Happiness is from within, not with-out

"Archie proposes to Veronica!" screamed the headlines in Archie News.

My own life experiences have involved me with people in various walks of life. Many others have shared with me their personal struggles and successes. Over the years of this human involvement, I have made many mental notes about the roads to happiness.

Stats have shown that 50% of all marriages end in divorse. 65% of all 2nd marriages end in the same traumatic sadness. Disillusion always seems to follow when we expect someone or something else make us happy.

The person called "Right" just doesn't exist.

One mistake begins when we expect things and other people to assume responsibility of our happiness. The more we look within ourselves and not to other things or persons for our happiness, the more we will experience a sense of meaning and direction in our lives.

Master of my own destiny

"I will go to consult the fortune teller," El said.

"I don't believe in fortune tellers," Jen, her twin sister retorted.

I believe I have considerable influence over the outcomes of my life. The way I see it, successful people are not just lucky but have planned, designed and worked extremely hard for their place in the world.

I am convinced that if I can clearly visualise what it is I want and believe that I have the capability of achieving it, and if I am willing to invest both the necessary time and mental and physical energy in getting it, then I can have it.

I have been wonderfully surprised by how some goals have been attained sooner then expected, but I am also flexible enough not to give up on those that, for unforeseen circumstances, take longer.

A life worth living

"I'll find something to do," Frank said, announcing his retirement. "Come what may."

Life is monotonous if it has no goal or purpose. When we do not know why we are here or where we are going, then life is full of frustrations and unhappiness.

Some of the most bored people I know are not the underprivileged but the overprivileged.

I always have something to do and live for. I always look to make a positive contribution in all my endeavours and to the people around me in my life.

The root of rage

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," Let scribbled all over a piece of paper aimlessly.

All of us have people in our lives who drive us crazy, whom we hate with a passion. We may have spent countless hours reliving the moments when this person was unfair, unappreciative, or inconsiderate to us. Even remembering this person bumps up our blood pressure.

One simple piece of advise is this: it's obvious that the best course of action for dealing with people like this is not let them make us angry. Getting angry doesn't improve the situation and life's too short to waste on feeling bad or hating anyone.

When infidelity happens

"Be careful when you start work in Shanghai next Monday," Michelle advised at the farewell drink party. "Married men like you are in demand - you've got status, not bad-looking and gentle."

A lack of intimacy will almost always result in infidelity and by intimacy I don't mean sex necessarily. I mean deep communication.

Infidelity doesn't always have to be sexual. Emotional infidelity is as equally powerful, if not more.

Age: accept the chronology but reject the psychology

"I am 61," Winston declared with a big grin. "But many people think I am 48 or 50."

Being old is not the same as acting old. The mind plays an important role in how we age.

There are people I know who are 55 year-old but who tries to look like a 20-year-old. But there are others who don't mind looking 50, but can talk comfortably with a 20-year-old.

There are friends I know who mourn the passage of time or deny it. I, instead, accept how old I am, but refuse to let it affect the outlook of my life.

Have the night to enjoy the day

Hull escaped relegation by the skin of their teeth despite slumping to a 1-0 home defeat to an under-strength Manchester United.

In life, things are better appreciated in contrast. A woman who wants to show off her black dress will not, if she is wise, stand against a black curtain, but against a white backdrop. Fireworks will not delight us if they were shot off against a background of fire or in the noonday sun; they need to stand out in the darkness.

Good things are better enjoyed when it comes to us as a "treat." No one would enjoy New Year's Eve if the whistles blew at midnight every night.

Happiness is enhanced when it has survived a moment of pain. I keep going at everything I do until I get my 2nd wind. In the same way, married joys, like all great joys, are born out of some pain.

Get out from behind the table

Hana Convention at Kintex started today.

I have no idea why, but some salespeople like to sit or stand behind the table at their booth at trade shows.

There are only 2 types of visitors who will stop and talk- those who want what you're giving away and those who know you already.

I move around to the front when traffic is slow.

In a 2-hour period, the salespeople who stood behind a table got an average of just 1 lead and complained about the show. Those who stood in front of the table averaged 6 hot leads and we think the show was good.

20:5:1

"No, you cannot do a product presentation to our business teams," Jung stood firm. "And no, we will not distribute your e-flyers for you."

The general rule of the thumb is 20 appointments yield 5 prospects; 5 prospects yield one sale. In other words, in one typical sale setting, there are 19 "no's" for every one sale.

