How will you be remembered?

Inventor Richard Browning showcased his “Iron Man-inspired” homemade suit equipped with miniature jet engines by taking off and flew uninterrupted for around 10 minutes. "The whole journey was about trying and failing, and learning from that," Browning said.

Life is an experiment. 

 All too often, through our 20s, our choices were a mix of hope and guesswork. Jobs and relationships become a series of learning experiences as life doesn't work out as we might have hoped or planned. If only we had known then what we know now...

There is no best career. There are both satisfied and dissatisfied people in medicine, sales, law, teaching and every line of work. In my own search for career and calling, I traveled a winding path. After passing my O Levels,  I studied computer science because, in 1981, I was told that the future was in computing, but ended up now as a sales leader.

Martin Luther King Jr, has this to say: Whatever your life work is, do it well. Do it so well that no one else could do it better. If it falls on your lot to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures, like Shakespeare wrote poetry, like Beethoven composed music; sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will have to pause and say, "Here lived a great street sweeper."

When you have a choice, choose the best. When you have no choice, do your best.

Time decides who we meet in life. Our heart decides who we want in our lives. And our behavior decides who stays in our lives.

We all slip into the "poor me" mode at times. I am not about to preach "positivity." The fact is, pain and difficulty are not fun - I speak from my own experiences.

Day by day, time seems to move slowly. If you're a parent, you know that one day your struggle to get your child to eat and then, before you can turn around, he's grown up and left home. As a leader, each day doesn't seem to make a huge difference, but before we know it, those days have added up to weeks, months, and even years or decades you've spent with people.

Sometimes, at the end of every day, I try to look back and wonder whether I made a difference, where I encourage someone, teach someone, invested in someone and see him/her stronger as a result. Are the people in my team better because of their time with me? That's a simple but powerful test of my leadership. Long after everything fades away, it is our influence, our relationships and how we impact the people around us - these things endure.

 

Why leadership presence?

United's stock shed 4% - more than $1billion loss in market value - over the course of the week as outrage flared over a passenger being forcibly dragged off a plane. It was a PR nightmare was complicated by the way the CEO responded which was like throwing gasoline on a fire.

According to Harvey Coleman...Image (what other people think of you. Your personal brand) is three times more important than performance to career success.

Many ambitious executive wannabes have a flawed assumption that they can propel  themselves to the top through hard work, self-sacrifice and a little emotional intelligence.

You work hard, try your best but don't seem to get the opportunities that you want and feel you deserve. Why is it so much easier for others?

If nobody's told you yet, it's not about how smart you are or how solid your achievements. The new realities are that you need leadership presence - the package of intangibles, like flexibility, passion, social poise, energy, communication skills and appearance.

That's the burden of leadership: everything we do and say is significant and has impact. My ex-boss used to tell me "perceptions are other people's realities"
We all want to be loved and accepted. In truth, nobody is loved by everybody. Even the greatest men and women in history have critics. We are no different. Some people are going to like us, dome are going to love us, some are not going to like us at all, and some may even despise us.

Now in older age, I find myself become less reactive, less overinvested in success. I know well how things don't always go my way and that there is a limit to what I can control. So when defining my values and personal brand, I remember that I am in for the long haul.

You can try to fool some people, some, of the time, and will. But if true to yourself and to others, your personal brand will be far more enduring, rewarding and marketable.

As Mark Twain advised, "Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."

 

Trust affects us all

A statement from White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer cited, in their first meeting, President Donald Trump and Chinese President Xi Jinping  discussed an array of topics which included North Korea. For years, the United States and the international community have tried to negotiate an end to North Korea’s nuclear and missile development, but North Korea has repeatedly cheated on its commitments.

Trust can accelerate and mistrust can destroy any team, family, relationship. No matter who we are and what our role is, trust affects our influence and success. Influence is not the power to make people do things. Influence only comes through credibility - the extent to which people know you, believe you, trust you and respect you.

As a leader I never tell the team anything that I don't absolutely believe myself. I always tell them the truth.

Likewise, when building team, I embrace the principle set by John Wooden: "A player who makes a team great is more valuable than a great player." No matter how productive or competent a team member can be, if that person is not trustworthy - which means no hidden meanings, no dealing in the shadows, no backstabbing -  that person has no place on my team.  

Most people consider themselves to be honest people. Criminal psychologists speak about criminals who actually convince themselves that they didn't commit the crime. People deceive themselves at different times and in varying degrees. They do it sometimes out of convenience and sometimes out of cowardice.

In this hyper-competitive world, we all want to win, but we can win well. We can win without losing out souls.

 

Do unto others

Since 1998, Fortune has been publishing a list of America's Best Companies to Work For. Last month, Google maintained the top spot on that list for the 6th year running.

It is no big secret by now that employees at that company are extremely well fed, getting healthy and varied breakfast, lunch, and even dinner if they stay late — for free. They are treated to massages, have access to wellness centers and a whole range of leisure activities and get extended time off to follow their passions outside the workplace.

Maya Angelou: "People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel."

On a personal front, as I get older I increasingly enjoy helping others reach their goals. I enjoy being generative. I particularly enjoy demonstrating genuine concern for others' well-being, being friendly because I want to, not because I want something in return. True kindness feels special precisely because it's given as a gift, rather than a loan.

We can see and enjoy every sight around the world, experience every luxury pleasure. But when we look back on our lives and review our memories, I am sure, none of it will match the delight of bringing a smile to someone's face.

On the flip side of the coin, there are people who disappoint me at times - they don't follow through on commitments, or stick to their word, or are reliable. Like the saying goes: "The more I encounter these people, the more I love my dog."

