Your team is expected to deliver - BIG.

Avengers: Endgame has officially dethroned Avatar to become the biggest movie of all time. The Avengers -  Iron Man, Captain America, Captain Marvel, Thor, Black Widow, Hulk and  Ant-Man is the world's favourite super hero team. The Avengers taught us to accept one another in a team regardless of our different background and personalities and to set aside our differences and work together. The Avengers showed us that it is normal to have conflict between each other. We don't always see eye-to-eye because we’re only human and arguments will happen. But the important thing is to know when to let go of our pride, be the bigger person, move on and focus on a far greater purpose.

A few years ago, a series of business school student and kindergartner groups took part in a competition to build the tallest possible structure using pieces of uncooked spaghetti, transparent tape, string and a marshmallow. The contest had only one rule: the marshmallow had to end up on top. If you bet on the business school students because they possess the intelligence, skills and experience to do a superior job, your bet would be wrong. In dozens of trials, kindergartners won, proving again and again that a group of ordinary people can create a performance far beyond the sum of their parts.

Organizations keep throwing talented and intelligent people together, thinking that somehow talent and intelligent teaming will occur. It's painful to watch. Some teams have top talent and leadership and still lose. Others don't have the best talent and leadership, yet win.

In examining success stories of team success, we see a list that include trust, collaboration, respect, strategy, empowerment, communication. It's a list in countless books and organizations around the world. There's no surprise here: these qualities are necessary for a team to succeed.

But there's more. In nearly every success stories, there's a pattern - a way a team approaches their objectives and team members interact with each other. It does not require doing more; it is about being more. 

Here's a big question: do your teammates care enough about achieving success to care about each other?

The truth is, respect alone is not enough. It is merely a first step to being an effective team. To do meaningful work together requires that team members be meaningful in their interactions with one another. But caring is hard work that not everyone is up for. Caring requires that all of us listen more, accept where people are at in their thinking instead of criticizing them, and defend them even when they are not in the room with us. Not everyone has the heart to do these things.

Doing business together successfully requires connecting as humans effectively. A team can't make an epic impact if only a portion of the team chooses to partner those with whom they interact the most. When a team lacks the commitment to a human imperative, the business imperative becomes just one more thing to do on a long list of objectives.

When I ask people inside highly successful groups to describe their relationship with one another, they all tend to choose the same word. This word is not friends or team or any other plausible term. The word they use is family. What's more, they tend to describe the feeling of those relationships in the same way.

My team environment is like a greenhouse. In some greenhouses, the leader plays the role of the plant that every other plant aspires to. But that's not me. My  job is to architect the greenhouse by being painstaking in the hiring process, having low tolerance for bad apple behaviour, making sure everyone has a voice, seeking simple ways to serve the group and embracing fun. This obvious one is still worth mentioning, because laughter is not just laughter; it's the most fundamental sign of safety and connection.

My team deliver high performance and as the do so the members of the team become better people and stronger together. When they interact with one another, there's a striking camaraderie that continues to this day. Trust, laughter and lots of listening are apparent. As well, immediately noticeable are two things they don't do. They don't talk about themselves. And no single person acts as if the are bigger that the team. As a result, I find myself wishing I could spend more time with them. They cared. They knew they are better together. And it shows. 

For a team to succeed, leaders do not need to be superhuman. Nor do the members of the team need to qualify as exclusive specimens of humanity. These are people being at their best, bringing out the best in others, and partnering across the business to deliver shared objectives. And this is how we do big things. 

Oh, yes, here’s another thing I learned from the Avengers. ONE is better than one. One team is better than one person.

Leaders who inspire get great results

A new record: As of June 1, 33 of the companies on the ranking of highest-grossing firms is led by female CEOs for the first time ever. This is a considerable jump from last year’s total of 24. Seven of the world's most powerful women in business are at General Motors, Hershey, Oracle, Kohl’s, Lockheed Martin, Yum China and IBM, to name a few. 

When it comes to being a female leader, Marriott International Global Sales leader knows a thing or two. "Inspiration, not intimidation," she recently said. 

Who has inspired you? Maybe your parents, a friend, a teacher? What did they do that had such an impact on you?

What inspires people? Caring. 

