willingness to be aggressive

"There comes a time we need to show our colours too," my namesake Paul advised.
These days, most leaders like to talk about compromise and accommodation.
To be sure, such actions are appropriate in some situations. But the fact is that leadership also requires a willingness to be aggressive. In a small minority of situations, an aggressive attitude is necessary in dealing with people.

Enthusiasm makes THE difference

"I do it really well, because I love what I do," Han said at Coffee bean when both our flights were delayed.

Enthusiasm is a low-budget word used to describe those with passion.

A recent cross industry study found that it is the single most important factor differentiating "outstanding" from "good" sales performers.

Enjoy what you do

from right: Shirley, Diana, Winnie, Peter, Pauline

"You have to love what you do," Winnie suggested.

To maximise our potential in whatever we do for a living, we need to get into that mental state in which our focus is most intense, in which we trust our abilities, experience and the work we've already done. The best performers enjoy everything about what they are doing, including their routines.

Committed team members

"I eventually joined and am working with my ex-boss again......5 years after we went separate ways," Patty V proclaimed happily.

In today's fast-changing business environments, the future belongs to those leaders who can best manage change, but to manage change, we must have committed associates in our team - team members who do their jobs like they own the company.

Will employee commitment guarantee success? I think not.
High commitment won;t compensate for a strategy gone awry.

Committed team members will help us to compete more effectively in good times and react to adverse conditions when things turn bad. More than anything, committed team members will do their best for us even when we're not looking.

Don't look back regrettably

"I am not sure if this is the right place for me,"Ollie admitted.

You need to ask, "What do I want? What makes me happy? What doesn't? Where is my strength, where is my weakness? What can I make the greatest contribution in my life, in my job, in my relationships?"

There's nothing sadder than to see someone get to be 75 or 80 years old and look back regrettably because they pursued the wrong target.

Knowledge only useful when in action

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

Knowledge is only useful when put into action.

This reminds me of the story I heard when I was a kid: There once were 4 people named Somebody, Everybody, Anybody and Nobody. An important job had to be done, and Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it and that Somebody would do it. But Nobody realsied that Everybody throught Somebody would do it. It end up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.


All good things come to those who go after them.

Instinctive imitator

ACE learned to cycle today.

It should be noted that most of the effective lessons that a child needs in order to be prepared for life are taught rather by example than by angry or severe words. When we wish to teach a child how to blow up a balloon, we do not give a set of verbal instructions, and expect the child to absorb them. A child is more an imitator than a thinker. So we blow up the balloon aqnd ask him to do the same. Being an instinctive imitator, he can do it almost at once.

winner is judge in relation to time

"My daughter broke down and cried. She couldn't finihs her maths paper," Koh revealed.

No matter how much knowledge a student has, if he cannot put it all down on the paper within a certain time limit, his knowledge will not be reflected in his grades. In general, we are accustomed to judging a winner in relation to time. If after a certain period of time, that person doesn't lift his game, it'll be lights out.

Fashion sense

"I never know if she dresses for the nightclub or the office," Steve growled.

For women, fashion suggests that you should be noticed, "make a statement" with your wardrobe. The message of the business world is just the opposite: fit in, be appropriate; stand out not by what you wear but by what you achieve.

Grow in defeat.

"United have shown in the past that one heavy defeat need not be the end of their title campaign - they famously lost 5-0 to Newcastle in 1996 but ended up cruising to the title - but Ferguson admitted the club has been suffering from the drubbing by City at Old Trafford last Sunday" reported teamtalk.com

My father has always preached to me the importance on mental toughness - a "winning habit" that enables us, leaders to ride out the inevitable setbacks and bumps in the road.

Likewise, I regard highly individuals in my team who got stronger and gain resolve when they lost. I want people around me who found ways to grow in defeat. Such individuals are a rare commodity but if I could assemble a handful of people who could react to adversity that way - who could "use defeat as a stumulus to tougher effort" - that would be the core of a magnificent team.

Eating together - evocative ritual

from left: Dad, Unc Paul, Albert, Bernie, Aunt Cat, Felicia, ACE

Grandma celebrate her 93rd birthday over the weekend. We celebrated over lunch and again sat down to dinner together.

Eating together is one of the most evocative rituals that bond individuals as a family.

Emotional crippled couples

"Paul McCartney married his American bride, nacy Shevell, on a London Sunday afternoon,"reported Y! Music.

Some keep marching down the aisle with one new partner after another, trying desperately to find one understanding soul mate who will create happiness for them. But they seldom find it.

Many couple become emotional cripples because they have convinced themselves they have a right to happiness and that their spouses are morally obligated to create it for them..

Play the cards as best as we can

"We attract what we think and feel," Dr Ilhaleakala wrote.

