Empathy

"Grandma is the same," Auntie Cat said. "Still immobile mostly but she managed to go to the toilet today."

My mind travelled to when I was bed-ridden with dengue a couple of years back. I was struck by the irony of my situation. I had temporarily become old. Moving was difficult and slow and I needed help with almost everything.

Back to when I was at my grandma's bedside, I kept asking myself, "Is this what it's like for her? What can I do to make it easier?" The answer left me feeling empty. "Not much," I thought.

Don't talk the talk until you walk the walk, so the saying goes.

Now I know what it means. When I was in hospital, I had temporary become old. My grandma is permanently old.

Nobody's perfect

"Making mistakes: Admit your errors," was the title of Wayne Hurlbert's posting on Blog Business World.

I am always willing to discuss my mistakes, wrong turns and weaknesses. I have always been willing to shift gears when something changed and I have always had enough self-confidence to show that I am human.

If one doesn't understand where some of his significant mistakes were made, there's a problem. If one is not clear of them, he is significantly in denial.

I believe in intellectual honesty by talking about my weakenesses realistically.

Whatever it takes

"Already doing all I can," Barb wrote in her sms. "Working 2 jobs and business ventures."

We all have periods in our lives when our problems seem insurmountable. The challenge is keeping our energy positive and relentlessly looking for ways to pull it out.

Many people I know give up too early in the fight. Our biggest challenge is to overcome self-defeating thoughts, and to keep going.

I was in that position a few times over. I burnt the midnight oil. I worked weekends. I took on a second and third job. I got there early. I stayed late. I got back to school. I changed my lifestyle. Most people who claim they couldn't reach their goals are people who, in truth, weren't willing to do whatever it took to do it.

Understand this as I had understood it: You are always more powerful than the circumstances that surround you as long as you do not accept momentary defeats, hard times, or losses as permanent conditions.

A reminder of "whatever it takes"

Humorous - a vital trait?

"Er. That's an unusually name," I have often been told. "My father's English, my mother's Russian," has been my standard reply.

Secure people can laugh at themselves. Scared people don't (except out of nervousness).

Happy people are pleasant, good-natured, and jest, joke and quip with each other. It makes for a productive team. Slow, depressed, sullen, gloomy, in-the-dumps people make up a lousy work team.

There is a humorous spirit that lies within everyone. We need to be brave and let it out. I find that I bond with people I use humour with. People like people with whom they can laugh.

There are some people out there who say they have trouble respecting and following lighthearted people. There are always some people who apparently have no sense of humour.

I use humour a lot and I am not afraid to admit it. It takes people a while to get used to it. And it doesn't always work, but most of the time it does.

Robin Williams the voice of genie - a humorous guy

Standing out in the crowd

"Understand there may be a position of Marketing Communications available," Lai Lai wrote in her email. "Like to understand more about it. Appreciate your kind filling in of this."

Candidates of similar background apply for the same job. One gets it. Ms Successful Applicant most often enters the mind of her interviewer with a "something different" from her competitors.

What's different about me?

I have often asked myself this question: In the things I do, do I pass unnoticed because my words, actions and personal tastes seem the same as ten thousand other men and women of my age and achievements?

I have taken initiative to learn creative imagination and personal showmanship to make myself easy to remember and hard to forget.

I was tagged in FB as "Angel Face" and "Brainy" by Faith Riz

Coping in a crisis

"I am living in it at this moment and still trying very hard to stay positive," Felix posted a comment on my Facebook in response to my blog yesterday regarding learning from experience. "The good news is I am still in peak of health and have my sanity..."

Let me share a little bit more with you: When "it can't happen to me" became "It did happen to me," the first thing I did was to adjust my own emotional attitudes.

Try what I did. You will be a happier individual if you adopt apositive attitudes. Other people will like you better also. We all try to avoid a complainer or whiner.

Crisis can be turned into a positive event. I know now that the major crises in my life are invitations to a 2nd chance at making my life more meaningful.

Consider crisis as opportunity!

Cars - the story of a crisis becoming an opportunity

Learning through experience

"I travelled with Steve for 19 years, even to Barcelona and there were gunshots outside our hotel," Jack recounted his experience at Clarke Quay.

We acquire deeper wisdom through world lessons than we do through word lessons. World lessons teach through experience. Experience involves the journey. A book can point the way, like a map, but we must still make th journey. Of course, the wisest choice means choosing both.