What does this mean for those of us who are trying to become better leaders in the workplace? Do we have to tell our employees that we love them? Must we line them up and hug them at the start of each day? No, that's probably going a bit too far - it is vital, however, that we create a supportive environment. Leaders show that they care about that their team members do and who they are. Simply put, a boss says "go," a leader says "Let's go."

It turns out that the two most powerful words in the English Language are, "Well done." Not every productive employee is appreciated. But every appreciated employee is productive. 

Looking back further, I remember another critical piece of advise. You don't get the best out of people by hitting them with an iron rod. You do so by gaining their respect, and convincing them that they are capable of improving their performance. I cannot think of any leader who succeeded for any length of time by presiding over a reign of terror. 

I always got more out of people by praising them than by scorning them with criticism. Sales people, like all human beings, are plagued by a range of emotions that run all the way from profound insecurity to massive over-confidence. People perform best when they know they have earned the trust of their leaders. When I was younger, I was more inclined to be severe. I cringe when I think back to those moments. 

Many people cannot stop long enough to listen - especially when they had become successful and all the people around them are being obsequious and pretending to hang on their every word. They launch into monologues as if suddenly they know everything. Putting these megalomaniacs to one side, it always pays to listen to others. Unless you understand people, it's very difficult to motivate them.

People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision. Many people who approached the area of vision in leadership have it backwards. They believe that if the cause is good enough, people will automatically buy in and follow. But that's not how leadership works. People don't follow worthy causes; they follow worthy leaders with a cause they can believe in. They buy into the leader first.

Be the leader you wish you had. Be the leader you would follow.

I can't keep living like this

The rise of the rest. Sales of iPhones accounted for just 48% of overall revenue at Apple, down from 60% this time last year. The rapid growth of the Wearables (formerly Other) category, as well as the ongoing growth of the Services line which includes the App Store, Apple Pay and AppleCare, is up more than 30% from a year ago. Let me be the first to say that Tim Cook has done a superb job at Apple. Since taking the helm in August 2011, Apple's market value has more than doubled (for a brief period above $1 trillion).

Tim Cook recently reminded the Stanford Class of 2019 Steve Jobs had stood on that same stage and offered this advice: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." 

At the rate I'm going, I'm not going to win this battle with time. I've come to accept this for what it means - that time has control over us and not the other way around. I'm doing my best to reach 90, but the reality is you've got less time than you think. Not this is true: Life expectancy is increasing, medicine is always making impressive advancements and many of us have committed to healthier diets and more physical exercises. 

And yet there is still no guarantee that you're going to live a long life. That's what they don't tell you: you could still get cancer, have a heart attack, or get into an accident of some kind. 

In truth, we don't control when we come into the world, and we don't control when - or how - we leave it. We don't control when we die, where we die or how we die. We only get to choose how we're going to live. I'd rather live for a cause, than just because. 

Ever wonder what would happen if you had made different choices in the past? - turned right instead of left. said yes instead of no? If you had made different choices, some things might have turned out better - and others, maybe worse. In any case, you'll never know.

If you choose what's behind Door Number One instead of Door Number Two and you go through a tough time - does that necessarily mean you made the wrong decision? Is the easier path always be the choice? There are no wrong choices; only those we regret. 

In this context, the great challenge is to discern which parts of ourselves need to be accepted as they are and which parts need to be challenged to change. This is the same kind of balance we are looking for between knowing when to act and when to leave a situation alone. There is a prayer that speaks to this dilemma. It is invoked by millions of men and women around the world everyday: 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

None of us escapes life alive. There are only two things we have to do in this world: we have to die and we have to live until we die. The rest, we make up.

In simplistic terms, Cook's developed his own code for phone use. "For me, my simple rule is if I'm looking at the device more than I'm looking into someone's eyes, I'm doing the wrong thing," he said.

Fight fire with...less fire

Nine weeks and no solution in sight. The battle lines between the Hong Kong protesters and police are drawn and it is difficult to see when they will end and how it will end without more violence.

Let me be clear: I'm not about to get into the politics of Hong Kong here. If the two sides haven't been able to solve their conflict after nine weeks, I definitely can't solve it in a 500-word blog. The point, rather, is to note that sometimes the more force you apply, the less effective it becomes.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that" - Martin Luther King Jr.

