Humour - a key virtue in life

It's Christmas eve and while Pentatonix sing "Joy to the World"on Spotify, I read a quote posted on Facebook. It reads: "Health does not come from medicine. Most of the time, it comes from peace of mind, peace in the heart and peace of soul. It comes from laughter and love."

There is a growing body of evidence that shows how important laughter is, not only for coping but for our physical health, too. Finding the humour in things injects moments of playfulness and fun in between the unpleasant stuff.

Another use for humour is that we can use it to bring up serious subjects with a light touch so that others may listen. In everyday life, a quick riposte is another way to feel powerful in an argument. Sometimes, we think of the witty comeback too late ot use it, but we try to come up with one anyway, so that we can at least feel superior after the fact.

I gain new insights from listening to jokes. Humour gives me courage to transcend life's scariest moments or to express wisdom in an acceptable way. When I make other people laugh, I may give them courage to deal with life's scarier moments as well.

I never take myself too seriously. I try to minimise tension and concern and worry with laughter at my predicaments, thus freeing my mind to think clearly for the solution that is sure to come.

Try it. It's a much better way to live.

What is success to you?

Forget the fact that there were enough candles on my cake to light up a runway at Changi Airport. So I turned fifty-two last week and, like most, wonder how it all happened so fast. To me, age is an attitude. You are as old as you feel. The fact remains, that time flies!

However, I am counting my blessings and not my time with a pointless pining for yesterday.  During the first forty years of your life, if you are like me, you probably rushed through college, fell in love, married, embarked on a career, climbed upward and acquired many things. I know of many who did not make it past four decades. Divorce. Suicide. Too much alcohol. Guilt. Loneliness.

I have begun to look at my life  through the metaphor of a football game. If you are a football fan like me, you'd know that the game is won in the second half, not the first. It's possible to make mistakes in the first half and still have time to recover but it's harder to do that in the second half.

If you ask most people what they want from life, as I have been doing in recent years, you will discover that they want to achieve success. Some want to be successful in their workplace and others want to be successful parents. But if you ask people to define success, you will end up with as many different answers as there are people.

If you google it, you will find it defined as "the accomplishment of an aim or purpose" and "the attainment of fame, wealth, or social status". If this is what success is, please, please tell me that there is more to life than success.

I believe the greatest success is to be constantly growing, developing and evolving into the better person I know I can be. Success is not a destination - it is a journey.

But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. "When I reach the station, that'll be it," I used to think. "When I am 21." "When I buy my BMW!" "When I put my kid through university." "When I get a promotion." "When I pay off my mortage, I will live happily ever after!"

Eventually, I realize there is no station to arrive at, once and for all. The station is only an illusion. It constantly outdistances us. The true joy of life is the trip.

The Mirror
Edmund Burke , 1729 – 1797, Irish Philosopher‫.‬
I look in the mirror
And what do I see‫?‬
A strange looking person
That cannot be me‫

‬

For I am much younger
And not nearly so fat
As that face in the mirror
I am looking at‫

‬

Oh, where are the mirrors
That I used to know
Like the ones which were
Made thirty years ago‫?‬

Now all things have changed
And I`m sure you`ll agree
Mirrors are not as good
As they used to be‫.‬

So never be concerned‫,‬
If wrinkles appear
For one thing I`ve learned
Which is very clear‫,‬

Should your complexion
Be less than perfection‫,‬
It is really the mirror
That needs correction!!

Life is relationship

I received my first Christmas greeting e-card this week. It was from Ilona in Los Angeles. In it, she wrote, "Thank you for always being there for me and know that I appreciate you tremendously!"

It is helpful to remember that we are all at different points along a path. Some people are at places we ourselves have been before, others are in places we have not yet been. It is a journey. Along the way, we will meet many people. Some of them we will help, assist, advise. Others will help, assist and advise us. It has been my experience that when you think you are there to help someone else, chances are they are really there to help you. Our students make the best teachers. Without the help of others, we will never make the journey.

My father always told me that the key to success in business is personal relationships. I have discovered that life is relationship.

It doesn't matter how many people are around us. If there is no one who understands us, or accepts us as who we are, loneliness can very readily present its agonising self. Loneliness isn't a lack of people. It is a lack of understanding and acceptance.

