Learn by doing

I attended a 2-day training program in Macau last week.

Other than rocket science, we don't need to be born with exceptional abilities nor be super-talented to master something. All it takes is to get on the path and stay on it. Only by being immersed in the process that we will come to know the road. All that's required is taking the first step.

Here's a fascinating point: all infants are successful. When you were a baby, trying to learn how to walk. Did you ever thought of quitting? Did you ever say to yourself: "You know, it looks like I may just not be cut out for walking. Oh well. Guess I'll have to crawl for the rest of my life..." Of course not. Constantly falling down was really uncomfortable (it hurt) but you kept at it anyway. Why? Because that's just the way we're designed.

I constantly ask myself: Are there any situations in my life today where I've given up and decided to keep crawling for the rest of my life?

If so, why is it so difficult, so impossible, to do something today that I had no trouble doing when I was less than a year old?

The answer is as simple as it is sad: somewhere along the way, we lose faith. We become too grown-up to take baby steps. We gave up on the universal truth that simple little disciplines, done again and again over time, would move the biggest mountains.

The stepping out of our comfort zones is kind of like stretching. Obviously, all growth involves some stretching. What some of us fear to try, others may find very natural and easy. For me personally, speaking conversational Mandarin is a typical challenge. For some friends I know, the challenge is different: giving a speech, disagreeing with a boss, learning a musical instrument. What have you always wanted to do, but were afraid to try?

We acquire deeper wisdom through world lessons than we do through word lessons. World lessons teach through experience. Exeperience involves the journey. A book can point the way, but we must still make the journey. The lessons of experience are always positive, even if the experience is not.

And eventually, when we ourselves become worthy of emulating, we should serve as a guide to others. In Macau, Rauf Malik told the story of how he grew from bellman to Vice President. I, myself, started out as a lowly computer operator, working shifts. The cream has become butter - and now we're the mentor.

Pope Francis has this to say, " Some think that they are important because they are more knowledgeable than others; they want to lord it over them. Yet what really makes us important is a love that understands, shows concern and embraces the weak."

Is there a member of your family or team whom you pay less attention to because they aren't as "smart" as you are? Reach out to them today with sincere interest in their life.

The Power of Questions

As a panelist at ITB Asia last week, I received a list of 29 questions from the moderator.

Creative people are constantly questioning the things they see and experience: questioning assumptions, questioning authority, questioning reality and questioning the status quo. But questions can be tricky. The way we ask the question can impact the answer we get.

Clearly, leaders are looking for answers.

I learned early on that asking the right questions is the best way to help people find the answers. Good questions are often far more powerful than answers. Good question challenge your thinking. They reframe and redefine the problem. They are powerful tools to get directly to the heart of the matter, the key to opening locked doors.

In ancient history, Socrates and Jesus used questions to great effect. In the 20th century, intellectuals such as Albert Einstein and Peter Drucker loved to ask provocative questions.

What do you think?  are four potent and irresistible words. It is one of the most powerful motivating forces in human nature. People crave two things above all else. They seek appreciation and they want someone to listen to them.

Because of Steve Jobs' unparalleled innovation and drive, Apple became the most valuable tech company in the world. Jobs is famous for his intense question "Is this the best you can do?" which infuses Apple's corporate culture. This is an exceptionally powerful question. Use it and it will help others achieve things they did not believe possible.

This may surprise you: I often do not learn from my experiences. I often race headlong from one activity to the next, never pausing to reflect. Setbacks are great teachers, but so are successes. To help myself get the most out of my experiences, nowadays, I ask myself: What did I learn?

How many times a day do we say "If only...?" If we could create the perfect life, the perfect home, the perfect job, the perfect mate.

If you could, in retrospect, change one thing about your childhood, what would it be?

If you could return for one year to one age in your life, knowing what you know now, to relive that year as you wish, which year would you go back to?

If you could have personally witnessed one event in history, what would you want to have seen?

If you could be guaranteed one thing in life besides money, what would you ask for?

We all fantasize and we all dream. We dreamed as children and we dream now because without our fantasies we would be lost. We imagine in order to learn, to understand, to strive, to attempt, to predict, to avoid, to correct, to describe, to solve. Everybody, old or young, fat or thin, intelligent or not, from one culture or another, has the ability and inclination to wonder.

 

It's not always about you

Luke Cage is Netflix's latest hit series. I find Luke Cage especially cool because what makes Luke so different and special, even amongst himself and all other superheroes, is that he’s out there in a modern, realistic world, alone, with his name and no mask.