True believers claim the power of prayer. It has also been called positive thinking, visualization, and mind over matter.


See it and be it. Believe it, and achieve it.
Let it be.
Just do it.

I always play the cards as best as I can, and let the chips fall where they may.

We all have something special

iSAD

That was the headlines mourning Steve jobs in the Bangkok newspaper.

As a kid I used to love to draw pictures. Later I turned to writing, then finally wound up as a sales leader. The only business school I ever knew was a naive passion to make something out of nothing.

Not everyone can run a company or make millions or be called a genius. But I believe, we all have something special and unique that can change lives for the better.

Real wellness

"I do yoga and meditation," Khun Karanee pointed out. "It helps me get away from this crowded world."

For me, wellness is not only a state of body but a state of mind. I revel in my good health nowadays.

I made a conscious effort to increase my intake of fruits and vegetables. Smoking has never been a problem because I' never started on it. I had reduced my intake of alcohol and carbo. I plunged myself into spending some time in the gym.

I feel better than I have in years, perhaps better than I've ever felt in my life. That's real wellness.

Feel good

"I feel happy when I see those people I am angry about suffer. That's the way I am nowadays,"MY shouted venomously.

I suppose if someone said, "Look, I'm a terrible person and I like it that way; leave me alone,"there isn't much to tell him. But chances are, I sincerely believe, he wouldn't mean it. Most people are unhappy about making themselves miserable; there is usually a severe inner struggle going on.

So when I do something that makes me feel bad inside, I ask myself whether that's the way I want to feel. If not, I stop doping what makes me feel that way. Instead I do the things that make me feel good about myself.

A parent's words

"I hope Gerald doesn't get married when he grows up. I am so afraid he will change,"Cynthia confessed her fears.

Whether or not we like it, parents have enormous power for good or bad, especially with our words. By frequently speaking words of discouragement, we tear down a child's self-confidence.

Although the rudder of a ship is small, by controlling it, the ship's captain guides the direction of the entire ship. This holds true for our lives personally and for our parenting. A parent's words can help guide our child. I always try to guide ACE with my words and plant seeds of greatness in his life.

1st time parents

After 6 years in primary school preparing for this, ACE finally completed 2 out of his 5 PSLE papers today.

For the past 12 years, as a 1st time parent, I would find myself automatically doings things my parents had done. Some things were good, others were less effective, and some were clearly not good at all.

I am very thankful to my parents for their love and support, which helped me enormously, but in many ways, in spite of the love, I was wounded by some of their mistakes. Healing those wounds has made me a better parent. I know they did their best with the limited knowledge they had regarding what children needed as I, too, was their first child. When parents make mistakes in parenting, it is not because they don't love their children, but because they just don't know a better way.

The portrait of a good coach

"Patrice has mentored many people over the years. She has brought those people higher and higher," Gail announced proudly

No matter what level of leadership we're on, we need a peer, mentior or confidant whom we can trust implicity.

The world is full of people telling other people what to do or thinking they know what's right for others. Great coaches don't tell people what to do.

So how do we find someone to trust? We want someone with whom we can relax and be comfortable. That personm who should be nonjudgmental, must offer absolute integrity of confidentiality and understand our business realim and the demands of leadership.

That person must be a skilled listener.

A good coach ultimately helps us discover the answer within ourselves.

Count blessings - not troubles

"I had the blues because I had no shoes; until upon the street I met a man who had no feet" This inspirational quote was on a laminated poster in Book World Dubai.

We seldom think of what we have but always of what we lack. I have recently begun to count my blessings - not my troubles!

Go out and get 'em

"I will be joining a new company next month," Xiao Hua announce.

Dream jobs don't come to those who sit and wait. The name of the dance is "attitude". It's that positive and active attitude that lands jobs and enhances careers.

Total immersion in our jobs

"My boss doesn't support me. I fear if I continue on, my health will suffer," Nguyen confided in me.

My friend, take it from me: if you don't like the work you're doing or the company you are in, you are headed for trouble. You will eventually transfer that dislike to others and to yourself.

Having a job most suited to our needs and capabilities is improtant. A total immersion in our job is also important. I always try to learn all I can about what I am doing. I also learn all I can about why I am doing what I do.

I am not content just to do my job day after day. I keep reaching toward achievement. My greatest happiness comes from knowing that I have done a good job.

The shocking opening price

"I have worked out the pricing and it looks high," Lay Ling started. In Lay Ling's view, the greater the shock of the entry price the more effective the tactic.

I love every minute of a negotiation.

For some people, if they are buying, they go in low -really low and going in high - really high - if they are selling.

