What do I wish to be remembered for?

President for Life? Xi Jinping May Now Be China's New Emperor. Newsweek's headlines blared following China’s Communist Party announced a proposal to abolish term limits for its highest office

Life is like a game of Monopoly. You may own hotels on Mayfair or you may be renting on Pall Mall. But in the end, it all goes back in the box.

Dying people know this. Their belongings or assets or what they have achieved are of no consequence whatsoever at the end. What occupies the thoughts of dying people are how they lived their lives, what they did and if they had made a positive difference to those they left behind.

I'm sure we've all heard that 40 is the new 30 or that 50 is the new 40. I'm here to tell you it's a lie! Contrary to what the media wants us to believe, 50 is the same old 50 and 40 is the same old 40.

Now past 50, what once looked like eternity ahead of me is now within reach. And while I do not fear the end of the game, I do want to make sure I finish well, that I leave something behind no one can take away from me.

I do not know where you are in the game. If you are in your 20s, you have probably just started graduate school or a job and have an exciting game ahead of you. Much of what I write will seem far off to you. Many youth regard old age as a foreign country.

Now this is true: Life expectancy is increasing, medicine is always making impressive advancements, and many of us have committed to healthier diets and more physical exercise. And yet there is no guarantee that you're going to live a long life. You could still get cancer, have a heart attack or get into an accident of some kind.

In truth, we don't control when we come into this world, and we don't control when - or how - we leave it. The only thing we control is what we live for. I'd rather live for a cause, than just because.

I don't think any of us likes to think about "leaving." I sure don't. But we all know what's coming - why not make the most of every precious bit of time we're given?

 

Better, not best

Michelle Obama said that the White House had better food than Buckingham Palace. She admitted, though, that the palace has “better china.” 

Blowing out someone else's candle does not make yours shine brighter.

I know a friend who eats good food and exercises like a maniac. Then he gets on the scales and he has only lost 2kg. In many ways this is great. The problem is he wants to lose 10kg. So he gets depressed that he has lost "only" 2 and begin to focus on the 8 he hasn't lost, rather than celebrating the 2 that he has lost. He doesn't celebrate his progress; he focuses on this lack of perfection. 

We must each follow our own star in our own way at our own time. Be happy with what is. Why should we long for something more or something else? Why shouldn't we be happy with the way things are?

It all seemed so noble, even seemed so saintly: "Reach for the top. Don't settle for second best." The rhetoric is unrealistic. Nothing is ever perfect. My best was always flawed.

Like all our tendencies, perfectionism had deeper, unexposed roots. For example "People will criticize me," or "what will mum and dad say?" It may well be our competitiveness is simply our way of getting approval.

Most of the people I know are reluctant to admit that the demon of competitiveness has dominated them. They set unrealistic standards and have unrealistic expectations. "Her salary is higher than mine!" "Their workload is lighter though I contribute more!" The high price is always a downward spiral. Very often our frustrated hopes degenerate gradually into a disappointed anger.

I achieved - perhaps not at the highest level, but on whatever scale of joy, contentment and prosperity everyone else was measured by, I was definitely higher and better and more than some others. Statistically, I was miles away from the lowest and worst.

So I say to you: seek growth, not perfection. A good way to choose growth is to set out to enjoy. And here is the surprise bonus. If you set out to enjoy, you will actually do a better job than if you are determined to make it perfect. You'll most likely notice an improvement in your performance. Setting out to achieve perfection, by contrast, will become stressful and demoralizing. The end result will probably be discouragement. And discouragement always wants to quit, to give it all up.

A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.

 

Be Authentic. Not perfect.

"He cheats like hell!" Suzann Pettersen said of President Donald Trump. Suzann is a LPGA star who has won two majors and 15 tour events and has known Trump for more than a decade.

People will forgive anything except hypocrisy. Give up being perfect for being authentic. It's not our abilities that show what we truly are...it's our choices.

We're all going to make mistakes. It's unavoidable. We forgive this, because it happens to all of us. But we have a problem with people who turn out not to be who we thought they were.

I have been told earlier in my life that I was ruthless. That I didn't care about anyone or anything; but just did what I had to do to get the next job done. These days, I know what a mistake that was, and realized I wanted to be sensitive to the people I worked with and to their lives. It works. The results prove it.

When we have wronged someone or broken his or her trust, it is our responsibility to make it right. A sincere apology process should include acknowledging that really happened and that feelings are hurt. Be willing to apologize for your role in the matter first.


Doing, not saying, builds trust. Some people may say, "Trust me," but that doesn't mean people will.  If a salesperson whom you just met and hardly know says, "Just trust me," what is your first reaction? It is not trust! In fact, it is likely to be suspicion. Trust increases or decreases with every interaction.  It is earned by the actions that are taken.

 

Lead from the front or from the back?

Ever wondered what is the most popular class in Yale's 316-year history? How to be HAPPY.  Called Psychology and the Good Life, a whopping 25% of all its current undergraduates are enrolled in it.

