Taking stock

Zoom is the king of the quarantine economy. Usage of Zoom has grown 1,900% since December as large numbers of people stay connected while practising social distancing and has even spread into personal space through weddings and “zoom parties”. It is now worth more than American Airlines, Expedia and Hilton combined. 

Boy, does 2020 feel different. The hope so many of us felt in the 2010s was gone, and in its place was a creeping dread about the future.

Most important here and now is the concept that a crisis is often one of life's "wake up" calls. It often takes this alarms going off before we become fully conscious of where our lives have been heading.

In these dizzying, depressing days of lockdown and restricted movement, that's what I needed. I needed to remember who I was, where I came from, what I believed, and why I fought so hard and so long for it.

Success has always been my primary focus and at one time, I had defined success as being financially independent. I slowly began to understand that it was not really money I was after but rather the things money could buy. I looked at all the things I had accumulated and realized that this success did not feel as good as I believed it should. But if life was not about getting rich, then what else was there?

Can you imagine how shallow it would be, if at your funeral, all anyone talked about was how great your abs were, or your lovely hair, or how sleek your car looked, or how avant-garde your apartment was? Yet these are the exact things most of us spend our time working on, worrying about, and wishing for.

I'm not suggesting folks should be unconcerned with how they resent themselves to the world, or that they shouldn't be able to enjoy the fruits of their success.

No matter where you find yourself at this moment you, too, can begin the renewal process. Who we are and where we want to go determine what we do and what we accomplish.

Ask enough people what they want in life and you'll hear happiness as the overwhelming response. We want to live more meaningful lives. The happiest people I know are people who have a sense of mission. They have a joy that nobody can take away from them. Even in the middle of tremendous trials, they still have an enormous capacity for joy. They have a sense that they are in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. Their lives make sense to them. Does life make sense to you? Are you at peace with who you are, where you are, and what you are doing? Is the ladder you're climbing up leaning against the right wall?

The trouble is in the knowing.

Your unique mission may involve raising a child, becoming an effective leader or loving someone with all your heart. Our greatest strength is our ability to make a difference in the lives of other people.

Life after COVID-19 will be different. Your family situation may change. Market conditions are constantly changing. We also change internally.

Things are going to be hard for a long time. But we are going to be okay. All of us. This is the power of the powerless.

Moments matter

How to get out of the coronavirus lockdown? An immunity passport. The UK's Health Secretary Matt Hancock suggested that anyone who've had the virus, have got the antibodies and therefore have immunity might be issued with a certificate and can return to a more normal life.

Perhaps half the world's population is living some form of restriction to help curb the spread of COVID-19. Marriott has just issued an inspiring message: We will travel again. Soon, we will step out from behind our screens and explore this wonderful world once more.

For me one of the greatest joys in life is travelling. Can you imagine a life without travelling? What a weary, weary life it would be.

If you had told me while I was in secondary school that I would travel to 233 cities across 48 countries in the world, the idea would seemed nothing more than absurd to me. I am constantly in awe of the life I am living. There are a lot of hotels and airports, it's sometimes a hassle to find a good meal, something or someone is always running late, there are a lot of wake-up calls at 4.30am, and the glamour of travel wears off very quickly.

We travel because, no matter how comfortable we are at home, there's always a part of us that wants - that needs - to see new vistas, buy new souvenirs, try new food, learn new words and have all the other travel adventures that make us want to kiss our doormats when we finally get home.

We all have defining travel moments in our lives - meaningful experiences that stand out in our memory.
 We do not remember days. We remember moments.

Research has found that in recalling an experience, we ignore most of what happened and focus instead on a few particular moments. Moments are what we remember and what we cherish.

Most parents don't take their kids to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter just for the place or event itself, but rather to make that shared experienced part of everyday family conversations for months, and even years, afterward.

This is what I hope you take away from this article: We can be the designers of moments that deliver happiness, pride and connection. These extraordinary minutes and hours and days - they are just what make life meaningful.

 

What makes you angry?

Panic buying in the supermarkets.
Panic selling in the stock markets.