It is a fact of negotiating life that the majority of us will not persist with what we come to believe are unrealistic demands. We will sooner back off than persist. But in general, if our shocking or tough opening is credible it has a good chance of forming the basis of the negotiation, so we should open with the toughest credible opening we can think of.

without purpose, life has no meaning

"People ask, What does it mean to be a hero? I define heroes as those who do ordinary things but in an extraordinary time,"reflected Joseph Pfeifer - Chief of Counterterrorism and emergency preparedness, NYFD. "That's what the fire fighters did. They went up and did ordinary things. Ordinary things, but it was at this extraordinary time."

He who has a why to live, can bear with almost any how.

Without purpose, our life has no meaning. it is all but impossible to be fully engaged. To be extraordinary. With purpose, people do amazing things: good, smart, productive things, unprecedented things.

Opportunity is not the same as action

"Our next big thing in Singapore is going to be huge," Anthony declared, giving a hint of what he's about to launch.

Opportunity is not the same as action. Predicting is 1 thing, doing something about it is quite another.

The "cool"man is seldom real

Today is September the 11.

10 years after 9/11.

Not being able to cry is not one of my problems. My eyes well up during a sad or emotional scene in a movie. I know this doesn't sound professional, but when that happens, I know I am alive.

The "cool"man is very macho, aloof and always in control of his emotions. I feel sorry for a "cool"man, who, of necessity, must hide behind a mask to be real. I fear he's seldom real.

Midlife experience

"I think Benny is having midlife crisis,"Kim pondered.

Everyone will have some type of midlife experience.

By the time most people are 47, they have taken a pretty big hit below the water line - a divorce, a death, betrayal by a trusted friend or colleague, the loss of a job, a health event. These things do tend to make us think about what really matters in our lives.

Public speaking is a necessity

"Would you like to be a speaker at our next conference?" the email from the organiser started.

I realise that public speaking is one of people's greatest fears; most people would rather crawl through a snake-filled swamp than to talk in front of a crowd.

But if you're a remotely successful adult, chances are you've had to speak in public at some point. It might be a sales pitch to a customer. It might be an internal presentation.

We want unhappy customers to complain

"I bought a new Blackberry from Singtel, then I saw it offered in Comex and the weekend ads for a better deal. I have complained to Singtel and I am going to do it again,"Chloe was visibly upset.

Statistics shows that only 5% - or 1 in 20 customers - complain to anyone in Management. For every ONE problem where someone has taken the initiative and perserverance to complain to someone at the top at least 19 other complains are never recorded or reported.

The way I see it, it is important to have UNhappy customers complain. Because by satisfying them, we will raise those customers' loyalty by 50%. Customers who don't complain are the least loyal. They simply go somewhere else instead. Through experience, customers whose complains are quickly resolved are the most loyal.

Not where, but who

"Where is the favourite place you have been to?" Melissa was curious.

People always ask me what my favourite places are in the more than 40 countries I have travelled to. I have many favourites, but as I reflect on why they are my favourites, I discover that it is the people I know in those places that attracts me to them. When you have travelled as much as I have, you come to realise that it is not where you are but who you are with that matters most.

Time is money

"Long queues to buy the 60,000 books on offer at half-price. Mr Mohamad Fahmy ismail, 45, who was there since 9.30am, waited for 3 hours to pay for about 15 books," reported The Straits Times today.

We mortals never seem to have enough time or money. We try to get more of each and start by fearing we will secure neither.

How many times has the word "FREE!" taken our attention?

Time is money to me!

No shame fessing up

"I can't stand him. He is Mr Know-It-All. He pretends to omniscience," Anh sounded irked.

While it's bad form not to know what we clearly should, it's no shame fessing up to not knowing something we'd like to know or need to know.

Play the cards and play them well

Don't miss what is happening now while waiting for something else. There is nothing fundamentally wrogn with our lives or our present challenges.

I always try to play the cards I am dealt, and play them well, until I get dealt a new hand.

I live each day on purpose, one small step at a time. We never know what surprises await us.

Parent of determination

ACE achieved 88% in his Maths prelims...finally beating his long time buddy's score of 82%

Commitment is the parent of determination and determination is the one quality I find common in the lives of all successful people.

OW and UP

The lacquerware I bought from HCMC were a great bargain. A jewellery box for only 80,000dong. But wifey just found out that it's grossly full of defects

Most of us have been overseas to buy some souvenir, only to discover that while it's cheap, the workmanship is poor. Only quality people produce quality work.

When it comes to salary, an overwhelming majority of people feel they are overworked and unperpaid: OW and UP

And since many people feel they should be paid much more, the tendency is to produce Minimum Acceptable instead of aiming for Maximum Possible. But quality people give a quality performance. That's what I do. Count on me for quality. No discounts. Regardless of the actual pay.

Don't be a negatron

"This cannot be done. We don't do paper RFP," Elle snapped.