It's times like that, that I hold on to the Law of the Garbage Truck which says: Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier.

These annoyances are like ant bites...it shall not ruin my picnic.

 

We are not superhumans

Yesterday, March 17, was World Sleep Day. It was also the day when Jose Mourinho slammed the Premier League for an over-congested fixture schedule and claims that injuries to his players were an accumulation of fatigue.

Is your lifestyle destroying you?

In our hypercompetitive 21st century world, convince themselves that to be successful in their endeavors, they must sacrifice sleep and rest. They confuse working long, hard hours with achieving results. I used to foolishly believe this to be heroic.

Those who work closest with me used to tell me that I start too many initiatives, spreading myself and the team too thin. inevitably, efforts and energy of the team gets diluted and either the results disappoint or the troops start to leave. My experience in recent years has shown me that the best results are when we do what counts. We must accept that we are not superhuman.

As much as we should pace ourselves, a leader should also value and respect everyone's time. When you carelessly let meetings overrun, start late or impose last minute or short deadlines, you disrespect your people. Many leaders  are so hell-bent on winning, "moving the needle", get the highest ratings, rankings and results, that they treat people like objects.

I have been able to sustain a high-performing team over time because I refuse to resort to harsh, stress-inducing tactics. I need energized, motivated people all working together. Unlike popular beliefs, business and life are not marathons, but instead a series of sprints. Pacing works. Hard work is not the answer.

 

No discounting the power of friendship

Braulio Guerra, a Mexican politician has climbed the fence that separates Mexico from the United States to show President Donald Trump his plan for a border wall is "absurd, reported The Independent. The proportion of Americans who oppose the wall has increased since election day, from 54% to 62%.

Back in the 17th century, Sir Isaac Newton said, "We build too many walls and not enough bridges.” In the 21st century,Tony Robbins paraphrased it, “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.”

There is no discounting the power of friendship. The burden of the journey of life is too great to bear all on our own. We need the help of others, we need support and encouragement.

Working in an organization can be tough, demanding and frustrating at times. We often have to handle pressure from all sides. Sometimes our performance is dependent on the contributions of other people. We have to be kind to unkind people.

How many of you are like me, to have resigned from a job because of difficulties with someone you work with, or someone you have contact with for work?

Our teachers are numberless and may take the form of friends and adversaries. According to an ancient proverb, "We have no friends; we have no enemies; we only have teachers." Being in my 50's is a defining time.....I try to find wisdom in whatever form it appears. No experience is ever wasted because every experience contains a lesson.

Don't lose touch with the friends you value most. Those who accept you as you are, and who know you very well, are worth more than anything in the end. This is a man speaking from experience. Don't let life get in the way. Just always know where to find them and let them know you appreciate them in the meantime.

Max Lucado has this to say: When you are in the final days of your life, what will you want? Will you hug that college degree in the walnut frame? Will you ask to be carried to the garage so that you can sit in your car? Will you find comfort in rereading your financial statement? Of course not. What will matter then will be people. If relationships will matter most then, shouldn't they matter most now?

 

Let it go

I sat in the audience when Tshering Tobgay, Bhutan's Prime Minister spoke about measuring his country's success according to Gross National Happiness (GNH), rather than solely gross domestic product, prioritizing well-being over financial growth.

Extensive research since 2000 has shown that people who are happier also have fewer strokes and heart attacks, have better work performance and more professional success, have more fulfilling and longer-lasting relationships and live longer.

It was stunning. An analysis of words people used on Twitter analyzed some 40,000 words in over 80 million tweets throughout the northeastern USA, and when the results were overlaid with a county-by-county analysis of heart attacks, it was a nearly exact correlation.

What kind of language patterns were so predictive of illness? Overall, they were expressions of anger, hostility and aggression, as well  disengagement including "mad, alone, annoying, can't, bored" and a slew of words that I can't repeat here.

That really made me stop and think.

How many times have I lay awake at night imagining the aggravation someone put me through during the day...thinking about what he said....what I should have said....what I'll say if you see him again? And of course, that person is sleeping peacefully without  any idea that I am awake, thinking about him! So, at that point, whose life is being ruined, consumed and wasted?

For us to forgive another person, it is not required that he deserves our forgiveness. It is not even required that he is aware he has been forgiven. Forgiveness, it turns out, is a gift that means more to the giver than it does to the receiver.

Wasn't it Buddha who said: "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who get's burned."

In the same vein, it is important that we forgive ourselves. Most of us over thirty years of age have had plenty of time to get mad about things we've done or haven't done. We made promises that we didn't keep, or we had intentions that were never fulfilled. We set goals we didn't reach, and now, we'd disappointed ourselves. Forgive yourself and move on.

In the past 15 years, science has learned that happiness isn't the result of some big, out-of-reach event or attainment. It's not something you pursue, it's something you do.

I have long since realize that happiness is not by winning the lottery, not by buying a mansion or a Lamborghini, not by moving to Beverly Hills, not by becoming rich and famous or marrying Emma Stone. Not by gigantic achievements and accolades.

Imagine this: if you had $86,400 in your account and someone stole $10 from you, would you be upset and throw  all of the remaining $86,390 away in the hope of getting back at the person who took your $10? Or move on and live? See, we all have 86,400 seconds each day. Don't let someone's negative 10 seconds ruin the remaining 86,390.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Life is bigger than that.

On the one hand, we all want to be happy. On the other hand, we all know the things that make us happy. But we don't do those things? Why? Simple. We are too busy. Too busy doing what? Too busy trying to be happy.