Freedom and intimacy

"He doesn't like football nor sports. I am so happy I found him because all my friends' husbands would be on the TV with their remote control the whole weekend," Kirstin enthused about her husband.
All of us hunger for a love that will stay intimate and secure, yet encourage our individual fulfilment. Freedom and intimacy are to a person what sun and water are to a plant.
The question is how to achieve union without losing oneself in the process.
All of us need to be ourselves and to be loved. In childhood, we see-sawed between the fear of losing our parents' love and the determination to have our own way.
The people we want most to love us are those who pressure us most to do what they think is right.

A book I read puts it this way: "A most unusual and rare relationship is the Evolving relationship - where each partner encourages the other to express and understand himself/herself on ever-deepening levels. Loving feelings flourish and with them come support, mutual acceptance, fun and sensuality."

Compete or complete?

"Rivalry can hurt your relationships," Maggie wrote.
Unfortunately, many men feel threatened by their wives' abilities. A number of men are intimidated if their partners get more phone calls than they do.

We did not become a couple to compete with one another, but to complete one another.

Wisdom

"Crowdsourcing is the act of outsourcing tasks to an undefined large group of people or community (a crowd)." So says Jeff. There are 4 types of crowdsourcing strategies: crowdfunding, crowdcreation, crowdvoting, crowd wisdom.
The very idea of transforming people demands that we think about and apply a word seldom used in the corporate world today: wisdom.
We need wisdom to distinguish real aspirations from fake hopes, lofty goals and self-delusions. We need wisdom to judge whether the individual or company is capable of the change desired.

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something - Plato

Quality time - the 2 most negative word

"I have been in Dubai for 9 months now and my wife still works in Tampa, Florida," James tells us about how hard it has been for him. I can associate that feeling. I have been away from my loved one for 1.5 weeks now.

The statement "the amount of time you spend with your partner is less important than the quality" is a myth. Studies shows that 90% of couples who considered their relationship "strong and close" also said they spend a great deal of time together.

Deep and lasting relationships take time - lots of time. We can truly form a deep and lasting friendship and become "best friends".

never try to trick customers

"Put the fish on the table," Phil related to us what his Swedish business partner told him. "Because if it's under the table, after some time, it begins to smell."

Building trust is only possible when we are totally up front with our customers.

Never try to trick customers - it can only damage relationships with them and with anyone else who hears about it. And with the exponential growth in social media, you don't want to go there.

Get the attitude right

"I have got feedback for you about two members of your team," Margie began.......

At the back of everything we leaders plan, we will need to drive behaviour. many companies dream, many companies contain people who come up with potent ideas, but very few companies complete and execute. This is because they never get the attitude right.

Beginning to get the attitude right, then, is my 1st purpose.

Financial matters

Old Ebbit Grill, where I had an amazing dinner is situated beside The US Teasury Department.

Money is so easy to understand in theory that many people would do a good job of handling it in life, isn't it? But they don't.

In many families, financial matters become a war zone not only between parents and children but also between parents and parents.

Most efforts by most parents to teach kids about money are doomed from the start. These efforts usually and often end with a lecture on the virtues of fiscal prudence with the opening of a savings account.

Most kids perceive that the purpose of these banking plans is not to promote savings but to prevent consumption.

I think I've done a reasonable job of helping ACE develop reasonably healthy attitudes about money, but we've had our moments, believe me.

Sales leadership is not for everyone

Chris was given an award for his 20th year in the company.

Most new sales leaders don't last more than 4 years. Some are fired for incompetency; others become stressed out or choose to go back to the field as salespeople.

I know people who are those 4-year leadership casualties.

Sales leadership is not for everyone, certainly not for the faint-hearted. Not all our decisions are popular, or successful. We typically learn our craft the hard way - through blunder and experience.

I behave as what I will be tomorrow

A majority of my EST colleagues has been with the company for 20 years and more. The reason: the environment encourages personal development and growth.
I don't get sidetracked by the challenges of the present. I constantly remind myself of where I am going.
As the saying goes, "Sing like you don't need the money." I behave as what I will be tomorrow, not as what I am today.

Rituals and traditions

"I go camping with my wife and children. It's a tradition," Chris enthused.

We then went on to ask this question: "Can you recall something that your father or mother did with you when you were a child that makde you feel really good about yourself?"

The answer to this question gave me insights into what I as a parent can pass on to my child now that will make a significant difference to his immediate and long term feeling about himself.

They weren't always momentous happenings, they didn't involve spending huge amounts of money, nor receiving gifts or toys. The memories of my dad coming home from work with my favourite pork floss, was something that made me feel special.

As parents, we have to take the time to enjoy our kids, to put in place some simple rituals or traditions that will give our children the message that they are a source of delight to their parents and that they are fun to be with and lovable.

Match emotions

I spent a day with 20+ of my new colleagues in the same room today.

We want to make the right and best impression we can on others, especially the 1st time we meet them. Many experts consider facial expressions the most important nonverbal behaviour of all.

That's why when I want people to feel as if we are both on the same wavelength, I match their emotions. It really build empathy.

2nd childhood.

"My daughter has gone to Spain for 6 weeks to study Spanish. My son is 16 and is taking up golf very seriously," Gail told me. "I have aboy who is 10 and a daughter who is 8. My son loves sports and mechanisms while my daughter loves ballet. They are so different," Chris shared. "I just got married last year and we plan to have kids only at the end of next year," Fernando chipped in.

Newborns are in an absorbing and passive stage - the main issues are safety and closeness. 2-year-olds are learning to deal with a world that sometimes says no. 3-5 year-olds are into exploration. School-aged kids begins to learn to think, socialise and independence. By 12, they reach a plateau.

Being a parent is like having a 2nd childhood.

Try new things

"That's the problem with my daughter. She has only 1 friend," Alex lamented.

I encourage my boy to be open-minded to try new things - new food, new activities, new friends. I do thins by role-modelling my willingness to try new things.

I sincerely believe the more we can expose our children to diverse experiences, people and places, the richer their lives will be.

Kids do as we do

I do not get defensive when my boy catches me misbehaving. rather I take advantage of the situation. Like when I was caught using a bad word, i explained I was wrong. I made a mistake.

Children learn everything we do. When we speak in a calm voice instead of an angry one, we teach our kid how to stay calm when provoked. When we apologise for using bad language, we teach our kid to take responsibility for mistakes.

If my kid's behaviour concerns me, I normally look closely at my behaviour. Our kids do as we do.

Great expectations

"Congratulations on your new position. Sounds exciting." Eli sent me a message through LinkedIn.

The overall approach to my grand vision in career and life is making the absolute most of every opportunity I have. My greatest success and prosperity has always and will come from my ability to create my own breakthroughs.

I believe major breakthroughs come from the correct mind-set. It's an attitude. People who make breakthroughs are always opportunity-focused. People who don't, aren't. It's that simple.

The most dramatic breakthroughs were simple, better ways to do things - faster, easier or more effectively or logically. Fresh new ways to do something. Applying old things in new ways.

Give loyalty to receive it

"Tin Pei Ling resigns from senior consultant job to focus on MP duties." Today's TODAY newspaper reported. "The firm, where Ms Tin has worked for the past 4 years, confirmed her resignation."

I, too, have worked 4 years in my present company. Today is my last physical day at the office.

Many employers and employees alike seem to believe there is no longer any such thing as loyalty, at least in the traditional sense. There are very few "25 years of service"gold watches awarded these days.

Many leaders proclaim the company to be a "family". It is business, and there is no reason to camouflage the fact.

As a sales leader, to receive devotion and loyalty, I give it.

from left: Shirley, Michael, Chloe