There is absolutely a correlation between the hoarding of toilet paper and selling out of the market. Fear is a rational response. Just as anger is the rational response for when, let's say a colleague double-crosses you in a business deal. Or when you're treated unfairly, manipulatively or with disrespect, especially when it's intentional. Also feeling unappreciated, feeling threatened. When your partner can't or won't love you anymore, when a friend goes after your job. Depending on the circumstances, anger may range from getting mildly peeved to homicidal rage. 
Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. Worst people give you a lesson. Best people give you memories.



The very thought of letting someone walk away scot-free from what they've done makes us sick. We want to see the scores evened and the playing field leveled. We want them to bear the weight of what they've done, not us. Forgiveness seems like the ultimate betrayal of yourself. You don't want to give up the fight for justice after what has happened to you. The anger is burning inside you and pumping toxicity throughout your system. I know that feeling. I know the second heartbeat that is fury.

But here's the thing with anger: we stay angry because we want justice. We assume that the angrier we are, the more change we will be capable of incurring. Anger doesn't realize that the past is over and the damage has been done. It tells you that vengeance will fix things.

When we're seething, forgiveness seems impossible. We want to be capable of it, because intellectually we know it's the healthiest choice to make. we want the peace forgiveness offers. We want the release and yet we cannot find a way to get there.

Because here's what they all fail to tell you about forgiveness. It's not an eraser that will wipe away the pain pf what's happened to you. It does not undo that pain that you've been living with and grant you immediate peace.

Forgiveness means knowing the past is over and the destruction left in its wake can never be reconstructed to resemble what it was. Forgiveness is the decision that restoring your own peace is finally a bigger priority that disrupting someone else's.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to make amends with who hurt you or validating what they have done to you. It means you're done waiting for the person who broke you to come put you back together. It isn't about letting injustice reign. It's about getting back on your feet and deciding that the rest of your life isn't going to be miserable because of what happened to you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you are giving up all of your power. Forgiveness means you're finally ready to take it back.

 

Have you felt like giving up lately?

10% of the world's population is now under quarantine. All because of someone's lunch in Wuhan. 

Life was good.

I don't know anyone who has been handed only roses. We all encounter traumatic experiences. Some we see coming; others take us by surprise. It can be as tragic as the sudden death of a child; as heartbreaking as a relationship that unravels, or as disappointing as a dream that goes unfulfilled.The question is: When these things happen, what do we do next? 

And so began the rest of my life. It was a life I never would have chosen, a life I was completely unprepared for. The unimaginable.

We cannot put up with something just because the person doing it is our father, mother, brother, spouse or boss. We cannot tolerate everything. We cannot tolerate psychological abuse.

Fear is the mother of all negative emotions. Fear of aging...of rejection...of losing all that you have built...or (fill in the blank) can play intermittently in your head, degrading freedom. Throughout history, people have consistently tried to gain power, personal and professional, by instilling fear in others. Sad to say, it's a ploy that predictably works.

One of the  worst after effects of psychological abuse is the feeling of guilt. The ruthless abuser (whether it's parent, partner or boss) doesn't care in the slightest about your suffering, and also knows that by blaming you, they are multiplying the devastating effects of their toxicity. Everything, absolutely every bad thing that happens is the fault of the victim; the abuser manage to construct the most outlandish arguments when there is no argument to be made.  Another of the changes that an abuser seeks in their victim is to create insecurity. Sometimes during the most vulnerable times of your life, people made you believe that you weren't capable, that you couldn't do things, that you didn't know how to, and that you were worthless.  They ignored you, overlooked your achievements and punished you and that has wrecked havoc with your self-esteem. Likewise the abuser will isolate you, little by little, subtly, discreetly from your environment. Your abuser won't like your friends, your activities or your interests. They will absorb you with their aches and pains and needs and before you realise it, you will have already fallen into their trap.

