to know ourselves through the analysis of someone else. There is something called inward looking...reflection.

Be forgiving

"The things 2 people do to each other they remember. If they stay together, it is not bcause they forget; it's because they forgive," so said Demi Moorein Indecent Proposal.

The attitude, "I'll never forgive you for that!" is the surest way for wounds and hurts in relationship never to heal. An unmerciful, unforgiving attitude leads to discouragement and depression.

How many partners have the habit of dredging up past mistakes - in private or public - to embarrass or put down a partner? That's being unmerciful and unforgiving. It reopens old wounds.

We are all - you and I imperfect human beings in an imperfect world. So when we're wrong why not simply say, "I'm sorry."

If an abusive partner asks for forgiveness, be willing to give it. If we fail to apply the law of mercy and forgiveness, we guarantee that past mistakes and shortcomings will destroy a relationship.

Spending less time together.

"It's all sorted out now," Connie remarked as she sipped her unwooded chardonnay. "We are finally separated."

We become so used to our partner's constant presence that we often forget that we need to be there too, every step of the way. Sometimes we treat our clients better than our partner.

If we're like the majority of people out there, we probably have a hard time seeing our partner for who or she truly is. Our vision has blurred with years of familiarity.

As time goes on, spending time with our partner often become less and less of a priority. We feel as if we've seen it all and done it all. There's no magic, no thrill of the chase, no mystery. While we may not have "lost that loving feeling" our job resumes its role as our number one priority, and spening time with our spouse becomes more of an obligation than a private pleasure.

Forgiveness frees the forgiver

"His love brought us together, the way my hate tore us apart." Mandira assessed at the end of the movie "My Name is Khan"

Sometimes we attach our entire lives to the moment we were hurt and allow it to consume our very existence. We travel with that hurt - and brood over it every time it comes to mind. We sleep with it, eat with it. We "wrong"that has been done to us dictates how we speak to our children, our spouses and our friends.

The rage we nurture is often 1-sided, for our offender seldom gives thought to his offense! By forgiving, we are no longer consumed by unproductive thoughts. We give up our bitterness.

Forgiveness frees the forgiver.

Charisma needs people skills

ITB Asia started today. Many DOSMs from around the region gathered in Suntec.

We can't be a charismatic sales leader without honing our people skills. Finance, accounting, information technology - almost any kind of intellectual skill - can be taught, for a price. People skills, however, are largely self-taught, and many smart, highly successful people I know forget to teach themselves.

The way I see it: charismatic sales leaders demonstrate their people skills in 3 basic areas: empathy, developing others and customer orientation.

from left: Matt, Shirley, Sabine, Steve, Gurnnel, Chloe

Prospect, prospect, prospect - an endless funnel

"Our work will never end," Mr Yew proclaimed

This is one of my critical success factor: Everytime I close something, I prospect or qualify something else. I take one morning a week, every week, to scout around for new clients - even if I've got more work than I can handle.

from left: Ernie, Francis, James, Vic, Ivy, Markus

Child, we want to know you better

"No matter what I do, I can't talk to my child," "My son just won't open up to me." The article in Psychalive started.

We love our children, but talking to them in a meaningful manner isn't always easy. Maybe from time to time, we do have a heartfelt conversation that feels like we are getting hold of our children's day to day lives - even their inner feelings. But most of the time it's frustrating :

"how was school today?"

"Okay."

"What is one thing you learned today?"

"Nothing."

We want to know more about their random thought, their hopes, their preferences, their perspectives, their disappointments, what they are learning about life. We want to know them better.

Ace and I

My epitaph

I received an email from Christopher today. It contained 33 horrific images of the bus accident at the Malaysian North-South Highway which killed and injured 40 over people.

I sometimes think about my epitaph. What do i want to be remembered for? While I do not fear the end of the game, I do want to make sure that I finish well, and that I leave something behind no one can take away from me.

No right or wrong answer

"My parents live in the province, 3 hours away from Bangkok," Khun Nuch said after swallowing her prawn. "I visit them evry month."

I have known people who visit their parents every day. I know of others who visit much less often. And I have come to understand that it is unfair to measure love by how often one visits or calls.

I have come to a negotiated peace with myself. I speak with my parents once a week on the phone, a habit we established over 5 years ago when I relocated to Singapore. I am grateful that they are alert and able to do this. It gives me great comfort to be able to speak with them and know that they are OK. I try to visit them once every 6 weeks.

And there is no right or wrong answer. The answer is, the answer changes with every individual.

Accept challenges in life

"I am having migraine," Peggy's status on her blackberry messenger read. "I am having so much problems at work."

No matter what our lives or occupations are, there are daily challenges. I never back away from these challenges - I accept them! I see them as ways of enlarging my horizons.


Challenges are opportunities!

yin and yang

"He is really stupid. He's like a bulldozer...knocking his head into the wall," Khun Sitaporn commented.

The world consists of a delicate balance of 2 opposing forces. Asians refer to them as yin and yang.


The lalang bends easily in the wind. The great oak stands unmoved. A strong wind can uproot the oak, but no wind, however strong, can uproot the lalang that bends flat before it.


I have learned that if we are willing to do whatever is needed to overcome challenges - even including yielding - we will win.

You can pull spaghetti. You gotta pull it

"The seller-buyer appointment scheduling is at 4pm," Vic noticed. "I would skip the briefing and go at 3pm and start queuing," I shot back.

A renowned general once said," Your platoon is like a piece of spaghetti. You can't push it. You've got to get out in front and pull it."

My take is this: a leader leads from the front, not from behind. I take the risks I ask others to take.