We all know negative people - or "negatrons"- in the workplace. They're the people who are contritutionally incapable of saying something positive or complimentary to any suggestions. You could walk into their office with the cure for cancer and the 1st words out of their mouth would be, "Let me explain why that won't work." This is pure unadulaterated negativity under the guise of being helpful.

If you fall into that category, you would be wise to monitor your statements....because it turns people off. This is a serious flaw

After tradeshow backlog

My colleagues from Jakarta and Melbourne came to say g'day. They are in town for our Marketplace tradeshow event on Thursday.

When we return home from trade shows, there's all the things that are stacked up while we were at the show. We, sales leaders who attend trade shows are often overwhelmed upon returning home and focus on daily activities to most avoid the show follow-up.

On the contrary, I ensure I schedule time after the show to follow-up, refusing to let other activities degrade my show investment.

from left: Dom, Dennis, Kim

Expressing strengths

"Britain's top officer said he expected around 3,000 people to face the courts over the riots,"the Economic Times reported.

Restlessness grows like a cancer. It can choke the life out of us, in the form of workaholism, divorce, throwing in the towel and quitting our jobs. I see far too many people out there: working in jobs they hate, often because they are operating out of their weaknesses, rather than expressing their strengths.

To me, finding out who I am, and being able to express my gifts and talents, has been a most beautiful and fulfilling experience

Love dialects

"The London 2012 Olympic football is to be called The Albert because of cockney rhyming slang - with Albert Hall (a London landmark) meaning ball" reported The Guardian.

I now realise that the way we feel loved is usually the same way we express love.

A person from Singapore speaks the same Chinese as a person from Malaysia, but their dialects can be so drastically different that they may not understand each other at all! Therefore a woman can try to convey her love to a guy by doing things for him, but because his "dialect" with which he communicates love is different (perhaps his is by tell her how much he loves her), these deeds she does for him didn't seem important to him, and she feels unloved.

Forgive and move on

"I'm sorry Paul. I really am," Sharifah apologised profusely in her sms.

Forgiveness, I have since learned, is a gift that means more to the giver than it does to the receiver. When we deal with someone else who has offended us.....forgive the offender and move on.

The new Rich

The TODAY ON SUNDAY paper ran this headline today, "Hey, Big Spender". The story is about the people who chalk up over $50,000 a month on their credit cards - and whom the banks are all out to woo.

What separates the New Rich from those who save it all for the end only to find that life has passed them by?

Here's what I have recently learned: Being financially rich and having the ability to live like a millionaire are fundamentally two very different things.

Putting effort into love, even while it is good

"Showing love in every way. That is one of my criteria for a boyfriend," Sue Chie said blankly.

Making the effort when things go wrong is common and quite expected, but, putting effort into love even while it is good builds it up for the future.

Parental love

"I can't seem to think of any memorable childhood moments with my father," KC admitted.

I have come to recognise that although many people love their parents and have good relationships with them, others do not. But I think everyone wants to. Every child, whether young or old, wants to love and be love by his/her parents.

Dissatisfaction is motive to progress

"I have been a GSA with MI for 20 years," Charles declared.

Dissatisfaction sometimes can be the motive of true progress. Dissatisfied with the pen, man invented the printer; dissatisfied with the chariot and locomotive, he invented the airplane.

Past laurels must be put aside as we press forwasrd. To stay complacently where we are is to be a caterpillar that stay without enjoying the glorious life of a butterfly.

Culture fit

"How has it been so far for you?" That was a common question asked to me the past 5 weeks.

Us, 21st century leaders are focused on more than just the bottomline: we have a keen sense of our organisation's values. We align in that direction and build organizational commitment to common goals.

A key element for success, I would think, is out ability to win people over to our side. Selling ideas and getting people on board, employees, customers - is the most important job of a top leader.

Feelings, needs and opinions

"No. 1 is the inability to talk honestly with each other, bare their souls and treat each other as their best friends."That was what one of the leading US family and divorce law attorneys said when he was asked what is the single biggest reason couples spilt up.



Many people develop the habit of putting down their partner's feelings, opinions and desires. We want our feelings, needs and opinions to be heard and considered. So does our partner, I'm sure.

Accept what you are

"Ron loves to run, pass the ball to him. Do you know he's 50+? he puts both of us to shame,"Burt told me as we jogged back to the centre circle.

What will I have to do to run up and down that right flank like Ron? I asked myself.

Get a leg transplant, I answered. For a start

At my age, the hardest thing to do is to accept what you are and not torture yourself with visions of what you used to be.

A team is nothing without morale

"No system of tactics can lead to victory when the morale is bad,"Jomini declared.

Creating a positive sense of morale is one of the most important and difficult tasks a leader faces. Little can be accomplished without a positive attitude.

