There is always a way

Mulan is the year's most beautiful letdown...so screamed the headlines on The Verge. Disney's $200million production has received a torrent of negative reviews. On Douban, China's largest movie rating website, 70% gave negative reviews, compared with 13% of positive ratings. 

Sometimes criticism comes in the form of such reviews. Other times, criticism comes in different forms - like an email from a client or boss, or a comment from a family member or friend and it's never a fun experience.  

Everyone's grappling with some kind of challenge. It might be happening privately or publicly, or even on live TV. But everyone's  dealing with something, and everyone has moments where they wonder, "Am I going to make it?" "Why are people so cruel?" I've felt that way many times. The person sitting in the cubicle or coffee shop seat next to yours - they've felt that way too.

I am writing this because I wanted to remind people (including myself) that feeling frustrated, discouraged, criticized and rejected in the course of your career is actually...very normal. Every career has its ups and downs. Everyone goes through dry spells, difficulties, setbacks at some point or another - even A-list celebrities and presidential nominees. 

Let's be honest...it's not fun when you're job-hunting and you apply for 100 different positions and don't get a single response. It's not fun when you watch your colleague get chosen for a promotion that you wanted.  (even though you're more qualified and everyone knows it)

But this kind of stuff happened. Sometimes, things just.....seriously suck. How can we survive moments like that? How can we stay optimistic, motivated and inspired to keep marching forward? Seriously, how? 

Yeah, you might cry. Of course, you might want to crawl under a blanket and self-medicate with Netflix because you're a human being with human feelings and sometimes things hurt. 

Whatever you're going through right now, or whatever you're worrying might happen next, I want you to know: You're going to survive. And the silver lining is that you're become a smarter, wiser, funnier, more compassionate person because of whatever you've endured in your life and career.

Despite its hard body, bamboo is incredibly flexible. It will sway even in the gentle breeze. Yet it will often be the only thing standing after a typhoon, its roots firmly anchored. How we react when faced with a shifting landscape - from handling more challenging assignment at work to a critical situation in our personal lives - is affected to a large degree by our sense of grit.

My life has been a long series of zig zags. When something doesn't turn out the way I think it should...I'm good at dusting myself off and saying, what did I learn and how can I use that to tackle what's next? That's the ability to bend, flow and adapt - negative experiences force me to dig deep within myself out of sheer necessity. 

We face challenges in life, whether they are physical, emotional, financial or circumstantial. Why is it that some people have the grit and determination to succeed against all odds, while others do not? Research shows it's not about having nothing to lose; rather, it's about believing there is much to gain. 

I am now into Wait training. Achievement of any kind, I have recently been reminded, requires patience. It means clocking endless hours on the treadmill to train for a marathon, or taking night classes for a year or two to finish that degree. And often it gets harder to stay the course. It's not easy to persevere when we don't know how long we have to wait, or whether or not our imagined future will ever come. It's why those signs in train stations that tell you when the next train will arrive are so comforting - just knowing that makes the wait less torturous. But even when the trains run on schedule, there can be derailments along the way. Dealing with them may force us onto a new track. And that could be a good thing. 

Imagine failing more than a thousand times at something. Or three thousand. How many of us wouldn't give up? Well, meet James Dyson. Dyson failed more than five thousand times as he struggled to create his first Dual Cyclone vacuum cleaner. The knighted British inventor finally brought it to market 15 years after his initial effort. 

But how do you turn your life around when you've lost all hope?

When I'm feeling discouraged, what helps me is hearing stories about people wo have experienced a similar type of discouragement. I like reading about what happened, how they felt, how they survived the bleakest moments and how they got stronger, even if it's someone I've never met in real life before. They help me feel a little calmer. A little more hopeful. A little less alone. 

No pressure, but if you do feel like it, I encourage you to share your survival story here about terrible bosses, unimpressed clients, vicious comments, betrayals, embarrassing mistakes, misery, discouragement, defeat...and how you got through it, what you'd learned. Your story could change someone's whole day - or life. So you should probably tell it.

I hope you will.

Find the positive benefit in every negative experience

From Taipei to Taipei. Eva Air's Hello Kitty Flight to nowhere was fully booked. International tourism has been effectively stopped in much of the world for more than half a year and this special flight with a Michelin-star meal, help satisfy its customers' travel itch. Singapore Airlines has burned through half of the $6.4billion it raised through share sales in just two months, even as it cut costs and grounded most of its fleet. American Airlines announcement to cut 19,000 jobs is the clearest sign yet of the devastation for the airline industry.

COVID19 is the gravest crisis the aerospace crisis has ever known.


It's a simple truth that in life you're going to hear "good-bye" many times. From employers. From family members. From someone you love. Let's be clear: It doesn't feel good. Not the first time, not the next time and not the last time. It never feels good.