No matter what we may have learned in books, it is the nature of life that we lose face before we find wisdom, fall to our knees before we look up to the heavens, and face our darkness before we see the light.

Take it from me: the lessons of experience are always positive, even if the experience is not.

Help

"My daughter is returning from Japan tomorrow for good after 9 years there," Vincent walled me on Facebook. "She is going for an interview at Sunway University College to try to land a lecturer's job."

I have always believed that the greatest gift any of us can offer is to enrich other people's lives by teaching. But one need not be an educator to teach.

Everybody teaches - even if they don't know it. Mentors teach on the job. Doctors teach. Lawyers teach. Consultants teach. Executives teach.

Some may feel that teaching is not their cup of tea. Then give something else. Give encouragement. Give advice. Give guidance. Give something, because if we give nothing (it's true what they say in the Bible) we will very likely get next to nothing in return.

Teaching executives from Sime darby Engineering

Creating new tomorrows

"We would like to request that you show leadership under this rough and stormy weather," the memo from Umehara read,

Markets are changing. Customer are changing. Competitors are changing. There is a need to redefine a new tomorrow.

Seeing the right new tomorrow isn't enough. My experience tells me that I need to mobilise the support of my team to create that new tomorrow.

To that end, I have planned a 3+9 review to identify new strategies, ensure the people execute the new strategy and refocus resources. It's essential to move fast to make it happen.

What's in a name?

"When will Ah Leng be back from Moscow?," Judy queried while eating her Grilled Pomfret.

Among Singaporeans, I have learned over the past 4 years, if a person's name is, say, Hwee leng, people tend to throw in an Ah.

What am I drivelling about? Ah....let me explain.

Among some Chinese, I was told, Ah is synonymous with all things bring and beautiful. For example, if you are a dinner guest in a Chinese home, when you slurp the sharks fin soup and gurgle "ah..." the hostess would be pleased as heck. You have embodied in one syllable every compliment in the book.

And so back to the name. All you have to do is to hail her Ah Leng. Some throw in a double Ah. No. Not Leng Ah Ah but Ah Leng Ah.

Doesn't that exude warmth and good will? One Ah in front and another at the back.

from left: hon, Yim, Shirley, Judy, Chloe, Danny

Motivating the motivator

"I am also an employee like you, I have a boss to report to," Frankie told his sales executives. " Even though I represent higher management."

As a Sales & Marketing Director, I am the man in the middle - I represent my firm's policy to my sales team, but I am also their advocate to upper management who makes the company policy. Who represents me to both sets of constituents? Nobody. For better or worse, I am strictly on my own.

My team's success is my success. Managers don't win football matches, players do. When a team is on a losing streak, however, it's the manager who is replaced, not the players. The same is also true in the sales line.

Leadership is not for everyone; few aspire to it or achieve it.

I rely on my own inner strength and ambition.

From left: Jiaye, Stephie, Sarene

Ego - a motivating force

"All top salespeople have ego," Zain preached. "I have an ego."

Why do salespeople endure rejections even though they can get other jobs in calmer waters? I summise that to the top salesperson, getting someone to say yes provides a powerful means for ego enhancement.

I have learned from dealing with close to 100 salespeople that the salesperson with an overabundance of ego-drive can, if mixed with other qualities, be exceptionally successful.

From left clockwise: JY, Grace, Let, Stephie, Eleen, Donna, Nadeem, SC, CC, Pince, Diah, Jades, Elly, Marie

Price wars

"SQ and Indian agents still at odds" screamed the headlines yesterday on e-Travel Blackboard. "Travel agents boycott continues as the standoff on commissions between Indian travel agents and Singapore Airlines enters the third month."

Disintermediation is affecting the marketplace.This word, from the world of finance means, "cutting out the middle person." Therefore the battle for the customer is raging.

These economic times are fuelling price merchants that will sell almost anything for close to cost or below to try and gain market share. Seeking no-frills has become common.

We can't compete solely on price. No matter what we charge, somebody - because they're smarter (they are more efficient) or dumber (they don't really know their costs) - can always charge a dollar less.

Here's my take on this. Return to basics:

If we're good to customers, they'll keep coming back because they like us

If they like us, they'll spend more money

If they spend more money, we would treat them better

And if we treat them better, they'll keep coming back

and the cycle starts again....

second from left: Ibu Hanna

A happy marriage in an unhappy world?