As a leader, my 1st task is to get an accurate picture of the state of morale of my team. After that, I act, addressing what appears to be the most pressing concern and its causes.

Take the same risks - lead from the front

Undercover Boss is a TV franchise series that is based on a senior executive of a company working undercover in their own firm, doing the job of a subordinate.

When a leader takes over the job of a subordinate, sometimes he learns that he's not as good at the job as the subordinate. Nothing wrong with that! We don't have to be as good as our subordinates. We just have to be willing to take the same risks.

If we are going to lead people who have strong and independent spirits, we can do it only because they have allowed us to be their leader. We must win their hearts and minds.

There is no better way to win their hearts and minds - than by leading from the front. It demonstrates we are ready to give to them everything we ask from them.

Credibility and flexibility as presenters

"Which of the two presenters - Phil or Ed - do you find better?" Marian wanted to know.

My experience tells me that we need credibility to teach. They have to think we know what we're talking about even if we don't!

Teaching presentations are never the same. Audiences always have different levels of understanding. the most important skill for the trainer is to keep the people engaged and this necessitates an element of audience control to maintain the appropriate pace. Audience participation is critical to success in teaching environments.

As the chinese proverb goes ïnvolvement is the key to understanding."We cannot teach by preaching. Therefore teaching presentations must be flexible and we the presenters must be ready to move wherever is required in the material.

Building a winning team

from right: James, Vlad, Kamran

"The Red devils have been busy in the transfer market, piecing together a squad they hope will be competitive at home and abroad in 2011/12. Over GBP50million has been splashed out on Phil Jones, Ashley Young and David de Gea, with Sir Alex Ferguson addressing key areas in his side."reports The New Paper today.

The 1st step in building a winning team is to get the most out of what we have and then add to the roster. In sports this is done through selling and drafting from the reserves; in business it is done through recruiting and selecting productive people.

As a leader, it is important to create an environment that is energizing, optimistic and results-oriented.

Freedom and intimacy

"He doesn't like football nor sports. I am so happy I found him because all my friends' husbands would be on the TV with their remote control the whole weekend," Kirstin enthused about her husband.
All of us hunger for a love that will stay intimate and secure, yet encourage our individual fulfilment. Freedom and intimacy are to a person what sun and water are to a plant.
The question is how to achieve union without losing oneself in the process.
All of us need to be ourselves and to be loved. In childhood, we see-sawed between the fear of losing our parents' love and the determination to have our own way.
The people we want most to love us are those who pressure us most to do what they think is right.

A book I read puts it this way: "A most unusual and rare relationship is the Evolving relationship - where each partner encourages the other to express and understand himself/herself on ever-deepening levels. Loving feelings flourish and with them come support, mutual acceptance, fun and sensuality."

Compete or complete?

"Rivalry can hurt your relationships," Maggie wrote.
Unfortunately, many men feel threatened by their wives' abilities. A number of men are intimidated if their partners get more phone calls than they do.

We did not become a couple to compete with one another, but to complete one another.

Wisdom

"Crowdsourcing is the act of outsourcing tasks to an undefined large group of people or community (a crowd)." So says Jeff. There are 4 types of crowdsourcing strategies: crowdfunding, crowdcreation, crowdvoting, crowd wisdom.
The very idea of transforming people demands that we think about and apply a word seldom used in the corporate world today: wisdom.
We need wisdom to distinguish real aspirations from fake hopes, lofty goals and self-delusions. We need wisdom to judge whether the individual or company is capable of the change desired.

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something - Plato

Quality time - the 2 most negative word

"I have been in Dubai for 9 months now and my wife still works in Tampa, Florida," James tells us about how hard it has been for him. I can associate that feeling. I have been away from my loved one for 1.5 weeks now.

The statement "the amount of time you spend with your partner is less important than the quality" is a myth. Studies shows that 90% of couples who considered their relationship "strong and close" also said they spend a great deal of time together.

Deep and lasting relationships take time - lots of time. We can truly form a deep and lasting friendship and become "best friends".

never try to trick customers

"Put the fish on the table," Phil related to us what his Swedish business partner told him. "Because if it's under the table, after some time, it begins to smell."

Building trust is only possible when we are totally up front with our customers.

Never try to trick customers - it can only damage relationships with them and with anyone else who hears about it. And with the exponential growth in social media, you don't want to go there.

Get the attitude right

"I have got feedback for you about two members of your team," Margie began.......

At the back of everything we leaders plan, we will need to drive behaviour. many companies dream, many companies contain people who come up with potent ideas, but very few companies complete and execute. This is because they never get the attitude right.

Beginning to get the attitude right, then, is my 1st purpose.