Make a point to try to understand why it was time to say good-bye, embrace what good came from it, compartmentalise what feelings you have about the experience so you can handle the day-to-day situations that follow.


A metaphor is like the time when we were splashing happily on the surface of a pool, and life probably seemed pretty good. Every person in the pool were bobbing happily on the surface. And why wouldn't they be? It is safer on the surface, and there is a lot more company. In fact, life itself is usually great at the surface.


Oh...and just so you're not surprised, you need to know that, even today, when someone leaves the surface heading for deeper water...it makes everybody really, really, nervous.


Down. It is the last place I thought to look, but I believe the treasure is indeed there. Not halfway down. All the way down.


We can use the bottom of the pool as a foundation for greatness. There is a power to be harnessed by bending the knees...squatting and push hard off the concrete and head for the surface. And when you break the surface of water - with a mighty yell and clenched fists held high, it would be overwhelming.


Okay, okay, okay...I can hear your head exploding from here. Settle down and let's think through this.


Unfortunately a mind has wings and also possesses an anchor. And either can be deployed at the drop of a thought. If you have become mired in life's quicksand by default...there is good news! As quickly as you can snap the fingers of your mind, you can immediately begin to alter the trajectory of your future.


How you think is massively influenced and largely determined by what you read, hear and watch. Another huge factor is the group of people with whom you surround yourself. Perhaps more important to choosing how you think is that you can choose what you will NOT read. You can choose what you will NOT listen to and choose what you will NOT watch. You can choose the people with whom you will NOT be around.


You know, regardless of how stressful or successful a momentary situation might be, a person's ability to outwardly demonstrate "enjoying the moment" as well as the ability to "be enjoyable to others in the moment" are critical, easily observable markers that reveal the stuff of which a person is made.

Life is a game of chess. We cannot undo the moves but we can make the next step better. The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit.

Accept accountability

If you’re like me, your house or apartment has become your office, school, gym, and much more for your entire family. Stay-at–home has become business as usual and many people are looking for ways to transform their homes into ideal “staycation” spots – into their own little private resorts. People are really interested in making their house a place that they want to spend a lot of time at. These staycation transformations are driving gains in stocks such as Home depot, Etsy, Apple, Best buy, Bed Bath and Beyond.

As this black swan event drags on, leaders in every industry are moving urgently to embrace a new agenda—one aimed squarely at what comes next - with actions ranging from rapid responses to more fundamental, strategic shifts. Clarity of thinking, communications, and decision-making will be at a premium.

A few people are blessed with a built-in GPS mechanism and always makes the correct turn and ends up where they intended. They are our role models and heroes. We all know people like this. For some of us, it's our mums or dads. For others, it's a partner (the proverbial "better half"). For others (like me) it's a success coach or a mentor.

Let me share something that is true. I am not one of those blessed with an internal compass. It's not that I don't know who I am or where I am going or what I want to achieve. Not is it that I don't have an adequate sense of self-worth. What's wrong is that I have no idea how my behaviour is coming across to the people who matter my boss, colleagues, subordinates and customers.

Character doesn't come from going to a seminar or reading a book. While those things can help, character is formed by continued hard work and intentional effort. I want desperately to be a man of high moral and character.

If you're like me, we need honest, helpful feedback. Feedback tells us what to change, not how to do it. And when we know what to change, we're ready to start changing ourselves and how people perceive us.

You know the old saying: to err is human, to forgive divine. When you make a mistake, give the people you work with a shot at divinity. Admit your error. Own up. Then propose a course to correct the mistake. Never use your authority to mask your mistakes. Admit them. Apologize for them.

If it isn't obvious by now, I regard apologizing  as the most healing, restorative gesture human beings can make. Admitting you were wrong is tough for some people to do - but brilliant for those who can. Express your regret, offer no excuses, take full responsibility. Once you admit an error, look to the future. What have you learned? How will you keep this from happening again? Reflect, learn and adjust your behaviour.

In fact, great leaders know that when you are willing to admit your own mistakes and genuinely listen to critical feedback - without rationalizing, justifying or placing blame - you get to turn these moments into learning opportunities for yourself and "teachable moments" for your team. You create a more open and collaborative culture among your team members - without the pressure and fear of anyone pretending to know it all. This kind of authenticity and transparency ultimately gives others permission to be open about their weaknesses and fears too.

We can't undo our errors, but we can learn from them. If we don't learn, the lessons get harder. Regretting our mistakes is not the same as learning the lesson. We are not here to be perfect, but to live and learn, to fall and to rise again - to evolve and strive toward our highest potential. May this painful experience become a blessing that transforms your life.

Weathering the storm

Elbow bumps are the new handshakes. Mask-wearing EU leaders met in their first face-to-face summit since the coronavirus crisis with elbow bumps not handshakes, to avoid unnecessary touching. The way the world says hello is changing. Italians, known for their warmth and intimate greetings, are simply waving from a distance. On Twitter, people are sharing some creative greetings: Jazz hands, peace signs, air high-fives and finger guns. 