When you play the game long enough like I have, you come to understand the Law of No - and you can move past the frustration. Why? Because you understand that there are always more "no" answers in the process than "yes" answers.

Getting turned down when you ask someone to marry you, that's rejection. Getting "no" in your sales call just means the system is working as it should.

from right: Margaret and May

Reward power

"I lost my PPS status and never got saw it again," Clement said about his SIA frequet flyer membership while sipping his Ya Kun coffee.

Some people say reward programs are a waste of money. Their argument is since the frequent flyer, or frequent buyer, is going to do business with us anyway, it's silly to reward him. All we're doing is taking money out of our pocket.

But, how much money - I'll always ask - went into your pocket because of those good customers?

People like to be thanked for their business. I know I do.

Hiring from outside the industry

"You have certainly hired the right person for the job," Hoon said in between bites of the large Korean dumpling.

Sales leaders and HR Directors work very hard to recruit salespeople. But rarely do we consistently find and hire genuinely successful sales people.

Companies continue to steal salespeople from their competitors, feeling that the experience factor will place them way ahead of the game.

My experience indicates that an excellent source is individuals who might be working in customer service jobs, who may be frustrated and would welcome the opportunity of being in sales. I have seen a few ex-air stewadresses who made the grade in hotel sales. I, myself, successfully made the switch from credit card sales to insurance sales to hotel sales.

In short, people with the potential are there, waiting for an opportunity to be productive. What is needed is for recruiting and HR managers to relax outworn notions about where to find them, how to identify them, and where to mobilise them.

Postings for sales jobs can be easily found in our local papers and on the Internet. There are many, many companies in desperate need of sales talent. Why? One of the reason is because they limit their search. There are many people who can excel at sales if only given the chance. It's a matter of opening our eyes and minds.

The transition

My friend Candy who was a sales manager when I knew her is now an Assistant Director of Sales.

In her previous role as sales manager, her main activities were directed toward developing accounts and sales volume. Now the game has changed and she must develop sales people who will generate increasingly profitable sales revenue. She is responsible for achieving sales volume objectives with and through her team.

Effective salespeople can become ineffective sales leaders because of their inability to distinguish between doing and managing.

A word of advise for you my friend: whatever got you into sales leadership is no longer good enough to keep you there. You must develop your team into productive salespeople, just as you formerly developed your sales prospects into profitable accounts.

Seeking criticism

I am on flight SQ602 tonight to Seoul.

An airplane reaches its destination because it gets feedback along the way from radar and the control tower.

I'm not a saint, mind you, but I'velearned that taking criticism is vital to my continued growth not only as a sales leader but as a father and a husband. I'm willing to take it in all areas of my life. I'm willing to let my wife tell me about things I don't know. My son too.

We can't take it personally, or try to justify our behaviour or blame someone else for our mistakes. But too often people ignore feedback from those around them.

Learning from others

Zain Puteh. Steve Ong. Ron Drake. Erhard Hotter. Just to name a few who had an influence in my thinking and style.


I watch people I look up to. I take what I value most from them and do what they do. I look for what it is that I admire, then I do those things.

Words are emotional

"You're not listening to me," Yen growled. "What did I just say?"

As a salesperson a leader, a married man and a father, getting others to want to listen is a vital asset.

An analysis found that 99 out of every 100 words that people speak to one another are never heard....and there's rarely anything wrong with the listener's hearing. Usually, their eyes look deeply into ours - but it'a almost impossible to know what's on their minds. Even our best friend or spouse may stare into our eyes when we speak, but have her mind on a subject or situation 100 miles away.

Words are emotional. Use the right words and we break through their pre-occupation and get their attention.

For good or bad, the words we use words can make friends or enemies, lovers or leavers, a sale or a heartbreak.

Falling in love.....with customers

"I have stones in my urinal tract," Steve moaned. "Again." My heart sank and was filled with great sadness because I knew the sufferings he went through last year.

As a professional, I believe passionately in my product and company. What's more, I fall in love with my customers. By falling in love with my customers, I mean that I take responsibility for their well-being. Putting their interests ahead of my own.

Most people in sales think, "What do I have to say to get people to buy?" Instead I say,"What do I give? What value do I render?"

It has nothing to do with sales shenanigans or schemes. I was raised on the belief that the more value I give others, the more value I generate. The more contributions I make to the richness of the lives of my customers, the more bonded I will be with them and they to me. And the more successful I will become.

