We have the power

Paralympic swimmer Yip Pin Xiu broke the World record and won Singapore's first Olympic gold medal. She has muscular dystrophy.

It would be very easy for someone like her to quit on life and stop living. Yet, she saw beyond the pain and heartache and went after life with determination and courage.

The past twelve months had been very challenging, character-building months. It seems like disappointments, injustices and other incredibly painful adversities are always chasing us. Sometimes the hits just keep on coming.

We never let the negative events to affect our attitude. Everyone in the team kept focused, even through the frustrating times, on our goals. We monitored our thoughts and rejected negative thinking and negative people who hold us back. We took life on, lived it passionately and courageously, and never let defeat stop us for more than the time it takes for us to acknowledge it, recognize its impact on us, accept it, learn from it and then move on.

Sadly, as humans, we are not particularly good at staying happy. Positive emotions wear off. Whether we've won an award or closed a big sale, with time, we tend to return to our happiness baseline.

Throughout this period, as leader, I tried to boost moods by arranging frequent positive events. I have learned an invaluable insight through this time. Experiences are more rewarding than objects when it comes to keep team morale up. Research shows we remember events more positively the further they are in our rearview mirrors. Just think back to a vacation you've taken in the past. But that Samsonite case in your cupboard? No longer quite as chic as when you got it.

We are greater than our circumstances and anything that could ever happen to us. That's what LC Robinson meant when he said "Things may happen around you and things may happen to you but only the things that really count are things that happen in you.". We have that power in us.

 

Courage to express our feelings

I saw some children in the garden yesterday and I watched how naturally they all showed their feelings. If they liked someone, they said so. If they were sad, they cried, released it, and were then happy again. It was refreshing to watch the honest expressions.

We are at times afraid of being honest and open. Of course, it is to avoid the pain that may come as a result of our honesty. But these walls we create bring pain of their own. We adults have lost such ability to be so totally open. If we were once like that as children, perhaps we could learn, to varying degrees, to be that way again.

If people can't accept our honesty or react in a different way to how we'd hoped, it doesn't matter. What matters is we have told them.

On a personal front, we need to muster the courage to express our feelings honestly. Tell people you love them. Tell them you appreciate them, then you will not have to live with the guilt that is carried if someone they loved has passed and things have gone unsaid.

On the professional side of the coin, sometimes colleagues and leaders become blind to what does and doesn't work. They engage in counterproductive behaviours believing they are doing the right thing. It takes a lot of courage to express our feelings and sometimes we are not always strong enough to do this. So much is held back by pride, apathy, or fear of reprisal or humiliation.

This much I know...we cannot control the reaction of those with whom we share this openness with. It is easy to focus on what we don't like about a person, but we must be sensitive to their needs as well. It wasn't an attack on any individual, merely just sharing the imbalance I felt was happening.

We should never feel guilty for expressing our feelings and we should never make someone else feel guilty if they had found the courage to do so.

To that end, I seek out honest feedback. I genuinely want to know whether my interactions help or hinder the performance of those around me. These feedback help me monitor the vital signs, as in a medical checkup.

While expressing feelings in some relationships may come at a price, I have some other relationships in my life which are now of mature honesty and true quality.

It's difficult to wait but worse to regret

Joseph Schooling, who left home at age 14 in pursuit of a dream many labeled impossible, has delivered Singapore's first Olympic gold.

Life is made up of hopes and dreams. The great people of history dream without limit and seek it with unrelenting energy.

It takes courage to dream. Whether it is asking a girl out on a date, starting a business, battling a disease - everything in life requires courage. Most of us are afraid. Afraid of losing the things we have worked hard to buy, afraid of failure and rejection, afraid of criticism, afraid of heartache, afraid to tell people how we really feel.

The need for courage is at any age: how can I manage my job and move up the career ladder? How do I get off this career ladder and retire? Who will I be without my identity as a sales leader? Of course, what seems like courage in our earlier years may look different in our later years, simply because we don't always stay afraid of the same things.

It is easy to become so busy worrying about the future that we forget to live our dreams. The pursuit of the dream fills us with hope, passion and enthusiasm. When we stop dreaming, we slowly begin to disengage from our work and our relationships.

My life has been filled with so many dreams come true, and for that there are many people I am grateful to. Mentors, colleagues, friends made considerable contributions to my journey. If you look back on your life, I suspect you will also discover a variety of people who, to varying extents, have helped you along the way. These people who took an interest in you and your aspirations no doubt had an enormous impact on your life.

In various aspects of our lives, we also encounter other people who need to be challenged and encouraged in the direction of their dreams. "Give to others what you most desire for yourself,"a mentor once told me. If you want to be appreciated, appreciate others. If you want your work to be valued, value others'work. If you want a successful career, help another's career to flourish. I have played my part in helping people in my past and present teams advance personally and professionally.  I take pride in my accomplishments, large and small.

Success has many facets. Marriage might mean success for one, misery for another. For me, success can never be about just what I "do". It's also when I can laugh, love and to feel happy about the tiniest things. It's having a peaceful mind and some blessed downtime rather than knotting myself in frustration, especially when things fall apart. If one goal doesn't happen, it's natural to feel disappointed or angry. But, I still focus on being grateful for the other blessings I''ve been given. I don't always succeed at this, but I am learning.

A new kind of physical education

Our world puts a premium on the ability to tough out adversity. We celebrate people who ignore their bodies' danger signals in order to achieve. Many people confuse working long, hard hours with achieving results.