Welcome to Happiness 101.

BI Worldwide's research shows that 91% of employees, whose managers understand them, are happy with their job and nine times more likely to perform their job with greater intensity. That when one is happy, one is better at connecting with others, seeing the big picture and generating creative ideas.

That in mind, I've come to appreciate that sometimes I need to lead like a general and sometimes I should lead like a shepherd. As a leader, we don't always want to go charging, full gallop, into every situation. This means we need to bring our team in with us. We empower them to lead, to do what needs to be done, and we support them in their efforts.

Now, there are absolutely going to be times when we need to be making decisions, dictating directions. Being able to discern when we need a soft touch versus when a heavy hand will be more effective is key to great leadership. Understanding that sometimes a leader has to be able to accept any outcome, and to regroup, reconsider and recover.

As leaders, we are fortunate to have the opportunity to guide people toward a common goal. Because we spend so much of our time, energy and talent at work, I try to foster an environment where people get excited and enthusiastic about what they are doing, to discover and exercise their talents.

If you have the right team around you and you deploy the right strategy - you put yourself in a much better position to win. After all, true leadership is not so much about what is in your head as about what is in your heart and how you use that to inspire others to greatness.

 

 

Simplicity has power

One in 10 Europeans are conceived on an Ikea bed. This was reported in a New York Times article although I don't think it meant within the actual store.

Less is More. Simplicity therapy. These are words synonymous with IKEA.

As I look around in my travels, I see an awful lo of people just surviving, just hanging on or just getting by. Too many people place importance on unimportant things. These folks get stuck on small things and then find it hard to move beyond them - small mistakes, small insults and small-minded people. Many of us complicate our lives by expending more time, energy and effort than necessary - getting involved in other people's business, playing God, committing to tasks, making promises, creating more busywork.

Consider this: what you do today must be important, because you are exchanging a day in your life for it.

In the greater scheme of things, we can identify the major things by asking "Is this situation going to make a difference a year from now?", "in 5 years, will you remember it at all?"

I can think of so many things in my life that I thought were major when they happened. Now I can't believe I was so hung up on them at that time. These incidents don't matter anymore, and they haven't changed my life or affected my livelihood.

Simplifying doesn't necessarily mean avoiding essential responsibilities or duties; rather it means eliminating unnecessary complexity - taking life in smaller bites, setting priorities, finding your focus.

If we want to dig a well to reach water, we are better off digging one 100-meter deep hole, than digging 10 holes each 10 meters deep. It is a difficult truth, but a liberating one. All truth is, I suppose.

 

We're entitled to nothing

Sexual harassment scandal rocked Hollywood in 2017 and continued into 2018 with sexual misconduct scandal of famed photographers.

Money and success, don't change people; they merely amplify what is already there.

How you show up and treat people means everything. Little actions you take, make work better. You lift people up by making people feel valued, appreciated and heard. You hold people down by making people feel small, insulted, disregarded, excluded.

Now, of course, we may not intend to make people feel this way. We may lack awareness or we may not be mindful of our actions and how they make people feel.
There is a rising sense of entitlement these days. What's tripping me up is that it's not just the well-to-do, the lucky or the elite who feel entitled - it's everyone. You can't make demand unless you're in demand. And yet everyone somehow simply believe they're entitled to get whatever they want. Without working for it.

You cannot demand a job for which you're not qualified. You cannot demand a salary that your experience doesn't justify. You cannot demand respect simply because of your job title. I don't know anyone who likes a person who acts entitled. That behavior isn't worthy of respect.

Until you put in the work and earn it, you're entitled to nothing.

 

Be relentless. Keep going

It has been a weird few weeks of weather. While the US shivers through the freezing temperatures, Australia is battling with road-melting heat. Niagara Falls has frozen over and sharks were frozen to death in the Atlantic; while hundreds of bats have died in a scorching heatwave in Australia as the soaring temperatures "fried their brains".

To be the best, you must be able to handle the worst.

In fact, the greater the degree of discomfort we experience, the greater the difficulty, the greater the sense of personal accomplishment that comes after.

Here's the deal: when it seems all is lost and all hope have long since vanished, relentlessness is the fuel that will drive us through.

All I do is focus on and deal with that's directly in front of me. I just put one foot in front of the other, taking things on as they present themselves. And I ultimately achieve my big, grand vision by taking one step at a time.

Relentlessness doesn't mean charging into the fray headfirst nor bashing your fist against a brick wall until it's bloody and bruised. It means using a hammer and chisel to slowly, methodically chip away piece by piece until eventually there's a hole. And then the hole gets bigger. And bigger. Until, you can step through into a whole new world.

Anyone who has gone to the gym knows that results aren't immediate. You don't spend an hour working out and look like a new person. But that doesn't mean what you're doing isn't working. It's the same thing with work or health or career or relationships.

My message is that no matter how difficult your life may become, no matter how hard it gets, there is always reason to keep on going and fighting because you can survive...and thrive.