I realise that these people are all my friends. Trusted and trusting friends. I've built a deep connection with them. I always try to find something about them that I can get even more enthusiastic and exceited about. and it makes a dramatic difference in the way they respond to me.


from left: Eng Loo, Yvonne, Maureen

Treat your family as you do your friends

The characters mean harmony of family. The small characters on the right say "Harmony of family will make everything great".

Conflict can easily occur in any close-knit family. It can have disastrous consequences that weaken the family. We lose as an individual, and we lose as a family member when there is a conflict in the family.

As an adult, I reflect all of my childhood experiences and the very close bond I had with my brother. All youngsters have a period in which they announce: "When I grow up I am going to be different from this or that relative." Then when they grow up, they become exactly like that relative. The family is never static. Children grow up, parents grow older. Siblings get married and change due to a variety of reasons. Adjustments means the acceptance of a fact of life.

My father always preached empathy to me. I believe it is easier to get along with other people when we have some conception of what they, themselves, are feeling and experiencing.

We should not be afraid to face our family problems. Hiding them does not make them go away. In fact, they become larger and more difficult to handle. We need honesty and the willingness to open up emotions. We shouldn't let embarrassment, pride or self-isolation keep us and our family from achieving true family happiness.

It's my personal belief that one good way to insure the healthy family integration is to play, pray or at least dine together as a family. It is not the particular type of activity that matters, it is the bringing together of the family and the striving for a common goal that are important.

My family: Hon, ACE, Dad, Mum, Bro Ben and his wife

Star power

"A recent celebrity endorsement that rocked the local scene is actor Li Nanxing's reported $2m deal to promote the Singapore City Shenyang development in China", reported the Electric New Paper

We identify with and buy into celebrities for the same reasons we buy into brands. They add colour and excitement into our lives. We admire what they do, how they look or what they represent.

As a marketing guy, I firmly believe in celebrity endorsements. It builds awareness. Linking a brand to a well-known name is an easy way of promoting it. Often the best way to get a new country to take up your product is to find a local celebrity to endorse it. It confers credibility.

Manchester United defender Wes Brown

Malaysian actress Angelica Lee and HK actress Karena Lam

What I cannot love, I overlook

"My wife wakes up every morning at 5am to cook lunch and pack a lunch box for me," Edzar said during lunch. "Because she knows I don't like the canteen food."

A successful relationship, the way I see it, comes down to the capacity to put up with each other.

My wife isn't always easy to live with, and I don't think she finds me too easy to live with either. We have traits that drive each other crazy, and we have loud disagreements at times. But those are passing storms.

My greatest critic is my most loving supporter. And I am hers. It's all part of the dance.

The 7-year old in us

"I remember my childhood days well," Barry said. "I loved the great outdoors."

The sky is really the limit for anyone prepared to approach life as a 7-year old.

At 7, we had it all: a sense of adventure, a desire to explore, a need to create. Too young to fear opportunity, we leapt at a hundred challenges a day and kept coming back for more. We came home bloodied and bruised from our fingers to our knees but went out the next morning waiting to lick the world.

In fact thinking about it, some of the most successful people in business, like Richard Branson and Tony Fernandes are creative (and not afraid to show it) and also have fun.

Best prospects are existing customers

"FREE MP3 card reader with any new Starhub TV sign-up"

"FREE $50 Red House Seafood Voucher with any sign-up"

"FREE Pedicure set worth $188, necklace worth $58 for every new mobile phone package sign-up"

This morning's newspapers are littered with offers from companies trying to acquire NEW customers. In their pursuit for new customers, they forget one thing: their present customers are their best prospects.

1st, if a person is already a customer, it's easier to sell him again. You don't have to go through the preliminaries.

Sometimes, sales people get too cocky about a customer - they figure they've got him sewn up. But that's just the time someone else comes along and offers that extra service or attention, and the sales person loses out.

So in looking for new customers, I never ever forget the existing ones. As the saying goes: there's more gold in them thar hills!

Talking & listening means "I love you"

"My ideal man should be smart, tall, caring and decent," Ms Ji specified.

What's interesting about this description is that only one attribute, height, is physical.

The way I see it, loving and being in love with someone means sharing - even the deepest or most painful feelings, being totally vulnerable, and trusting your partner to hold your heart gently, and never use that information against you.

