What stories will your team share about you?

RIP Kobe.
Kobe Bryant was the only athlete to ever win a basketball championship and an Academy Award. He was also the first professional athlete who was not an actor to have his hand and footprints enshrined at Hollywood's historic Grauman's Chinese Theatre.

"The most important thing is to try and inspire people so that they can be great in whatever they want to do.” - Kobe Bryant

I invite you to reflect: Who has helped you become who you are? And now: Who will think of you in the same way?

Effective leadership is inspiration. A true leader does not impose commands from the outside, but inspires people to draw on their own deepest inner reserves. Much of leadership is about extracting that extra 5% of performance that individuals did not know they possessed.

Smart, clinical, sterile leadership doesn't inspire anybody, no matter how right they are. I keep my focus on people, not products, not sales. That is your #1 job as a leader.

You don't get the best out of people by hitting them with an iron rod. You do so by gaining their respect. I can't think of any leader who succeeded for any length of time by presiding over a reign of terror. It turns out that the two most powerful words in the English Language are, "Well done.". People perform best when they know they have earned the trust of their leader.

Great teams are a collection of talented individuals, who need to be treated as individuals. When I was younger, I was more inclined to be severe. It was in those days that someone made a celebrated comment: "Paul treats us all alike. Like dogs!" Every associate is different, and I came to learn that they all required different care and feeding. Some would be at one extreme and need little help from me. This was particularly true of team members who had worked long with me, and understood me. With most team members, I did  not have to urge them to increase their work rate or expend more energy, but there were a few, who needed that extra poke. I'm sure from time to time, I underestimated the degree of intimidation experienced by newer team members. I try to distinguish among my team, trying to learn everything possible about the emotional makeup and then use that knowledge to its best effect. I am now a psychologist more than a slave driver. Sales is a pressure business, and on my team I put on the most pressure. The point is that I've got to learn 17 ways to pressure 17 associates.

Part of the way to extract the most out of people is to show genuine loyalty when the rest of the world is baying for blood. Sales provides plenty of opportunities for a leader to show his support. There may be the times, when someone is significantly short of meeting sales targets . But more often than not, it is the little things - like helping associates improve their techniques. I was not doing these things because I was trying to emulate Mother Teresa, I was doing them because they would help the overall team performance but they had the side-effect of demonstrating to the team member that we had confidence in him or her. This instils loyalty; it also helped them to lift their game. And so, inadvertently, I gradually came to understand this back-door route to inspiring people.


I hope that what you've read here had provoked you to think about leadership in a new way. The journey to becoming a leader who inspires others is an inner journey to know yourself and an outer journey to share it with the world. After all, true leadership is not so much about what is in your head as about what is in your heart and how you use that to inspire others to greatness.

There exists within each of us a longing to leave a legacy, some proof that we were here. We need to  know our lives were important, that somehow our being here mattered. Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry. 

facing depression, building hope

Less than three weeks into the new year, there's already been a flurry of significant events. From Megxit to a deadly plane crash to bushfire crisis to the US and Iran almost going to war.

"Lord, be good to me. The sea is so wide, and my boat is so small."

I believe the meaning of that quote is one that all leaders - regardless of their faith - can understand today. There is a storm brewing out at sea in each of our lives. We don't know when it's coming, but it is impending. Each of us has to prepare for that storm.

Our calm mind is our weapon against our challenges. So I try to relax. We can only control efforts, not outcomes. Serenity, patience and wisdom are born of this understanding. We cannot directly control, people, events or results.

Our minds creates meanings about things which happens around us. We see things not as they are, but as we are. Our mind can make meaning or madness, light a candle or curse the darkness. Unfortunately, knowing this makes no difference whatsoever when you're stuck right in the middle of it all. And of course, all of this only makes things somehow even worse. To transform our lives, we need to change our expectations. Ultimately, it may be best to replace our expectations with a neutral state of openness to whatever life may  bring, accepting life as it unfolds.

If you're rolling your eyes and wondering, "How does any of that help me solve my problems?" I'll tell you: it doesn't. None of this will deposit another thousand dollars into your bank account.

What this will do is help you put things in some kind of perspective and help you face life and all of its problems with a powerful attitude.

It is not easy to behave constructively in the face of negative emotions, and not easy to say a kind word when we feel angry or sad. But whether or not life is easy, holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

Meanwhile, you put on a brave face to mask misery. Perhaps you self medicate with excessive caffeine or alcohol just to be able to function in  a decent mood. If you've done any of these, you know the strain of having to keep up a chirpy appearance and smile when you're hurting inside.

One day when feeling depressed, I was on a flight descending into clouds. I watched as the sun slowly rose in the sky, lifting my spirits. When you're feeling low, devote a few minutes to meditating on these marvels of existence to rally hope. Miracles abound. Whatever you're going through, there's always hope for a new day.