Financial matters

Old Ebbit Grill, where I had an amazing dinner is situated beside The US Teasury Department.

Money is so easy to understand in theory that many people would do a good job of handling it in life, isn't it? But they don't.

In many families, financial matters become a war zone not only between parents and children but also between parents and parents.

Most efforts by most parents to teach kids about money are doomed from the start. These efforts usually and often end with a lecture on the virtues of fiscal prudence with the opening of a savings account.

Most kids perceive that the purpose of these banking plans is not to promote savings but to prevent consumption.

I think I've done a reasonable job of helping ACE develop reasonably healthy attitudes about money, but we've had our moments, believe me.

Sales leadership is not for everyone

Chris was given an award for his 20th year in the company.

Most new sales leaders don't last more than 4 years. Some are fired for incompetency; others become stressed out or choose to go back to the field as salespeople.

I know people who are those 4-year leadership casualties.

Sales leadership is not for everyone, certainly not for the faint-hearted. Not all our decisions are popular, or successful. We typically learn our craft the hard way - through blunder and experience.

I behave as what I will be tomorrow

A majority of my EST colleagues has been with the company for 20 years and more. The reason: the environment encourages personal development and growth.
I don't get sidetracked by the challenges of the present. I constantly remind myself of where I am going.
As the saying goes, "Sing like you don't need the money." I behave as what I will be tomorrow, not as what I am today.

Rituals and traditions

"I go camping with my wife and children. It's a tradition," Chris enthused.

We then went on to ask this question: "Can you recall something that your father or mother did with you when you were a child that makde you feel really good about yourself?"

The answer to this question gave me insights into what I as a parent can pass on to my child now that will make a significant difference to his immediate and long term feeling about himself.

They weren't always momentous happenings, they didn't involve spending huge amounts of money, nor receiving gifts or toys. The memories of my dad coming home from work with my favourite pork floss, was something that made me feel special.

As parents, we have to take the time to enjoy our kids, to put in place some simple rituals or traditions that will give our children the message that they are a source of delight to their parents and that they are fun to be with and lovable.

Match emotions

I spent a day with 20+ of my new colleagues in the same room today.

We want to make the right and best impression we can on others, especially the 1st time we meet them. Many experts consider facial expressions the most important nonverbal behaviour of all.

That's why when I want people to feel as if we are both on the same wavelength, I match their emotions. It really build empathy.

2nd childhood.

"My daughter has gone to Spain for 6 weeks to study Spanish. My son is 16 and is taking up golf very seriously," Gail told me. "I have aboy who is 10 and a daughter who is 8. My son loves sports and mechanisms while my daughter loves ballet. They are so different," Chris shared. "I just got married last year and we plan to have kids only at the end of next year," Fernando chipped in.

Newborns are in an absorbing and passive stage - the main issues are safety and closeness. 2-year-olds are learning to deal with a world that sometimes says no. 3-5 year-olds are into exploration. School-aged kids begins to learn to think, socialise and independence. By 12, they reach a plateau.

Being a parent is like having a 2nd childhood.

Try new things

"That's the problem with my daughter. She has only 1 friend," Alex lamented.

I encourage my boy to be open-minded to try new things - new food, new activities, new friends. I do thins by role-modelling my willingness to try new things.

I sincerely believe the more we can expose our children to diverse experiences, people and places, the richer their lives will be.

Kids do as we do

I do not get defensive when my boy catches me misbehaving. rather I take advantage of the situation. Like when I was caught using a bad word, i explained I was wrong. I made a mistake.

Children learn everything we do. When we speak in a calm voice instead of an angry one, we teach our kid how to stay calm when provoked. When we apologise for using bad language, we teach our kid to take responsibility for mistakes.

If my kid's behaviour concerns me, I normally look closely at my behaviour. Our kids do as we do.

Great expectations

"Congratulations on your new position. Sounds exciting." Eli sent me a message through LinkedIn.

The overall approach to my grand vision in career and life is making the absolute most of every opportunity I have. My greatest success and prosperity has always and will come from my ability to create my own breakthroughs.

I believe major breakthroughs come from the correct mind-set. It's an attitude. People who make breakthroughs are always opportunity-focused. People who don't, aren't. It's that simple.

The most dramatic breakthroughs were simple, better ways to do things - faster, easier or more effectively or logically. Fresh new ways to do something. Applying old things in new ways.

Give loyalty to receive it

"Tin Pei Ling resigns from senior consultant job to focus on MP duties." Today's TODAY newspaper reported. "The firm, where Ms Tin has worked for the past 4 years, confirmed her resignation."

I, too, have worked 4 years in my present company. Today is my last physical day at the office.

Many employers and employees alike seem to believe there is no longer any such thing as loyalty, at least in the traditional sense. There are very few "25 years of service"gold watches awarded these days.