"I am single again," posted Doriz on FB. "I have moved out and separated from my husband"

In a world of unhappiness is it really possible to have a good marriage?

Count the happy families you personally know. If you are typical, you really don't know very many truly happy families.

Stats on divorce we know, but there is no way to count the number of those who simply tough out unhappy marriages. Who for reasons of money, children, religion, stay together but long for a happier life.

We have friends who share our most intimate thoughts and feelings. Friends to whom we turn to in time of need. Wouldn't it be great if our mate is also our best friend?

Romance as a selling appeal

"Mr Chronicles," Faith wrote in the text message. "I've got the book The way of the Peaceful warrior."

Ever since Eve lured Adam, romance has been one of the world's great driving forces.

So manyp products advertise with a strong appeal to romance. I noticed SKII sales demonstrators, that they never sell what's in the jar. They sell what happens after the woman uses the stuff.

The boon in the travel business has been spurred on by this same appeal. Every season of the year, married couples sail away by the boat-load and take-off by the plane-load, all looking for a first or second honeymoon. And resorts are always the spots that are romantic.

No doubt about it. Romance is a strong appeal. Being in the resort business, it definitely fits into my product.

Romance in action

"What's the most romantic thing your husband or boyfriend has ever done for you?" I was privileged to be seated amongst a group of 5 female friends when they were discussing that question.

What follows are the best of the many responses I heard - a long list of winners in the triathlon of love.

I concluded that a dozen red roses certainly have their place in the pantheon of romance. But the trouble is, they're so ......predictable.

"My friend's boyfriend proposed from inside the aquarium in Sentosa's Underwater World while she walked past outside"

"I love the little things in life."

"Real romance is all about listening and hearing what I say."

"One night I mentioned thta potatoes are my very favourite food. The next day, he came home with a present in a little bag: a raw potato. When he saw my puzzled look, he reminded me of what I'd said the night before, adding that he wanted to bring me something that he knew I would really love."

Wow.

Patience is a virtue

"Learn patience," Shiran quipped over a couple of martinis. "Repeat yourself."

Patience is not inherited. It is an art, an attitude, a way of dealing with the world that is available to all of us.

Many of us take out the frustrations of our work life on those who truly love us, without recognising the pain we are inflicting.

Never think that God's delays are God's denials - Comile De Buffon

Winning someone over

"Don't waste my time," Varusai growled. Today, he is not only a customer but a staunch advocate.

One of the best way, I have found, to turn someone who says no into someone who says yes is to ride to the person's rescue when the chips are down.

The point is this: If you have opportunity to add value in an ethical way as a means of moving a stalled relationship forward, by all means take the opportunity.

Remember, French poet Jacques Delille once wrote: "Chance makes our parents, choice makes our friends"

From left: Cherry, Ernie, Mimi, Athens

Being a boss is a tough job

"Shit flows downwards," my Group General Manager reminded all the executive committee members.


Being a boss is a tough job.


When I was a computer operator and a marketing executive, all I had to think about was how well I did my job and how well I got along with my boss. Now that I became a boss, things are completely different - I have to manage a group of people with very different personalities and needs. I still have a job and a boss, but I have much more to think about. I'm constantly worrying about the 10 people who report to me - how well they're doing their jobs, how well they're getting along with each other and how well they're getting along with me.



To use a military analogy, the war looks a lot different to generals than to troops. And troops say things about generals they never say to them.
From left: Jiaye, Grace, Let, Eleen, Donna, Nadeem

Picking the right show

"I am not going to ITB Berlin," Siti sms-ed me. "Don't want to listen to the Germans' excuses and bad news! Got enough here."

Selecting the trade right show means lots of sales, leads, business deals and success. Picking the wrong show is expensive in time, money, energy and emotions.

My favourite way to find the best shows to attend is to ask. I ask my best customers what shows they attend when they need to make critical buying decisions.

I never allow tradition to drive my selection. Always remember: you change, your company changes and the shows change.












Trade show with (from right) Ron, Nisa, Sandra, Karen

Work the spheres of influence

"Are you sure Facebook is a good way / professional way for a company like us to communicate to the world?" Mark asked in his email. "We’re all a bit unsure as to the merits of using Facebook."

With over 46 million members worldwide, and growing by 3% a week since January, Facebook gives us a viral and effective means of promoting our product to the Facebook audience. Groups are one of the simplest ways to do viral marketing on Facebook. We can get those who had joined our group to invite their friends to join the group via a built-in Invite feature. If the group members are excited about our group, it can grow really quickly.