 

Living with pain

The 2010s could be a decade you cherished or a decade you loathed for so many different reasons. It was a decade of change, of loss, of growth. It was a decade of civil unrest - in Thailand and Hong Kong, of nationalism and tragedies - in Haiti, Chile, New Zealand and twin tragedies with Malaysia Airlines. In 2010 Donald Trump was a gameshow host. Giving a DVD or CD as a gift was common place. Instagram was in its infancy. Brexit didn't exist.  The world will never be the same again. 

"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up but a comedy in long-shot," so said Charlie Chaplin.

I will confess that the decade had been bittersweet for me. But slowly, on a personal level, it has gotten better - or at least less terrible. I did quite a lot of thinking, some praying, and, in time, a good deal of laughing.

What I've learned from my personal "decade review" is that there are years that ask questions and then there are years that answer them. I never know what a year might hold.

We live in a world where everyone wants answers, but we never want to wrestle with the questions. Instant gratification - our culture - teaches us to cave in to impatience and to take the easy way out instead of patiently searching the deeper meaning. We don't know what the universe has in store for us. So whatever questions, whatever challenges are thrown at us in a given year, we've got to roll with them.

What these years of questions really do is to test me. One of the keys to sorting through the questions is to not let them consume me. Throughout those uncertain years, I was still finding success, and making significant contributions. I wasn't just sitting around vexed and perplexed.

You have to find your own ways of answering the questions, whatever they happen to be. If you're diagnosed with a major illness, that's life asking you, "now, how are you going to deal with this?" If you lose your job, the question is, "Now, what's your next move?" These questions are testing your faith, testing your perseverance, testing your principles, testing your soul.

When people say," Man, I can't wait for this year to be over," what they're really saying is, "it's been a year full of unanswered questions."

We can't be afraid of having question years. Anyone who's successful will tell you that they learn more from failures than from successes. The years that ask questions are the years that end up leading to growth. When you embrace those trying years, as with any other test, there are answers waiting for you on the other side.

Look, I'm going to be honest here. Even as I say all of this, we both know that when disaster strikes, it's challenging to stay levelheaded. Our problems are still real, they still hurt.

It's up to us to make the choice to be grateful even when things aren't going well. Happiness, as they say, is not about getting what we want; it's about appreciating what we have. 

Journeying through crisis

Queen Elizabeth II will retire in 18 months at age 95. NO! "There are no plans for any change in arrangements at the age of 95 — or any other age” A rare statement from the Prince Charles' office has shot down the rumours.

The fears of aging have been one long cascading domino effect through the years: twenty-year-olds dread thirty; fifty-year-olds fear fifty; and so it goes. Research shows that having a bad attitude toward aging when we're young is associated with poorer health when we're older.

From my vantage point, I can see how society needs an attitude adjustment when it comes to aging. I don't claim that aging is all good, but it certainly isn't all bad. But too often, the negative stereotypes scare the young and make elders feel worse about themselves.

At 55, I am now at the age known as "senior citizen" (I am eligible for discounts at cinemas and telcos) in Singapore and, like most, wonder how it all happened so fast.

Like a lot of people, I got off to an exciting start in my twenties. Wild, free, energetic are words I would use to recall that period. I had no firm goals, no money, no love life (or prospect of one), no conspicuous talent. My thirties brought responsibility, then predictability. In my forties through to my fifties, I'm expecting less and appreciating more. I remember where I started and appreciate any blessings that come my way. There are crises and difficulties, true. I encountered disappointment and failure and still do. Sure, I'm still in the trough of the U curve.

Life is dynamic and unstable. What worked yesterday, today no longer does. Life is as beautiful as it is challenging; it will reward us and it will test us. There is no escaping the conditions of pain, and difficulty and loss. At times in your life, it may feel like nothing seems to be going your way. For example, if you look to someone else to establish your identity for you in some way, losing that person can make you feel destroyed.

At some point you're going to find yourself in a particular situation where you have no control over any of the variables. We cannot directly control people, events or results. We don't have godlike powers to just magically or mystically transform everything into exactly what we want. We cannot control if we win a game, find love, succeed in business or create world peace. But by making the effort, we vastly improve the odds of achieving what we desire. No matter what our desires or preferences, the universe. So the best way is to enjoy life without clinging - hold all that you have gently - as you might hold a small bird that may fly at any moment. Sometimes strength means holding on, and sometimes it means letting go. So, make the effort, then accept the outcomes. Let go of what you can't control.

We got to learn to be our own best friend. If we do, we have a friend for life. I have seen so many people do it, really come to life. We can buoy ourselves up, give ourselves comfort and sustenance the times when there is no one else. We are our best source of encouragement and good advice. We are all accustomed to waiting for someone to give us a kind word, but we really have available to ourselves, many kind words.

There is no magic switch. But there is an attitude. Our mistake begins when we expect things and other people to assume responsibility for our happiness. Disillusion always seems to follow when we expect someone or something else to make us happy. 

Mood swings are common to most of us. One moment we may feel "up", the next "down". We speak as if our feelings change from sunny to stormy like the weather, over which we have no control.

You have to make a very basic decision: do you want to lift yourself up or put yourself down? If you decide you want to help yourself, you can choose to do the things that make you feel good about yourself instead of the things that make you feel terrible.