To know something that I hadn't known before meant I could never "unknow" it and somehow this struck me very forcefully. In my mind I was in free fall, tumbling into an unimaginable place. Terrified in a way that I had never before experienced, the magnitude of my helplessness suddenly hit home. The reality of the rest of my life was in that reflection and I just didn't know how I was going to go on.

Will God ever answer my prayer? Have you ever asked that question? Is there one special matter you have been praying about for a long time, with no apparent answer in sight? Do you need a financial miracle in your life? Do you want a loved one to return for a reconciliation? Is there someone you love, who is at death's door? Are there times when you wonder if the answer will ever come? 

All kinds of weird thoughts and dreams would flash in what little sleep I could get and throughout the fractured night I would try to focus on the next day. 

I thought: If I can get out of this, I will never take anything for granted ever again. 

Traumatic though it was, I had to confront the reality of my changing life. I knew there was no going back and I was going to have to be as mentally tough as I could possibly be. I had to adapt and accept. 

You might be struck by an illness or a sudden change in circumstances and find yourself getting through the days by dealing with the practicalities, but if your mind is only focused on hoping things will get better or denying the inevitable outcome, you will soon hit a brick wall. When I realised the extent and severity of what had happened; realising I couldn't go any lower, I decided the only way to regain any sort of life was to turn my back on that darkness and move towards the light. I've had to learn a very different way of living and everything I do is about adapting. 

There is no point dwelling on what might or could have been. The past has happened and cannot be changed; it can only be accepted. Life is much simpler when you always look at what you can do, not what you can't do.

I was aware that even at this deepest dark moment of my life, I could find things funny, drawing my strength from those around me. This has taught me so much - that with the love and care of others, whoever they are, you can face darkness and look through to the other side. It made me realise even more how much the support of others was imperative to my fragile life.

To extend  friendship, to sustain others during dark times, is the very best of human nature. It is the endless, bottomless emotional support we give - during their dark days, that will get them through.

It's about success, not about being right

Corona is one of the most popular beer brands in the world, yet unfortunately Corona’s brand seems to have suffered from the name’s likeness to “coronavirus.” On the other hand, Clorox stock is one of only seven S&P 500 stocks to rise during the brutal selloff fueled by the novel coronavirus, as investors bet the coronavirus epidemic will boost demand for bleach and disinfectant wipes.

Some things, like fire, which can cook our food and also burn us, are double-edged swords.


Now and then, event top performers must be moved off the team. They perform, but they scorch and burn relationships along the way.


I’m happy to say that I’ve only done this on a handful of rare occasions, but I have done it. Having the wrong person is always worse than having one less person. Those were key leadership moments for me to prove to the team that I would not tolerate dangers within the team.


Don’t put a Band-Aid on gangrene.

No matter how you approach it and no matter how accomplished you are as a leader, removing someone from his role is never easy.

When you're in charge, it's easy to fall in love with your own ideas and to stop taking serious input from the team. A leader understands that no plan will ever be successful unless everyone is on board and committed. It's about success, not about being right. 

Most everything I do is aimed at intensely close teamwork which builds a high level of trust. There is something fundamental about having someone else with you, watching your back, to whom you are loyal and accountable as well. 

I am grateful I have a trusted colleague. Two people with complementary skills and abilities working together toward a common goal - we're twice more effective than as an individual alone. We leverage each other's skills and presence; we cover each other. Without one, the other not only has no help, but is also more vulnerable. Consider successful working partners like Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak, Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard, William Proctor and James Gamble. Bill and Hillary Clinton are also an excellent example. They worked, travelled together and consulted each other on key issues and decisions. They covered each other's backs and they protected and encouraged each other.

The core of influence is trust. You cannot lead without it.

Stress got you down?

Tinder was the highest-grossing mobile app in 2019. Consumers spent a total of US$2.2 billion on dating apps in 2019. This year so far, despite the epidemic hysteria effects of coronavirus, casual dating activities has reported to be on the rise on the basis of the psychology of start living before you start dying.


Volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity? Stress? Hell, yes.


Uncertainty is a fact of life. My world and your world are both full of it. Stress is a killer. It doesn't just lead to heart attacks. It leads to underperformance, indecision, and on-the-job misery. Life will surely seem unfair to you at times, but it will seem unfair to everybody at times. 