Over the years I've learned that sometimes I need to pump the brakes. This lesson applies to all aspects of my life. With my team, especially the young folks I love to hire and watch grow. It's there at the negotiating table when I'm trying to get a deal done. I apply it to relationships when I'm trying to persuade another person to see it my way. 

You can learn what amount of force is appropriate in any given situation only by trial and error - and it may take you the rest of your life to figure it out. I have had my share of moments when I kept pushing long past the point of effectiveness. It's happened in personal connections. I've experienced it in business too. I've absolutely been at the bargaining table when, because I believed I had win every point, I ended up losing the whole deal.

When confronted with a super aggressive opponent, it doesn't pay for you to stay toe to toe trading shots. If Mr. or Ms Testosterone try to control the action, let them. Or let them think they are. Let them mistake your silence for weakness.

In life, sometimes you've got to let things quiet down, let them marinate in reason and introspection. If you don't, you could easily lose the girl or the guy or the deal, or the team at work might not achieve what you're trying to accomplish. 

What I've had to learn the hard way is that good friends aren't obligated to do everything you want, when you want it, and how you want it done. If they choose to exercise their independence, it doesn't mean you need to cast them aside. It's one thing to have an uncomfortable conversation with a friend who's willing to engage with you and listen to your point of view, and quite another to acknowledge that you can't change his or her mind or make that person apply your beliefs to his or her life. 

As we grow older we don't lose friends. We just learn who the real ones are.

The benefits of regret

Nadellaissance. Blomberg Businessweek coined that word to describe the effect CEO Satya Nadella has on Microsoft. Microsoft has more subscribers than Netflix, more cloud computing revenue than Google, and a near-trillion-dollar market cap and has overtaken Apple, Amazon and Alphabet to become the world’s most valuable company.

“At Microsoft we have this very bad habit of not being able to push ourselves because we just feel very self-satisfied with the success we’ve had,” Nadella says. “We’re learning how not to look at the past." 

Sometimes, we think that our past success is predictive of great things in our future. This is not necessarily a bad thing. But sometimes we sit there with godlike feelings when someone tries to make us change our ways and we think they don't know what they're talking about. We go into denial mode - the criticism does not apply to us, or else we couldn't be so successful. 

That's the paradox of success: what got us here may be holding us back in our quest to go there.

According to a poll, nearly 1/3 of American adults have a tattoo these days. About one in four laments the decision. Why? Tattoos can last far longer than the desire to get one. No wonder tattoo removal is now the fastest-growing cosmetic procedure in the world.

On the other end of the scale, we can't complete the past until we acknowledge what we've already experienced. We can't just ignore it or wish it away. Many of us have endured some real shocks, even catastrophes. Maybe you lost a relationship. Maybe you lost a loved one. Maybe you experienced an accident, an illness, a violent attack, or a total loss of your business. Unless and until you deal with traumatic events, they can influence and even define your future in deeply unhealthy ways. 

What are the major lessons you learned this year so far? Unless we learn from our experiences, we can't grow. Maybe it was strategic planning - you wish you had done more of that in your business. Maybe you wished you had saved more money, played more with your kids, or worked out more. Just for example, here's mine: "There comes a point in every experience when I'm too far in to quit but almost certain I can't finish. If I keep moving forward, I'll eventually end up on the other side." I'm still not done learning this lesson.

No one does well under a crushing burden of regret. Thankfully, our minds have natural processes like reframing to take the weight off, especially when there's little chance to fix the situation. We've recognized that since forever. It's where we get folk wisdom like "time heals all wounds." So when the regret bomb blew up in my life, I slowly and painfully began to reevaluate and reorient my priorities. 

My new rule: whenever things go wrong, wait and see what better thing is coming. We are not stuck where we are unless we decide to be.

Have you felt like giving up lately?

Selfies kill more people than sharks. So far this year eight people have been killed by sharks, while 12 have been the cause of their own demise while taking a selfie. Distracted selfie-takers fell off cliffs, crashed their cars, hit by trains, and even shot themselves while posing with guns.

It has been said that life kills you more acutely than death. It hurts when you go through something that kills you inside but you have to act like it doesn't affect you.