Never doubt that a single, thoughtful, committed person can change the world. because one person, by his/her committed consistent, actions, will have a ripple effect that will in time created a thoughtful, committed group of thousands. Or millions.

In my 40's I began finding that I had a passion for paying forward - the knowledge, the mentorship, the personal growth and development, and the success.

Some people seem more naturally disposed to looking for goodness than others, and I have to admit that I am not one of them. Patiently seeking the good isn't always that easy, especially when things don't go how we would like them to or when people hurt us deeply. However, those who believe people are basically good seem to be happier than those who believe that they are not.

I am determined to develop the habit of seeking the good in everyone and everything. That doesn't mean I will always find it. From time to time, I know I will be disappointed. But I will strive to make this my first inclination, my default position.

I have a friend in Kuala Lumpur who is among the busiest people I know. I have known him for twenty years now, and whenever I talk to him on the phone or see him in person, our time together never ends without him asking, "What can I do to help?" At first I thought he was just being polite, but over time as I have come to know him and the way he lives his life, I have learned that he lives to serve others. He has taught me to keep perspective on my own role and responsibility as a leader.

Some people spend their whole likes serving themselves, their petty interests and selfish desires. Have you ever receive a call from a friend who has not spoken or contacted you in years, only for him/her to ask you a favor or for some information?

President Obama puts it this way: "When you feel as if what you're doing is not about you and your success, but delivering for people who put their hopes and faith in you, then you don't want to disappoint."

 

Look inside to attain personal peace and satisfaction

The whatsapp profile picture of my friend Geraldine reads: "Blowing out the other person's candle will not make yours shine brighter."

Society has it backward. My view of success has changed. I have come to realize that true success is about living from the inside out. I don't see it as a failure anymore if I don't make a certain income or get a certain job. As part of this new paradigm of success, I have stopped comparing myself to others. I don't care how much money people make or how "perfect" their life seems.

Like many of us, I lead a busy life. I want to accomplish a lot. I'm tenacious in pursuing my goals. I feel successful when goals are progressing or at least I know I've given them my all. As a recovering workaholic, admittedly I still have a lot I want to achieve in my life.

I now view it this way: success is when I give my all, then let go of the results. Whether or not I land the job, or any other goal, each outcome offers an elegant lesson. As painful as it feels, sometimes you try your best and don't succeed. Though failure can be a blow to your ego and heart, learning to deal with it successfully, without getting hopeless or cynical, is a sign of a truly powerful person.

Of course, expectations have a lot to do with our happiness. It is one of those life lessons that is hardest to learn. To the extent that we think our happiness will come from outside things or even other persons. Disillusionment always seems to follow when we expect someone or something else to make us happy.

The more I look within myself and not to other things or persons, the more I experience a sense of personal peace and satisfaction. I am slowly but surely shifting my mind-set to focus on what I do have and what I'm grateful for in life, not what I'm lacking.

 

Reframe to stay cool, calm and collected

In Hong Kong last week, Elva told me about her moving from her home in Hangzhou to study in Australia and eventually she landed in Hong Kong to work. As she spoke, I thought about my relocating from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore.

The physical act of moving helped me see that some things in my past need to be discarded; some things need to be kept and treasured. The days of slowing down and handling both types of artifacts forced me to reflect on the various seasons of my life. Maybe we shouldn't wait for a move to do that.

Just like flowing water is soft yet powerful, it is yielding, forceful, flexible. It surrenders to gravity without resistance, adapting to the shape of any container. I have since learned that water reveals the most intelligent and powerful response we can make in any circumstances. Growing up, I was taught to fight for what I believe in - to never give up. I am not advocating passive toleration for what we don't like, or ignoring injustice, or allowing oneself to be victimized or controlled. I can't pretend to appreciate the flu, or bullies.

Life doesn't always give us what we prefer. So, at the basic level, the secret of feeling good is simply to accept reality, and what life puts on our plate, no matter how "shitty" or "inconvenient" it may seem at the time. Is this easy to do? Hell, no. Our first instinct will always be to be disappointed, get pissed off, or throw a fit when things don't go our way.

I am learning to embrace and make use of my situation, in a spirit of appreciation. To accept both satisfactions and letdowns in the spirit of growth. By shifting my perspectives. I am intrigued with the idea of surrender - of letting go at the right moment - not as defeat or loss, as it is frequently thought of, but as a positive intuitive way of living.

This is a habit I am working very hard to develop: to reframe my perspectives to see that life is not only about getting what I want, but also learning to want what I get. In the hope of a better way to be.