It is very different than being alone. Sometimes, I may be alone, but I am never lonely. Loneliness is a longing for the company of one who understands us.

Having previously been to painful places and to high levels of sadness and loneliness, I now understand the pain some of my friends are experiencing is real and tangible to them. If I could help ease the pain, then why wouldn't I?

Friends...how loosely that word is used  at times and there are so many different levels of friends. I have begun to think of some of my own "friends" more as warm acquaintances. It doesn't mean I thought less of them. They are still a blessing in my life but having been to some pretty dark places myself by now, I understand what a real friend is. It is easy to have a lot of acquaintances but when it comes to the crunch, though, not many people can hang around through the very worst of the pain with someone else. Those who do are truly friends.

The right relationships fortify our resilience and fearlessness, empowering success in all aspects of our lives. No matter what happens, we know we are not alone. We know someone's got our backs.

Don't lose touch with the friends you value. Those who accept you as who you are, and who know you very well, are worth more than anything in the end. Don't let life get in the way. Just always know where to find them and let them know you appreciate them in the meantime.

Dancing to the winds of change

"Being a change agent in 2016 means you have to be a bit of a daredevil." Stephanie Linnartz wrote about what it takes to be a change agent in a LinkedIn post, adding "being a true change agent can sometimes only be realized by daring even when it’s daunting"

Change is tough - but it happens. Sometimes, the situation may seem to to be unfair, and that's just how it is. But you and I now that's not the case. It's not a matter of being fair or unfair. The winds of change may come as a fierce hurricane, ripping our lives asunder, or as a tender breeze that caresses our cheeks.

It's just that most of us seek familiar routines to create a sense of control and order - so change can appear as a blessing or a curse; the same rain welcomed by the flowers is mourned by picnickers wishing for a sunny day.

I can be a rigid person. Don't get me wrong, I love to experiment with new food, travel to new countries, and meet new people, but there's a large part of me that always clings to the comfortable. But, rather than longing for summer in the midst of winter's chill or wishing for cool winds in the hot and humid heat, I am learning to embrace each season and ride change as ships ride the waves. Change is going to happen whether we like it or not, so we might as well accept them.

Change causes confusion and confusion is nothing but a word for "not knowing the answer." And really, isn't it true that every time, right before we know the answer, we always....don't know the answer! When I think of it like that, I am ready to deal with confusion and be a lot calmer - and happier - in the process.

Okay, stay with me. A sign of a person's maturity is his/her ability to live with - even in - confusion. The average person runs from confusion and seeks an easier path. "I can't do this," he says. "This is not for me." The mature person - the high achiever - will understand that ife's grand prizes are guarded by confusion and says, "I cannot do this...yet." I am not good at this yet, but I will work and learn and become better until I am competent, then excellent, then great!"

My buddy Wilson, texted to say his doctor advised him to do an angiogram. Let's take an honest look at your health. If you find out that you have a certain condition, you can choose to be in denial or anger or regret or you could choose to re-visit the way you eat, the way you exercise, the kind of schedule you keep, the ways in which you take care of yourself.

And this is a game-changer. Life will always be an exciting adventure that's full of twists and surprises...if we can manage to stay open and accept our ever-changing reality.

Take counsel in the words of Sir George Bernard Shaw: "Never mind likes and dislikes; they are of no consequence. Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness."

Why Worry?

"Are you worried?" Siew Fong queried point-blankedly. "Now that the two companies are integrating"

I used to love the Dire Straits album titled "Brothers in Arms." The last song on the album is "Why Worry." The song speaks about the inevitability of problems in our lives. It also reminds us of the hope that brings us through dark times.

We worry about a lot of things, don't we? I know I do. Some nights I lie in bed and my mind is just racing with things I need to do, or things I need to tell others about. I have to stop, consciously, and remind myself that I am imagining all these scenarios, and they are not real. I do this by reminding myself that in the past, situations have never worked out the way I thought they would.

I don't know if you have noticed, but things very rarely work out the way we think they will. So why worry?

As I look back on the things I have spent endless hours worrying about, they never worked out the way I thought they would, but they did work out.

The peace that followed this acceptance was beautiful. There were days when I couldn't be happy, but I think that accepting this leads to a more peaceful existence anyway.