It's ok for you not to feel ok now. 

It's not a secret that life can be stressful at this time, and most of us know (either first-hand or through someone else's experience) that there are a lot of negative ways that people cope with stress. Isolation can be especially difficult, so it is useful if you can reach out to someone for support. While having caring, supportive people around us may not be able to actually change anything, by simply listening to the situation and providing supportive words or positive feedback is an important part of being able to bounce back from adversity.

None of us walks alone in this world. No matter how much talent or skill or passion you have, there will come a moment when, you must rely on the gifts, skills and the commitment of others. Recognizing this truth is the only way to avoid becoming delusional.

I am truly one of the most fortunate person who ever lived. Throughout my life, whenever I have had a real need, someone has always been there to help me. Some people step into your life and leave an imprint in your heart, one that never goes away. They lighten your burdens. When you falter, they help you stand. And you grow in resilience when you do the same for them, because the need to be strong for others often reveals untapped reserves of strength in yourself.

Furthermore, we shouldn't be afraid to let others see the truth of our own struggles - especially when we need their support. In many ways, our transparency is our gift, allowing others to feel less alone.

The people who wants to feel more connected, supported and cared about often believe they need to wait for someone to come and offer those things first. Research shows that one of the most helpful mindset shifts you can make is to see yourself as the source of whatever support you want to experience. This study tells us two things. If we focus on comforting, helping and caring for someone, we experience hope and connection. If instead we focus on relieving our own distress, we stay stuck in fear.

The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself. Caring creates resilience.

Actions matter far more than motives. I might donate money to charity because it makes me feel good, or feeds my ego, or impresses someone. In either case, the charity still benefits. The motives seem beside the point. If I provide a kind of service, what difference do my reasons make? 

When you're feeling overwhelmed, look for a way to do something for someone else. Your brain might tell you that you don't have the time or energy, but that is exactly why you should do it.  You can give others appreciation, your full attention, or even turn your personal crises into ways to help others. Think of one of the most difficult events of your life. How can you use this story to help others? How can you leverage it to impact someone in a positive way? 

To feel the love of people whom we know is a fire that feeds our life. But to feel the affection that comes from those we do not know - that is something still greater and more beautiful.

Ask for help, and be of help. Whether you are overwhelmed by your own stress of the suffering of others, the way to find hope is to connect, not to escape.

Why me?

COVID19 cliff: the way of COVID bankruptcies is coming. It includes household names like Hertz, Cirque du Soleil, Dean & Deluca, GNC, True Religion Apparel, J. Crew, Neiman Marcus and ALDO.

Surely we are very far from any "settling down" of this pandemic and world economy. It is thus imperative today for leaders to know how to navigate these turbulent times. There are no miracle cure, no quick fixes.

Some leaders withhold bad news because they are more worried about being liked than dealing with issues that affect everyone. The ones who are frank and transparent become trusted and the team, in spite of uncertain times, remains unified. 

Be visible. Let your people see you leading. Leaders can be quietly competent, but they must be visible by providing assurance, direction and inspiration. 

Our ability to handle life's challenges is a measure of our strength of character. Loss of a job, the death of a loved one, the failure of a relationship, your sudden storm is upon you and the pain and fear is so overwhelming. Many people feel lost and alone when they are going through bad times. No matter how difficult your life may become, no matter how hard it gets, there is always reason to keep on going and fighting because no defeat is permanent. Aristotle once said, "To appreciate the beauty of a snowflake it is necessary to stand out in the cold."

"Paul, you're either crazy or oversimplifying the problem of pain," some may say. "It's hard to believe that every problem has a silver lining." After all, what good can come from losing your leg and being on drugs or some other serious trials?

Not long ago, I met someone who had just lost the love of her life. She was in pieces, literally broken. She was in a very, very bad state. I imagine the pain she felt, and also the question that must have come up time and again in her mind when trying to find a possible explanation for the inexplicable, to justify the unjustifiable, to understand a tragedy that has no meaning: "Why me?"

Life is unstable. What worked yesterday, today no longer does. Throughout our life, we will experience problems and crisis, there is no question about that, but the good news is that we can learn to manage and over come them. Every mountain has a peak. Every valley has a low point. No one is up all the time, neither are they down all the time. No problem is permanent. Problems do end. They do go away. They are all resolved in time. Storms will give way to the sun. Your storm will pass.

The key is to tenaciously dig in and hold on until the light breaks, the tide turns and the times change for the better. Often the only choice we have is to be strong.

One way to do that is to trust in a power greater than yourself. There is one lesson to be learned, only one. It is a simple lesson. God's delay is not God's denial.