The husband-wife combo: Progress or perish

"An affair caused Tiger Woods car crash," Andy read the headllines. "A good marriage should have no serious problems. A poor marriage is one in which there are many problems," he continued, almost starting a debate.

I beg to differ. Problems go along with people - in and out of marriage. If you don't have problems, you're probably in coma.

The difference between smooth sailing and shipwreck in marriage lies in what we as a couple are doing about the rough weather.

Who wins or loses?

"The cold war has begun," Bob moaned. "My wife has not been speaking to me for 3 days now."

When you are angry with each other it is common to see the situation in terms of a winner and a loser, with ourselves as the one who deserves to win.

But when this happens, there is one sure loser - the relationship.

When you set out to win or force your partner to your point of view, the benefits are only short-term. Setting out to win - especially if you always succeed - shows a lack of respect, which undermines the relationship.

Ode to single parents

"I am a single parent," Edward announced to me while we were in Kunming. "I live with my 9-year old son in Beijing now."

I realise 1-parent homes are not all equal. Some were created by divorce and others by death of a spouse. Some parents have never married. Some single-parent families live near relatives and enjoy the benefits of closeness with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Many live far away from relatives and have to pretty much fend for themselves.

No matter what your situation, if you are a single parent raising your children alone, I know you can effectively show love to your them.

Turn down the volume

"Keep quiet," the mother in the front row on SQ0850 screamed at the crying child just before take-off.

In communicating with children, perhaps the most serious mistake a lot of parents make is the volume they use.

Calm, confident and firm - that's what authority is all about and that's what I believe, kids understand, respect and respond to. When you're out of control, you've lost your kids and their respect.

A leader's #1 priority

"(The lads) were anxious to do well and sometimes young players don't know how to slow down," Alex Ferguson said after Manchester United's 23-match unbeaten home run were broken by Besiktas. "That's a natural part of improving and developing a young player."

A football coach's #1 priority is to attract, develop, nurture, organize and motivate the club's talent. Coaches are intimately aware that the future success of their club depends on the talent they attarct, engage and retain. Finding and nurturing talent is their #1 priority.

Why should priorities of a Director of Sales & Marketing or any other leader be any different?

From right: Shirley, Rae

All this talk about family

"Thanks Paul, for the well wishes," Esther wrote on my FB wall post. "I had fun at BLR with my family.. :)"

We hear a lot of talk about "family" these days. Politicians talk about "family values." A lady I'd interviewed spoke about "wanting to spend more time with her family." We excuse behaviour we would otherwise not tolerate with the all-forgiving comment, "Well, they're family."

Family represents a sense of belonging. It feels that if we can fit into our family, we can fit into the world. The more impersonal, complex and overwhelming the world gets, we turn to our family for comfort and belonging.

The other side of the coin is this: if members of our family - those who presumably know us best and care the most, are critical, then who will love us?

From left: Ben and Fab

Living with the aged

I visited my granny last weekend. It would be one year on Boxing Day next month that she is immobile due to a fall.

Everytime I vist her I do an eyeball evaluation of her well-being. Each time I look at her lately, she appears thinner and more frail.

Living in a body that is slowly losing its function, her will is the last remaining thing that my granny can truly control. She is losing her vocals. She is losing her ability to walk.

Whatever happens to my granny becomes my parents' and my aunt's responsibility to address. They have to deal with difficult logistics, with supporting and nurturing her through another physical insult to an already battle-scarred body. For 90 years gramps has made decisions about her body and her life. Without our help. We need to respect that. And I do.