Having observed a couple of networking groups in the past in the insurance and MLM circles, what I'd suggest is "stop selling your products and services to each other as a primary goal." Instead, I make it my main objective to have the group members serve as my walking ambassadors to their 250-person spehere of influence.

From left: Bonnie. Helen

Acknowledge positive contributions

"I never expected it at all," Stephie glowed. "Didn't expect to be given the award."

Numerous studies have shown that when people love their jobs, the amount of money they earn is 4th - 6th in the list of what's important to them. Alternatively, when people hate their jobs, money is #1

My 22 years in the corporate world has taught me that people seek validation and acknowledgement. Nothing feels better than a public pat on the back.

It's tough being in charge. There are always lots of daily crises and it's generally problems - not the wins and the victories - that come to the leader's attention.

I always try to publicly acknowledge those responsible for good news, as one of my mentors, Mr Lau put it "find the pony buried in the manure and publicly acknowledge and thank the pony."

Award winner Stephie (front row 4th from right holding red box)

MBA - Managing by adultery

"I feel appreciated here," Christine said. "My opinions are heard and valued."

"Managing by adultery" - that is, I treat my managers as adults with full authority, extraordinary freedom and they are expected to take the initiative.

Many managers continue to resist empowerment for fear of losing their own control, power and influence and a distrust of their staff.

Having climbed up through the ranks myself, I know that employees want to feel likeparticipants, not bench warmers.

from left: Jades. Pince, Stephie, Elly

We have less than 30-second

"I met Paul last Friday," Ibu Hanna said to her boss Pak Toto. "And we could click right away."

We know how quickly we judge others. I also appreciate that I am subjected to the same sizing-up every time I meet someone.

A survey by Professor Albert Mehrabian showed that - like it or not - 93% of how we come across initially has nothing to do with substance.

I think about the last drinks session or trade show night event I attended where I didn't know many people. I started chatting but really didn't remember a lot, to begin with, about what was said. Names flew around, I caught some business links but really not much in detail.

When surfing the net, ads try to grab us quickly or it's click....we're out of there - our time, attention and money spent on something else. Just like the the Net, we don't get a 2nd chance to make a 1st impression.

Pathway to success

"Pak Paul," Hanna queried. "What's the secret of your success?"

I have always tried to maintain a sense of humour. I won't give up until the job gets done. I am disciplined to do what it takes to achieve success.

I try to have a good balance in my life. There is more to life than work.

I am goal-oriented and have a healthy self-image and have honed a good mental attitude. I don't take myself too seriously, but take what I do very seriously.

If it is to be, it is up to me. 10 words. Each only has 2 letters. But they provide a guidepost for my life.

Life begins at 40

"Those were the days when we were young," HP said soberly over the sup buntut. "I'll be 40 this year."

Growing up is not a one-way trip. We adults can be childish, just as children can act very grown up.

On a separate note, husbands and wives can be all things to each other. We can be parents and playmates, as well as lovers and partners.

Committed to success

"Paul is certainly driven, enthusiastic and passionate in what he is doing" This was posted as one of my greatest strength from the 360degrees Performance Measurement Process just completed.

Dedication is necessary to success, yes. But it must be the right kind of dedication.

I have always had a single-minded passion for what I do, an unwavering desire for excellence in the way I think and the way I work. I guess, that is a major factor which got me from a computer operator to where I am today.

I have worked with a lot of good and great performers in the past 23 years. I have noticed that there is a difference between going all out because you think hard work is one of the 10 Commandments or because you think it is what your boss expect and reward; and going all out because it thrills you.

Great performers truly cannot get enough of what they do.

Focus on customers

5 out of 5. Highly effective. That was how Erhard Hotter, ex-Area managing Director of Starwood SEA rated me in a previous 360degrees feedback for the core competency of "Demonstrates enthusiasm and passion for our customers"

As a sales leader, my key objective is to beat the competition. The best way to drive the competition crazy is to make my customers happy. To make my customers happy, I focus on them.

There are some customers who didn't start off on the right footing with me but they've turn out to be my greatest supporter. Beatu and the beast didn't have a good start either, but they had a happy ending. This is not to suggest that you should create bad situations on purpose, but every customer interaction, even if it starts off as a problem, is an opportunity.

from left: Steve, Ricky, Athens, Evon

From left: Rosanna, Cherry, Ernie