My body had always been a great indicator of where my emotions had been. If heartburn or acid reflux would present itself, I could recognize where my thoughts and feelings had been in the days or weeks leading up to this.

But telling people not to worry is like telling them not to think of a white elephant. How often we hear people say, "Worrying won't help" or "Worrying is not going to change anything." As true as those words are, they don't make people say, "You're absolutely right. I won't worry anymore."

Problems are inevitable in a marriage, in a career or business and in health and well-being. There will be laughter after pain; there will be sunshine after rain. It has always been this way, so why do we spend so much of our time and energy consumed with worry?

Life goes so fast, whether you live until your twenties, forties or eighties. Everyday in itself is a gift and blessing. It is all we ever have anyway, the moment we are in.

No regrets

First it was Brexit. Then in a stunning upset, Donald Trump was elected the 45th president of the United States. What we are seeing are rejections of the status quo and ordinary people saying they want their countries back. 

At some point, we too, need to regain control of our lives, by eliminating those things that distracts us or holds us back. We need to look at everything that's on our plates and decide what must be cleared.

No matter how much we want things to stay the same, life is all about change. Sometimes change is for the better, and sometimes its not. Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future. The past clogs up the future. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, a painful breakup, a business failure, or a treacherous betrayal, holding onto past pain and resentment will only hold us back.

Richard Paul Evans puts it this way: The ship releases its anchor not for the anchor's benefit, but for the ship

Everyone has problems. Some choose to be whiners - some choose to be winners. Some choose to be victims - some choose to be victors. Stop using past pain as currency to buy out of present living. In the end, the victimhood mentality simply is not worth it.
 The things we often think we need are sometimes the things that keep us trapped in an unfulfilled life.

We can never know how long we are here for or how long those we love will be. Now having been through what I have, I know how valuable old and loyal friends were in carrying me through. Most people have friends but when it comes to the crunch, there are not a lot of friends who can be there through the absolute hardest times.

Life gets busy and friendships fade away. There will always be people who come and go in life, friends included. But those who truly matter, those who you love most dearly, are worth every ounce of effort to stay in touch with.

In the end, what matters to people is how much happiness they have brought to those they love and how much time they spent doing things they themselves loved. Life doesn't allow us to go back and fix what we have done wrong in the past, but it does allow us to live each day better than the last.

Express gratitude; everything will be a little brighter

"8 things happy people do differently" One of my ex-classmate from the class of '81 sent me a video with that title via Whatsapp. Number #1 was: never let the things you WANT make you forget about the things you HAVE. 

Part of my daily rituals involves getting myself in a place of gratitude. Whether it's driving to work or simply sitting down in a quiet room, I will do my 2-minute gratitude exercises. You may be wondering what my gratitude exercises are. They are so simple. I reflect on my gratitude list, a list of all the people, things and opportunities I am grateful for. What's on the list? My family, friends, health, food, clothes, my home, my car, money, meaningful work, my team, my office, my talents and abilities, travel and so on. I remind myself for all I have to be grateful for.

Gratitude is really important to me. For you it may be something different, but my experience leads me to believe that when we are in a state of gratitude, everything is a little brighter.

I have always had a real passion for music, and I have always enjoyed Billy Joel's music.  Three years before Billy Joel wrote the song "Piano Man", he was financially broke, professionally failing. And when his girlfriend left him, he decided to commit suicide by drinking a bottle of furniture polish and a bottle of vodka. The next day, very sick, he checked himself into a mental institution. Three weeks later, he checked himself out. He was a new man. It wasn't any medication the doctors gave him. The other patients had cured him. They reminded him of how fortunate and gifted he was,a d they had shown him how much more life could be. He was given a new perspective on life.

At different times on our lives, we all need a startling new perspective.

We view things not as they are, but as we are. Our mind creates a drama, a comedy, a tragedy, a romance out of what simply arises. As an anonymous poet once wrote, "Two men looked out of prison bars; one saw mud and the other saw stars." As much as we wish otherwise, the world unfolds as it will. All we can do is raise our vision to find purpose in our growing pains.

Problems are inevitable in a relationship, in a career or business, and in health and well-being. Hardship is a part of life - but whether we view it as a tragic or heroic, grotesque or purposeful, depends on our perspective. Our mind can light a candle or curse the darkness - the choice is ours.