Many leaders proclaim the company to be a "family". It is business, and there is no reason to camouflage the fact.

As a sales leader, to receive devotion and loyalty, I give it.

from left: Shirley, Michael, Chloe

Admit weaknesses and limitations

"Honestly, stealth mode is not one of my strongest," Po, the Kung Fu Panda said in the sequel.

The fact is, we all have our weaknesses, and if we try to cover them up, we'll probably put ourselves in a situation of having to do more and more of what we aren't good at. So, I am never afraid to admit my weaknesses and limitations.

Spot trends through travel

Johor Baru. Melaka. Now Kuala Lumpur. 3 cities in 3 days.

Those who travelled and experienced local culture are the fortunate individuals who scored big. Even the inspiration for Starbucks came from its founder's love of European coffeehouses.

Anytime I am outside Singapore, I spend some time walking the streets and watching what's happening, particularly with the young.

The right thing

"Heard the good news, congrats and wish you the very best with your new role. I heard you are selected from over 80 candidates. I am sure you will do extremely well." Emmanuel sent me a message on LinkedIn.

I beamed as I thanked him for the well-wishes. My brand image which I have created in my work-life is this: I am 1 of those people with guts and vision, a person who want to change the world from the inside out. Most important, I am a person who want to do the right thing - the right thing in terms of building businesses, the right thing in terms of creating an environment that people are proud to be part of. A person who do right by people - who then in turn do the right things for their company.

Surprise gifts that are connected to nothing

"Why a husband never give surprise n gifts for all occassions to the wife?" This questions was posted on Yahoo Singapore Answers.

I think it refers to surprise flowers or gifts that are connected to nothing but the desire to surprise and delight. Giving our loved one surprise flowers - or any thoughtful gift - is an unspoken message that lets her know we are thinking about her, and that we went out of our way to please her, and that she is special to us.

Many men give flowers after doing something stupid. Can you spell "i-d-i-o-t"? Although buying flowers to emphasise an apology is not a bad idea, we don't want to inextricably connect flowers to acts of stupidity.

Guys, in a world where so many relationships fail, doesn't it make sense for us to do the thoughtful little things to tell them in a 100 different ways that they matter to us?

Children mirror their parents

ACE and his friends got together to de-stress after their mid-year assessments last Tueasday.

As the twig is bent, so is the tree...and so they say. It is interesting, when one sees children, to speculate from the way they act as to the kind of homes from which they come. I think, as one can judge the vitality of a tree from the fruit it produces, so one can tell the character of the parents from their children.

from left: John, ACE, Kenneth, Gerald

Customers are our best salespeople

"We lost US$27 million in Australia in Q1 because of IT problems," Steve revealed. "Thankfully, we have a few customers who spoke up on our behalf."


I have organised events where our existing customers mixed with prospects. A customer bragging about our service/products beats our salesperson's presentation any day.

front row from right: Natalie, David

back row from right: Chloe, Albert

Liking is key in making relationships last

"How much do you actually like your partner?" Sarah asked .

Like seems a rather weedy emotion compared to love, but as Sarah explained, it is one of the most important components in making a relationship last. It might seem surprising, but Sarah argued that some people fall in love with partners they don't like very much.

Complex, though it may seem, I tend to agree with what Sarah said. If two people enjoy each other's company, find each other interesting, approve of the way each other thinks and behaves, they might fall in love. But eventually the "in love" feelings would pass. If there are things that irritate or bore us about our partner, or which make us feel cross or comtemptuous, these will matter more once we have stopped feeling madly in love.

The ultimate question is: would I want to be friends with this person if we weren't in love?

Preparing for battle

Sir Alex, sharing in the 19th title celebrations, is already thinking of ways he can improve his squad or extract better performances from those already in his ranks.

Many leaders mistakenly believe that their primary responsibility as a coach is to provide feedback and encouragement. I personally believe that prior to doing all that, a leader/coach's responsibility is to prepare his team to compete.


Preparing the team for battle would mean to ensure that we have the right people in the right positions, with the right skills, at the right time. It also means that all team members are properly trained for the mission and also have the tools, equipment, information and resources to get their jobs done.

The many faces of mum

Today is mother's day.

Mothers are often taken for granted. In truth they work so hard to accomplish so much. Among a mother's roles are: head chef (prepares food), hostess (serves food), caretaker, teacher, Miss manners (monitored etiquette), moral guardian, social secretary (juggles child's social schedule) and manager. It is breath taking when we contrast with Dad's two: conversationalist with wife and play buddy with son.

Gift from God

ACE is 12 today. We have to pay full adult price for him at buffets from today onwards.

Parenting isn't a science. In a lab, we get to control all the variables. At home, we are lucky if we get to control the TV remote.