What about you? Is it a financial crisis staring you right in the face? Do you live in a home situation which tears your spirit apart? Have your children hurt you, or has a child brought anguish to you? Has sickness or pain brought you down to the valley of death? Have you lost a job? Is your future scary and uncertain? Is your relationship in trouble? Has death of a loved one left you depressed, lonely and empty? 

Do you feel overwhelmed right now? Have you tried so many ways to see it through, yet nothing seems to help? Have you grown tired of trying? Have you almost decided there is no way out? Have you reached the end of your rope? Have you said to your heart, "I don't know what to do now!"?

Let me tell you something you already know. The world is not all sunshine and rainbows. It can be a very mean and nasty place and no matter how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.

The hard part about being pushed to the point of desperation is reeling yourself back in and regaining control. You don't get to choose who dies or leave you, or what happens to you, but you get to choose how you stand and how you move forward. You get to choose how you think and where you put your attention and focus.

I, too, have my battles. I do get plunged into darkness and confusion, on occasion. I am no better or worse than anyone reading this post.

In hard times, we generally get down on ourselves and begin to feel sorry for ourselves and we become angry and bitter as well. We sink deeper and deeper. It's difficult to stop this process, but one way to get a handle on it is to remember again that no condition in life is permanent. It is important in times of despair to focus on what you didn't lose more than what you lost.

Some may deny that there is a power greater than all of us, but I am not one. People come into your life at the right time. Friends show up exactly when you are in need of them. Coincidence, it has been said, is God's way of staying anonymous.

All of us have been in situations that appeared hopeless, and yet we survived. We found a way. or perhaps the way was shown to us. 

Accept the fact that some things just have to run their course, creating new opportunities, building character, and providing experience. Situations have a way of working out, and they can do it quicker and better if left alone.

 

Stop stressing over shitty people

The "Thrones" prequel - set thousands of years before the events of Game of Thrones - chronicles the world's descent from the Golden Age of Heroes into its darkest hour. Filming has begun, Naomi Watt stars, and there'll be no dragons.

Hollywood is obsessed with prequels and origin stories. We all have our "origin stories." No matter how far you go in life, never forget where you came from. Only gravediggers start from the top.

I've become increasingly concerned over the rising sense of entitlement in this part of the world. I've encountered it all over the place: as a leader, working with peers and colleagues, interacting with customers and partners, and certainly through my time spent with other leaders.

What's tripping me up is that it's not just the well-to-do, the lucky, or the elite who feel entitled - it's so many "ordinary" people, those yet to make any meaningful contributions. They haven't have fame or notoriety. They don't have name recognition. They don't have leverage. They don't have multiple degrees. They haven't invented anything important. 

Ask yourself this simple questions: Would you rather live next door to a man who is kind and thoughtful or to a man who is mean and self-centred? Would you rather work for a woman who is honest and caring or for a woman who is dishonest, conniving and uncaring? Would you rather have friends with integrity or friends who cannot be trusted to do as they say they will do?

I don't know who likes a person who acts entitled. On the other hand, people always respect folks who deliver. I'm around people who love those who work hard, who prove themselves, earn their power and respect, and earn their way in the world. And who do it with integrity. That's the path to true success.

Over the years I have met literally tens of thousands of people, but as I look back on it all, there are certain people whom I remember, others whom I admire and a handful whom I deeply respect. Some people are memorable because they are warm and welcoming, and others because they make you laugh until you have cramps in your cheeks. Then there are people I admire.

I admire people for so many different reasons. I admire people who take care of themselves physically, because I know how hard it is to do that. I admire great talent. Musicians, writers, actors, all exercising their talents on an extraordinary level fascinates me and I admire that. 

I admire the building of great businesses. Many of my good friends are business leaders and entrepreneurs, and I often marvel at the way their minds work. But over the years in my personal reflection, I have constantly asked myself: what do I respect? At a deep level, I think there is only one thing I truly and deeply respect over and over again in time, and that is virtue. Virtue in other people challenges me. The thing that strikes me most about people of genuine virtue, is that whether I agree with them or disagree with them ideologically, I cannot help but respect them.

I learned my lesson. Money and possessions have their appeal, rapidly advancing careers can fuel our egos but character is what will see you through good times and bad. Now I try to make character my number-one priority in every sphere of my life.