It has nothing to do with what you look like, how much money you make, or in some cases, even what gender you are.

I personally believe it's next to impossible to do this without deep and honest talking and listening - probably lots and lots of both.

Shuffling portfolios

"Nothing is set in stone nor written in the Quran or Bible," Zain preached. "It doesn't say in there that you must service this account all the time."

The great debate in the sales fraternity is :"Should everyone's account portfolio be shuffled?"

Account managers or sales managers who spent years developing relationships with their contacts in Nokia, Shell or IBM are always reluctant to let go and be assigned different account portfolios

My friend Luke who is a pilot tells me commercial pilots hardly fly the same craft each day and are deliberately kept on their toes by the required completion of a preflight checklist prior to takeoff.

When sales leaders shuffle account portolios, we develop business decision makers who make their decisions based only on the facts, unencumbered with the emotional baggage of needing to defend their past choices.

The biggest benefit derived from shuffling account portfolios, I feel, is that it keeps everyone just a little off guard, constantly striving to do their best and to exceed expectations.

From left: Dominic and Denise

My baby turns 10

Alexander is 10 today.

I crammed into my first 34 years practically everything anyone could want to do. One of the terribly hard thing to do in life is to be a husband and a father.

There are a number of driving forces in us. We can do something out of a sense of obligation or a sense of dedication. But the highest of them all is when we do something out of love.

When it comes to my child, I have to continually fight my tendency to try to raise him go the way I want so he will make me look good. And I expect more maturity from him than I had when I was his age or even more maturity than I have now at 44.

I want people to see my kid and marvel at his talent. I wasn't that way, but that's the point. I don't want my boy to start out like me. I don't want him to make the mistakes I made and i want him to turn out better than me.

There's no freedom for him in that. And no real learning either.

We don't pick our kid's personalities. We don't command their thoughts. As parents, there is much we control, and much that is painfully out of our hands.

Early in his life, we can control a lot. We can dress him how we want. Put him down for naps. We make him do his homework.

We can cultivate an atmosphere to grow, we can encourage and model ideals. But we cannot exercise it for him.

But what do you do if your kid is a really good, decent, honest, friendly person who is making good choices?

You thank God, that's what you do.

Don't mess with success?

"STB will place emphasis on four major regional markets – China, India, Indonesia and Malaysia – and one emerging market, Vietnam," Ms Aw announced

I know a sales leader who worked in a hotel within the vicinity of a World Trade Centre. For years, the Convention and Exhibition business was a cash cow and the sales leader got blinded by success. It's perfectly understandable.

The danger is, this kind of thinking made perfect sense in static situations where tomorrow looked disturbingly like today. It won't work in a fluid, fickle, fluctuating environment like our business world today.

A new, modern and high-tech Convention Centre was built in the later years elsewhere in the city and the majority of the MICE business migrated to the new venue, dramatically hurting the hotel's income.

In a changing marketplace, I never dare rest on my laurels. One rule of thumb: Always develop replacement markets...even in good times.

Happiness is what you make of it

I woke up to the sounds of pouring rain this morning.

Each of us makes his own weather.

We can permit ourselves to slump into a state of inner deep depression and gloom. We can, on the other hand, by creative effort, bring sunlight to our inner selves that it radiates whatever events may come our way.

How I come across initially

"I met Paul for the first time 22 years ago," Patrick told buddies at his house in Simei. "We struck off well and have been brothers ever since."

Occassionally, I'd invite someone whom I feel is observant and a good judge for a coffee and ask him/her for some feedback on how I come across to others. I will ask questions such as

If you met me today, for the 1st time, what kind of guy would you say I am?

What impression did I make on yu when we 1st met?

How has your impression of me changed, if at all?

Trust me, at a minimum, this journey of assessment will be provocative, at best it will be life-changing.

Having it all

"I recently had a medical check up and my doctor told me to balance my diet to control my blood pressure and cholesterol," Andy said, overhelmed. "My boss tells me that we are way under budget. I'm running here and there, like a duck swimming upstream. Calm on the outside but paddling frantically under the surface to stay afloat."

Many of us are out of balance with our professional and personal lives.

Let's face it, most companies rarely tell people to go home if they are willing to work into the night and get up and do the same thing tomorrow. So our personal lives frequently have to compete for what is left over when the work is done with us (both physically and emotionally)

I have realised that if I am truly interested in long-term success in every areas of my life, I must maintain the balance.