I try not to concern myself with being happy, instead focus on being strong. Day by day, I am working on strengthening my ability to cope and rebuild in the face of adversity.

This article about aging isn't necessarily about aging at all. It's about living and how we cope and thrive throughout our lives.

 

Everything works out if you let it

Hong Kong is right at the edge of total collapse. It is enduring what could be its most turbulent week since the protests began in June. Schools have been ordered shut, employees have been urged to work from home and events cancellations are piling up. In mere months, Hong Kong has gone from a growth economy to recession as retail and tourism numbers keep plunging.

The hard part about being pushed to that point of desperation is reeling yourself back in and regaining control. 

For it is true - no matter how hard times get, they always, without fail, turn back to better times. I have only to look back on my life to know that.

The greatest happiness and successes are always preceded by challenges. It's the way we're tested to see how much we want something. If we don't want it that much, we'll give up. If we're really determined, we'll see it through. No matter how hard it is.

One of the biggest enemies we face in day-to-day life is that of our own emotions. Desperation, fear, anxiety can drive us to choices for which we will pay later down the road.

I am learning the hard way that sometimes I have to accept the facts that some things just have to run their course, creating new opportunities, building character and providing experience. Situations have a way of working out, and they can do it quicker and better if left alone.

Sometimes the best way to manage a problem is to manage my own meddling. It will certasinly save a lot of heartbreak and tears.

Who do others say you are

Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Hermès and Dior were among the top five brands listed under the “sneaker” hashtag on popular Chinese shopping app RED. The only other brand among the top five was Nike. The luxury market in China is still thriving despite high prices and issues with counterfeiting. LVMH's fashion and leather goods sales growth was up 19% year on year, contributes 59% of operating earnings. No luxury brand , except for Ferrari, can rival that rise. Its stock is trading at a price to forward earnings multiple of 26 times, near 10-year highs.


Research shows that consumers associate luxury goods with both accomplishment and snobbery.

I am not saying that money and things are not wonderful or that they are intrinsically bad. I am saying that we need to be aware of the ways they can affect us. After the money come the things - the stuff we buy because we just have to have it, the stuff we buy because everyone else has one, the stuff we buy because we are having a bad day, and then stuff we buy because we feel like rewarding ourselves.

Money and possessions have their appeal and rapidly advancing careers can fuel our egos, but character is what will see you through good times and bad.

Whether or not you recall the names of the two wealthiest people in the world - or the last few winners of the Academy Awards or Nobel Prizes - I'll bet you can remember the names of two favourite teachers or friends who stood by you.

Take ten seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are, those who cared about you, and wanted what was best for you in life. Who has helped you become who you are?

And reflect on this: Who will think of you in the same way?

We remember the ones who cared. And we can become one of those people who are held in others' hearts and memories long after we have passed from this earth.

I find it curious how the people that have no respect for your feelings are the same people who demand respect from you. Respect other people regardless of the level they are at...or the level you are at. Respecting someone indicate the quality of your personality.

Each day doesn't seem to make a huge difference, but before you know it, those days have  added up to weeks, months and even years or decades you've spent with people. Can you look back and find at least one place you encourage someone? Did you teach her? Did you empower her and see her get stronger as a result? Are the people in your team better because of their time with you? That's a simple and powerful test of your leadership, and it's all about the health of your relationships.

Carve your name on hearts, not tombstone. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.

How do you lead the unleadable?

Sweeping 10 Emmy awards including Outstanding Limited Series, “Chernobyl” became one of 2019’s most celebrated shows. The five-part HBO historical drama depicts the Soviet Union’s 1986 nuclear disaster killing an estimated 4,000 to 90,000 victims and leaving areas of Eastern Europe heavily effected by radiation to this day.

It is a story of incompetence, delusion and arrogance. 

Are there areas of poor performance that you have tolerated? Have you ever found yourself reluctant to hold an employee accountable because you were worried he'd leave? Or let a performance issue fester for fear of not being liked?

The problem is when you let expectations slide, when you tolerate poor performance, it reduces your credibility. High performers hate nothing more than watching their poor-performing teammates drag down results. Tolerating poor performance cretes a morale death spiral.

If you have a struggling performer on your team, do all you can to help. If it's truly a case that you haven't done enough to support, develop, encourage, build confidence in, empower or recognize an employee - you have more work to do. 

How much of a person can a leader change?

A lot of people in the workplace delude themselves about their achievements, status and their contributions. They have an elevated opinion of their professional skills. That's not necessarily a bad thing but their delusions become a serious liability when they need to change.

For some people, telling them to change their behavior doesn't make a dent; they assume that everyone else is confused.

If you have invested in the employee and it's still not working, it's time to face the facts: this job may not be the right fit for the employee. You don't need to feel guilty.

Perhaps you hired her. Perhaps you even convinced your boss that she was "the one". If you've done everything you can to make it work, but it isn't going well, it's far better to admit you were wrong, learn from your experience, and move on. Don't magnify one poor decision with another.

You need to do what's right for the greater good of the company, the team and the person.