"Children are from heaven," so wrote Dr John Gray. I agree...ACE is a gift from God.

He can be exhausting, maddening and irritating - but he is still a gift. He can be funny, endearing and lovable - and truly feel like a gift. He can wrench my soul and break my heart - precisely because he is such a precious gift.

And to top it all off, he is a gift that comes with strings attached.

Wait for the right opportunity

"Today is my second day at my new job," Vic said over the phone.

Picking the winning job and organisation isn't quite as obvious as it sounds. Even the most talented manager could fail by taking the right job at the wrong time. Wait for the right opportunity has always been good advice.

My own mortality

"It's not good," Simon announced. "The doctors stitched her back. They said it's beyond what they can do. We are discharging her from the hospital tomorrow and bringing her home."

My aunt is in critical condition. I am assaulted by my own feelings.

My own mortality is much more an issue with me since I have moved into the position of being the generation next to die. Time has a different meaning. Expense of life energy is valued differently. I am not yet comfortable with thoughts of my own aging and dying. But I don't need to get comfortable as much as I need to get busy enjoying the time that remains.

Turn the other cheek or slap back?

ACE, captivated by the movie score, watched the movie The Magnificent Seven with me yesterday. The movie is about an oppressed Mexican peasant village assembling 7 gunfighters to help defend their homes.

We often allow others to treat us unfairly because we do not want to confront or challenge them. We tell ourselves that we are above engaging in conflict over unimportant trifles.

Many of us were taught that when someone slaps us, we should turn the other cheek. So, we turn the other cheek; not because it is right, but because it is easy. Or it might be that we are afraid to further provoke our antogonist.

This is not always the best course of action. I learned the lesson that "trying to be nice" may not be the right thing to do. There is a time to submit to being slapped and there is a time to hit back twice, so we will not be slapped again.

Acceptance = freedom = love

Why did you turn there? Why are you late? Why did you forget to do this? Why did you do it that way?

These are all the type of questions which shouts, "I wouldn't have turned there, been late, forgotten, done it that way."

Eliminating threatening "why" questions is a means of helping our loved ones feel our acceptance. And in acceptance, freedom. And in freedom, love.

Don't be an empire builder

"One of my key goals is talent development. We are growing so quickly I am constantly looking for good talent. I can't develop them inetrnally fast enough," Dom revealed.

Too many leaders are empire builders who try to arrange things so that they appear indispensable. They don't share information, let alone train their staff.


I train and groom my own replacement. I am a teacher, coach and mentor. I never worry that I'll put myself out of a job.

What is this thing called love?

Today is Easter Sunday. I liken Easter to this little story about how a mother hen and all her chicks were walking around the kampung when a storm blew up. The mother hen gathered all her chicks under her and sat on them as the rain began to fall. As the storm worsened, it started hailing. The hail came down so hard it beat the mother hen to death. Yet, after the storm, all the chicks crawled out from under the hen unharmed. She had sacrificed her life for them. This is the highest order of love. It can be, and often is, sacrificial.

We use the word love to convey many different ideas. We speak of loving God, loving people, loving pets, loving food.

This love letter nearly 2000 years ago from a Jewsih scholar to his relatives in Corinth describes love as:

Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail.

At the end of each day, I ask myself these questions: "Was I patient with the one I love? Was I kind today? Did I speak words of love to the one I love today? Did I act with love? Was I selfish or rude? Did I demand my own way with the one I love today? Was I irritable or "touchy"? "

Being loved is the 2nd best thing in the world; loving someone is the best.

Respect

"As managers and leaders, respect for people is fundamental to engaging them and getting things done," Nagesh wrote in her blog.

Respecting people sounds very good on paper, but putting it into practice is another matter. To me, respect is about treating our people as human beings with needs, aspirations and fears - not as interchangeable parts that can be used up and thrown out.

Respect doesn't mean "smile-at-all-times"management. If people do bad work, I don't ignore nor accept it. But here's the diff: I criticise the behaviour but coach the person.

That's because when we ridicule, demean or put down people, employees typically feel intimidated and angry. Humiliated individuals stop listening and nothing gets solved. The result: performance suffers and people stop taking risks. What we end up with is a compliant staff with no creative edge.

And no one will tell you when you are wrong.

"Who will tell the lion his breath smells bad?" - an Arab folk saying.

Creating commitment

In his book, Paul Hirsch says, "If the firm is free to sack its managers at will, it can no longer expect the same levels of commitment, involvement and caring from its own employees."

To create commitment, I trust and respect my team members and am deeply committed to their welfare. In fact, where such values were not in place any other things managment does are seen as merely empty gestures.

from left: Stephie, May, Kylie, Renee, Vic, Brian