Think about how an upcoming holiday can change our state of minds. The condition is set for people to be happy, loving and peaceful. The rest of the year, most of us return to a fearful and negative state of mind. Why? Because what we see in the news and elsewhere highlights the negative. 


The same happens in an organizational environment. You worry about the competition. You worry about the boss. You worry about coworkers. You worry about the product. You worry about the market. Pretty soon, when you consider any idea, process or action, you do so with fear and negativity. 


When people don't know what's coming next, they tend to dwell on the dangers and hazards of what might come. How do you turn fear into courage? Any leader who deals with times like this understands that sometimes there simply is no right answer, at least not a perfect one. I can't give you a precise formula that works in every environment, but I've experienced a lot of touchy leadership situations. 

As you can imagine, being in a sales discipline subjects you to great amounts of stress and fear. Throughout my career, I've had the opportunity to work with great people and great leaders. As a leader, one of the most important tasks is simply to be there and to create a positive environment. Leaders present in times of stress are far more valued than those who stop by once in a while when things are going well.

Just being there, however, won't suffice. Let the team know you're there alongside them. I believe there are times in which leaders need to maintain their composure, despite the natural inclinations to express feelings of discouragement, fear or even despair. This is not to say they should shield others from reality or withhold basic information about the situation. Rather, it is to say that there are times in which the perceived attitude of the leader is a powerful force that can create energy and optimism or fear and pessimism. 

I don't need a PhD to figure this out: great leadership is critical in times of stress and fear.

Get results...without losing your soul

"A cup at Starbucks isn't really that expensive when you consider what Victoria Secret charges per cup." 
Victoria's Secret's Wexner, the longest-serving CEO of any Fortune 500 company, was reportedly in talks to step down from the company after more than 50 years at the helm and potentially sell the company. Once the largest lingerie retailer in the US, Times had once described it as the “internet-breaking moment” of this era after 1.5 million viewers tried to tune in to the annual fashion show when it aired for the first time online and crashed the site. Today, with its sales declining, Victoria’s Secret has been closing stores and its share prices have fallen more than 75% from their 2015 peak.
 
In the course of my work, I've seen many leaders who struggle to achieve prolonged business success, much less build meaningful professional relationships. If that's you, you're not alone. The truth is that all around the world, it's not hard to find stressed-out, frustrated (and often helpless) leaders.
 
We may not admit it, but all of us want power - the power to influence others, the power to get our phone calls returned, the power to get things done that are important to us.
 
How do you measure significance?
 
I believe a lot of people stick with business and work because there is a clear scorekeeping mechanism. You win or lose. You make the deal or someone else does. You get rich or go broke. Clear metrics.
 
Success is mostly about externals. Significance is defined more personally and internally. It is about what we want to do with our lives when success gives us freedom of action and choice.
 
Try not to become a person of success but rather try to become a person of value.
 
One thing I'd noticed that sets lasting successful leaders apart is their compassion. They genuinely know what it's like to do the work you do, face the pressures you do, and thrive amid them. They have genuine compassion for the frontline and middle-level managers that comes through in the encouragement, humour and tough love their share. They want you to succeed.
 
User leaders tend to treat people as objects - the people are there to achieve results and that is their only value. These leaders push hard for results and try to compel productivity through fear, power and control. They say things like, "Why should I say thank you? It's their job." Some other leaders spend their days playing dirty politics, working one person against another in their ceaseless quest for status.
 
You don't have to choose between results and relationships. Effective leaders focus on both. A clear and effective focus on results is the foundation for your influence and success as a leader. You cannot win without it. When you achieve results, those results don't become sustainable until you add the second external focus on relationships - connect, invest and collaborate.
 

The most effective leaders, however, don't stop there. They combine confidence and humility. It's not about results or relationships, confidence or humility. The answer is in the "and" - you need them all.
 
Good leadership is never about what you can do, it's about what you enable and encourage others to achieve.