As I watch the Olympic Games, I am reminded of the basic rule of peak performers: get the proper amount of rest, eat a good diet and exercise. Executives are high performers too, and should strive to tune in to themselves the way an athlete would, in order to have a work life that would allow them to work at their best.

Somehow, in my twenties and thirties, I did not think I needed what the rest of the mere mortals must have to be at my best. I know too well what it's like to push myself on relentlessly - irrespective of how my energy levels work. 

Previously when I was not respecting my body's needs by slowing down or reducing stress - the first thing to go was passion. I now act on my body's intuitive alerts, instead of fight impulses that are meant to protect me. Listening to these signals has radically improve the quality of my life.

If I'm tired, I rest. If I'm hungry, I eat a delicious meal. If I'm tense or upset, I have some fun.

This may mean I have to cancel plans, say no to others, or make unpopular choices in terms of what others expect.

Our bodies are meant to move. We're not built to spend our lives hunched over a computer, chained to our desks. Studies have linked a sedentary lifestyle with more deaths even than smoking.

Even if your fatigue or packed schedule is real, five minutes of exercise or stretching will provide a boost. A new study published in the American Journal of Physiology suggests that stretching done by middle-aged or older adults, significantly improved the flexibility of their artery (which, when blocked is the cause of a stroke). 

Be grateful for what you have, including health. Sometimes we forget the blessing of mobility.

The smallest actions can make the biggest difference

It is action, not words which is key to building trust, image and a relationship.

If a salesperson whom you hardly know says, "just trust me," what is your first reaction? Is it trust? Or suspicion? Trust must be earned and it is earned by the actions that are taken.

The smallest actions can make the biggest difference. To make huge strides, we take small steps. A single word can make or break us; a last straw broke the camel's back.

If a man is overweight, it's because he has eaten too many calories over a long period of time, not because of a big dinner the night before. If a man is a good partner, it's not because he gave her flowers and chocolates yesterday, but rather, because he has been faithful and caring to her over many years.

While BIG things are worth celebrating, don't wait for that one big chance to show our trustworthiness. We get thousands of small ones. Consistency in spite of who is watching is what matters to people. This is true for every interaction between a leader and a team member, and a salesperson and a prospect. The leader or salesperson is trusted either more or less on the basis of every single experience.

Play the cards you are dealth with, and play them well, until you get dealt a new hand.

Conflict can be a golden opportunity to grow stronger

How well do we use conflict to improve our relationships rather than destroy them?

In my many years of work in a sales environment, I have seen seller/buyer and couples' lives ravaged by arguments, denial and blame. Yet, I have also seen relationships rebuilt with empathy, sensitivity and compassion.

At some point in our adult lives, all of us have lost control of emotions. Frustrations mount, heart rate rises, pulses quicken. We've all said and done things in the heat of the moment that we've later regretted.

Communication skills and styles develop and change with our own personal development. It is important to remember that even though we're communicating well right now, the situation can change dramatically when we least expect it.
No matter you and your partner are upset about, you must never forget the main objective: to be heard and understood. All of us want to believe our feelings matter to our partner, that understanding who we are and supporting us in our endeavours is one of our parner's top priorities.

When we communicate our thoughts is just as important as how we get our message across. Sometimes it's not what we say so much as what we didn't say that creates the problems in our relationships. Most of us know that "right" thing to say in any situation, but we get so caught up in our own lives that we didn't bother treating our partners and close friends with the same tact and civility that we extend to our clients and coworkers.

In both personal and professional relationships, a willingness to settle can be more important than "being right." Within every conflict lies a golden opportunity to find new common ground and grow stronger.

Energy management instead of time management

The National Sleep Foundation has this to say: "As a nation, the United States appears to be becoming more and more sleep deprived. And it may be our busy lifestyle that keeps us from napping. While naps do not necessarily make up for inadequate or poor quality nighttime sleep, a short nap of 20-30 minutes can help to improve mood, alertness and performance. Nappers are in good company: Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan, Napoleon, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison and George W. Bush are known to have valued an afternoon nap."

Let's face it! There are 24 hours in a day. It doesn't matter how much money we have, or who our father is, 24 hours is all we get. We don't need more time; we need more energy.

For us leaders today, it is not about managing time. We wouldn't be where we are if we did not have any notion how to do that already. However, if we don't manage our energy, we may find that when the time to do something important, like negotiate a high-value deal or go to the movie with a loved one, we may just not have the energy for it.

If we do not eat, we will die. Sleep is also one of our physical needs. If we do not sleep, over time we will become delusional. But we don't just sleep because we have to. Sleep refreshes us. Sleep energizes us. Sleep heals us from the stresses of daily life. When we view it from this positive perspective, we maximise the effects of sleep.

From the collective wisdom of hundreds of elite athletes and medical doctors, I now realize the most important issue regarding sleep is when we sleep. It is not also the case of the longer the sleep the better. It's about the quality of sleep.

Our modern world works against this in so many ways. When I was twenty eight, like a great number of people, I upheld lack of sleep as a source of pride. Like them, I convince myself that to be successful, I must sacrifice sleep and rest - I even believed this to be heroic.

Over the past five years, I have taken control of my life and adopted a regular sleeping schedule. I have seen it work in my life, and I have seen it work in the lives of others. I feel like a different person with new energy, new enthusiasm, new passion for life. Being rested is not just about being awake - it's about being able to devote myself completely to whatever is before me every single moment of the day.

I find that I feel amazing and have a seemingly unlimited amount of time during the day to get things done.